(This chapter will be set as Sayori's POV, I really wanna delve into the other characters as well ahh)
I woke up and I already knew today was going to be a difficult day.
It was Monday, for one, which was always a drag to start off with. I heard my alarm from my phone buzz loudly. I turned it off with a quick sigh, blinking my eyes.
The last thing I wanted to do right now was to get up. If anything, all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and rot away like a fruit. My body felt heavy and unmovable. I could almost feel my eye bags dragging me down.
Most of the time, I would've put on some makeup to cover that up, or cover up my face in general, but I couldn't possibly do it now. I was way too tired and depressed.
I finally hauled myself up, realizing with a jolt that I was already almost late for school. Did I really just sulk through thirty minutes of my morning? Wow, I needed to really get it together.
Grabbing my bag and clumsily shutting off the light, I tore my way out of my house, slamming the door behind me. I weaved my fingers through my hair, trying to brush it out since I was unable to in the rush.
I pretty much ran to my classroom once I got to the school, breathing heavily I sat my bag next to my desk. The moment I sat down, the bell rang. I gave out a shaky sigh, I had barely made it. Well, at least I didn't get tardy again.
The day seemed to go way faster than I anticipated. It was probably because I slept through half of the classes, though... At this point I didn't care if the teachers scolded me. Everything around me felt buzzed out and far out of reach.
The bell screamed, it was the end of the day before I knew it. Grabbing my backpack, I dragged myself to the literature club. Trying my best to put on a smile, I let myself in the room to be greeted by Monika.
"Hi Sayori!" Monika smiled, but I saw a wave of uncertainty pass as she looked at me. It was subtle, but I caught it.
"Hey Monika," I replied, but my voice crackled a little bit. Apparently I wasn't good at hiding things either. I gave a sweet little smile to try to make up for my mistake. Apparently it didn't work, though, because Monika's expression changed to pure worry.
"Sayori, are you alright?" Monika whispered, getting closer and resting a hand on my shoulder.
"Yea, I'm great! What makes you think that I'm not?" I tilted my head a bit, backing up so Monika's hand lifted off my shoulder. I don't want her to touch me. I don't deserve her affection or help.
"I saw you pretty much bolt to class today, did you oversleep again?" Monika took another step forward, her words were soaked with empathy.
"Haha, yea I did." I lied. "My alarm is bad at waking me up, ehehe..."
"Also, you forgot your bow. You never forget your bow, something must be up. Did you even brush your hair this morning?" Monika took her hand and brushed it through my frizzy hair. I smacked myself in the head for that, how could I have I forgotten my bow? That must've made me look off in the first place, not even talking about the eye bags and frizzy hair.
"Oh, I didn't even realize!" At least I said one thing true. "Silly me, I can be really forgetful."
Monika opened her mouth to say something else, but she was cut off by MC entering the classroom.
"Hey guys! Oh my gosh Sayori, I'm surprised you're not asleep! You were sleeping throughout pretty much every class." MC laughed, patting me on the back. Crap. I had totally forgot that MC had almost every class with me. Now Monika would know that I didn't oversleep, and that something really was up.
"Ehehe, well, you know me!" I giggled, and MC chuckled back.
"I honestly don't know how you do it. After all of the teachers yelling at you, you must feel
tired of that alone."
"They don't scare me! Strong is my middle name!" I felt like puking after saying that, I was nothing close to strong. I am a weakling.
I turned my head to the door, Natsuki and Yuri walked through it together. Surprisingly, they were both smiling. God, I ship them so much. I noticed with a spark of happiness that Natsuki held a plate of her famous cupcakes.
"Oooh, cupcakes!" I smiled and immediately ran towards Natsuki. I glanced over to Monika quickly, she looked at me with a stern glare. I turned back to the cupcakes, trying to push down the knot in my stomach.
"Woah, woah, Sayori. You didn't even say hi to me before begging for cupcakes!" Natsuki rolled her eyes. "I guess that's typical for you though. Here, take one." She unwrapped the seal protecting the cupcakes, and handed one to me.
"So cute!" I smiled, looking at the little stars plastered on the cupcake with extra frosting. I felt bad for not saying hi to Natsuki first, but honestly her cupcakes were one of my favorite things ever. I took a big bite from the cupcake, letting the flavor hit my mouth. "So good too!"
"I know they are! My cupcakes are always amazing." Natsuki perched one hand on her hip, basking in the glory. MC grabbed a cupcake from the tray, licking off the frosting. Natsuki looked absolutely horrified.
