Calysta
Asa's fingers slip between mine as we enter the house that's swimming with students that are sweaty bodies dancing to the pounding music. It makes me feel all warm and tingly inside that he's holding my hand. It makes me want to believe that we're more than just friends or family. But I also know that it can't happen because we're family.
We're not blood related, nor have Deb and Victor adopted any of the other kids but we're still a family and so, whatever I'm starting to feel for Asa, I know that I can't let it go further. That's why I keep telling myself that he's just taken me on as a charity case so he can help me talk to people again.
But even those thoughts can't get past the nausea that's threatening to take over. My heart feels like it's pounding as loud as the music and it's making me feel dizzy. My eyes burn and I pray to God that I'm not going to start crying and make a fool of myself. My hands are getting sweaty but Asa doesn't let go, he only holds on tighter.
"Hey, you guys came," Cece flashes smiles at both of us and I force a smile back. "It's going to be so much fun-"
"I'm not allowed to drink," Trixie pouts and I shoot her a look that shuts her up.
"Thirteen year olds shouldn't be allowed to drink," Asa points out. "At least become a sophomore or a freshman."
"We're not drinking either," Cece tells her quickly. "We should be happy that we even got invited to a junior's party."
Trixie frowns but agrees with her friend before we head to the kitchen to find drinks. Asa lets go of my hand for a minute, handing Trixie and her friends sodas. And when they pop them open and walk over to one corner to talk, he hands me a beer.
"We're not supposed to drink," I tell him, looking down at the bottle in my hands.
"You've never drunk?" he asks me and I shake my head.
I had never gotten a chance to. I had been too young to drink back when I was friends with Sydney and after we ended our friendship, I stopped going to parties altogether. And even though my plans with Sydney were more about having fun and being with her, I suddenly felt bad for missing out on these things, too. I missed having my first drink at a party when I joined high school. I missed dancing with my friends to loud electronic music or slow dancing with my boyfriend at junior homecoming and prom. I even missed getting a boyfriend.
"Why're you thinking so much?" he asks. "It's just a beer. It'll help you loosen up a bit and even though I don't think alcohol should be your go-to help to get away from your anxiety, it's okay once in a while."
"Okay," I say softly and he takes one out for himself.
"I'm only drinking one with you because I need to drive us home in an hour," he tells me and I nod.
He raises his bottle to mine and clanks them together. Then he puts it to his mouth and takes a long drink. I follow his lead and the foul tasting liquid runs down my throat. I manage to keep it down but I can't hold back the disgust that crosses my face as the bitter taste fills my mouth. He chuckles and takes another gulp. He even manages to look perfectly fine when he's done with his drink. I, on the other hand, already feel the heat despite the less amount of clothing I have on. My head feels a lighter and I'm sure I'm swaying slightly.
"Cal, I think you should sit down," Asa tells me and I stare at him blankly before he takes me by the hand and sits me down on one end of the couch in the living room.
People are still dancing all over the place, drinks in their hands and red solo cups thrown here and there. There are people on the other side of the couch, too, so I pull Asa down next to me as a shield.
"Is this what getting drunk feels like?" I find myself asking and immediately feel embarrassed when he starts laughing.
"You're buzzed, not drunk," he tells me. "No one gets drunk on one beer. You're not slurring and you can still walk in a straight line."
I nod and turn back to watching the sea of dancing students. I'm lost in a daze when Trixie finds us and hands me a solo cup. I stare down at the clear liquid inside and then at her.
"We got dragged into a game," she tells me quickly. "It's called Black Knight or Black Rose or something and if you don't drink this for me then I have to drink two of them. Asa has to drive so you need to drink this."
Asa shoots her a look and she sends him an apologetic one in return. Then she pleads with me and Asa doesn't say anything. He's leaving it to me to decide what to do and I know that I have to do it or Trixie will have to drink instead which means that I'm letting Deb and Victor down. I had told them that I'd look after her and not let her drink so what was I supposed to do?
"Can't you just leave the game?" I ask her and she shakes her head. "They're seniors, aren't they?"
