I was enjoying one of the most beautiful days weather-wise ever since I had moved here. The east coast was not known for its wonderful climate and I had had some trouble adjusting to the rain and the cold in the beginning. As a Miami native, I was used to something entirely different but my career was far more important.
However, today was the sunniest day we had had this year. The warm spring day had everyone flocking out of their homes it seemed as the park was filled with people of all ages, reveling in the sun. I was casually kicking the ball around with my friend and teammate Kristie while she kept blabbing about her boy troubles. She had the absolute worst taste in men but I was being a good friend by listening even when I wanted to kick the ball in her face sometimes for being so stupid in her choice of partners.
“I mean, can you believe he didn’t even call me after we hooked up?”, the blonde said while passing me ball with the outside of her foot.
“I know the feeling”, I responded quietly and picked up the ball skillfully with a trick before juggling it.
“Oh please, Lauren”, she scoffed. “You’re the one who never calls those poor girls back after you seduced them.”
“I don’t seduce anyone”, I defended myself but smirked lightly while still juggling with no difficulty.
“Yeah, right. Like you don’t go all ‘I ‘m a pro athlete who’s smart too” on them”, she tried mocking me while staring in a very weird manner to emphasize that I used my green eyes to my advantage.
“I don’t do that at all. Jeez, I hope not at least because I highly doubt anyone would go for what you just did”, I teased.
“How many of the this year’s freshman girls have you hooked up with and called back?”, my friend and former roommate questioned knowingly. I dropped the ball and tried thinking of at least one person that I had stayed in contact with.
“That’s what I thought”, Kristie laughed and shook her head.
“I called Jessica!”, I remembered full of pride before passing the ball so it slowly rolled over to her on the green grass of the park.
“That was a drunken booty-call, not a sign of actual interest”, she shot back and I chuckled a little.
“True”, I admitted. “But so worth it”, I added and saw her rolling her eyes.
“But wait, I’m curious. Who never called you back?”, the other soccer player brought back the original topic of discussion.
“That’s…kind of a long story I don’t want to get into now”, I sighed because the simple reminder of what had happened over three years ago was still causing some inner turmoil.
“Oh wow, she really did a number on you”, she sounded surprised before I shot her a look. “Is she the reason you have such commitment issues?”
“Listen, Dr. Phil”, I deadpanned while she rolled her eyes once more. “No one did a number on me, alright? I am very happy with the way I things are going and don’t need a relationship to make me feel complete.”
“Don’t you ever want someone to cuddle with at night or see horrible movies with and do stuff like that with?”, the younger one sounded genuinely concerned now.
“Why? So they can run off at some point and I am back to where I was before, only with a broken heart and bruised ego? I’m 21-year-old college student for God’s sakes. Why is everyone always on my case for not being in a relationship? Girls know what they get when they hook up with me. They’re not stupid, people talk on campus and it is common knowledge that I’m down to have a good time, nothing more. If they can’t fucking handle it, then no one is forcing them. Besides, most of the girls I hook with are mostly straight anyway and only want to be able to say they fucked a girl once while they were in college”, I ended my little rant and realized how bitter and angry I sounded. My friend hadn’t even brought up the girl that truly had broken my heart a few years back but the pain of that still lingered somewhere and only rarely surfaced.
“Wow…she really did put a number on you”, Kristie reiterated before I shot the ball with more force in her direction, hitting her on her thigh.
“Ouch!”, she whined.
“Fuck you”, I couldn’t help but grin slightly as she was walking over now with her arms open. “Get away from me.”
“Oh come here, you bitter, jaded thing”, she spoke sweetly to annoy me even further. “You need some love.”
“I don’t need love, I’m fine”, I glared at her but she hugged me anyways making me laugh although I didn’t want to.
“I’d love to find out more about your mystery girl who once melted your black heart”, Kristie pulled back and spoke dramatically, “but I have to go. Unlike you, I have not given up on the idea of true love and maybe my date for tonight is the one.”
“There is not one person for someone, just like there is no fate and all that other nonsense. And I don’t have a black heart”, I protested and almost pouted at her words.
“I’ll need some proof of that because in the three years I’ve known you, there has not been anyone you seemed to have any feelings for. Something’s not right there but I’ll get to the bottom of it”, she winked and placed a platonic kiss on my cheek to say goodbye.
“I don’t have a black heart!”, I yelled after her as she ran off with her ball. She didn’t respond but simply waved without turning around. The people around me all turned around at my words and I felt my cheeks burning up in embarrassment. I smiled awkwardly before deciding to leave the park as well.
