Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you
Fully … through the pictures
I can see you chilling with my sisters
and I can see me in the background,
talking on the phone, probably to another mistress
I guess I prove everybody right
But this ain’t everybody’s life
I bet nobody’s hurtin’ like I could
have heartache mend to break,
and it wasn’t meant to divide
So I’d never supposed to be lying
We’re fighting for this love
and we never suppose to be dying
The topic of discussion
I’m never home and you’re crying
You’re crying me a river
I’m bit and so I just dive in
Leading to arguments
Feels like we’re in the house of parliament
But I ain’t trying to play the prime minister
Turn the whole country against me, I can’t pretend
That I don’t need nobody
(You don’t need nobody)
But I don’t need no worries
(You don’t need no worries)
So I left when you told me you’re pregnant
(told you I was pregnant)
Heartless, not even your screams could stop me
Free
Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don’t forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,”
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead
Oh yeah, I said,
Inform you last week
You answer your phone and didn’t speak
And I could hear your boyfriend in the background saying
Who’s that? I wish she would’ve ask me
I see your true colors shining through
You’ve move on, I guess I’m nothin’ like you
or am I stupid to assume that there’s a cupid
and I am hoping if he shoots, he finds me someone like you
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it,
I had hoped you’d see my face,
And that you’d be reminded that for me it isn’t over,
Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don’t forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,”
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.
Someone like You - WRETCH 32
I somehow found myself walking towards Chloe’s yard and knocking the door. We had been getting along more and more lately, I don’t even know why I decided to go here of all places. I should be with my possible baby mother, but I’m standing her knocking the door of the girl I hate. She opened the door and smiled, but when she was my expression she let me in without a word.
She poured wine into two glasses. She kept looking at me but pushed the glass towards me without a word. As soon as her hands left the glass I backed the drink in one. It tasted like shit, but when Chloe poured me another glass I did the same thing.
She stopped pouring it; I could slowly feel the alcohol warming my body. I just wanted to get drunk and forget this whole thing for a bit. She sat down and stared at me waiting for me to speak.
‘’Lee thinks she pregnant.’’ I explained after some silence. This was the first time I had said it out loud in 2 days. Lee might be pregnant. I was confused that I had told Chloe when I hadn’t even told my boys.
Steven didn’t even know.
I thought if I said it out loud it would confirm my fears. Aaliyah might actually be pregnant.
‘’What do you mean might?’’ She asked confused.
‘’I ran into her 2 days ago buying a test.’’
‘’So she knows the answer?’’ I shrugged. She tried calling me 3 times yesterday but I was too scared to pick up. I just stared at my phone vibrate on my bed. I just looked at it.
She would know whether she was pregnant or not and I wouldn't know how I would react. I just didn’t want to know. Instead of me telling her all this I just shrugged. I honestly didn’t know.
A couple of glasses later I found myself fumbling to get Chloe’s jeans off. We weren’t drunk but we both pretended to be. I didn’t want to actual acknowledge that I was about to have sex with my ex and I wasn’t even fully intoxicated.
It’s like I stepped back and watched myself. I was digging myself a bigger whole but right now I dint care, I just wanted something to get my mind of this baby.
‘’Where’s Kara?’’ I asked in-between kisses.
‘’At her Grandma’s. Carlos is visiting his mum’’ Chloe replied. She pulled herself forward and placed her soft lips against mine. It had felt like a lifetime since me and her had hit it. She slowly lifted up my sweatshirt revelling my bare chest underneath. I heard her giggle as she let her hand run down my chest and underneath my tracksuit bottoms. I returned the favour and took of her vest. I unclasped her bra and let my hand play with one. She carried on kissing me whilst we both removed one piece of clothing each. I picked her up and laid her back down gently on the sofa. I didn’t want to waste time, I knew that I would come to my sense and stop.
‘’You got a condom?’’
‘’I'm on the pill.’’ Yeah that’s what you said last time, then pop 9 months later Kamara. She stopped me saying more by pressing her lips hard on my body and opening her legs ready for me to enter. I adjusted myself and kissed her from her lips down to her neck before put it in. Chloe had a tendency to bite me whenever I put it in her and I wasn’t ready to have a bleeding lip. It felt like a lifetime that I was in her.
My phone vibrated. The thought of it being Aaliyah just made my world crash down. I leant over to it with Chloe’s legs still wrapped around me; I looked at the caller ID and relaxed.
‘’Hello?’’
‘’I just wanted to know if you’re going to be home for dinner?’’
‘’Ermm, yeah, I’ll be home inna bit.’’ I sighed. My heart was actually gone.
‘’I’m, heading out know, I’m on call with the hospital tonight okay. Behave. And make sure Kelsey’s in bed before 9.’’
‘’yeah.’’
‘’Thanks darling. Love you.’’
‘’Love you too.’’ I hanged up and put my phone down. We both stayed stil for a while.
I stood up and started getting dressed.
‘’Where you going?’’ Chloe asked watching me getting dressed, then copying my actions slowly. Still confused.
‘’I have to sort something out.’’ I had barely put my top back on when I was opening the door to leave.
‘’I’ll pick Kara up tomorrow afternoon yeah.’’ I said and left without waiting for an answer. I reached my car and banged my head on the steering wheel.
