"-Stop," she pleaded. Her shoulders seemed to shake and not caring about my ounce of anger towards her, I quickly met her face to see what was wrong. She had tears in her eyes. "I...I cannot bare to look at you, Esmerelda."
A pang of discomfort shot through my chest, my hand that was reaching out to her, coiling back. What did she mean she could not bare? "Chelsea...I know it has been a while, but I assure you I do not age that hideously," I joked dryly.
She was wiping her tears, shaking her head. "Esmerelda...please do not act as if you are happy to see me."
What was wrong with her? What was happening? "Chelsea you are my oldest friend, of course I am happy to see you. What has you thinking like this? Tell me, Chelsea," I demanded her as she took a deep breath.
"You...I...I am sorry," she said quietly, wiping at her tears, as she finally met my eyes. "I was...not a good friend so long ago. I have had so much time to think and I just...I am sorry."
Apologize? I knew Chelsea did not show much emotions...so I was surprised at this. Whatever she was referring to...I did not even remember. Sure we had times we disagreed, but we were friends. "Chelsea...we were both young and both involved in our own worlds, it is fine."
"No...I should have tried harder to understand you...and Thorian. I feel so awful for not trying harder to help you stay with him-"
"-Stop!" I have had enough of this. Enough. I wanted to have happy conversations with my old friend. Not brining up things from the past that we had no control over. "Chelsea tell me you could have changed Sirus's mind? Tell me!" I demanded her, as she winced at how loud my voice had become. Sirus had a mind of his own and I am pretty sure he did not even like Chelsea enough to even listen to her so long ago. No one could have changed his mind back then and I am sure no one can change his mind till this day.
Chelsea sighed, "I could have tried something...I just feel awful."
"Whatever anger I had towards you has vanished since you have taken care of Thorian...that is all I could have asked of you and you did that, Chelsea," I told her while gripping her shoulders tightly.
She let lose a strained laugh, "I am so glad...I have tried my best with Thorian. I have sent you so many letters about him. When you stopped answering I became nervous, I thought you were beginning to hate me."
I did stop answering her when speaking of Thorian. My heart just could not take it at the time...She wrote about him in great detail and every description of him had my heart tearing in two, and I just had to stop. When I finally picked up the letters again, I neglected to write back to her. "Chelsea, it is fine. Please-"
"-Rowan and I tried to be good influences on Thorian. We even had Esa so he would not be so lonely..." I grabbed her in a tight hug. She had Esa just for Thorian. Even if she thought she was an awful friend...I did not see her that way.
"Thank you, Chelsea," I told her as she struggled against my hug. Stubborn, so stubborn. "Chelsea we will stand like this till you hug me back!"
She let lose a snort...which turned into a laugh. Her arms tentatively wrapped around me and I felt her welcome my hug. After a few seconds she was pulling away, wiping at her tears still. This was the most I have ever witnessed her cry. "You look wonderful, Esmeralda. I was expecting you to look older."
How kind of her to say. "And that is the Chelsea I have been looking for," I said dryly as she smiled slightly. "And yes I attribute my good looks to being tied to Sirus...but I do not know if I will suddenly sprout grey hair since the bond is broken."
I hoped not. I rather liked my hair like it is...but since it is such an odd color maybe the silver hair will blend in. Hopefully. Chelsea frowned, her eyes going to my neck. "He broke the bond?"
"Yes, at Edwin's coronation."
Chelsea put a hand to her chest, her mouth agape. "Edwin...King. I just...I could not imagine. I wanted to go but I still did not know if I was welcomed...I know he has grown up to be a handsome young man."
Of course. Handsome and idiotic! "Yes, he is and he is also stubborn and prideful. Chelsea he has changed so much you would not even recognize him! He also wants to propose to the Princess of Cania."
Chelsea's eyes widened. Yes, my brother was going to be the death of me. First I thought Sirus was, now Edwin. At least Thorian and William will do no things to threaten my life. "The orcs? What made him think of something like that? Surely their King said no."
I shrugged. Draka was a rather friendly King, but looks can be deceiving. Very deceiving. "I do not know. Edwin said he would write a letter if he agrees so I might come back for the wedding."
"Well whatever he is planning I do hope he succeeds...and my daughter Lillian tells me you have a human who likes you?" Oh, that little girl!
Likes...more like loves. I sighed, "He is a Duke in my kingdom. His name is William and he has been nothing but kind and wonderful to me. He is my best friend Chelsea...I love him very much." I watched my old friend began to tear up. This was getting ridiculous! "Has motherhood softened you so much?" I jested, as she began to laugh while wiping her tears.
"I am just happy that you have found someone! I never thought you would....with the pain that he caused...I am just happy," she smiled as she hugged me again. This time much tighter...to the point where I remembered that she was part lycan and incredibly stronger than me.
"Yes...he does make me happy."
"Will you two marry? Are you already married?" She questioned as I grimaced. She frowned. "How come you have not married him?"
