They slept side by side that fateful night, an inch of space between them. Klaus watched her for a while after she fell asleep, the troubled pucker of her brow stirring something inside him. That frown hadn't fully disappeared after their conversation, and honestly, he couldn't blame her.
He was truly surprised that she hadn't left. He could give her the world, but not what she wanted. And if he had wanted to lie to her, as he had lied to thousands of other people and even those closest to him over the centuries, he could have. He could have lied and said those words. But just the very thought of lying to her like that made his stomach clench with an emotion he hadn't felt in years – guilt. Caroline brought up those emotions inside him, summoned up feelings he had only ever felt as a human, feelings he had shut down in his first century of being a vampire.
He should leave. He was petrified of feeling what he felt around her, not being in control of the emotions he hadn't switched off, but hadn't remained in close connection with over the centuries. He wasn't good for her, and he knew that he never would be. Just by realizing that, he should have left. He should leave her.
But he couldn't. He didn't even need to think it through to know he couldn't. He was too selfish and greedy – he needed her even though he couldn't give what she needed in return. He couldn't leave the one light part of his damned dark existence. He was weak, and she was his strength.
Klaus shut his eyes tightly, clenching his jaw. How had this happened? How had the baby vampire, the one woman who had been a challenge gone too far, how had she snuck under his skin? How had her presence, her soul somehow enveloped him so? Had it been through their countless talks? The hours spent with him and his family? Or had it been when they were intimately wrapped around each other, with her very essence sinking through his skin, past the muscles, past his cage of ribs, past that final barrier that protected his shrunken heart? He knew he had a heart, somewhere buried inside of him like the ruins they explored. It was small, to be sure, severely battered and bruised, and spoke a language that no matter his years or knowledge he knew he would never speak, but he did have a heart. It was that he knew he didn't have a heart he could give her. He had to believe in it and the things attached, like love –
Love. What was love anyway? His family loved him, but he questioned it daily. It had been something Mikael had been sure to drive into his very being – that he was a nobody, that he was weak for wanting, for needing attention and affection, that he was his mothers biggest mistake and Mikael's deepest embarrassment and burden, that his siblings did not care for him for why should they care for someone who was nothing to them? He was not their family. He had no family. He had never had family. Why else did he continue to get mad at them for wanting to leave, boxing them up until he knew how best to make them stay, being utterly alone time and time again? They may love him, but he refused to acknowledge it for he was not deserving of it, for he was blind to the actions that showed such affection.
Klaus knew he was damaged. He knew he was not deserving. He knew he hid a weakness with his blank brutal actions. And he knew he did not hold the capacity to love because he had never understood it. But it didn't stop others from loving him unconditionally. Rebekah had proved that she would stay by his side always and forever, loving him despite all his wrongdoings. Elijah had been a support and an ally, the true head of the family when Klaus merely pretended to have strength and control, and Klaus' big brother did that all out of affection for him. Even Kol showed his care through the countless bickering matches and irritating quips, never truly leaving his brother alone even when he wasn't wanted.
And Caroline. Now sweet Caroline did the same. She had not left him, thought she could have countless times over by now. She had never shown anything but affection towards him once her barriers came down. She had given him so many chances, and even when he had not proved himself worthy she had still chosen him. They had come so far together. And now he was disappointing her once more.
Klaus opened his eyes again to watch her. The frown was still there. He didn't think he had the ability to change it, for he didn't have the ability to change himself. But she changed him. Caroline changed him.
He brushed a kiss against the pucker between her brows, and closed his eyes, trying to sort through the battle in his mind.
Caroline had them back and driving in the morning. Things were painfully quiet between them, as they had been since their talk the night before.
Klaus took to watching her as she watched the road, always looking away the second she started to turn towards him. He knew he was being a coward. He constantly reproached himself for it, as a constant mantra of blame in his head, 'coward, coward, coward'. It still didn't change his actions.
Caroline knew what he was doing, though. When she had had enough of not seeing his eyes, she looked over fast, catching him out.
"Got you." She said with a hint of the usual humor.
"Not funny, Caroline." Klaus deadpanned, and she sighed.
"Look, Klaus." It hurt that she had to say her older name for him, that he wasn't Nik in that moment with her. It hurt Klaus more than he knew it would, constricting his already small heart, and he found himself waiting and hoping for a sign that would make it swell with some sort of feeling, some emotion. But he couldn't label it as love.
"I know. I know you." Caroline said honestly. "I know it was hard for you to hear what I had to say last night, and I know it's hard for you to come to terms with it. But it doesn't change much between us."