F_CK.
I ran my hands down my face. I actually didn’t know what I was doing.
I looked at my car. I knew I honestly shouldn’t even be driving but I revved up the engine anyway. I drove past Aaliyah’s house, I had every intention to knock on her door, but I literally couldn’t get out of the car. I was so scared; I had never been so scared in my life. I drove home and just went straight to my room. Sex didn’t help, at all. And I was still horny and hard.
If anything I felt worse, everything I did always had a way of biting me later in life. I had sex with Chloe when me and Aaliyah broke up the first time when she got pregnant.
I could have 2 pregnant girls now.
I would just live up to the stupid black/Jamaican stereotype. I shook my head. I had no idea what to do with myself. I don’t think that we could even afford it; Kamara was way more expensive than I thought honestly. Obviously our families helped out but baby’s just drained resources. I could buy a pack of boxers for £5 that could last me a year; Kamara went through a pack of diapers in a couple of days for the same price. Nursery, baby sitters, food, and cots it would all add up.
I barely got any sleep but I woke up to pots and pans banging downstairs. I walked into the kitchen, my mum was still in her white jacket, she turned to smile at me. I looked at the time, 6 am already.
‘’What’s wrong baby?’’ I looked at her. I braced myself to tell her, lord would know her reaction. With Kara she was angry but calm, this time all that was going through my mind was my mum kicking me out. I wasn’t even scared of her; I was more scared of disappointing her. I sighed and spoke, my mum was the one woman I would never or will lie to. Never.
‘’I think I got Aaliyah pregnant.’’
‘’Pardon?’’
‘’I think I got Lee pregnant mum.’’ She sighed deeply.
‘’Has she done a test?’’ I shrugged. I think that pissed her off cause she flipped.
‘’What do you mean you don’t know? Omari don’t angry. Go over there and find out then!’’
‘’I'm scared mum.’’ She kissed teeth loudly. Well that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. I wanted her to tell me it was going to be okay or something.
‘’And how do you think that poor girl feels Omari? I swear you better go there, and when you get home you better tell me if I am expecting another grandchild.’’
‘’Ah mum-‘’
‘’I am never strict with you Omari, but right now you are messing up possible 2 people’s lives. This isn’t even a joke, pregnancy is serious. You’re acting like you don’t even have protection. I know both you and Chris have draws full of condoms, even if they're finished I work in a hospital. I could have you gotten you some in a heartbeat! Aaliyah has an older brother right? He must have some. How could you BOTH be so stupid?’’ I shrugged. My mum didn’t want me to reply.
‘’You absolute fool. You turned Aaliyah into some devil. That girl was perfect’’ I rolled my eyes. Here we go. My mum seriously thought that I had poisoned Aaliyah’s head.
‘’Get out of my house then. Go. Go speak to her.’’ I trailed of the chair and got my keys. I hadn’t even bathed or nothing but my mum wasn’t ramping.
AALIYAH.
I opened my door. What did he want? I had tried to call him. I knew for a fact that he had seen my calls, because when Kwali called him he answered, but me?
We both kept quiet.
"Lee?" I didn't reply. I just stared at him.
"Are you gonna talk to me?" I didn't say anything, I just looked at him. He looked rough; he was coming with a slight struggle revealing that he hadn’t shaven for a couple of days. He stood in an all-black tracksuit looking at me. I couldn’t read his expression but I hoped he could read mine. I hoped I looked unwelcoming.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I was... Ahh lee my head was so f_cked up at moment." I didn't reply. Did he expect me to feel sorry for him ?
"What do you want me to do then Omari?" I asked in monotone. He told me to abort my baby then come apologising?
“You’re just standing there. Shout at me, slap me, show me you care! "
"What's there to care about?" I asked again after some silence.
"Us, me and you, this moment! Me cheating on you, the baby, Chyna!"
"I expected it. What? Don't look so surprised. You’re a man, your just like all the rest.’’
"I'm a man; I'm like all the rest?" he repeated confused. I nodded. This is exactly what Cecila said would happen.
"If so then take me back! You’ll get some next man and he’ll be just like me, so take ME back then. What's the difference?"
"I won't be like other women." I closed my door.
"Lee!’’ He put his foot on the door and pried the door open. We were so lucky that Sam was back in uni and mummy at work.
‘’I let you walk away already, we need to talk.’’
‘’ABOUT WHAT?’’ I couldn’t contain my anger.
‘’About the baby.’’
‘’Oh, you want to talk about the baby, Okay, Omari would you like me to have an abortion?’’ He didn’t answer. But I knew he did.
‘’Why?’’ I asked, he accepted Kara with open hands, but when it’s me I should kill my baby?
‘’For you- I don’t want you –‘’
‘’Don’t you dare pretend like you doing this for me.’’ He looked at me bewildered. Did he expect to come here, apologise and I'd fall into his arms?
‘’You did it for yourself. You were being selfish. You left me alone at possibly the most frightening time in my whole life. I could have been carrying OUR child but instead of being here and supporting me frolicking around with your stupid friends?’’ He looked confused. He moved forward and I moved back shaking my head. He had seriously gone way to far now. I would never forgive him for this.
