Chapter 5 ― Zayn
“Who isn’t that bad?” I asked looking meaningfully at her. Moni was a nice girl and I noticed she enjoyed quite much putting Mila in awkward situations, like this one. The brunette had this kind of mischievous look in her eyes.
Mila stared at me completely uncomfortable with my question, but I needed to know. I believed they referred to me and if it was like that, it meant that Mila had talked about me. Yes, she probably talked trash about me, but I didn’t care, for some weird and incomprehensible reason, I was glad about it.
The thing was I couldn’t stop thinking of her since she left us in the club. I couldn’t stop wondering if she was really helping Alex out of pity, or if she was as much a victim of Alex’s idea as I was. I couldn’t stop seeing her face in my mind, her smile and those dark eyes. I was pretty drunk the night before, but her memory was the clearest thing in my mind.
“Um— So, I should go and help Belle,” she replied looking at the kitchen direction where Belle should be with Dan, preparing everything for the BBQ.
She started walking towards the kitchen but I couldn’t let her go without answering me. I just needed to know if she thought of me as much as I thought of her, even if she just hated my guts. I needed to know to put my mind and ego at ease. I didn’t want to be the only one this affected by our meeting.
I walked behind her and grabbed her arm before she could step into the kitchen. I knew the guys in the living room were wondering what was happening between Mila and I, and probably they were spying on us in that moment, but I couldn’t care less. I pulled Mila and made her turn to face me. She avoided my glance immediately and focused her eyes on a nice plant at her right.
“Why won’t you answer me? It isn’t a big deal,” I told her trying to meet her eyes, but she kept avoiding me. “Mila,” I talked again and just then she met my gaze.
“You. Okay? I don’t like you and your self-centred personality so I told Moni about you and how infuriating you are. I don’t know why she doesn’t think you’re bad when you clearly can’t understand that I don’t wanna talk to you nor answer your questions! Now fuck off!” She practically yelled at me and out of surprise, I let her go and stepped back, blinking quickly.
“I’m— I’m sorry,” I mumbled still surprised by her reaction. I noticed her cheeks were flushed but I hardly thought it was because she was embarrassed; it was probably because she was mad.
So she really hated me.
That was new. That was weird. And I didn’t know how to deal with that. But why did she hate me that much? Yeah, I was rude at the beginning and probably I shouldn’t have reacted that way at the end the night before, but wasn’t she like exaggerating a bit? I thought we had fun. We laughed.
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t say those things. I’m a guest here after all and you’re Alex’s friend. Sorry,” she apologised but I still could see she didn’t want me near. “It’s just that— Ugh, I just can’t. Sorry.”
When she walked away, I didn’t stop her nor went after her. I got pretty clear that she didn’t want to see my face nor talk to me. It didn’t matter that she had something that made me think of her all the time, that she had something that made me want to know her more.
She hated me.
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“You okay, mate?” Liam asked taking me by surprise.
I was outside the house whilst everyone was inside, talking and having fun playing, but I couldn’t be in there when Mila was present. Maybe I shouldn’t care about that, but I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable with my presence. Besides, I needed a cigarette. I needed to clear my mind. I had too many things in my mind, too many things that I was trying to figure out, like the fact that I couldn’t get Mila out of my head.
I looked at the brunet boy and tried to smile as I let the smoke go. “Yeah, sure. Why?” I inquired offhandedly and Liam just stared at me frowning a bit.
“You’re here alone and you haven’t talked to anyone since that— Um— argument with Mila. So I was wondering if you—”
“I’m perfectly okay,” I cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
Of course I wasn’t okay. She hated me but I didn’t quite understand why. I hadn’t been that awful with her the day before, but she couldn’t stand me when I should despise her because she never wanted to meet me, she probably came to that date as a way to repay to Alex for something she did.
Well… I wasn’t sure about that theory, but believing that made me feel better. A bit. Almost nothing.
“You don’t look okay. You look upset. If it is because of what Mila said, you must know that—”
“Of course it’s because of what she said!” I cut him off again. “She hates me and I don’t know why! Yes, I was rude but I don’t think it’s a big deal.”
“I don’t think she really hates you, Zayn. She probably… well… um…”
“See?” I snapped really frustrated with the whole situation. “And the worst part is that it seems I can’t get over that. I can’t just ignore her and her opinion about me. I can’t!” I blurted out, Liam looked shocked, his mouth slightly open. Well, I had a short temper. I just took a deep drag, finishing my cigarette and I threw it at the floor and stepped on it. “Why Alex had to introduce us? Uh? Why does she have to feel sorry for me? Why does she want to find a girl for me?”
“’Cos no one wants to see you all gloomy, ‘cos she wants to see you happy and she feels responsible in a way,” Liam tried to explain and I just rolled my eyes.