Liar. They could both hear just how much of a lie that sentence was.
"We're still travelling, and I'm still here." Caroline continued. "Unless you'd like me to leave...?"
"Never, angel." Klaus said softly, and while it still wasn't quite the words (or rather specific three words) she needed to hear from him, it was a start, and a point for her to breathe out.
"I want and need you with me. You know that too, don't you?" Klaus said quietly. "I just can't give you what you want."
"Well, I want and need you, so if we can still be here together, you're giving me what I want." Caroline said, her heart hurting slightly, but trying to be positive. And nothing really had changed. She was still his first priority. She was still the most important thing to him. She was still his first choice, and still wanted and needed, which was what she wanted and needed. She just didn't have the full package of words that she wanted and needed too.
"Just know that its not anything to do with you." Klaus said almost through his teeth, the words and weakness attached to them difficult for him to let out of his lungs and past his tongue and lips in admittance. "Its everything to do with me and my past."
Caroline took a chance and squeezed his hand softly, her own heart lightening just a bit. It wasn't her. It was him. And he had enough difficulty saying that he wasn't alright, that he was not always strong and in control of everything. It took strength to admit that, and she was only just starting to realize what a struggle it was for him. She just had to live with that struggle in herself too.
"I know," She said, just as soft and sweet as he had when they had first danced together. They just knew things about each other, whether by a prior interrogation or simply by an understanding. They just knew each other.
They drove in more comfortable silence for a distance before Caroline decided she would be the one to get the ball rolling in normal conversation once more.
"So I'm surprised you haven't tried to even find out where the next destination is."
"I didn't think it was information you'd wish to divulge." He replied. "You like keeping me in the dark to make sure I don't meddle, I assume."
Caroline smiled a little, and Klaus felt more at ease knowing that at least that hadn't changed.
"Well, you are a renowned meddler." She nodded, then bit back a smile at the comical frown he sent her way. "Do you want to know?"
"Naturally."
"Check the sign coming up on the left."
"India? India is the final destination?" Klaus glanced over at her. "I never pictured you to be this type of adventurous."
Caroline raised an eyebrow, but didn't rise to the innuendo laced in the last remark. "The culture is so different to anything I've ever experienced. Its always seemed like the most foreign exciting thing to ever experience. And you know my interest in all of these different spiritualities – well, India has the most intriguing one in my opinion. Plus there's no chance of Delhi belly or disease when we're vampires." She added with a smile.
"But why now in particular?" Klaus inquired, recalling her absolute stubborn refusal to put off their travel by so much as a day. There must have been something else pulling her to India.
She sighed. "Fine. You're going to think I'm a total sap, but anyway. There's this festival I read about once, called Holi. When I first heard about it, I just liked all the colour that was associated with it. But now, I like it more for the idea behind it. It signifies the coming of spring, a new dawn, new life..." She paused, self-conscious for a change.
"Go on." Klaus encouraged. Just because he was a cynic and a non-believer in so many things didn't mean that he didn't enjoy the energy of her beliefs. It energized him in return.
"Anyway, I'm looking forward to it. I mean, I'm sure you've been here way too many times to mention, but either way I'll enjoy it."
"Only a few times. Elijah's not quite the type to loosen up enough to enjoy such a city, and Kol simply doesn't appreciate the beauty of the place. And could you ever imagine Rebekah in Mumbai?"
"Give her credit, I'm sure she'd appreciate aspects of it."
"Doubtful." Klaus had known Rebekah for far longer than Caroline, so she had to admit defeat there.
"Its been a while since we've heard from them." Caroline mused. "How about we give them a call from the car?"
"There's been a reason why we haven't been in contact, sweetheart." Klaus grumbled. "And it's the same reason as to why we are not with them now, after far too much time cooped up all together."
"They're your family!" She exclaimed.
"And they've been my family for a thousand years. A little space is often encouraged."
"Klaus." Caroline frowned, shooting him a look that could easily turn men to stone. He seemed impassive, but finally heaved a long breath in through his nose, and exhaled just as slowly, pulling out his phone.
"Thank you." She said ever so smugly.
"You're lucky – " A funny look came across Klaus' face as he realized what he would have ended the sentence with, and he cleared it up just as quickly. "You're lucky I regard you far more highly than my family."
Caroline bit her lip, focusing on the road to try and not think about what he might have said instead.
Rebekah's voice on speakerphone filled in any potential awkward pause.
"Nik?"
"Hello, sister dear."
"Well, I certainly didn't expect you of all people to call. It's a pleasant change."