I was so angry I was calm. My anger couldn’t come out quick enough, I was just calm. It all felt like a dream, the only thing making this feel real was my top slowly feeling more and more damp because of my tears.
‘’NO Omari. Remember, I liked YOU for YOU, not for what YOU DO. Do you not realise that Chyna and all these other girls are with you because you’re a footballer. This time next year you’re going to be signed to some major football team, making how much money a week and do you not think that all of these girls realise. Tell me one thing you and Chyna have in common. One thing.’’ He didn’t answer me.
‘’You’re SO stupid you can’t even see what’s in front of you. You have A SH*T personality. You’re annoying, you whine, you act like your 6, your immature, why would a girl want to be with you except for your looks and money? You’re driving a f_cking mini cooper at 17?’’ He looked at me solemnly.
‘’And what I do with my vagina is none of your business Omari. How dare you come and accuse me in the middle of the road if I was sleeping with one of you closets friends? Huh? HOW DARE YOU?’’
‘’So Omari.’’ I paused wiping the tears that were falling. I just had to let everything out.
‘’No, I am not pregnant. But even if I was, you would have never, ever, got to see the beautiful baby boy or girl that we made. So you leave, and you can tell all your little friends, and you can have a little party yeah?’’ My voice was breaking and I barely finished my sentence.
‘’Aaliyah-‘’
‘’Get out please.’’ He lifted his hands up but put them down sighing. He looked at me and shook his head. He walked back words and opened the door. Took one more look at me then left.
It flipping hurt so much watching him walk away. Do you know how much it hurts knowing that the person you loved didn’t want you to carry their child? Something that would always tie you two together? He proved he didn’t about me and all the sh*t he said about me carrying his baby, he was running his little game. He had fully proven that today. I wasn't even sure how to react, I had done all my crying on that day I thought I was pregnant, I was relived I wasn't pregnant. I went back up to my room & dried my tears. I shook my head & tried to get back to my college work.
2 weeks.
2 weeks.
2 weeks.
I sighed. I had tried everything under the sun to cheer myself up but honestly I just felt so unhappy. I just felt…there.
Just there.
I started cleaning my room, I had missed college for 2 weeks, told them I had chicken pox and they just sent my work via email. I had tried to engage on the work but I couldn’t be bothered. It felt weird me not doing school work. But I honestly couldn’t concentrate on the combustion of a car, or the meiosis and mitosis. I didn’t give one sh*t about that. I was learning things in school that don’t even help in real life.
How do you deal with a broken heart?
That’s what they should teach in school.
I picked up my rosemary on the floor and thought. One thing I hadn’t tried was God.
My best friend from day one.
I put a coat on and shoes and left my house. My appearance wasn’t important when I was seeing my God, he had seen me at my worst and best. Right now felt like my worst.
I sped walked to my nearest church and sat down. I called out for anyone. It seemed empty.
I sat on the front row and looked up at the statue of Jesus.
‘’I really messed up right?’’ I shook my head. I could feel my eyes watering, I had actually embarrassed myself. I shook my head. I had 101 problems but I had no idea where to start. I didn't even see them as problems ? What was actually wrong with my life ? Everything. Nothing.
I just wasn't happy.
‘’Do you want me to start from the beginning?’’ I asked. I knew he wasn’t going to answer but it felt right talking to him out loud.
‘’Of course child.’’ I looked up at the statue. Did Jesus talk to me?
‘’Jesus...?’’ I felt to fix my apperance. Was Jesus takin to me ?
‘’No, I’m father Thomas’’ A priest came out from a door; he came and sat next to me smiling.
‘’Start from the beginning my child.’’ He repeated in a strong Irish accent. So I did, I started from the day that I talked to Omari, the day he got sent out of class, to the day in Devon when I first told him I love him, when Kamara was born, when he got signed, when he was stabbed, Nathan, Zac, I told him everything down to the pregnancy scare. Father Thomas laughed at some parts but shook his head muttering sweet Jesus at some parts. He held my hand and rubbed it.
‘’Child, we all make mistakes. What has happened is in the past, but you can change the future my child, have no malice in your heart, and by the thoughts of it you have malice in your heart my child. ‘’ I nodded.
‘’Jesus said forgive and forget. God will forgive you for your sins, but he will only forgive you if you are truly repentant.’’ I nodded again.
‘’Make your peace with this Omari lad, only God can judge my child.’’ I nodded again. He stood up so I did too.
‘’I have a meeting soon, but I hope to you see you at the Sunday mass.’’ I nodded again. I picked up my things and started walking, when I was near the door when he called me back.
‘’Yes farther Thomas?’’ I turnt around.
‘’12 virgin Marys.’’ He nodded and I smiled and thanked him again and left.
"I'm scared!”
"Maria I bet you look perfectly fine" I got up and opened the curtain to the changing room. I looked at her and I couldn't even speak. She wanted to look nice for Kwalis birthday party in 2 weeks. She had finally admitted that she liked him and honestly it had upset me. I was scared that Kwali would mess her around, Kwali just liked the chase and I knew that Maria was getting tired. She was soon going to give in to his advances, then it would be game over.
She looked at me waiting for my reaction and I stared at her waiting to see what she thought of herself. She looked in the mirror, starting at herself in the dress.