I always jogged back home and the park was part of my usual running route anyway. It was right by the water and I loved the idyllic scenery that helped me disengage my mind. Sure, I was an athlete and enjoyed sports for various reasons. But a very important one was the fact that I felt at peace; unbothered by my otherwise constant firing synapsis in my brain and causing so many unnecessary thoughts when I was alone. I was in my element when I could focus on my body’s workings during a game or even a simple run and not my all-consuming thoughts.
Turning a corner, I reached the little playground that I always passed and it was filled with children running around everywhere even more than usual. My eyes landed on a young woman that looked awfully familiar. She was reading a book and seated on a bench not too far away. That wasn’t…it couldn’t be her…
The brunette looked up and I my heart stopped when it was in fact Camila! Before I knew what was happening, I tripped over my own feet and took a hard fall landing on my right knee.
“Fuck”, I hissed and sat up while watching the bloody scrapes on my skin.
“Oh my God, are you ok?”, my eyes shot open when I heard the voice that had caused me the biggest heartbreak of my admittedly young life. My gaze lifted slowly and I couldn’t believe that it was her. The erratic heartbeat in my chest was not solely due to my physical exertion before but the sight of the beautiful girl standing over me. I couldn’t speak for some reason and just stared at her in disbelief. Did I maybe hit my head and not my knee? Was this a hallucination?
“It looks pretty nasty”, my former teammate bent down and took a look at my knee. “I have some stuff in my bag to clean out the wound if you want?”
I finally swallowed the lump in my throat when she met my eyes again and I realized this was reality.
“I’m good. You don’t have to do that. It’s just a scratch”, I answered and got up to prove that I was fine.
“Are you sure? I can help it’s not a problem”, Camila flashed an almost shy smile and I wasn’t sure what I looked like but it felt like I was seeing a ghost. A very pretty ghost. She hadn’t changed at all it seemed. Maybe a little more grown-up and not as cute but more like…hot. Well, she was always hot. I slapped myself internally when I realized what I was thinking because that was not happening again.
“Yeah, I’m sure”, I replied and brushed off my knee to do anything except stare at her or say something stupid. Unbending, the brown eyes looked directly into mine and I did see a change in her now. She looked quite tired with the dark circles under the dark orbs that exuded so much sadness for some reason. This wasn’t the angry girl I had met several years ago. Something about her was different but maybe I was imagining things.
“You don’t seem very surprised to see me”, I ended up speaking although I wished I could have just ran off.
“I know you play for the Boston Breakers, so I wondered when I would run into you”, she explained and still smiled at me faintly. I was shocked to hear that she was keeping up with me or soccer in general. Our last encounter had left the impression on me that she was done with the sport.
“So, you’re living here or just visiting?”, I found myself questioning curiously.
“No, we moved here six months ago.”
We. I repeated that word in my head and was reminded of the fact that she was married. My eyes instinctively wandered to her hand but I didn’t see a wedding ring. I frowned inadvertently.
“We’re not together anymore”, Camila suddenly said and I looked up to see her catching my eyes.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare-“, I apologized quickly but still trying to process what she had just told me.
“No, it’s ok”, she half-smiled and ran her hand through her dark hair. Did that mean she was divorced? Or getting divorced? Or just separated? My head was spinning. Not only was I meeting her again after that talk with Kristie; she was not even remotely close to the version I had imagined in my head. I always pictured her living in California with her perfect husband and her perfect children, living her perfect life. The young woman in front of me was not what I expected at all.
“Mommy!”
The high-pitched voice interrupted my train of thought and I saw a little girl with light-brown hair almost running up to us. Well, she was too young to be really running but she was fast for her age. Then it hit me what Camila had meant by “we moved here”. She wasn’t talking about Austin; she was talking about her daughter. The child approaching us had a striking resemblance to Camila except for the lighter hair that was obviously due to her father. I was frozen when I watched Camila kneeling down.
“What is it, sweety?”, she asked and my heart almost felt like exploding watching their interaction.
“I’m thirsty”, the little girl was breathing heavily as Camila pulled out a bottle of water from her bag and used a tissue to wipe away the sweat on her daughter’s forehead and face.
“You don’t have to run around like crazy all the time, you know?”, the young mom smiled widely, obviously endeared by the little one’s exhaustion.
“I’m faster than the boys…it’s fun”, the three year-old responded after chugging a few big gulps of water and walking back to the playground a feet away. Camila shook her head a little and got up as I could feel my heart making that annoying flutter in my chest that I hadn’t felt in years.
“Like mother, like daughter huh?”, it slipped out more softly than I intended and the brown-eyed grinned from ear to ear now.
