So darling, just you shut you...

By zacksjacket

20.2K 1.1K 627

I glance over at my friends sitting at the front of the class with Jack. I don't understand why they want me... More

So darling, just you shut your pretty mouth
Beautiful scars on critical veins
So, excuse my tantrum Can't you see I got my hands full?
Dear head, shut up I can't listen no more
You can't get in my head I hope you heard it clearly the first time
Therapy...You were never a friend to me And you can keep all your misery
There's a buzz in my head From all the things that you said
It's not easy making a name for yourself Where do you draw the line?
...always wear a coat But it's warm and it's heavy and we're trying to float
I know my reputation's on the line
I was just an only child of the universe And then I found you
God, show me what love feels like I've never felt it
I've had a lot to think about
If I open up my heart, I'm scared you're going to tear it all apart
Have a smoke, pour a drink Steal a kiss in the dark
I hide behind these words But I'm coming out
I created a monster, a hell within my head
Just hold my hand for a little while Misery never goes out of style
You know I'm stupid for you
I was an ocean, lost in the open Nothing could take the pain away
The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done
I'm addicted to you
I've got more secrets than you'll ever know
1k reads
I know what you're thinking and those secrets that you keep
It's the same shit just a different day
I'm telling you the truthI mean this, I'm okay! (Trust me)
I got into Nirvana And smoking marijuana My first year in school
We're up so high They can't touch us now
'Cause the weight from all my guilt is all too much for me to carry
This is not where I belong You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
It all keeps adding up I think I'm cracking up
Well I'm a total wreck
Maybe you'll stop me from digging my own fucking grave
I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been
I pulled you closer, looked at you and said "Love, I think it is"
I'm drunk as fuck again No cells between my head
tell me everything that bothers you
But right now, I don't think, I don't think that I'm okay
But hey, for what it's worth I think you saved my life
With a knife that loves to feel How do you know how deep to go before it's real
This was no accident, this was a therapeutic chain of events
I would've married you in Vegas Had you given me the chance to say "I do"
And in the end I'll do it all again.
I don't wanna wake up when i'm dead

Apoligise

279 10 2
By zacksjacket

Important authors note

So I haven't updated in a while and not sure when I'm going to be able to again because I'm currently homeless. My parents have kicked me out of their house and I'm currently staying over friends. All my focus is going into working and trying to get social services to find me a place. Also my improving mental health took a massive drop, I've been drinking to avoid my problems, not much but I have been. Since I've been drinking vodka straight from the bottle like it's water people probably think I'm crazy. That or a alcoholic. I'm not sure what's more accurate. I have a video if you guys wanna leave your Twitter I'll dm it to you when I see it.

Anyway I just haven't had the time or headspace to write anything but I promise when my life is more settled I will because I love writing and this book. I just don't think I can write without making it stupidly depressing and too reflective of my life.

I felt like I owed you a reason as of why I'm not updating and just let you know I'm not dead and will be back. I'm not sure when but hopefully next week, maybe even this week if social services house me soon. Social services are shit but they should call me today. To be honest it's a stupid that they didn't put me in emergency housing Friday and instead told a 17 year old to find a place for the weekend and then gave me a 9oclock curfew when I have work until 9. My manager did let me go early but it was dumb.

Anyway I'll be back as soon as I can because I miss you guys.

Update: just as I was writing this I found out that I may be kicked out of 6th form so I'm fucked. I'm just going to listen to neck deep and hope everything don't go bad.

Hugs, kisses and peace ✌🏻

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