After the movie was over I got up and went to my room. "Wassup with you?"
Wiz walked into my room closing the door behind him. "James's momma just texted me."
I said looking through my closet.
"And?" I felt his arms wrap around me. "He's home so I wanna go check on him." he turned me around to face him.
"Mhm." he leaned down kissing my lips.
"Cameron wait." I pulled away. He looked confused. "We can't keep doing this." "Why not?"
"Wiz I like James not you. I mean I don't know but when we kiss it feels right but in my heart I know it's wrong. I'm sorry Wiz." he let me go and sat on the bed.
"You good. I mean what can I say I already expected this but why? He don't feel the same way about you Toria."
I walked over to him.
"Wiz please don't do this." "Do what Toria?" "You're trying to hurt me. Don't say things that'll make me angry and you later regret."
He pulled me onto his lap.
"Notoria listen to me closely. He's going to be the one to hurt you and he's going to continue to hurt you because you allow him to."
I knew Wiz was right but I wanted to know for myself.
Apart of me felt like I could change him.
I got off his lap and grabbed my outfit. "Wiz can you go outside really quick so I can change?"
He just laid back on the bed. I rolled my eyes at how childish he was being.
I ignored it and put on my outfit.
*mm*
I grabbed Navaeh's baby bag and my purse.
"Where you going?" Jazz asked.
"To go see James and August." she threw me the keys. "Yo car still in the garage." she said. I nodded.
"I'll be back in a few hours." I grabbed Munch and walked across the street. I let myself in and saw him sitting on the couch.
"Hey." I sat our stuff down and sat next to him. "What you doing here?"
"Came to check on you." "For what?" he stayed emotionless. "Because I care about you."
"Uhmpp." He just stared at me. "What?" I asked.
"I don't want you to come around here no more. Don't come around me, Bre, Jaden, or my mama."
"James what are you talking about?"
"Take yo momma and get all yo shit out my room and I don't wanna see or hear from you no more shorty."
"The fuck did I do?" He just sat there with a blank expression.
I just got up and grabbed Munch and my stuff. "Where my mama?" I asked. He humped his shoulders.
I went to one of the guest rooms and she was up watching t.v.
"Mama let's go." She looked at me and smiled. "I missed you." She got up and started kissing on my face.
"I missed you too mommy."
I was trying to fight back tears from what James said but seeing my mama was making it really hard for me.
"Look at my baby." She reached for Munch whom just looked at her hands.
"Momma we about to go see my other side of the family and take you shopping."
"You don't have to. That young man and his uncle had already brung me a lot of new things."
"Okay well we need to load everything in the car." "Car?"
I laughed. "Yes mama I have a car. I was well taking care of while you was away."
"I'm so glad to hear that baby." I love this side of my mother and I'm blessed to have her.
______
We was at August house and my momma was talking to his folks.
I went to his room to see him sitting in the dark by himself. "Auggy." I sat on his bed next to him.
"Wassup." "You okay?" I asked.
I had to push my emotions back about James and make sure my cousin was okay.
"Would you be if you just had to kill yo father?"
"No. I didn't know it was messing you up that bad." "Well it is. I know I never had a relationship with him but he the reason why I'm here.
I just looked in his dark eyes and that shit hurt."
I hugged him tight.
I didn't wanna lie and tell him I understand cause I don't and I had no words so I did the one thing I knew how to do which was smile and reassure him that he'll be okay.
"It's okay Auggy. I'm always here for you through whatever. I love you Cousin."
He pulled away. "I love you too cus."
I stood up and turned his lights on. "You know I could've just clapped em on."
"Why do people get them type of lights it's stupid?" "How?" "Cause what if you accidentally clap and turn the lights off or on?"
He laughed. "You know that actually happened to me before but I wasn't clapping my hands.
I was sexing this thick chick right? Our skin was clapping together next thing I know the lights was flickering on and off."
I damn near died laughing.
"Ew August." "Girl it's normal." I just laughed before I sat back down.
"These clean right?"
"Duh fat head ass. So what's up with you?" I immediately started back thinking bout James and all these emotions came rushing back to me.
"None."
"Spoke to James?" I just started crying letting it all out.
His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me close. "Let that shit out." He said rubbing my back.