I had reasons to not before...but now I did not really have any. Except for maybe being scared. Sirus has broken the bond. I am no longer Queen. "It...is complicated," I told her cryptically as she gave me a suspicious look. I would just change the subject. "I have a question to ask, Chelsea."
"What is it?"
"Thorian...he and this maid. What is it between the two?" I wanted to know more but I did not want to bombard Thorian with questions of her when I was not sure he wanted to show that information. We still did not know each other well enough and I did not wish to over step my boundaries.
Chelsea sighed, shaking her head as she put her hand to her cheek. "Between Margaret and Thorian and Esa and Peter, I want to ship them all off to a foreign land. Margaret is a sweet girl. Remember the wet nurse who fed him?" Yes I remembered her. She cried while leaving me then soon after that Sirus came in to banish me from his kingdom.
"I remember her."
"Okay well she soon became pregnant again after losing her first child, and birthed Margaret. They have been friends since and recently their friendship has well transcended." Sirus made it seem as if Margaret was nothing more than a maid who warmed Thorian's bed.
So Thorian did care for her...or at least that was what it sounded like. "You do not think it wise for him to continue seeing her?"
Chelsea shook her head. "I know it sounds crude for me to say so but if this were just a mutual bed warming situation it would be fine. I believe it is more than that and both of them are so young and have not found their mates yet. I fear that if Margaret finds her mate before Thorian...he will lose it. He is a sweet young man but his temper is one of yours and Sirus's combined."
Me? I had a temper...I knew nothing of it. He of course just got his sweetness from me, nothing more. "Thank you for telling me that...now what about Esa? I did find her earlier and spoke to her briefly about well her problems."
Chelsea gave me a look that reminded me of her younger self. Her usual perturbed and annoyed look. "That girl...is infuriating."
"She reminds me of you when you did not want to be with Rowan," I mused as she gasped, shaking her head. She could deny it all she wanted to but it was the truth.
"No, Esa does not have a valid reason for not being with Peter. He is such a good young man. Rowan was not," she frowned as I rolled my eyes. Compared to Sirus, Rowan was a saint in my eyes!
"Well I told her that she should give Peter a chance, I am glad that you feel the same way," I explained to her as she nodded her head in agreement before placing her hand on her stomach and wincing. I gasped. Was she with child?! "Chelsea...you are pregnant?"
She blushed, shrugging as she did so. "Yes...Rowan will not stop until we have a boy. He is obsessed," she sighed, while cradiling her stomach. "It is too early to tell what the sex is but I hope it is a boy. I will go crazy if I have another little girl running around here."
"I am happy for you two. All your girls are very beautiful...I cannot believe how good Sirus acts with them. It surprises me," I admitted. The way he acted with the smallest one was surprising. Letting her on his back and then sit on his lap at breakfast. It was just so...unlike him.
"I know...at first refused to let him around my children. You know how much I loathed him, but...I do not know. He has changed since raising Thorian towards children at least. Adults I am not so sure."
That was wonderful to know...but I could not accept this new Sirus. It still seemed like an ill fated facade. Soon he would revert back to his old ways...
"Mamma!"
Chelsea sighed, as she looked past me. I turned my head too, to see which child was yelling for Chelsea. "Mama mama!"
It was Lillian rushing down the hall with Thorian hot on her trail. She ran straight into Chelsea, clutching onto her mother, as Chelsea frowned. "What is going on you two?"
Thorian quickly closed the distance between he and Chelsea. "Tell her to stay away from Margaret, she talks too much, Aunt Chelsea. If she utters another word to her I promised Lili I would cut out her tongue."
She began to cry and Thorian gave a satisfied smile as I gasped frowning at Thorian. Lillian was a child who did not know better, he should not be threatening her like that... "Lilian you heard your cousin, next time you tell things that are not yours to tell you will not be speaking anymore. Now stop your crying, if you behave you have no reason to fear Thorian."
I watched as she sniffled a bit and then glanced at my son. "Okay...I am sorry, Thorian." I watched as she hesitantly went over to my son and hugged his leg. He patted her on the head and she smiled. That was resolved rather quickly!
"Mother would you like to go for a walk?" Thorian questioned me as I nodded with joy. Maybe I could speak to him about what Sirus has informed me about...and this Margaret girl.
"We are supposed to go running in the meadows, Thorian!" Lilian poured, stomping up and down while Chelsea grabbed her daughter quickly, growling at the child. She gulped, "Thorian we will go later!"
Chelsea hugged me tightly, "We will talk more over tea?"
Tea sounds nice...my throat was a bit scratchy and dry. "Of course!" I kissed her cheek before Thorian was pulling me down the hallway. As we walked, I realized something. Where was William? "Thorian do you know where William is?"
He made a noise that resembled a slight growl and I glared at him. He instantly reddened, "Ah..well I suppose he is with Uncle Rowan. He is in good hands."
Oh yes...I forgot. I knew he was in good hands. "That is good...so tell me Thorian, are you excited to take the throne soon?"