“Yeah, I guess”, she said just above a whisper and our eyes connected for second that reminded of the way she had looked at me during our little “fling” as I liked calling it. The tenderness in the big brown eyes was all-too familiar but I couldn’t do this again.
So, I looked away and took a deep breath to regain control of the situation. A part of me wanted to ask about her daughter, her life and just everything that was going on but I couldn’t. The fear of making myself vulnerable to her was too great.
“It was nice seeing you again. But I have to go”, I said swiftly and saw her chewing her lower lip.
“Sure, I don’t want to keep you. It was nice to see you too, Lauren”, she gave back and the way she said my name was almost too much.
“Um…see you around…maybe”, I added awkwardly and turned around to continue my run.
“Wait”, Camila caused a dejá-vu by her urgent cry for me to stop in my tracks. It wasn’t the exact same urgency of the time she had been standing on the porch over three years ago but it was close.
“Yeah?”, I asked and kinked an eyebrow.
“Do you want to get some coffee some time? You know…catch up?”, she asked and I heard the nervousness in her voice. I gulped slightly because I knew I had to decline. She had broken my heart into a million pieces and I didn’t want to be reminded of it every time I looked at her. Then why was I so damn tempted to take her offer?
“Sure”, I answered as casually as I could to not reveal how distraught I was. “I don’t have my phone with me.”
“Then just give me your number and we can set something up”, she offered me her phone with a smile and I typed in the digits on the screen before handing it back to her.
“Thanks. I’ll call you then”, Camila said and my mind went blank for a second it seemed.
“Yeah, I heard that before”, I completely slipped up and saw the darker orbs filling with guilt. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“, I wanted to rectify the situation but she cut me off softly.
“No, I’ll call you this time. I promise”, she emphasized but there was still that part of me that didn’t believe her. I smiled politely and nodded but I wasn’t sure what to think. So I just took off and in all honesty didn’t expect her to call me whatsoever.
To my surprise, she did.
-
I was sitting at my usual table in the little diner that I came to a lot. Even though I didn’t want to, I was nervous as hell. Camila had actually called me to meet up and I had suggested we’d meet here to have coffee. The familiar surroundings were supposed to calm me down and they did but I a little anxiety was left. Just a few minutes ago she had called again and wanted to cancel because her babysitter had fallen through last minute. I proposed to bring Lara, her daughter as I knew her name by now, with her. At first, she had been hesitant and I assumed she didn’t want me to be annoyed by the little one but I reassured her that it was fine.
More minutes passed until I saw the door opening and Camila walking in with Lara in her arms. They looked so cute. Stop Lauren, I said to myself as they approached the table.
“Hey”, I greeted with a smile.
“Hi, sorry for being late”, the younger one apologized instantly but I shrugged it off.
“No problem”, I gave back and watched her sit down with her daughter sitting on her lap.
“Lara, this is a friend of mine. Her name is Lauren”, Camila explained and my smile widened when I looked at the youngest more intently. Her eyes weren’t brown, they were hazel now that I saw them up close and she was incredibly adorable.
“I know her. You watch her on TV”, the high-pitched voice responded and I felt my heart skipping a beat before looking up. Camila’s cheeks flushed in deep red and she laughed nervously now.
“Yeah, I watch a lot of soccer”, she stated and I wasn’t sure what to say to that. “I’ve never been here before”, Camila deflected and looked around before grabbing a menu to seemingly distract from her flustered state.
“Really? I come here every Sunday. The pancakes are amazing”, I grinned and saw Lara now jumping up and down in her mother’s lap.
“Can I have pancakes, please?”, the little girl begged and I watched Camila looking at the menu. Her eyes seemed to check the prizes before swallowing lightly.
“Maybe some other time, honey”, the brown-eyed woman said very quietly and I was taken aback at the thought that she might not have enough money to pay for the food here. I had never really known much about Camila’s background but I couldn’t stand the idea of the single mom struggling with financial problems even though it shouldn’t bother me that much.
“You know Lara, I wanted to get some pancakes but I can’t eat it all by myself. Would you share with me?”, I addressed the girl and she nodded frantically now.
“Lauren, you don’t have-“, Camila tried interjecting.
“I insist that Lara tries the pancakes, ok? It was my idea to come here and I won’t let you leave unless you had a bite of that heavenly dish”, I exaggerated to create more excitement for the young girl and the hazel eyes were almost glowing.
“The usual?”, I heard another voice now and saw our waitress Ally standing at our table now.
“Yup”, I replied simply because it was obvious that she knew what I ordered every Sunday.
“And what can I get for you?”, she focused on Camila next.
