Hello ebrebade! *kaway kaway. XD* sorry di ko napost agad. Di maganda pakiramdam ko kgabi eh. :( Anyway, bawi nalang ako sa chapter na to. Dedic pala kay Kris kasi nagpromise ako magdedic uli sa kanya. XD
HAPPY 103K views! Grabe. Di ko expect ang ganito. Never kong inisip na aabot ng 100k ang views ng Shut Up and Marry Me! Nakakabawi ng pagod! Pramis! Lalo na pag nakakakita ako ng mga message at comment sa akin. Sobrang thankful ako sa inyo at syempre, kay Daddy God. *tears of joy* Thank you sa lahat! Sorry kung may mga di ko na nasasagot ang comment at di na napiPM. Wala na ako kasi msyadong free time. Buti nalang nga may Nokia phone na ako kaya nakakapagsulat ako anywhere anytime. Di gaya nung Samsung ko. Tsk. Anyway, XD just PM me if anything, k? :)
Gomen! Napahaba. XD Godbless ebrebade. Napahaba. XD ENJOY!
**
"Nathan wants to talk to you." I glanced up from my iPad and saw Sam watching me.
Binalik ko yung tingin ko sa nilalaro ko. "Bakit daw? I've done my part."
"Ewan lang."
"Baka gusto nanamang mangulit."
"Nililigawan ka?"
"Adik." I told him then glanced up again. "Won't you congratulate me?"
Sam grinned. "As a matter of fact, I'm inviting you to a dinner later."
"Magpopropose ka na? Hehe."
"Gusto mo?"
"Sira." I giggled. But when I noticed that the game I was playing was over, I can't help but groan. Isang oras ko na rin nilalaro yung Temple Run huh!
"Hersheys," Sam called and came over at me. "You promised that you'll work with Nathan as Gianna. But that doesn't mean you won't work with him professionally. Nathan is our client. You need to make sure that he is satisfied with everything until the project is done."
Pinakatitigan ko si Sam. He's right. I'm mixing my personal problems with work when that's the most tabooed thing when it comes to working.
I sighed defeatedly. Tapos binaba ko yung iPad ko sa table ko at tumayo. "Sorry." I told him then, I reached for his hand. "Hatid mo ako?"
Sam grinned at me then kissed my hand. "As you wish."
I squeezed his hand gently. Then, hand in hand, we made our way to where Nathan waits for me.
Pagdating namin sa meeting room, nadatnan kong nakikipagkwentuhan si Nathan kay Ryan. Nung nakita na ako ni Nathan, nginitian nya ako. But, I didn't return it. Instead, I faced Sam to thank him for coming here with me.
"Thanks." I smiled at him then pinched his cheek.
"I'll be at my office." he said then kissed me on my forehead.
I caught my breath to prevent tears escaping from my eyes. I can't choose love. I don't want to risk everything. I'm scared. I'm too scared to lose.
I cupped Sam's face with my hands and closed my eyes then, for the very first time, I kissed him on the lips.
In front of Nathan.
I ended the kiss when I heard something fall. Pagkatingin ko kay Sam, he looked shocked. Then, after a few seconds, he recovered and smiled at me. Then, he kissed my forehead again and headed outside.
"Is there something wrong, Mr. Nathan?" I heard Ryan asked.
I turned to face them and saw Nathan staring at me. It broke my heart when I saw hurt and dissapointment on his face. I was so tempted to reach and touch him. To tell him that that was nothing and I still love him.
But I can't.
Call me selfish, coward, evil, mean, flirt or what. I don't care. I just want to make Sam happy. Maybe, after few years, I'll be able to truly love him. After all, I was attracted to him.
But attraction is different from love.
God. I'm so messed up.
Nakitang kong yumuko si Ryan at may inabot. When I that it was a cellphone that he reached for, I frowned. The phone was wrecked. It isn't just a phone. It's a blackberry phone. Ba't parang nawasak?
"Mr. Miguel, is there something wrong?" tanong ulit ni Ryan.
Napalingon at parang nagising si Nathan. "Ha? Ah... W-wala." he said then reached for the wrecked phone.
"You accidentally stepped on it, sir." Ryan told him.
Tumango-tango nalang si Nathan tapos, wala syang imik na naglakad at lumabas.
I closed my eyes. He didn't even look at me after taking his phone. He just passed through me.
I swallowed the tears that were tempting to fall and opened my eyes. I frowned and forced a grin. "What's with him?"
Ryan just shrugged. I shook my head. Tapos lumabas narin lang ako.
I'm sorry, Nathan. I just don't want to complicate our lives again.