"Maria?" She nodded.
"You look amazing." That was all I could say. Maria had a banging body under all the clothes she wore. My mouth was on the floor.
"Really?" I nodded. The dress wasn't too revealing, it was tight on the top and came down to her knees in a body con, then with a chiffon material on top covering the back of her legs, but the front was on full show showing her toned thighs. I just looked at her legs.
"Kwalis gonna kill me." I muttered shaking my head.
"What? Why?"
"Just watch." I shook my head. He was gonna be so pissed at me.
"Come on, get dressed so we can buy some jewellery and shoes."
"Yeah, are you gonna try on a dress?" I gave her a look. I wasn't in the mood to go to a party.
"Aaliyah if you don't come I won't go. I won't know anyone there."
"You know Kwali. You’re going! "
"No. Let's go back to my house and watch TV then." Maria shrugged. Kwali would kill me if he thought that Maria wasn't going because of me.
"I'll come then"
"Woohoo! Go find a dress then."
"I'm not spending money on a dress." We were in Topshop, a dress here was £40 for the cheapest, no matter how nice they were, it wasn't worth a dress that I was going to sit down all night.
"I have a couple of dresses at home that I haven't worn before." Maria got dressed back into her maxi skirt and sandals, we got her accessories and some shoes then went back to her house.
Her crazy brother wasn't in but her oldest brother was.
I was soooooooo scared of this guy. Maria went to put her stuff away and I went to get a drink. I was pouring water when I heard someone breathing behind me. I inwardly sighed and turned around hitting his chest.
That’s how close he was to me.
"Excuse me please" I squeaked. He was 23 and built up. Like hench built up.
"Aaliyah, right?" I nodded.
"mm." That's all her said and walked away.
"Maria?" He shouted out to her. She came out from a room and went to hug her brother. She loved off her oldest brother; he treated her like her little princess.
"You good?" She nodded.
"Show me the dress you got then." She smiled an went to get her dress. She showed him and he looked at me the then dress then Maria.
"I hope no boys try to move you in this." She laughed and put it back in her room. I went to sit down and her sat next to me.
"If I hear she does anything I will personally blame you." He smiled at me then sat back. My heart was hurting. He was so scary but sexy at the same damn time. How is that even possible ?
One thing I hated about Maria brothers was that they always walked around the house topless, that wasn’t the problem, the problem was that they had defined body, making me always want to stare at their bodies. He caught me looking and I swear I went pink. I fiddled with my phone and didn’t look back up until Maria walked back into the room. But I heard hom chuckle.
‘’What time do you want me to drop you?’’ Tyson asked Maria. Tyson wa such an appropriate name for a guy his size.
‘’Aaliyah is coming over, so we can leave together so like 9 ish?’’ He nodded.
‘’And what time do you want me to pick you up?’’
‘’Well it finished at 4?’’
‘’You’re not leaving a party at 4.’’ He said as soon as she finished taking.
‘’The latest I'm picking you up in 1.’’
‘’I’ll just sleep over Aaliyah’s then.’’
‘’No, me picking you up isn’t a problem, but from 9, 10, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4’’ he indicated with his hands, ‘’you’re going be partying?’’
‘’Well I’m obviously not going to be dancing the whole night Tyson. I am not saying pick me up at 4, maybe like 2 or 3. I don’t want to be the first person to leave!’’
‘’What time you leaving?’’ Tyson turned to me. I was speechless, I wasn’t expecting him to turn to me, and trust me, Tyson is the kind of guy that you need warning when he wants to talk to you.
‘’erm, probably like 2.’’ I managed to mutter.
‘’Seee. So you can come pick me and Aaliyah up at 2 Tyson’’ Maria said grinning. I think she was excited for this party, I don’t think that she really went to parties that much.
‘’Whatever, as long as you behave!’’
‘’Of course Tyson.’’
I thought about when me and Sam had this same conversation nearly 2 years ago about me going to my first party. I smiled. It was a shame that Tyson couldn’t see his younger sister slowly changing. I hoped that Maria wouldn’t come out like me. Because seriously I looked at Maria as my old self and I wanted that back. Sweet innocent Aaliyah, opposed to who I am now. I didn’t even like myself.
I stayed at Marais house for a while longer, Tyson ordered us pizza and we watched movies on his PS. Tyson was like the father figure of the house, I have no idea what happened to Maria parents, that conversation never came up, but I made a mental note to ask her one day. It started to get dark so I thought about making my way home now, and Tyson had one of his friends over. He was making me and Maria laugh throughout the videos and he was now concentrating on his friend. When his friend walked in I just stared at him. I had seen him from somewhere but I couldn’t put my finger on it. He greeted me with my name so obviously we had met before, I just smiled back but I had no idea who he was.
‘’Uno my girl cheated on me with her baby dad.’’ Was the last thing I heard the mystery boy say as I closed the door and me and Maria walked out of her blocks to the bus stop, I didn’t want to be out with all the hooligans so I wantd to be home before it was properly dark. I hugged her bye and went home.
As soon as I closed the door I could already smell Jims cooking. I chilled with Jim and mummy until I decided to turn in. I laid in bed and though about what Father Tom had said. ‘’Have no malice in your heart.’’