“I’ll have a hot chocolate for her”, my former teammate stroked Lara’s hair, “and I’ll take the strongest coffee you have.”
“No sugar or cream?”, Ally asked indifferently.
“No just…strong”, Camila laughed a little.
“Would you like it in a cup or in an IV”, the waitress deadpanned and I enjoyed her humor just as much as the food, which was probably why I always came here.
“Trust me, if that were legal I’d let you insert the drip right now”, Camila bantered and Ally actually smirked slightly.
“I like her”, the woman with the little notepad looked at me and nodded in the younger one’s direction. Now I was the one blushing but covered it up by responding quickly.
“You like another human being? I’ll alert the media”, I chuckled before Ally turned on her heel and walked off to take care of our order.
“Interesting place you picked out”, Camila grinned and flashed that impeccable smile that had always gotten to me. I laughed gently and saw her doing the same for a moment before I couldn’t help but notice the even darker circles under her eyes. Sighing mildly, I didn’t want to pry but it was so obvious that I ended up asking anyway.
“Why the strong coffee? Long night?”, I hid my actual concern somewhat.
“I’ve just been working some crazy shifts lately”, she replied and I furrowed my eyebrows now.
“Shifts? What do you do?”
“It’s…nothing”, the younger one squirmed uncomfortably. “It’s embarrassing.”
“What? Why?”, I asked a little shocked that she would feel ashamed to tell me about her job.
“Because I’d rather have you remember me as the little soccer star I was back then”, the sad smile on her lips broke my heart a little.
“I’d never judge you, Camila. I hope you know that”, I said sincerely. “I’m sure you’re doing everything you can to provide for you both.”
The other girls’ walls seemed to break down when she heard my answer and I saw her struggling whether or not she should tell me.
“I…work in a little diner like this”, she revealed. “Actually, it’s not that as fancy as this one. Our customers aren’t pro athletes. More like, truckers and well…you get the image I think.”
“And why is that embarrassing?”, I asked softly when meeting the brown orbs full of sadness.
“I don’t know”, she whispered but held my gaze for a few more seconds before Ally interrupted by bringing us our hot beverages. Camila set up her coffee and the hot chocolate for Lara as I took my own coffee with soy milk.
“Oh wow, that is strong”, Camila exhaled after her first sip. “Maybe I do need a little cream”, she added and wanted to reach over to my side of the table. Unfortunately, she was being a little clumsy and accidently knocked over my cup in the process. The hot fluid spread on the table and some of it landed on my white shirt.
“Oh my God!”, the other brunette exclaimed and got up quickly with Lara. “I’m so sorry!”
Her hands grabbed some napkins while I had stood up as a reflex as well. Some of the coffee had touched my stomach beneath the fabric and it burned just a little bit but not too much.
“It’s ok”, I wanted to appease her but she wiped my shirt in hopes to drain the brown liquid.
“I’m so sorry! I’m such an idiot”, Camila kept going and I realized a little tremble in her voice. I gently grabbed her wrist to stop her.
“Camila, look at me”, I said calmly and she did what I wanted. “It’s all good, don’t worry. It’s ok”, I added with a soft smile but detected how damp her eyes were.
“I’m just…so tired”, it apparently slipped out of the young mothers mouth but I saw that it was the truth. She looked so exhausted. Even more so now that she was so close. She was on the edge but obviously didn’t want to break down in front of her daughter and held it together.
Ally came over and wanted to clean up.
“Could you watch her for a second?”, I asked the waitress and pointed to Lara who was pretty unimpressed with the entire situation. “Lara? Can you wait for us just a minute with Ally here? Your mom and I are right back, ok?”
“Can I have pancakes then?”, the three year-old had other priorities.
“Yes, all the pancakes you want”, I assured before guiding Camila to the bathroom. She looked like she needed a minute to recover and I just couldn’t stop myself from caring about her. No matter how badly she had hurt me in the past, maybe we could be friends? I wanted to help her in whatever way I could. The former left-midfielder seemed to regain her composure quickly after washing her face and taking a few deep breaths in the big women’s restroom. She was leaning against the sink, while I was doing the same on the wall opposite of her.
“I’m really sorry about this”, the low voice filled the otherwise empty room.
“You don’t have to apologize”, I wanted to make clear. “But I have to admit that I’m worried. Can I ask why you moved out here? Or what happened with Austin?”
I expected her to not answer. She had never been very open about her private life. And maybe I was in fact overstepping my boundaries here.