"MC, what are you DOING? You are eating that cupcake like a parched animal! That is not how you eat a cupcake!" Natsuki slapped MC's hand, and he let out a yelp. Both Yuri and I started laughing, but Monika was totally silent. I looked to her again, she looked at the ground with a mixed face of frustration and sadness. My laughing faltered.
Monika blinked, looked up at me, and looked away again. She took a few steps forward and took a cupcake from the tray. She took a bite and gave Natsuki a thumbs up.
"You good, Monika?" Natsuki lifted one eyebrow at her.
"Yea, I'm good. I just have a lot on my mind," Monika replied, taking another bite of the cupcake without making eye contact with Natsuki.
"Alright then, I guess. Yuri, do you want a cupcake?" Natsuki took another cupcake from the tray and slightly moved it towards Yuri. She used her dainty fingers and took it, taking off the wrapper to get a bite. She smiled and gave a thumbs up just like Monika.
"Oh my god, Yuri just ate one of Natsuki's cupcakes." MC cut in before I could say anything. I let out a squeal of excitement.
"Kiss already you two!" I jumped up and down. Yuri seemed to choke on a piece of the cupcake, and Natsuki flushed red.
"I so ship it," MC grinned, and I nodded in agreement. Natsuki rolled her eyes, and Yuri took the wrapper of the cupcake and folded it neatly.
"Well everyone, since we had a snack, I say it's about time we share our poems!" Monika took her wrapper and threw it into the garbage can a few steps away.
Everyone went to their backpacks, grabbing their poems from their bags. I ripped one from my light pink bag, wincing as the corners around the poem were folded and the paper was wrinkled slightly. It looked gross, but I hoped that the poem would suffice. After all, I had just written it last night in a flurry of emotions. To be honest, I didn't even really remember what it said or if I had even edited parts of it. I skimmed through it quickly, wincing at how depressing it sounded compared to my other ones. Sure, I had a bittersweet feeling to most of my poems, but this was just flat out sad.
New eyes by Sayori
I need new eyes.
Not new glasses,
Not something to put over them,
I need new eyes.
My eyes are too worn out now
Tears overflowing have made them weak
They are about to break
And I don't own a receipt
I know people who get new eyes
A new look at the world
But my eyes just won't fix
I think they're broken
Nothing can fix my broken eyes I think
I've tried to look through them
All I see is waves
Passing and furiously eating away
Wait!
I can see one last solution residing inside the waves
Drowning.
I winced at the last line. Hopefully whoever I showed this to passed it off as just being cryptic.
I felt myself immediately get ten times more nervous as I realized Monika was headed straight for me. She wanted to read my poem, that was for sure.
"Hey Sayori! Mind if we swap poems?" Monika cheerily said that, but I could tell by the spark of worry in her eyes she was still wondering about me. Monika was pretty good at lying (which was kinda scary) but I always knew that she showed her true emotions through those sparkly little emerald eyes. It was hard to catch, but I have known her so long I pretty much knew her through and through. She probably thought the same with me, but I frowned as I realized I had never told her one of the main parts of me. I didn't want her to, she would just fret over me or leave me in the dust.
"Helllooo? Earth to Sayori?" Monika snapped in my face and I jumped a little.
"Ah! Sorry Monika, ehehe. Here, have my poem." I shoved my poem into her hands, and she gave me hers with a nervous expression.
I couldn't read her poem yet, I needed to see her reaction. I stared as Monika's expression changed from slightly nervous to absolutely horrified sadness. Oh no. She looked up to me with a desperate and confused face, her mouth was parted slightly as to say something, but nothing came out. She blinked a few times, then grabbed my wrist.
"Monika what are you do-"
"I need to talk to you. In the hall." She didn't look at me, she just looked at the ground and tugged me to the door. I felt like my stomach was full of stones, but I didn't respond as she shut the door behind us and brought me out to the empty hallway. She grabbed both of my hands and squeezed them tightly.
"Sayori what's wrong? Don't lie to me, I know something is up. You tell me you oversleep, but then sleep in every class without a care. The depressing poem is so worrying, where was the bittersweet ending? You forgot your bow! You never forget that! If something is wrong please tell me," Monika seemed super choked up.
"Monika, trust me, I am fine," I squirmed my hands away from Monika's grasp. "I'm not lying." I feel awful. What kind of friend lies to their closest friend when they are trying to help you?
"You are lying and I can tell," Monika growled. "You aren't very good at it." I flinched and looked away. Did she already know? No, there's hardly any way she would know. This is the first time I've really acted up when I was with her.