That’s all that was my heart right now. Like clockwork my phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID and immediately put it down.
‘’Have no malice in your heart child’’ The priests words rung around in my head, I swear it was like God was sending me a message. I looked at my phone one more time and answered it on the 6th ring. I breathed in slowly and after some silence spoke.
‘’Hello?’’ There was silence on the other end. I was about to hang up when he spoke.
‘’I honestly didn’t think that you were going to pick you know.’’ I nodded slowly. What could I really say? It’s your lucky day?
‘’mmm.’’ I murmured.
‘’You been okay?’’
‘’I'm in paradise.’’ As soon as I said it I regretted it. It was full of attitude; I didn’t want to have malice in my heart. I was trying to listen to my priest but…
‘’I guess I deserve your attitude.’’ He sighed into the phone. I wanted to feel bad but I couldn’t. I honestly wanted to feel bad but for two weeks I had been feeling like crap and only today I had actually left my house, and I blamed Omari for all of it. Every single bit of it. If he wasn’t such a b_stard and could have just left me alone we wouldn’t be here. If he could just accept that he couldn’t have every girl, he wouldn’t have chased after me, I would be here. At all.
‘’How’s college been?’’
‘’I haven’t been.’’ I replied.
‘’Oh. I thought you were too busy with school to answer my calls?’’ He asked sarcastically. I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t in the mood. Yeah he had been calling me every day since he left my house but I didn’t pick up.
‘’What do you want Omari?’’
‘’I wanted to see if you were okay.’’
‘’I'm fine. Is that all?’’
‘’Yeah. You don’t seem in the talking mood so I’ll see you whenever init.’’
‘’Bye.’’ I said about to hang up.
‘’Wait.’’ I put the phone back to my ear.
‘’Yeah?’’
‘’Wait…Aaliyah what have I actually done for you to act like a bitch?’’ My mouth dropped.
‘’Where do you want me to start Omari?’’
‘’Start from the beginning. Tell me every single thing that I have done wrong.’’ I remained silent.
‘’Tell me then! Cause you act like I'm the devil.’’
‘’You slept with my best friend, you got a girl pregnant on the same day we broke up, you beat up Nathan, and you were probably involved in his death, you then kissed my ex-best friend when we were going out, then woke up at her house the next morning, not remembering a single thing, THEN, you basically told me if I was pregnant to abort my baby.’’
‘’Okay, that’s what? I’ve done 6 bad things to you yeah?’’
‘’Yes.’’
‘’that’s it? 6, you sure?’’ I was starting to get angry.
‘’Yes Omari 6. Don’t make it seem like such a small number.’’
‘’Right, let me set you straight, 1, me and Michelle f_cked before I even liked you, and we both know for a fact that she been on my d*ck from day one, don’t act like you don’t remember in Devon when she forced herself up on me and you walked in? So your first point is completely irrelevant, 2, don’t forget that Nathan stabbed ME, don’t forget that Nathan tried to push himself on you, and don’t forget that he punched you? Do you think I’m going to walk away from that? So once again that is irrelevant. Yeah I got Chloe pregnant, but we weren’t together, so once again that doesn’t count. Do I talk about you and Zac? Nah, cause we weren’t together, and yes I kissed Michelle, but I was drunk, and I know that it sounds stupid but that was the truth. I only got drunk cause you were stressing me out, and lastly yeah I didn’t want you to have a baby if you were pregnant, but the world abortion never ONCE came out of my mouth. I'm not even against abortion but do you think I would put you through that? Seriously? You could have given it up for adoption, or just had the baby anyway, you’re acting like you normally listen to what I say and you’re not even pregnant anyway, so that’s also irrelevant. SO really the only thing that you can really say that I’ve done wrong is kiss Michelle which I take full blame for. So I've only done one wrong thing’’ I didn’t reply. What could I say?
‘’Now let me tell you all the wrong things you’ve done.’’
‘’No, I don’t want to hear what you-‘’
‘’You’ve been rude to me from day one, when I kissed you, you slapped me, when I had sex with you, you slapped me. You just like hitting me, 24/7, you lied to me once & said let's have sex, then started laughing at me, you continued to talk to the guy that stabbed me and punched you, KNOWING, that it would piss me off, you went out with one of my boys, you tried to hide your potential pregnancy from me, you always do the opposite of what I say, your insecure for no reason at all, your absolutely paro for no reason, you always half naked when your with me and probably without knowing turn me on, then deny me sex, you listen to what your stupid friends says more than you listen to me, it’s like Cecilia’s words to you are the bible, nothing I say in retaliation will have an effect, your argumentative, you steal my jewellery and I pretty sure that you have like 5 of my watches and half of my jumpers, you’re stuck up-’’
‘’OKAY. FINE. Then why did you even go out with me if I have so many problems?’’
‘’Because the good outweighed the bad! You can’t seriously say to me that we had more bad time than good.’’ I couldn’t.
‘’You can’t can you? Remember Devon, I remember I introduced you to Kwali? I gave you your first alcoholic drink, your first dance, your first kiss, your first grope, your first love bite, your first love, the first guy you made love to. No matter what you say, no matter what arguments we had Aaliyah you can’t honestly say that I didn’t have an effect on your life?’’