“Austin wasn’t taking the faithful part of our vows too seriously”, Camila suddenly spoke and took me by surprise. “He’s a good looking guy and went to college, so I thought it was just a slip-up but it wasn’t. As much as I wanted it to work it just never felt right. When I told my parents that I wanted to get a divorce they gave me an ultimatum: either I’d stay with Austin or I’d get a new place to stay.”
My jaw almost dropped when I heard her say that but kept quiet to continue listening.
“My parents are very religious. To them, it’s not just about going to church on Sunday. They take it very seriously. So, my pregnancy wasn’t exactly easy on them. But they were ok with it if I decided to marry Austin as soon as possible”, the brown-eyed kept going and I felt that I finally understood why Camila had always seemed so angry coming from an oppressed household.
“I had no idea, Camila. I’m sorry”, I said very simply but genuinely before she finally looked up and met my gaze for the first time ever since she had started telling her story.
“Can you imagine what they would have done if I had told that I had fallen for another girl?
I felt my heart pumping rapidly when those words left her mouth but there was my brain, putting a stop to whatever idiotic feelings wanted to resurface. No, this was not going to happen, I said to myself. It was obvious what Camila implied but I couldn’t say anything right now.
“Lauren? Did you hear what I said?”, she asked softly.
“Yeah”, I exhaled heavily. “But I have a hard time believing it if I’m being honest; considering our history.”
“I can’t really blame you, can I?”, she sounded almost desperate while I was at a loss for words once more. “I feel awful about the way I treated you back then. I am very sorry.”
“I’m not mad at you anymore, Camila”, I said quietly.
“Yes, you are”, she disagreed but her tone was understanding and not reproachful. “And you have every reason to be. I’m surprised you even showed up today. It’s clear to me that you’re still angry and you’re not saying it because you feel sorry for me.”
“That’s not-“
“Don’t get me wrong”, she interrupted with a faint smile. “I’m glad you’re pitying me because I’m not sure if I could handle you yelling at me right now if I’m being honest. And yes, I know how pathetic that sounds”, the younger one sighed.
“You’re not pathetic, Camila”, I chimed in quickly. “And I’m not sure angry is the right word. It’s more like…so much happened back then and I’m not the same person I was.”
“Neither am I”, the other brunette said in her low but husky voice with a little smile.
“I know but…”, I had to stop again and try find the right words. I wasn’t this bad at communicating usually but she made me so fucking nervous with how intensely she kept looking at me. “…I don’t know if I can be friends with you and not become that same person I was before. And I don’t want to be her. Does that make sense?”
It hurt like hell to be her, I added only in my head.
“It does”, Camila nodded with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
Suddenly, the door burst open and Ally was standing in the doorway with Lara. The little girl was crying and the waitress looked very overwhelmed. Her social skills were not the best and I could only imagine how freaked out she was. Camila instantly ran over to her daughter and picked her up.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”, the young mother kissed the girl’s cheek lovingly and wiped her tears.
“I want to…go home”, Lara sobbed. “You’re sad here.”
I was stunned at how perceptive the girl with the most breathtaking hazel eyes was. Apparently she had noticed that Camila had been close to tears before and I felt incredibly guilty for making her wait by herself now.
“Mommy’s not sad, ok?”, Camila spoke gently and placed another kiss on the flushed cheeks. “Are you sure you want to go home? What about the pancakes?”
“I want to go home”, the light-haired one insisted.
“That’s ok”, I interfered and looked at Ally. “I’m sure you can take the pancakes to go, right?”
“Sure”, Ally said and bailed as fast as she could.
“Lauren, I’m sorry but I think we need to go”, Camila sounded apologetic but I wasn’t sure why. I was the one who should feel bad. And I did. My guilty conscience was eating at me when I saw the distraught child in her arms.
“Of course”, I nodded immediately and kept talking before I knew what I was doing. “There is a big party on campus this weekend before Spring Break. I invited a lot of people of the U-17 and they’re all coming. If you can manage it, I’m sure they would all love to see you.”
Camila looked unsure but also a little excited. I was not doing very good job on my original plan of not getting too involved. Just a minute ago I had tried letting her know that I wasn’t ready to be her friend, and here I was, inviting her to a party even when I tried disguising it in the fact that the other girls wanted to see her.
“It depends whether or not I can get off work and find someone to take care of Lara but I’ll see what I can do”, she answered and that was all I could expect at this point.
“Ok, then I’ll text you the details just in case.”
“Good, thank you….for everything”, Camila added but I wasn’t exactly sure what she meant. The coffee? The invitation to the party?
“No problem”, I replied casually even if I had no clue what she was thanking me for.
“I’ll see you.”
