27- I wish upon a star
'I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count.' - Jack Dawson, Titanic
~*~
The party slowed down a bit as the music and soft buzzing of voices echoed around the place; visitors and other benefactors started to depart from the party little by little. I was sitting at a nearby bench together with Elise as I watched Andi and Anthony exchanged conversation with the sisters.
Awhile ago, she told me she was going to address her father about what we talked about — I was on tenterhooks. But I also can't help not to feel as if I was on cloud nine.
Will Andi finally go home with me?
It just... fucking felt surreal.
What happened few days — even few hours — ago seemed forever.
"Did you enjoy the party Elise?" I shifted my attention towards Elise who was sitting on my lap — I needed the diversion, otherwise, the jitters won't go away. She nodded, clapping her hands joyously with a wide smile plastered across her face.
"I did! This is the best day of my life!" She squealed.
One of mine too.
I pinched her nose. She giggled in return. "You'll have more best days to come. I promise."
"I will?"
"Yes, together with your Mommy Andi and I." I claimed.
She touched my face — like she always did — before her small hands found its way into my neck and clasped her hands around. A soft laugh escaped my lips.
"I love you and Mommy Andi so much. I wish you two were my real parents." Her sweet, enthusiastic tone made its way to my heart that the thought of becoming her father painted into my mind again. A wave of emotion at having my own family overwhelmed me.
As if it was a reflex, I unconsciously, glanced over at Andi who was smiling genuinely to whatever Sister Anna said.
I want to have my own family.
I thought.
It wouldn't be that bad, right?
I know I am still young, with a career on top of that. While the media likes to find faults just so they can have headlines that eventually boils down on having money, I am fully aware I live in a world where scrutiny and people waiting for my downfall are the top priority. But... I'm married... and, it's normal... to think... about building one, right?
Ah fuck. I fucking know what are the consequences.
But Elise...
"I...I mean..." Elise started with a stutter as she pulled away. "I... I'm sorry Daddy Bunny. It was...I was..." She looked away, embarrassed; her lips pursed, shying away from her sudden statement.
I smiled softly at her. "It's okay sweetheart, you're already part of the family. Sooner or later, you'll be legally ours."
There. Remember what you fucking promised Justin. Grow a dick and make it happen.
Her eyes widened in surprise as her mouth formed into a cute little 'O'. I pinched her chubby cheeks. She's just downright adorable I can't help it. "I...I'm going to be..." She trailed off.
"Well, Mommy Andi and I have to talk first though, okay?"
She grinned widely. "Okay. This is really the best birthday ever!"
I laughed. "I'm glad and I'm sure your Mommy Andi is too. She's been preparing this for a week. She always wants what's best for you."
"Mommy Andi always does everything to make me happy ever since..." A smile of admiration appeared from Elise's face; I can't help but to copy hers too.
Elise's right.
Andi does everything to make people around her happy. Even when people don't deserve it. Even when I don't deserve her kindness.
"Though she's not always happy." My eyebrows creased as I brought my stare back towards Elise when she continued. "There are times when she'll visits me and she sounds tired. I want to ask her but I didn't want her to get sad even more so I try to make her smile." Elise paused, pouting at a memory. "Sometimes, even though she won't admit it, but I know she's crying."
It was mostly because of me. I was that one person who made sure she was suffering... just like she hurt me.
"Once she said, 'Seeing the world is not rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes, it's better to close your eyes and see darkness instead of looking at things that'll hurt and break you.'" Elise recited. "Mommy Andi tells me that whenever I feel so down of not seeing sometimes."
She really is smart. I can't help but to feel at awe on how she would easily remember things. But I wouldn't be surprised though since she excels musically.
I bit my bottom lip; my heart suddenly felt breaking, weakened perhaps. I looked at Andi who was talking to her father and then smiled afterwards.
I took that laugh away for such a long time, didn't I Andi?
"Do you think Andi's happy Elise?"
"She is. She is now. Mommy Andi's happier than I ever heard her before." She replied with a smile of her own. "Thank you Daddy Bunny."
Heaving a sigh, my eyes followed Andi again who shivered a little.
She'll get sick.
"I think it's time for us to steal your mom away. She's cold." Elise nodded.
Hoisting her into my arms, we made our way to where Andi was. I immediately saw how Anthony's gentle stare turned into cold, stern ones when he met mine. Preparing myself from his hostility, I thought he would lash towards me but he just nodded in acknowledgement. I almost stopped my jaw from opening out of incredulity. I knew he was mad. If there is one person who loves Andrea more than their own life, his father would be on the top of the list.
"Justin. Elise." The sisters greeted.
"Good evening." I replied.
"Good evening Sister Anna, Sister Grazia, Sister Floresca." Elise began. "Good evening Mommy Andi! Good evening Grandpa Bear!"
I watched Anthony's eyes softened when he patted Elise's head in return.
"Grandpa Bear this is my daddy bunny!" She introduced me that I pursed my lips. I saw how Andi's eyes widened out of Elise's introduction.
"Really?" Anthony's tone of disbelief did not go unnoticed.
Or that's just me.
"Yup." Elise answered enthusiastically. "I'm a bunny and I'm a bear! Oh and a human too coz mommy Andi's a person."
Though nervous, I mentally chuckled at Elise's statement.
One of the sisters cleared their throat.
"Anthony, Justin here is a new benefactor. Justin this is Anthony Price, Andi's father." Sister Anna introduced. Right. I almost forgot no one knew our kept relation because of the marriage.
"Good evening Sir." I cleared my throat.