‘You have.’’
‘’And has it not been positive.’ I remained silent.
‘’Okay, has most of it been positive?’’
‘’I guess.’’
‘’Exactly. And I’ve texted you sorry 101 times, I’ve tried to apologise, I’ve left tons of voicemail, Aaliyah. I am sorry. I don’t know what you want to hear that could possibly make you and make amends but all I can say is I'm sorry.’’
‘’You made me feel like sh*t Omari. I honestly couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t want me to carry your child, you let Chloe?’’
‘’Aaliyah it’s not a matter of letting, it wasn’t even you. I just don’t want another child anytime soon. I can barely take care of Kara, I don’t know how to heat up her milk properly, I always over feed or under feed her, the only thing I can do is buy her sh*t and play with her. When I have my next child, I want to be ready, I don’t want them to go from one house to the next, I want a stable home, and stable wife, I didn’t want you to have this baby then I leave you too. Aaliyah lord knows I love you, but imagine if you were to have this baby. What would your mum say, your education? We were barely talking.’’
‘’if I had had a baby we would have talked.’’
‘’A baby won’t solve the problems we had. Aaliyah I honestly need to know if I'm wasting my breath. I'm sorry if I made you feel like that, that was never my intention.’’
‘’Okay.’’ I sighed. No malice in our heart Aaliyah.
‘’I want you back.’’ I choked on air.
‘’big man ting. I’ve missed you like mad.’’
‘’I missed you too.’’
‘’And I swear I'm gonna spend my time making it up to you.’’ I nodded.
‘’Did you nod?’’
‘’Yeah.’’
‘’See. I can read you like a book without even looking at you.’’
‘’Omari, it’s not that easy.’’
‘’I know. But I’m gonna get you back. I’ve had enough of these whores. I wanna come home to my baby.’’ I wanted to say yes to baaaaaaaaaaad. A smile was staring to come on my face, but it hit me. I had never felt so low than when Omari said he didn’t want the baby. I never wanted to feel like that again in my life.
‘’Like I said it’s not going to be that easy.’’ I simply repated.
‘’But do I have a chance of getting you back?’’ I dint reply because I honestly didn’t know. I asked myself, could I see myself with Omari? Of course. He had said all the right things, but I didn’t want to be one of those stupid girls that just fell for words. I just wanted to even be friends first, before I even though about anything more.
‘’Words speak louder than words Omari. You can say all this but it doesn’t mean anything unless you act on it.’’
‘’Of course. But Aaliyah, don’t even take this in the wrong way, yeah, don’t switch.’’
‘’I won’t.’’
‘’Ite, to be honest, you’re not innocent in all this, I'm obviously gonna put work into to get you back, but know now that it’s not all my fault why we broke up.’’ I rolled my eyes. I wanted to argue back so bad, but as friends, I let it go.
‘’So we turning a new leaf?’’
‘’Guess so.’’
‘’Right then, Hello, my name in Omarion, but people call me Omari, what’s your name?’’
‘’No Omari, not like that, just talk, like we used to.’’
‘’Half of the things we used to talk about before was sexual, and as ‘friends’ we can’t really do that.’’
‘’Guess so.’’ I sighed. This was going to be hard. I was picking my brain looking for something to say. Before conversation came so naturally, we could spend an hour talking about the colour brown, that was how much we just enjoyed each other company. But now it was awkward, I didn’t know what we could or couldn’t say to each other.
‘’My mums calling, speak to later.’’
‘’Bye.’’ The line went dead. I sighed. My shoulders didn’t feel so heavy, yes we had cleared the air and I guess were back on good terms with each other, but this now opened a whole new book of awkwardness for a couple of months until we were comftable in each other’s company.
OMARI
I woke up to mum calling me every two seconds. I rolled out of bed and shouted back at her, there had better been a fire or something. I checked the time and it’s was 7 am? This was why I found it hard to be nice to my mum, I wanted to go and trip her up. I had training in 2 hours and I wanted to get all the sleep I could get.
‘’Omari come here." Mmmm. I groaned and trailed slowly down the stairs stomping.
I walked into the kitchen to see my mum holding the phone to her ear. She extended it to me and it took.
"Who is it?" I mouthed.
"Your dad." I kissed my teeth loudly, hoping that he would get the indication that I didn’t want to talk to him.
"Hello?" He said into the phone.
"Wish him happy father’s day!" My mum whispered. I shook my head. That was some corny sh*t man.
"Hello?" He said into the phone again, I didn't even wanna speak to this guy.
"You’re not going to that party then." She whispered harshly. I had seriously been trying to respect my mum more, I was trying SOOO hard but she was acting like a bitch. I rolled my eyes and answered him.
"Yo."
"You okay son." He sounded happy.
"Yeah. You?"
"Yeah, just missing home" I rolled my eyes. I dint wanna hear his sob story. Mum nudged me in elbow.
"Yeah, um I just wanted to say thanks for not pullin' out early my nigga" my dad did the weirdest thing, I expect him to cuss me or something, I only said it to piss him off but he laughed. I smirked, my mum was throwing daggers.
"Is your mum angry?”
"Yeah" I said starting to laugh to. I was surprised that he had even got what I was saying.