**
"Hi!" I greeted Sam when I found him waiting for me at the lobby of my condo building. "Matagal kang naghintay?"
"Nope. Maaga ka nga eh." he smiled and offered his hand. "Mas maaga lang ako."
I took his hand as he guides me to his car. Pagkasakay ko, may pinapatugtog na agad na song. It was Everything I Want. I kinda like this song kaya naman napapasabay ako sa pagkanta habang tinatawanan ni Sam. By the time na nakarating kami sa restaurant, umuulan na. Parang ang ganda palang ng panahon kanina ah. Nang-iinis lang? Ayaw akong pakantahin?
We stopped in front of restaurant's entrance. Tapos may sumalubong na doorman may hawak na malaking payong para ihatid kami sa loob.
Nung nakapasok na kami, agad may sumalubong sa aming babae.
"Do you have a reservation, sir?" she asked.
"Yes. A table for two? For Sam Lopez?" Sam said. I dunno but I found him funny. Pano kaya yung expression nya eh parang 'like, duh?' xD
The person nodded. "This way, please."
Sumunod naman kami. Pagdating namin ni Sam sa table namin, agad nyang hinila para sa akin yung upuan ko bago sya naupo. Oo na ho. Masyado ho syang gentleman. Pagkaguluhan nyo na ho sya dahil madalang nalang ho ang ganyan.
"The waiter-in-charge will be here in a moment." sabi sa amin nung babae bago umalis. Taray lang teh.
Pagkaalis ni ate, nagkatinginan nalang kami ni Sam bago natawa.
"Problema nun?" I giggled.
"Brokenhearted." Sam stagewhispered.
Nagkatawanan nalang kami ulit. Pinagtripan namin si ate. Haha.
Pagdating nung waiter, binati lang kami tapos agad inabot yung menu. Kaya lang, di pa man namin nabubukas yung menu, nag-ring yung phone ni Sam.
"Ah. I should take this." Sam frowned. "It's dad."
I nodded. "Go on."
Sam stood up then kissed me on my forehead and headed somewhere. Ako naman, nilibot ko nalang yung tingin ko sa loob ng restaurant. Now that Sam's gone, I have a time to think for a while.
And I hate it.
Pag may mga oras na wala akong ginagawa, naaalala ko lang yung nangyari kanina. Nasasaktan ako. Ayoko ng ganito. Alam ko kasalanan ko pero, masisisi mo ba ako? I have developed a tendency of running away from something that hurted me. And that happened when I lost everything back in the Philippines.
I sighed. Then I remembered. Tatawagan ko pa pala sina lolo Martin and tita Marian. Matagal ko na rin silang di nakakausap. Naiwan ko pa naman yung purse ko sa sasakyan.
I stood up. "Excuse me. I'll just go take my phone from the car. Can you just tell that to the person I am with?"
"Yes, ma'am." he smiled.
I smiled at him then headed to the door. Pagdating ko doon, agad akong sinalubong nung door man na may hawak na payong.
"Leaving already, ma'am?" he smiled and asked.
I shook my head. "I was just going to get my phone on the car."
"Let me come with you, ma'am."
At that moment, may pumasok na isang group.
"Oh." the doorman frowned. "I have to take their car on the carpark. Are you willing to wait for me, ma'am?"
I smiled and shook my head. "It's ok. Just lend me an umbrella."
"Are you sure?"
"Yep."
Tumango naman yung doorman tapos may inabot na payong sa may counter. Nginitian ko sya pagkabigay sa akin.
Paglabas ko, agad kong binuksan yung payong. Whew! Lakas ng ulan. Buti nalang malaki yung payong kaya di ako nababasa masyado.
Pagdating ko sa may carpark, medyo madilim kasi konti lang yung ilaw. Kaya naman nagulat nalang ako nung biglang may yumakap sa akin.
I stiffened. Who's this? Nathan? It can't be. Owemgee. Sino to??
"You forgot to take the car keys." said the familiar voice of Sam.
Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Akala ko si...
"Ow. Sorry naman." natawa nalang ako. Silly me. As if naman na andito yun.
Sam closed the umbrella he was using then took and held mine. Together, we took my purse at his car.
Pagbalik namin sa loob, (medyo basa yung mga binti namin. o.O) nginitian ko yung doorman tapos binalik yung mga payong.
Habang papalapit kami ni Sam sa table namin, I can't help but sigh. Ba't ba hinahanap ko pa sya? Dapat hindi na, di ba? Binibigyan ko ngang chance si Sam di ba? Ba't nagkakaganito ako? Sinasaktan ko lang sarili ko eh. Ayoko ng umasa sa taong may ibang umaasa.