"Don't I get a mention too, Beks?" Caroline teased.
"I was going to get around to you in a minute, Caro, get your knickers out of their twist."
"They're not in one!"
"Nik, stop working your girl up."
"You Mikaelson's are too much." Caroline huffed, but her smile was bright, and Klaus was thankful for it.
"Enough bickering. Caroline convinced me to call and see how you were all doing." Klaus said to Rebekah.
"How kind. Thank you, Caro-pop. I'm fine, but our brothers are behaving like fools."
That piqued both Klaus and Caroline's interest.
"Fools? How so?"
"I could guess Kol and Eva being a little too much for you, but what about Elijah?" Caroline asked.
"You guessed it, Kol and Eva are behaving no better than a couple of lovesick teenagers. Its nauseating." Rebekah drawled, and Caroline could just picture her curled lip and the look of disgust on her face.
"They're just properly rekindling things." Caroline defended.
"It doesn't make it any less nauseating!"
"Ignore that, what of Elijah?" Klaus focused on the more peculiar situation.
"Ah."
"Rebekah?"
"He's met a girl."
It was a simple enough answer, but it struck them both for a moment. Klaus knew his brother did not get caught up in romances. Elijah felt pity and guilt and other emotions that Klaus originally would have scoffed at before he met Caroline, but Elijah rarely had little more than the occasional dalliance with a woman. For Rebekah to simply state that he had met a girl made it clear that the said girl was more than anything they had encountered before. Caroline hadn't known Elijah for long, but even she knew that he wasn't the type to 'meet a girl'.
"Elaborate, please."
"He met a girl on New Years Eve."
"That explains where he went off to on those long walks from that night onwards." Caroline nodded.
"Yes, but now she's actually coming over and meeting us, and –" There was a tiny noise of frustration. "Nik, you understand. Its too much!"
Klaus chuckled, and Caroline looked at him questioningly.
"We've never had this many people associated closely with our family. We've had people who milled around, people who we enjoyed the company of, but never this many we were close to all at the one time."
"Should I feel flattered?" Caroline asked jokingly.
"Yes." Klaus answered seriously.
"Enough. Nik, I don't know how to get rid of her."
"Do you need to, Beks?" Caroline questioned.
"Yes." Klaus nodded. Caroline frowned at him, and he shrugged. "I don't know her, she might be dangerous."
"No, you just want to cause trouble and control everything."
"You know me well." He grinned, and she rolled her eyes.
"Beks, does this girl make Elijah happy?"
"Yes, and its unnerving. I don't trust her."
"That changes things." Klaus said with grim tones. "How so?"
"Well, we don't know anything about her. Sure, she comes over, but she doesn't talk much to us. She will simply be with Elijah. I think its antisocial, and I think its suspicious."
"Have you thought that she might just be scared?" Caroline smiled. Klaus shot her a quizzical look, and she rolled her eyes at him. "You guys are intimidating! Especially to an outsider. I at least knew you guys for a little while before I was plunged in the deep end, and even then you know it took me time to warm up to being with the four of you. You're all pretty violent with each other too."
"Yes, but that's out of affection." Rebekah argued. "And besides, we don't actually know if she knows about us."
"You mean you don't know if she's a vampire?" Klaus frowned. "That's interesting."
"But Elijah can take care of himself." Caroline pointed out.
"That is true." Klaus nodded.
"But still – "
" Caroline has a point, Rebekah. Our brother is old enough, he will be fine." Klaus concluded, effectively ending the topic.
"Just because you're infatuated – "
"Thank you, Beks." Caroline cut her off before she could grumble any more.
"Caro, come back. I'm bored."
"You shouldn't be...I thought you'd have found your other present by now." Caroline hinted, and Klaus frowned at her again.
"My other present?"
"Go check in that dvd collection I gave you."
"There's nothing...oh."
Caroline waited expectantly. Klaus was still slightly perplexed.
"What is – " He began to question, but was cut off by Rebekah's excited tones.
"Thank you! I'll go pack now!"
"Your welcome, see you Beks." Caroline smiled as Rebekah hung up after a quick garbled goodbye. Klaus sat there wondering what had just happened.
"You know I don't like being kept in the dark, sweetheart. Tell me what just happened."
"Of course you wouldn't ask nicely." Caroline rolled her eyes. "It's secret girls business between your sister and I."
Klaus scowled, but he surprisingly let the issue drop slightly. "Very well. So long as she isn't joining us."
"No, she is not." Caroline said firmly. "Your family are lovely, but I think I'm happy staying in touch via phone for a little while."