"Alright, pretend that I shouted at you. Look sad." I carried on laughing more.
"You’re gonna get me in trouble Omari! Pretend I told you off." I tried to look sad but ended up laughing again, I heard him laugh too.
"John, you know what my son just said to me?" I heard him repeat what I said to whomever. He then laughed. I smiled. Maybe he wasn't THAT bad.
"How's Iraq then?”
"It’s not heaven let me tell you that. This morning we had a close call, a bomb exploded a couple of miles from where we were driving. A couple meters closer and poff." I nodded. I didn't know what to say.
"Hope you’re okay." Was all I could think to say after some silence?
"Yeah, yeahh I'm okay son. It’s good to know you care.’’
‘’Yeah…’’ Was all I said.
‘’Listen I have to go now, but it was good speaking to you Omarion, without us arguing."
"Yeah" I said honestly.
"Love you son."
"Love you too dad." It just came out. I was shocked I had even said it, my mum looked like she was going to explode, and she had been trying to bring her ear near the phone so she could hear what we were talking about.
"Oh, wait, what time is your match next week?”
"Kick off is 10:15, why?”
"We do have TV at the base you know, I've been telling all the boys about you. You better score you know!”
"Of courseeee dad." I said grinning.
"If you miss I'll claim someone else is my son."
"Imma shoot a hat-trick just to show off."
"JUST to show off? Big words. But I really have to go, bye son. Good luck!”
"Laters." I hanged the phone up and handed it back to my mum, with her mouth hanging.
"Seriously Omari? Did I just hear right?" I nodded confused.
"I'm soooooooo proud of you. Every day you’re becoming more of a man!" She hugged me, I smiled. Now was the time to ask.
"Mummy,"
"Omari."
"Can me and Steven go the Spain for a week?" She looked me and started laughing. She shook her head and went back to cooking.
"I'll think about it yeah?" I started grinning. That was basically a yes. I could start planning my get away. I never thought that she would say no to me anyway, but I wanted her to pay for my plane ticket to be honest.
"Come help me cook" She was trying her luck.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves mum" I said sitting down. Am I a housewife? Only one good deed from me a day.
Katy walked into the room and sat down. I could tell from her fake permanent grin that she had something to ask my mum as well.
"Mummy?"
"What’s up hunny?" Mum said whilst cutting vegetables especially for me, I couldn't eat shepherd’s pie since it had meat. She had to cook dinner now because she had to go back to the hospital later in the day.
"Can I go on a date?"
"No." I answered. Date? B*tch is 15.
"I was talking to mum." She cut her eyes at me.
"Shut up."
"Who is he then?" Mum asked smiling. I didn’t like how my mum was like Aaliyah’s mum when it came to boys; it fully stressed me thinking about my sister getting moved.
"His names Kyle."
"How did you meet?” She asked getting giddy.
"We go the same school."
Hmmm. I tried to think of a Kyle in her school.
"Kyle that lives in Deptford?" I asked, she nodded, and I smiled.
"Tell him he’s a dead man walking." I said and left the room. I called Steven and told him to start looking for hotels. This time next month I’ll be enjoy sun weather whilst it rains in England.
"Ayyy listen to this one, en-suite bathroom, swimming pool, Jacuzzi, 5 minutes’ walk to the beach."
"How many stars?”
"Hold on...It doesn’t say, it’s an all-inclusive holiday resort.”
"How much for a 2 weeks then?’’
"£1042, 2 adults, plane at Gatwick, 2 weeks’’ That was sounding so calm.
"So £1042 dived by 2 is basically £500 each?’’ That was way cheaper than I had even thought.
‘’Alie that’s calm?’’ Steven said.
‘’Yessss. We just bring extra for drinks and sh*t. Book that sh*t man. I've had enough of London."
"Ahh, but £500 fam? Come we go butlins? £30 each!"
"Steven book it!” I said laughing; he acted like such a bummy guy.
"Gimme your card details then you fool."
I read it out to him.
"£500 uno." I knew Steven was shaking his head.
"That’s calm tho! You’ve bought two belts for £1000" I reminded him.
"Shurrup. We take off on the last day of college." Thank GOD. Steven and me had started at a new college. It was calm, it was like my other college but just less drama. We had gotten into less trouble already. But the girls at this colege were abit...leave it.
"Ite, what you doing later on tonight?’’
‘’Nuttin yet, you?’’
‘’Yeah, after football training I need to find some guy that’s trying to take Katy on a date, then we need to visit Marcus quickly. I’ve been putting it off for time!’’ I didn’t want to get into fights during training season, but I had a 6 week break after today. Today was my last training session, next Monday last match then no matches until September, which means that I could fight, get injured and be fine by September. I had not touched a drop of drink since Christmas, from Monday I was living live like YOLO again. I think I was addicted to having fun uno.
‘’I AM FULLY ON THAT!’’ See how Steven knew what I meant without me even saying it? THIS IS MY BROTHER.
‘’I’m gonna get ready for training, I’ll text you when I'm on my way to yours.’’
"Inna bit g."
I showered and changed into a tracksuit. It looked freezing outside. I picked up my bag with my kit and towel.
"Mum I'm going."
"Where?”