Our steps were in sync with one another but as soon as I mentioned the throne his faltered. He cleared his throat, glancing at me warily. "No."
Well that was the answer I was expecting...but I wanted a little bit more than the 'no' he had just given me. "Why not? Being King is wonderful. You would probably be an even better King than your father," I mused as his eyes widened. Did I scare him? That was not the effect I was going for.
"My father has been the best King this kingdom has ever encountered. Him as a man is much to be desired of but as a king...he is great. I cannot nor will I ever be able to fill his spot on the throne," Thorian said with a clenched jaw.
So this was the problem. He thought he could never be as great as Sirus? I could not say that Sirus was a great king because of his unyielding biases towards him. He was an awful man, an awful person but maybe he was a good King? The thought boggled my mind.
Being a woman and a Queen was certainly two different things. When William was my advisor and I the Queen, we would go at it in the council room. No one was safe...but when I was simply a woman and he my best friend, things softened. I understood what Thorian was saying...I just could not grasp the fact that Sirus might be a good King.
"Thorian, you are your own man. No one expects you to be like Sirus." I did not know that to be true or not..Sirus very well might be trying to groom Thorian into his younger self. Maybe it just was not working, because I saw no similarities between the two except for their anger at times.
My son sighed and paused to look me in the eyes. "I am weak, mother. I let emotions make decisions for me. It is mostly fine that I do so while I am a prince, but imagine if I were King. I need to be like more like my father."
Who has ingrained this into his mind? It could very well be his own mind but what if it were Sirus? Or Esa? Maybe some of the people around him... "Thorian...emotions are what make people alive. If you have a heart you will use it like everyone else uses it."
Thorian pulled away from me, confusion and anger marred his features. He looked ready to strike out or yell. What was happening to my son? "Thorian," I said hesitantly, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Whatever you are going through, everything will be fine."
In a kingdom where emotions are not at the forefront of decisions I understand what Thorian is speaking about. I am sure he cannot even go to Esa or Chelsea. As a man, his pride will probably not let him.
I hated to say this...but he needed Edwin. Edwin was excellent with having his heart in tune with his mind. If his heart wanted it, he willed us mind to do it. Even if his heart did not agree with his mind, he would look at the logical aspects of his decisions and his heart would come around. That is what Thorian needed.
My emotions were locked in a safe and only a select few were able to see them. Of course all decisions I made as Queen stemmed from my mind. If I let my emotions rule...I would have killed half of my soldiers to try and destroy this kingdom so long ago.
"My emotions and my lycan and my mind are always at war, mother. I have to cut one out, it has to be my heart....-"
"-But is it not enraptured by Margaret?" I questioned as his eyes widened while staring at me. Oh right...he did not know that I knew about her. I could not eat out Chelsea...or we'll even Sirus I suppose. "Maids talk a lot," I covered quickly as he sighed loudly.
He was too young to have all of these problems, he needed to worry about what normal princes worry about. I would have no idea what they actually worried about since I was Queen for so long. "Yes, Margaret has it, and that is bad. She is..."he trailed off giving me a wary look.
"Tell me. I am hear to get to know you Thorian. I will not tell a soul," I promised. Maybe William but who would William tell? Plus he was a man, he could give me advice to say to him.
"Margaret is everything I want in a woman but she is not mine and I am not hers. We both know this...but we cannot stop seeing one another. At times I think who cares? She will always be mine, but that is my emotions. When we went to your kingdom and I found out the truth I suggested I kill my father. My own father, that is how much rage I was feeling at the moment," Thorian worried as he paced up and down where we were.
I did not know how Sirus deals with his emotions but I guarantee you it is not telling them all to someone like Thorian is doing. I did not mind though. He was an impulsive speaker. At least he was not impulsive in his actions like his father... "Thorian...people say and think things they do not mean. Sirus knows you love him, I am sure he has given you empty threats before yes?"
Thorian nodded. Which was not surprising. "You need to find a balance, Thorian. You can listen to all three but you have to suppress your lycan a bit." I remembered how Sirus would often blame things on his 'primal urges.' Maybe if he relied more on his mind and heart we would not have ended how we did. "And Margaret I am sure she is a sweet girl but you need to think of more than your self...and more about your kingdom."
It was hard to tell him that. I am sure it was hard for my mother to tell me love is hard to find and many royals did not find it. Of course I could think of a few exceptions.
Before I had the chance to react, Thorian had his arms wrapped around me. "Oh...okay," I smiled as I hugged him back tighter. This was how it should have been.
"You are the wisest woman I have ever heard...I do not understand what is wrong with my father for pushing you away," Thorian said as he squeezed me a bit tighter.
Thorian could not understand, but I could. I would have probably killed myself if I would have stayed in this castle.
"It was for the best, Thorian."
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Hey guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter! If I have enough time tomorrow I might post the next chapter since I didn't post last week.
Vote and comment please!!