"I'm glad." Klaus said. "But what of your adopted family?"
"Mystic Falls?" Caroline pulled a face, hiding how she really felt. "I don't know."
"Yes, you do." Klaus said softly. "You miss them."
She could hear the underlying bitter tone to his words. "Hey, I'm not leaving you. In case you didn't pick up on that fact. I love you." She said, despite the closed off expression that flitted across his face as she said the words. She figured if she continued to say them, someday he'd finally believe them. "I'm staying with you. But I do miss my mom, and my friends."
Klaus sucked in a breath. "Perhaps we should visit."
Caroline blinked. "Seriously?"
"Why not?"
"Because my friends hate you." She said honestly.
He shrugged. "I don't have to come with you."
"I'm not going anywhere without you." Caroline said stubbornly, hurt slightly. Was he trying to get rid of her? Was this really what it would come down to?
They drove in silence for a moment or so before Klaus realized how she could have taken his words.
"Don't think that I don't want to go with you, Caroline." Klaus said, reading her mind as usual. "I just want to give you what you need. And I know you need to visit your family. We'll figure something out."
She smiled faintly. "Isn't that my line? I thought I was meant to be the rational one."
"I'm learning."
"Well, you're learning well." She smiled, interlocking their fingers over the arm rest and driving the rest of the way in that position.
They reached their destination a few hours later. Caroline hopped out and practically bounced into the apartment she had booked for the two of them, psyching herself up for everything she had planned. Klaus followed carefully behind.
"I hope you are prepared for some serious American-tourist-goes-Bollywood stuff, because I know that's what I've got lined up." She grinned, brandishing books and brochures galore that she had packed in her bag.
"Joy." Klaus drawled, but he was truly pleased to see her enthusiasm, and she knew it too.
They settled in the way they often did, he with a notepad to sketch in, and she hopping from one thing to the next, seeing the view from each of the windows as night fell, unpacking her things and then finally settling into one of the chairs to re-read all the information she had gathered. She had wanted to visit India since she was small, ever since she had known there were places in the world other than Mystic Falls, and she wanted to see everything.
At some point in the evening, Klaus looked up to find that she was asleep, her book drooping in her fingertips, inching towards the ground. He caught it quickly before it dropped, and carried her over to the bed.
Not certain if she wanted him to stay, he stepped backwards. Even in sleep, she clutched at his arm when he pulled away.
Caroline opened her eyes sleepily to peer up at him and, with an almost cheeky smile on her face, she pulled on his arm till he overbalanced, toppling over her and gracefully onto the bed.
"Its not fair that you can do that and still look like some sort of feline." She said sleepily, curling on her side to see him.
"I think you mean canine, sweetheart." He said softly, settling into his new position next to her. "I am a hybrid after all."
"No, feline." She shook her head stubbornly. "Though really, you are both. You're a wolf and a feline. You're a lion."
"Lion's are exclusively from the cat family."
"Nik." She huffed sleepily. "Okay? You're my lion. Deal with it."
Klaus smiled simply due to the fact that he was Nik again, even if it was only when she was half awake. "Alright, love."
"You'll stay with me, right?" She murmured, lacing her fingers through his where they lay between them on the bed.
"Of course." He stroked his calloused thumb across the soft skin of her palm.
"Even if you don't love me?" Her voice was so small.
"Of course I lo-" The rest of the word got stuck in his throat, and he couldn't finish it. "You know how I care for you."
"Sometime I do, but sometimes – " Caroline chuckled. "I guess I'm just as insecure as I used to be."
"You are far from insecure, angel." She had progressed so far from the girl she used to be. She was so much stronger, so fearless.
"But then I realize that it doesn't matter." Caroline continued.
"Why is that?"
"Because I love you. And that matters more to me on so many levels. But the one that matters most is that you know I love you, and anybody capable of being loved is capable of being saved. I just hope someday you'll know just how much you can be loved."
Klaus swallowed thickly, watching Caroline as she slowly drifted between the waking and dreaming world, her deep breaths mingling with his. If she had said that to him months ago, before the trip, before they had left Mystic Falls, he would have thought she had been hallucinating. But now, here, even when she had said it while almost dreaming, she had spoken so truly that it was impossible for him to deny it. Even he believed it.
"Goodnight, love." Caroline said gently, the sound almost like the whisper of a guardian angel.
"Sweet dreams." Klaus murmured. He took a chance, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand, and mouthing the words he couldn't say just yet, not until he had truly learnt their meaning.
'I love you, sweetheart.'