"I have training’’
‘’Okay, have fun.’’ I smiled and left. Fun? At football training? This is how you know she was a woman.
By the time training was over my feet were fully aching. I didn’t even think I would be able to drive home. My legs shook all the way to the car. I was too tired to even shower. I had been training for 4 hours, I just wanted to my bed. I sucked it up and dragged myself home, I was driving like the elderly, people kept beeping me but f_ck that shit, I was too tired to push my feet on the pedestal.
As soon as my door closed I slept on the sofa. I always found myself here, after a night out I would be too tired to walk up the stairs, so I would just fall on my sofa. When I woke up it was 7. I stretched and caught a whiff of myself.
Sh*t Omari. I shook my head and went to bath and change into another tracksuit. I picked up my phones, car keys and house keys. My mum wasn’t even home yet. I shouted I was going out.
‘’Mum said if you come back home and try to go out again I should tell you to be back for dinner!’’ Katy shouted back. My mum got happy because I was nice to one of my parents today. I shrugged. I would try to be back for diner but if I didn’t, I didn’t. I wasn’t too bothered.
‘’Where you going?’’ Kelsey asked as I was about to close the door.
‘’’Luke’s house then go buck Steven.’’
‘’Okay, love you Omari.’’ I smiled and hugged my little sister. Why couldn’t Katy still be like this?
‘’Love you too.’’
‘’Have fun bucking.’’ I laughed shaking my head. I closed and locked the door, then drove to Luke house.
I didn’t tell him I was coming but he must have been used to me randomly popping up at his house. And he had told me that he wanted to f_ck u Marcus too, so I was just rounding up the gang. I knocked on his door and of course he was in. He greeted me then let me in the house.
"Luke where's your toilet?" I looked up to see who had said that. I doubted that Luke had a girl over, he would have answered the door after like 101 knocks, but he answered it quite quick.
"3rd door to the left." Lee thanked him and I heard a door open and close.
"Why's she here?" I mouthed. I assumed that Luke wouldn't try it on with my ex but lord knows what people really think and act like. He winked at me and sat down.
We sat in silence until lee came back downstairs. I kept looking at Luke, nah. I trusted him.
"I'm gonna rip away your pride on fifa..." She trailed off when she saw me.
"Hey." She waved slightly.
"You cool?" We nodded and sat at the end of the sofa.
"I need to go pick up my boy’s kid. You two can play; I'll be back inna bit." Luke nudged me handing me the controller and left. I knew he did that on purpose. This guy, I bet there wasn’t even anyone’s child to pick up.
"You ready to play?" I asked after some silence. She nodded slowly. I set the settings to my personal ones, picked Chelsea, whilst lee picked Man United. Idiot.
The game started, I could see from the corner of my eye lee was struggling to press the buttons but keep her eye on the screen. It reached half time and she still hadn't touched the ball once. Once half time came I fell of my chair laughing.
"Kara is probably better than you!" I didn't know if we could joke with each other yet, the wound from the relationship was still pretty raw, and seeing her still made my heart beat like mad, but bmt she was SH*T. I was leading with 5 - 0.
She threw the controller at me but laughed anyway.
‘’Come let’s play scramble and see who’d be laughing. Fool.’’ She said trying not to smile.
‘’Nah, lets finish the game.’’ I threw the controller back at; she caught it and gave me an evil look. The game carried on, I could tell she was trying SOOO hard, at one point she got the ball, but somehow managed to walk away from it. I wanted to laugh so badly but it would throw me off my game.
‘’You should know better than to try to beat a footballer at a football game!’’ She looked at me and remained calm. I tried to look at her and the screen, she was up to something. I was about to score again when I felt her try to pull the controller from me, I was cracking up, she was actually weak, I was still playing perfectly fine but she was struggling. She decided to press all random buttons making the ball go off pitch, giving the ball to Lee’s team. She giggled happily and went back to her seat. COOL. She threw the ball out and started playing alright, she kicked the ball and it went of side. She looked shocked and angry.
‘’What the hell is an offside? Wtf?’’
‘’You don’t know what an offside is?’’ I remember telling her like 12 times what it was.
‘’The ball is not on side...’’ That was always her reply.
‘’Yeah…No... Yeah, but that’s like saying 4+4 isn’t 5.’’ She was right but wrong at the same time. She smiled and we carried on playing again. She had somehow managed to shoot when I was checking a message on my phone. Thats a glitch.
When she scored the second time I was starting to get a bit worried. No way in hell was I tieing with a girl. When she scored the third time I jumped on her. She did it to me so I did it to her. I tried to get the controller of her, making us both fall of the sofa. I was tickling her whilst trying to get the controller of her.
‘’Omari!!!!’’ She said squealed laughing, making me laugh too. I got the controller of her so I stopped tickling her. She caught her breath and looked up at me smiling, I smiled back. She stopped smiling at looked at me; I kept peeking down at her lips wondering if she was thinking the same thing. I caught her looking at my lips. It was just silent, I was on the fence about kissing her, I could kiss her too soon and just f_ck up the relationship we had just started to get back, or I could miss an opportunity?
‘’Sorry lovebirds.’’ Luke said walking in on us. Aaliyah jumped of me pushing me slightly off, of top of her.