“Yeah, bye”, I breathed as my former teammate left the bathroom and the diner soon after. I took a very deep breath and replayed what had just happened.
What on earth had I done? Why did I invite her to a party after everything? Was I really just taking pity on her or was I just fooling myself in my denial that I was secretly having an agenda?
I wanted to smash my head into the wall right now.
-
“Slow the fuck down, Lauren. You’re going to be wasted in 20 minutes if you keep drinking like that”, Kristie scolded me as I took a big gulp out of my red cup.
“I can handle it”, I rolled my eyes.
“Why are so nervous anyway? All your old friends are already here”, my friend remarked but I hadn’t told her about one particular invitation because I wasn’t sure if Camila would even show up.
“I’m not nervous”, I tried laughing it off with another sip and saw the blonde lifting her eyebrows.
“Whatever you say”, she held up her hands defensively as Normani joined us. All the people I had invited to come had actually shown up. There was a group of four other girls that Normani and I had played with in the U-17 team standing close by. We had all been chatting away while the party in the large dorm room was going on. It was the last day before Spring Break and everyone was ready to let loose.
The bass was blasting through the speakers when I listened to the lyrics that reminded me of a certain brunette that I was subconsciously waiting on.
[The Vapors by Jhene Aiko]
“You’ve been on my mind
I’ve been trying to let it go
I’ve been trying to find
Something as incredible
As you and I
But that’s a never
No feeling can compare to you
You just gotta let me know”
Of course, Camila had to walk in now! I almost chocked on my drink when my eyes took in the sight of the 20 year-old looking around and heard the chorus of the song playing simultaneously.
“Can I hit it again?”
She wore a short black dress that hugged the slender body in all the right places. For the love of God, was she trying to kill me?! I wasn’t the only one staring because I noticed several guys looking after the attractive girl who wasn’t a student here. Her hair was straightened and she wore a matching black bow that reminded me of the headbands she used to wear during the games or practice. The brown eyes wandered through the room searchingly before she saw me and smiled.
As she walked up to us, I felt my heart rate doubling once more. I took a big gulp to calm down but that was easier said than done. The closer she got, the harder it was to ignore how incredibly hot she looked. She wore make-up which hadn’t been the case the last times I had seen here. The pink lips shined glossily and the warm brown eyes were accentuated perfectly with the right amount of mascara and eyeliner.
“Do my eyes deceive me or is that CC7?”, Normani exclaimed in joy but shock as well when she pulled our former teammate in for a big hug.
“CC7?”, Kristie looked at me questioningly.
I had no time to answer because Camila was looking at me now, seemingly unsure on how to greet me. The alcohol definitely helped and I smiled while giving her a hug.
“Hey, you made it”, I spoke up.
“Yeah, I couldn’t decline that tempting invitation”, she answered and sounded a tad nervous.
“You invited her?”, Normani asked me in disbelief.
“Can someone introduce me, please?”, Kristie sounded annoyed because she obviously wasn’t used to be ignored. Ok, it was rude of me to not introduce her right away but she was being dramatic.
“Camila, this is Kristie. She also plays for the Boston Breakers”, I explained. “Kristie, this is Camila. She’s…an old friend.”
“You look familiar”, the blonde said while shaking the brunette’s hand. “Camila…wait, you’re Camila Cabello, right? You also played for the U-17. I used to watch you all the time, you were amazing! Don’t you play anymore?”
I watched Camila anxiously because I didn’t want this to be uncomfortable for her but my former roommate was always so nosy.
“No, I had a baby and focused on that instead”, Camila answered surprisingly casual and smiled widely.
“Oh, that makes sense then”, Kristie replied with a genuine smile but couldn’t keep her questions to herself. “How old is he or she?”
“She’s three”, the brown-eyed answered willingly and looked proud. “It’s our first night apart actually. She’s having her first sleepover at a friend’s house and I think I’m having a harder time with it than her.”
“Aww, separation anxiety”, Kristie said full of endearment.
“Well, maybe a drink will help”, I chimed in to stop my friend from overwhelming the other one with the questions.
“I haven’t had a drink since…before my pregnancy”, Camila laughed and I had couldn’t help but join in.
“Alright, then you should probably take it slow. A beer maybe?”, I suggested.
“What are you drinking?”, she asked curiously looking at my cup.
“Something with a lot of vodka in it, that’s for sure”, I admitted to not really knowing what I was having.
“I’ll take what you’re having.”
“Uh, are you sure?”, I didn’t want to be a spoil-sport but that wouldn’t be the best choice for a first drink in years.