**
"Dito nalang. Thanks, Sam." I told Sam pagdating namin sa tapat ng elevator ng condo building ko. "I had a great time."
"Sure ka?"
"Yep. Habang di pa malakas ang ulan."
"Whatever you want, hon." he smiled then took my hand and kissed it. "I love you."
Napatigil ako. He told me he loves me. Why can't I say it back?
"You don't have to force yourself. I'll wait for the day you can tell that to me." Sam smiled and held my face.
I smiled and nodded. Sam just kissed my forehead then smiled and left.
I just stood there until Sam was gone. Then, after a moment, I went to the reception to lend an umbrella. Nung nakahiram na ako, lumabas ako ulit ng building para maglakad-lakad.
While walking under the rain, I suddenly remembered the time when Nathan proposed to me. Seems like it was just yesterday. I can still remember the taste of the ice cream where the ring was hidden. It was sweet, cold and yummy. The rain makes me feel so nostalgic. I sighed. I'll give anything to turn back time again.
I was standing and watching the falling rain when a cold, wet person hugged me from behind. Panic took me. I can feel goose bumps all over me. I became much more aware how cold and late it is. I should have gone straight to my condo. I shouldn't have wandered around under the rain. I shou--
"Why? Why, Gi? You broke my heart. Why?"
My panic turned to sadness when I heard Nathan's voice. I kept my mouth close.
"I love you. Why do you need to break my heart?" I felt his shoulder shake. Tears started forming in my eyes.
Why? Why are you here? Why are you shedding those tears for me? I don't deserve them.
"Aren't I good enough?" he sobbed.
I mustered all will that I can and broke off with him. Don't tempt me, Nathan. I'm playing safe here. I don't want to risk.
I continued walking while trying to suppress the tears from and worked hard not to look back. Because if I did, I'll end up running to him.
But all will was lost when he pulled me and owned my lips. I was trying to fight it. But, I just found myself kissing him back. I miss him. I want him.
I love him.
And it hurts.
My hands went up to his hair automatically. His hands were all at my waist, holding me near to him while we're kissing under the rain. The umbrella I was holding earlier had fallen somewhere. All I can think was longing. He sure is the only person who can make me feel this way. Sam can never make me feel this way.
Sam...
I pushed Nathan at the thought of Sam. I was supposed to forget Nathan. I was supposed to give Sam a chance. What am I doing?! I'm ruining everything!
Nathan started to reach for me again. I gasped and ran before he could even touch me. I can't let him touch me. I'll lose all my senses and come to him.
I was crying when I reached the condo building. Damn! I'm so confused. I just want to runaway from everything. I hate this kind of feeling. I don't want to hurt Sam.
Pagdating ko sa floor ko, I was wet as hell. But that bothered me. What bothered me was, Sam was sitting on the floor, waiting for me.
He smiled and stood up when he saw me. "You're hurting everyone."
Napatitig ako sa kanya. He came over to me and took off his coat and put it on my shoulder.
"You should follow your heart." he told me.
How could I follow my heart when doing that will break your heart? "But--"
"Trust me." he kissed my forehead. "I love you too much to see you living in hell. Don't think about my feelings. Think about your feelings."
I smiled bitterly. This is what I'm scared to see.
"Promise me, Gianna." he clasped my face between his hands. "You'll go after your happiness. That's when I love you the most."
I closed my eyes when I saw tears forming in Sam's eyes. Pati ako, naiyak na rin. I messed up everything.
"I won't let you go." he said. "How could I when you're not even mine?"
I opened my eyes and saw Sam's tears after so many years.
"Go back to Nathan. Live the life your heart wants." Sam told me. "Promise me. Make my sacrifice worth it."
I stared into Sam's eyes and nodded. He broke his heart for my happiness. I can't deceive anyone anymore. I should just follow what Sam and my heart says.
Sam smiled. "Can I... hug you?"
I nodded. The least that I can do.
Sam hugged me tightly. And when he cried, all I can do was stand there and hug him.
Love is pure and stained. It is both heaven and hell. It hurts and heals. It saves and kills. It can be tragic and true. For a while or forever. Love is both nothing and everything. It makes us weak and strong. It makes us hate. It makes us love. It is both good and evil. It is a sacrifice. It is also a thief and a gift. Love is death and life. A selfishness and selflessness. Reasonable yet unreasonable. Love can be defined by words but can only be felt. But that's what love is.
And, Sam's love for me is a sacrificing one.