"I can't just sit and do nothing, Sayori. It was like a light was flipped off! Did someone do something to you?" Monika tried to have a stern voice, but I could hear the shakiness behind it as she tried to pry me to talk.
"It wasn't someone, it was something... " I realized I had said too much already. I immediately shook my head and pulled at my hair. Oh god, she was gonna think I was crazy.
"W-what happened?" Monika tried to hold onto my hands again. I took both of my palms and shoved them into her shoulders. I pushed her away hard, I didn't want her to touch me again. I didn't deserve this, it would just hurt me in the end. She stumbled backwards and gave out a soft cry of surprise.
"Leave," I sniffled as I felt tears pricking at my eyes. "Leave me alone." My shoe made a loud squeak as I turned away and quickly ran. I could feel warm tears streaking down my face as I ran as fast as I could. Why did I do that? Now Monika was going to hate me for sure.
"Sayori!" Monika desperately tried to call out to me. I let the sound vibrate through the halls along with my shoes pounding against the floor. I couldn't face her now, let alone answer her. I never wanted to talk to her or anyone ever again. I just wanted to be alone and slowly wilt away.
Before I knew it I was at my front door. I opened it and slammed it with a quick thrust of my arm, storming to my room quickly.
I was completely out of breath. I had ran all the way from school to my house. Not that it was that far away, but I hadn't ran like that in too long because my depression weighted me down in bed most of the time. I let out a shaky sigh as I realized I forgot my backpack in the classroom. Normally I would have Monika drop it off at my house, but talking to her was out of the question.
4:38
Sayori: hey can you drop off my backpack at my house when the meeting is done????
Sayori: i had to leave early today because of an emergency!!!!! So sorry wahhhhh
Natsuki: yea sure whatever. Do u know what happened to monika? She said she had to leave early too. Ill drop off your backpack at your door and ring the doorbell but i cant stay or my dad will kill me
Sayori: huh, no idk whats up with monika. And okay tysmmm (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ
Natsuki: thats weird. Yw
I sat my phone down, hearing the click as it locked up. I can't believe Monika left after I did. I really hoped she wasn't going to try to come to my house. I kinda doubted it since I pushed her away from me and started to cry. I wiped the tears that were starting to sink into my cheeks.
I laid my forehead on my knee. Natsuki still probably hated me for stealing her diary. That really was a rude move, and I had thought about that and made myself even more depressed. I was a little too air headed and nosey sometimes.
I mean, I honestly already knew she had a crush on Yuri, but I never wanted to say that in case she just wanted to talk to Yuri more but wasn't sure how. I remember always seeing Natsuki give Yuri glances, and she would turn around and blush when Yuri noticed her.
The little photo that fell out of her diary was obviously torn from the picture they all took together, and I remember when Natsuki practically pushed Yuri off of her once the photo was snapped. Her face was red and she brushed off the hip that Yuri had laid her delicate hand on.
I gave out a crackly laugh. I had ruined that, hadn't I? I guess I always knew how to ruin something by sticking my face where it didn't belong.
Hearing the doorbell ring, I hurried downstairs and opened the door. Just as Natsuki said, she didn't have time to lollygag. Grabbing my pink backpack I saw Natsuki running for dear life down the pavement.
Closing the door, I broke down. Was that how everything was going to end? Natsuki and my other friends leaving my remains at the door while they ran as fast as they could?
My crying was absolutely ugly to say the least, my face was red. Tears and snot were everywhere, I sniffled as I threw myself on my bed. Grasping at a pillow, I held it close. I wish it was someone rather than a stupid pillow.
I wish it was Monika.
Monika was always top of her game and top of her class, way out of league for anyone else in the club. After all, she was part of the debate club at one point. I admired her leadership skills so much that I felt a bit jealous. How could someone be so flawless? Monika never seemed to lose her place when leading unless it was a talking situation.
You see, Monika is very good at tackling problems involving the clubs activities and setting things organized. She wasn't the best at helping others when it came to disagreements though. I remember one day how Natsuki and Yuri got into a big fight, Monika just stood there with her eyes wide so I took a step forward and tried my best to fix it.
It was really weird to me. It was almost like Monika was my missing piece, the things I was always bad at doing, she would help me and I would help her. Like those weird little lockets you would get where one side said 'best' and the other said 'friends'. We locked together in place, filling in the spaces where we lacked and helped each other heal.
I had ruined it all.
Shoving my hands in my face, I let out a sharp sob. What was I going to do now?