She nods and I sigh. I really don't know what to do. I start thinking about how in movies when someone doesn't want to drink, they bring the drink to their lips but throw it over their shoulder. The thought makes me giggle and I know that I'm already tipsy. But I can't throw the drink over my shoulder because I'm sitting on someone's couch and it looks extremely expensive. So I bring the solo cup to my lips. I take a sip and realize that it doesn't taste as bad as the beer. It tastes sweeter, probably because it's mixed with sprite but the alcohol in it does burn the back of my throat. I'm halfway through it when Asa asks her what it is and she says vodka with sprite. I almost spew the drink but manage to gulp the last of it and Asa grabs the glass from me, horror on his face.
"Leave the game," he tells her. "She's can't be your Black Rose or whatever. She's already tipsy."
Trixie looks at him, the guilt visible on her face but the fear of defying her seniors greater. But then Cece makes eye contact with us and Asa slides a finger over his neck as if he's going to kill them if they don't listen. That makes Cece jump up, make an excuse and dart up the stairs as if she's going to find the washroom. Trixie follows suit and he turns to me.
"How do you feel?" he asks me but I've zoned out on the thoughts of the pros and cons of falling for him.
The cons are that people at school will judge us even though we're not actually siblings. My parents will have a fit and maybe even threaten to kick Asa out of the house. It'll confuse the younger kids. And the pros? The pros are that I already really like him. He makes me feel this weird warmth inside. He makes me feel safe. And I really really want him to like me back. Okay, that's not a pro.
I feel his hand go over my knee and he squeezes, trying to get my attention when the front door flies open. My first thought is that the house already has too many people in it but when I look up, I find out that the horrors of the night have just begun.
"Shit," Asa curses next to me before pulling me closer as if it magically makes me invisible. "Should we leave?"
"But Trixie-" I start and we turn to check the stairs but she isn't there. "We can't go without her."
"What was she thinking?" he mutters under his breath. "She said barely any seniors were coming, let alone Sydney's group."
"She couldn't have known," I say slowly.
Even though I thought the alcohol was unwillingly making me calmer, my heart rate has now sped up and my hands have turned sweaty. And it isn't because of the heat the alcohol has made me feel. It's because just seeing my ex-best friend sends me down that rabbit hole all over again.
"What the shit?" Sydney's voice paralyzes me. "Who invited social freak?"
"Back off," Asa says when she comes to stand in front of us.
He stands up and faces her head on. But I know that he wouldn't hurt a girl. And even if Shaun or some other guy came in between, he couldn't hit anyone. If he did, Victor wouldn't be able to get him out of it again. And plus, I don't want him to involve him in anything related to Sydney again.
"Oh, you got yourself a little guard puppy," she says, her voice sickeningly sweet.
None of her friends make a move to join her and Shaun slinks off into the crowd, making his escape. It almost makes me want to laugh. Not because I think he's scared of getting punched again but because he's probably sneaking off to play with one of the others girls he's cheating with. Sydney was obviously still oblivious and blind to everything that was happening right under her nose. And that I found funny.
"It's a Friday night. We're all here to have some fun so how about you leave her alone?" Asa suggests as calmly as he can.
"We are here to have fun," she says and Asa nods but I know that she's going to take that statement somewhere else entirely. "And I will have fun when I rip her to shreds. We're out of school grounds so her father can't threaten the principal to sue to make everyone stop bullying her."
"How about a restraining order for harassment? Will that make you back off?" Asa says and I find myself smiling or maybe it's the alcohol. "I'm sure that colleges will love to see that on your personal record."
"At least I'll get into college," she snaps. "I have parents unlike you who will make sure I get into college. And I don't think you're one to talk, Mr. Law breaker."
I know she doesn't mean it the way it came out. I know that she meant to say that her parents would shell out money to get her into college which Deb and Victor might not have for both Asa and me to go to college at the same time. But just the thought of her meaning it otherwise – that she has parents and Asa does not, makes my blood boil and suddenly I feel hotter than I had after drinking the alcohol.
What comes next is a shock to everyone, including me. Because I didn't think about it. I just did it.
"Why don't you back the hell off?" I blurt out and suddenly everyone's eyes are on me.