“She knows it’s not her fault the way I feel. She should forget about this and just let me be,” I mumbled looking away.
I realised that I wasn’t mad just because I didn’t understand why Mila hated me so much but because Alex just pitied me. And not only her, so did my mates. I could see it in their eyes when they caught me looking at Alex. Niall and I weren’t as close anymore and it wasn’t because he pushed me aside, it was because I couldn’t stand to be close to him for too long because that meant to hear him talking about Alex or seeing them together. I couldn’t take that.
I knew I was going to get over her eventually, I just didn’t want people rushing me to do it right away, and most definitely I didn’t want them trying to make me forget about Alex with another girl, a girl who also happened to hate me.
Yeah, that move didn’t go well.
“She cares about you, Zayn,” Liam reminded me. I knew she did, just not the same way I cared about her. “We all do.” She cared the way my mates did.
“I’ll be fine. I just need to be alone for a while. Just calm myself down.”
Liam nodded and after a few seconds he went back inside. He was a very understanding lad, the sensible one that always knew when to stop pushing. I took another cigarette from the pack and lit it up. I should stop smoking, I wanted to do it because of the fans, but sometimes I just needed one cigarette. Nothing could clear my mind better than that, it was like everything, from thinking to breathing, became simpler and easier after a cigarette.
I stayed there at the yard for a while, alone with my thoughts. I tried to push Alex aside, I tried to forget about Mila and her hatred, I tried to avoid everything in my mind and just focus on breathing, but it was impossible: her smile, her brown eyes, her heart-shaped face framed by those dark curls and the fringe just flashed before my eyes all the time. And I knew she was inside, with all the others, still hating me.
“I didn’t know you smoke,” a feminine voice commented from behind. Caught off guard, I let the cigarette hit the floor as I turned around to find a very uncomfortable Mila staring at me. “Hi,” she said after our eyes met. “I just— Well, I guess I just wanna apologise. I acted like an arsehole before.”
I kept my eyes fixed on her, following all her words, very concentrated on the way her lips moved when she was talking, the way her hair was softly caressed by the kind yet cold wind of the end of October. Right there she didn’t remind me of Alex, she was a complete and unique woman and I couldn’t remember why I thought they were similar in the first place.
“It’s not like I hate you, it’s just that… I’m mad at the fact that you thought I was there last night as a kind of rebound for you. I’m not something you can use and I just got really angry with you for thinking of me like that.”
“I never thought of you like that,” I quickly told her and she raised one eyebrow. “I— I was rude with you at the beginning ‘cos I thought you were there to help Alex and I don’t need anyone’s sorry.”
She smiled, a little smile that made me see that she understood what I meant. “I swear I didn’t know that was her plan,” replied Mila still with that little smile on her face.
“And how did you know about what I feel for Alex?” I asked her.
“I just noticed it there. Alex just told me she had set me up for a date and that I had to go. She never told me it was about you or that she was trying to, you know, help you out. I just put everything together.” I raised my eyebrows to let her know that I needed more information. “I just saw the way you look at her and how your voice softens when you say her name. It was pretty obvious for me to see how much you love her. You know? I was really mad at her for setting me up for all this, for using me. Guess I just channelled all of my anger towards you. Sorry.”
It was my turn to smile as I just realised that she didn’t hate me. Maybe she still didn’t like me, but at least I knew she didn’t hate me and we could talk or be in the same room without her trying to kill me.
“Though I still think you’re too self-centred. I guess the fame is the one to blame for this or were you always this vain?”
I laughed humourlessly. I knew she didn’t ask that because she wanted to annoy me or something, she probably didn’t know how much people asked me that after Louis had said I was the vain.
“I guess fame feds your ego. It would be impossible to be the same as before when you know that thousands of girls scream for you. But I don’t think everything revolves around me,” I replied and she nodded. “But I guess I’ve always been a bit vain.”
“Yeah… I’ve heard you always carry a mirror,” she added half amused-half worried.
“Um— well, yes,” I told her and I felt my cheeks burning. She simply burst out laughing.
“Mate, that’s weird! I don’t even have a pocket mirror and you always carry one. At least now I know whom to ask if I need one someday,” she mused and I smiled.
I liked her honesty. If she had something to say to me that it wasn’t nice, she wouldn’t keep it because I was Zayn Malik from One Direction. She treated me like just one normal lad. I liked that. I liked it so much. It was one of the things that I also liked the most about Alex.
“Sometimes you remind me so much of Alex. I see why you two are friends,” I commented still smiling but I saw how her amused expression disappeared.
“Yeah, I guess. We should get back inside,” Mila added in a cold voice and I wondered if I had said something wrong.
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Shout out for @Brielle94 because she was my favourite comment and she made the effort to leave me a long comment as she knows I like those the most. Thanks!
Bel, xx