“Get this girl a fucking drink”, Kristie slapped my arm. “You’re not that hesitant when you’re playing bartender for all the freshman girls”, she added suggestively and I saw Camila’s mouth twitching slightly. Her eyes looked down to the floor for a moment and she almost looked upset before forcing a smile.
“So, Lauren’s quite the charmer, huh?”, my pulse quickened at Camila’s words that sounded more nonchalant now.
“You have no idea”, Kristie scoffed. “We used to live together in a dorm here and-“
“I think that’s enough”, I interrupted their little chat because apart from Camila and I no one knew what had happened between us. I hadn’t even told Normani but I didn’t want the former soccer player to know about my ways these days. No one would suspect that she cared but a part me didn’t want to take the chance of possibly hurting her feelings, even if I was still doubting that she ever really had some for me.
I ended up getting Camila a drink before everyone else joined and seemed overjoyed to see our former superstar. It was probably best to give her some space and I decided to hang out with other people so the younger one had all the attention from the old U-17 girls. As long as everyone had fun, my job was done. Sometimes I still felt like their captain and just loved seeing them having fun together.
It wasn’t until later that night when Camila approached me, obviously tipsy now while I was intoxicated as well. I gave her the once-over quickly.
“So, are you having fun?”, she asked cheerily with a red cup in her hand.
“Am I not supposed to ask you that since you are the guest?”, I gave back with a smirk while Camila bit her lower lip.
“If you really want to be a good host, you can show me your old dorm.”
“Are you serious?”, I questioned because I couldn’t understand what was so special about a dorm.
“Please, I haven’t been to college and maybe I can live vicariously through you for a moment”, she pleaded with a pout that was absolutely irresistible.
“Well, you’re lucky”, I explained. “Kristie still lives in that dorm and I have a key. I’m sure she doesn’t mind me visiting my old room. It’s right across the hall, actually.”
Camila’s face lit up instantly when I motioned towards the door so she would follow me. We made our way to the other room that I had lived in for almost two years before getting my own apartment. As much as I loved Kristie, I loved my independence more and at a certain point I had enough of the college experience. At least in that department.
I opened the door before we both entered and I closed it again. Camila looked around and I had to admit that I was feeling a little nostalgic being in there.
“This is where all the magic happened?”, the brown-eyed grinned at me and I felt my eyebrow kinking at her almost flirtatious tone.
“Maybe”, I answered smirking and stood beside her, eyeing the many pictures on Kristie’s wall.
We were both quiet now and I all heard was Camila’s uneven breathing. My heart was starting to make that terrible flutter in my chest whenever I felt that tension between us. This was very dangerous territory. Now realizing our situation, being alone for the first time tonight, I wondered if she had set this up on purpose. I swallowed lightly and regretted not having my red cup because we had left them in the other room.
I didn’t see it but I felt it. She was looking at me before my heart genuinely stopped a second. The younger one had leaned in and her lips connected to the very sensitive skin of my neck. My eyes closed instinctively when she did it again, just an inch higher. Every single one of her light kisses seemed to burn my skin. I felt as if she was setting me on fire which was pretty pathetic considering she wasn’t doing much. It all reminded me so much of our time during bootcamp.
Still, I couldn’t move. The slender girl moved subtly and gracefully so she was standing right in front of me now. Her lips only inches from mine and I consciously felt my chest heaving for the first time, the short breaths coming out as if I had just run across the entire soccer field. I smelled the alcohol in her breath but mine was probably a lot worse. She wasn’t drunk and I knew it but my brain wanted to come up with an excuse on why she would do this now.
She leaned in even closer, her lower lip brushing against mine for a split second before I pulled back just enough to avoid a full-on kiss. I opened my eyes and looked into the pool of brown tenderness that caused my heart to swell.
“I can’t”, I whispered in a shaky voice and suddenly used my thumb to touch her parted lips. Clearly, I wasn’t thinking and just acted on my impulses but it took all of my restraint not to give in again. “If I kiss you right now…I’d want to do it again and again”, I confessed while letting my green eyes linger on my finger stroking the outline of her mouth. “I just can’t have this be a casual one-time thing for old times’ sake. It’s not just another hook-up with you.”
“I don’t want this to be a one-time thing”, Camila responded with no hesitation in a low voice.
“It’s not that simple, Camila”, I exhaled in frustration that I couldn’t give in.
“Why?”, she continued speaking just above a whisper as well, our lips still so painfully close while she stroked my arm now to make things even harder on me.
“Because…there are things to consider”, I tried gathering my thoughts and making sense when my brain was pure mush at this point.
“Are you talking about me being a mom?”, the other voice grew firmer and she was pulling back further now.