The music continues to pound on and the people who are either not in the room or are too drunk to care continue in their own worlds. But everyone whose watching and listening to this argument are now staring at me as if I'm some rabid animal that just bit her head off. And it only makes me angrier because I've barely said anything to offend her. She always ran her mouth whenever she felt like it and everyone just went with it because it was normal. And I get that I'm drunk and it's probably the alcohol making me do stupid things like stand up to her but I can't back down because they're staring.
"Wow. She speaks," Sydney claps half-heartedly. "I think we've always been waiting for this day."
"Have you?" I asked and Asa put his hand in front of me as if to shield me. "I don't think you have because you would have listened four years ago if you actually gave a shit about what I had to say."
"Why would I listen to your bullshit when you freaking went behind my back and kissed my boyfriend?" she demanded but the alcohol was messing up my emotions so I felt no fear, only fury. "I'm lucky we're still together."
I can't help it. Her statement is the dumbest thing I've ever heard so I burst out laughing and again everyone looks at me as if I've lost my mind. Maybe I have. I feel like I have.
"Lucky?" I echo and she stares at me. "Firstly, get over yourself. I'm not that desperate for a boyfriend that I'd kiss Shaun out of all the guys at school. Secondly, you had someone who would have been with you through thick and thin instead you threw her away for a fuckboy who's been cheating on you with God knows how many people. And the best part is, he's doing it right under your nose and you're too blind to see it. No one can be that oblivious or stupid."
She stares at me in confusion as if she can't comprehend what I'm saying and for a minute, I actually think she's stupid. Then a mix of emotions floods her expression and I'm not sure whether she believes what I'm telling her. Then finally her anger flares and I think she's about to fling herself at me when a sophomore girl steps forward.
The girl's hair is in a short bob cut, her eyes are glassy with tears and her clothes may be the most conservative I've seen all evening. She has a soda in her hand and even though I'm not in the right state of mind, I can tell that she is.
"Shaun forced himself at me last week," she says softly so that only Sydney, Asa and I can hear. "I asked him what about Sydney but he said that you were okay with it and that it wasn't serious."
I feel my breath catch in my throat when devastation crosses Sydney's face. She actually believes that Shaun is in love with her and is faithful to her. She isn't pretending. She's just so in love with him that she believed in all of his lies. I feel bad when I see the tears pool her eyes. I've never seen her cry, at least not since we stopped being friends. I don't feel the sense of victory or the happiness I should feel now that it's out in the open that she had made a mistake and left the wrong person. I thought I would but I don't. I just feel pity for her.
"It's time you open your eyes, Syd," I say softly. "I didn't know you enough to think you'd do something like this to me for four years without listening to my side of the story and maybe things will change between us or maybe they won't. But I'm not going to sit and wish for us to be friends again. That Cal is gone."
Shaun, being the idiot he was, chose that exact moment to join the argument. He looked at Sydney who couldn't make eye contact with him and then at me, his eyes roaming my body and making me feel uncomfortable. It was funny how I could feel so disgusted and dirty just by having his eyes on me. He really was a jerk. And despite all the shit Sydney put me through, she didn't deserve to fall in love with a cheater like him.
"You wouldn't be in this position if you had just listened four years ago," I tell her softly, not to make her feel bad but in the hopes that she finally was listening.
She will be heartbroken for a while if she really does love him. But she'll get over it. There are many boys at school who will rush to even be a rebound once they get a whiff of their breakup. And even if she doesn't date anyone in high school, she probably would find someone in college. She did have a lot going for her. She was pretty, popular and I'm sure she had somewhat of an okay personality underneath her bitchiness. But it wasn't enough to make me want to be friends with her again.
And so I find Asa's hand and pull him toward the door. But not before I turn around to look Shaun in the eye. I feel the need to slap him even though Asa's already punched him for me before. But I don't. Not because I don't want to shock everyone by acting out of character again but because I don't want to be like them – using violence.
"If I even hear about you harassing another girl," I tell him. "I'll report you for sexual harassment so get your shit together."
Then I pull Asa through the crowd with my heart pounding in my ears and my emotions all over the place. It's not until we reach his car that I remember that we forgot Trixie. So I pull out my phone to call her because there's no way I'm going back in there. When she picks up, I manage to tell her to meet us outside in a stead voice before shoving my phone back in my purse and collapsing against Asa.