"Good evening Justin." He replied, then shifted his line of sight towards the sisters. "His parents are close friends of mine."
"Oh." Sister Floresca uttered in suprise. Then her eyes travelled between Andrea and I.
"Send my regards to your father and mother. I haven't seen them in awhile."
"I will... sir."
He nodded, starting a conversation between Sister Anna afterwards.
Well then.
"Hi." Andi said out of nowhere, appearing beside Elise and I.
"Can you hold Elise?" I asked. Even confused, she obliged as I handed Elise over.
I, then, took my jacket off and wrapped it around her petite figure — her cheeks reddened profusely. From my peripheral vision, I saw Anthony stopped talking and felt pairs of eyes glued to us.
Fuck. Right.
"Uhmm... thank you, er, Justin." Andi whispered, not meeting any eye contact. Elise on the other hand giggled.
"Well...uhmm... if you don't mind Sister Anna, Sister Grazia, Sister Floresca and uh, Sir Anthony." I started, politely asking to steal Andrea away. "Elise and I wanted to talk to Andrea about uhmmm, the party."
Sister Anna smiled. "It's alright Justin. The sisters and I need to attend the children anyway. If you'll excuse us."
If there was something strange or conspicuous about the conversation we all shared awhile ago, I was glad the sisters didn't dwell on it too much. They were those kind of people — one that did not hover nor make someone else's business theirs. And I was thankful.
I watched as they sauntered their way out.
Anthony cleared his throat. "I have to go ahead. There are piles of paperworks waiting for me back home." He started. "Andrea..."
My heart hammered fast.
"We all know you can be a little clumsy sometimes so..."
"Dad." Andi scolded.
"Take care of her Justin." I thought I've learned by now how to deal with my emotions, but I always failed in that department. My eyes widened in disbelief. I fucking don't know what to say but the warm fuzzies keep on bursting from my insides.
I cleared my throat. "I will... Sir."
He nodded. "Happy Birthday once again Elise."
"Thank you Grandpa Bear." Elise stated before he bid us farewell.
When Anthony was out of sight, there was awkwardness that hung into the air between Andi and I. Good thing Elise was here and suggested to take a seat. The three of us descended back to where Elise and I were seated a moment ago. The two of them started their own bubble space — Elise kept on talking inanimately about the party while Andrea was listening in her stories. I just kept quiet.
I could not fucking believe it. Andi and I are going home together! She's going home with me. My head couldn't wrapped up at the thought. I fucking could not believe how lucky I was. I freaking felt I've finally done something right!
"Did you enjoy today?" Andi asked as Elise was now seated on her lap.
"Of course! Thank you Mommy Andi!" Andi gave her a hug and a kiss on the tip of her nose.
"I'm glad."
"Thank you for making one of the best days of my life."
"You're always welcome." Andi said, giving Elise a light squish. I just absentmindedly followed on with their conversation, listening in their hushed, giggly voices. They were engulfed into their own world but all I could do was freaking smile.
This, here, is just... right.
"A shooting star! Quick make a wish." Andi stated out of a sudden, closing her eyes. Elise followed suit. The grin on my lips increased more at how cute they were as I, reflexively, placed my arm on the bench behind Andi's back.
"Did you make your wish?" She asked after a minute.
"I did." Elise replied excitedly.
Andi then, unexpectedly glanced towards me. "Well?"
It still surprises me whenever she talks casually to me ever since today happened. I just could not freaking believe it.
"What?"
"Did you?"
"I uhmmm..." I shrugged.
"Mommy Andi what does a star looks like?" Elise questioned out of curiousity.
Andi pinched Elise's nose before she answered. "From where we are seated right now, it looks like a dot and it is shining and glowing brightly. It's very, very far away."
"Is it true that our wishes will come true upon wishing on a star?"
"It gives us something to hope for." Andi stated, careful to not take away Elise's innocence from fantasy and reality.
"Stars are special." Elise said in conclusion.
I nodded. "It also gives light in the darkness."
"Daddy Bunny?"
"Yeah?"
"Why does when a person dies they become a star?" Biting my bottom lip, I stared over at Andi to ask for help. She raised a brow, amusement evident on her face.
"They become a star because..." Andi started. "...if their loved ones misses them, they'd just look up." She said with a smile, staring at the wide vast array of blanket filled with sparkling lights. "They'll know they are never far away from one another. They are just... up there." She paused, stealing a glimpse over at Elise and then at me. "Also, so they'll know that someone is always looking out for them... even when they are not here."
Why does she sound so... lonely?
"So Grandma Bear is a star now?"
Andi smiled wholeheartedly. "Yeah. She is. She's watching us from down here."
"I bet she's a beautiful star." Andi chuckled and pulled Elise into a tight embrace.
"She is. A stunning one."
"So we'll all be stars?"
A sudden sentiment washed over me as I stared at both of them — my heartstrings pulled in pain. I am happy but sad at the same time. Can a person feel that way?
"One day, we will." I glanced at Andi who had a sad smile as she watched the stars above.
I could not help but to suddenly feel scared. I know humans are only but humans. We don't have the ability to see or know what lies ahead. A spontaneous tomorrow. One's good day or another one's bad day. A baby is born or someone else's last day. We know nothing of the future. And its scary... its fucking scary to think that today you're here and then tomorrow... you're gone.
If shooting stars are true then I wish, I wish it'll always be like this --- Elise, Andi and I.
Always.
~*~
Jack: "Where to, miss?"
Rose: "To the stars."
Some people can stay only in your hearts and memories but not in your life.