“That’s certainly one thing to think about”, I gave back without having any idea what I was saying. The only thing I wanted was to kill those butterflies invading my stomach.
“And you think I haven’t considered that?”, Camila’s eyes filled with anger, making her look like the teenager that had struggled with her temper a lot. “Do you think I just hook up with people like I please and let them meet Lara? What kind of a mother do you think I am?!”
“I never said or meant that”, I wanted to stop her before things got even more out of control but she was rushing past me already.
“Wait”, I said for some reason and in a quick reflex, I grabbed her wrist and whirled her back around.
“I want you, Lauren”, Camila suddenly blurted out and shocked me once more at with that open confession. “Not in a hook-up kind of way. I’m not that scared teenager anymore. You’re right, my life is not simple and you have to consider the fact that I come in a package but I would love to give this a try. If you don’t want to then that’s fine, I honestly don’t blame after everything I put you through or considering my circumstances”, her tone was softer and I saw her eyes glistening in tears which was hard to watch.
“But if you think you could forgive me and…give us a real try then I’m done playing games. You don’t have to chase me anymore. I’m here, right now. I’m yours to take”, she mildly panted.
Camila’s words rattled me more than anything else in my life before. She spoke with such sincerity but affection at the same time that I couldn’t handle the emotions she was evoking against my will. A single tear rolled down her cheek and I saw how serious she was.
She meant it and that killed me. There was an actual possibility to mend my heart from the damage she had done to it. But there was also the possibility of her ripping it apart once again. And that damage would probably be beyond repair then. I was frozen; completely and utterly overwhelmed by Camila giving herself to me in a sense. The brown orbs looked at me expectantly but as I didn’t find the courage to answer, the heartbreak became obvious in them.
Nodding very subtly, she seemingly admitted her defeat and freed her wrist from my hand. She gave me one last sad smile before leaving the dorm.
Shouldn’t I feel fantastic? I had broken her heart just like she had broken mine. This was payback. Karma, if you will. Then why was my heart aching in the same way it had three years ago?
“What are you doing?”, Kristie’s voice suddenly appeared and I thought my head was going to explode because I had no time to fucking process. “And what was Camila doing in here with you? She just ran out like she was being chased by something. Wait…did Lauren Jauregui finally fail in her mastered art of seduction?”
“Not exactly”, I mumbled and sighed heavily. “Can we please stop talking about Camila.”
“Why?”, the blonde kept going and gasped. “Oh my God, it’s her! She’s the one who did a number on you, isn’t she?!”
I looked up at my friend and wasn’t sure how to answer as I was still not certain what had even happened just a minute ago.
“As you know, I’m strictly about boys but Camila is pretty hot so I can understand-“
“Just shut up!”, I cut her off by going off now and misplacing my anger. “Just shut the fuck up, ok! You don’t understand shit. Camila is not special. She’s nothing but an old friend who I hooked up with once like I have with many others. Give it a fucking rest, she’s nothing to me!”
Kristie was stunned because she wasn’t used to seeing me like this. I was the calm and laid-back one who couldn’t care less most of the time. My emotional outburst was obviously taking her by surprise. Neither of us spoke now and I finally had some time to let it all sink in. This was so typical. I had let Camila dictate my feelings so many times and I hated that powerlessness.
I buried my face in my hands and shook my head at my own stupidity. The fact that I was getting so emotional was worse to me than anything else. Even when Kristie had only joked about my black heart in the park, I was content with not feeling at all if that meant it didn’t hurt like it did now. I felt my friend hugging me comfortingly without another word. Although I was ashamed of my reaction, I was grateful for her giving me a shoulder to cry on, metaphorically and literally.
-
My teammates and I were stretching after our running in the beginning of every practice when Kristie shoved me playfully so I fell over. I punched her forearm lightly and loved that we were able to be goofy at times but also serious when it was important. Ever since my little breakdown over a week ago, we were getting along perfectly and hadn’t mentioned that night. Apparently she had understood that my former teammate was a touchy subject.
“Ladies, gather around”, our coach called and I ran up to everyone else standing around the older man. “I have an announcement to make. We have some promising talent here today and she is going to do a few try outs with us before we decide what we are going to do. She hasn’t played in a while but I think she’ll do well. Please show her the ropes today. Ah, there she is. Ladies, please welcome Camila Cabello.”
My jaw dropped when I saw the brunette approaching us in her soccer outfit. This was a joke, right? She was trying out for the Boston Breakers? For my fucking team?! I was dumbfounded and just stared at the younger one coming closer.
“CC7 is back”, I heard another player behind me whispering and wanted to seriously run off the pitch.