It's already been hard for me to push back thoughts of me being molested and kidnapped but this shit man this shit hurt the most.
"Okay I'm done." I pulled away. "Wanna talk about it?"
"Not really." "You made me talk so wassup?"
"I don't wanna cry again."
August P.O.V
You could tell this shit was fucking with her mentally.
"Just tell me cause it's better to let it out then to let it fuck you up on the inside." "Auggy it's just so fucking hard."
"Listen to me Toria. You so use to dealing with everything on yo own you don't have to do that now. You have friends and family who love you and would do anything to see you smile."
I wiped her tears.
"He don't want nothing to do with me anymore."
"Okay so Toria fuck him. Be the best you can be without him. Show him you don't need him to be happy.
You got yo momma back, yo lil sister, and us you don't need no nigga to make you smile." "But I want him so bad. It's like I'm stuck on him and on top of all this Wiz likes me and I'm just so confused."
"Wiz?" She nodded. "Since when?"
"I don't know but he just told me yesterday."
"Do you like him?" "No. I don't know it's just too much." "Just get some rest and stop thinking about it ight?" She nodded.
"Thank you Auggy."
"No problem Tot." She got up and hugged me. "See you at school." I nodded.
Tiffany P.O.V
*3 weeks later*
"Ay anybody talked to Toria?" I asked while we was at the lunch table.
Toria ain't been to school in 2 weeks.
"Nah she ain't answered my calls." Jazz said. "Mines either." August said.
"James?" I asked. "Nah ian talked to her in almost a month." "Y'all do know tomorrow is the last day of school before Christmas break and she gone fail this quarter." Robyn said.
"Shit we can't make her do shit she don't wanna do." James said.
"Well I'm going over there." I said. "Yeah me too." Jazz said. I gave everyone else a look.
"Ight damn we all going." Chris said. "Good we can go now." I said humping my shoulders.
I stood up and walked out.
Everyone met up at Toria house. I knocked on the door. We waited when we seen her mother open the door.
"Bout time. Come in come in."
We walked in the house. "Hey mama how's Toria?"
"I don't know she been in her room for days she won't even come out." I shook my head Jazz ran to the back knocking on the door.
"It won't help she still won't answer."
"Step back." James said. He kicked the door making it pop loose.
We walked in and she wasn't in the bed. "The Bathroom." Wiz said. He jiggled the knob when the door opened.
Everybody looked shocked.
"Watch out." Wiz said. He pulled her out the water.
"She still got a pulse watch out."
We backed up while he gave her CPR. She started coughing and breathing hard.
"Notoria." Her mama ran over to her and held her.
"What happened?" Jazz asked.
"I fell asleep in the tub." She said.
"Fully dressed?" I asked. She rolled her eyes. "Can everybody just leave?" She asked. "Why haven't you been out this room Tot?"
She ignored her mama and got up weakly.
James sighed. "Everybody out gimme 5 minutes." He said.
We nodded and left. Wiz had this look on his face that could kill you.
James P.O.V
I'm so tired of this suicidal shit every chapter she wanna kill herself. Can we have one happy chapter?
I sat on the bed watching her change.
I can't lie I miss that body like a muthafucka.
"Why you here James?" She asked.
"Ion know. Why am I?" I asked her humping my shoulders.
"I don't know."
She grabbed some scissors and her body sized mirror and began taking down her hair.
"Why?" "Why what James?"
"Why the fuck you always tryna kill yo self? This shit getting real old. Is this yo way of trying to get my attention?"
"No. Everything's not about you."
"Tell yo self that Notoria. Every time people start to ignore you we later find you unconcious."
"You don't understand." I laughed.
"I don't understand wanting to kill myself before my demons destroy me?
Notoria I'm mentally fucked up in the head, I got niggas trying to pop me every fucking day bruh, and not only that my demons are tearing me a fucking part but I don't understand wow."
I laughed hard as hell.
"Have you ever been abused, molested, abandoned, parentless, or homeless?" She asked in a calm voice.
"So that makes us different?" I said nodding my head.
I laughed and stood up pulling her off the floor. "My mother is dying, social workers are trying to take my siblings away from me, and not only that my mother's drunk, crack headed ass boyfriend is back. Our problems may be different but our pain is tick and tack."
"They trying to take Bre?" She asked.
"Notoria look me in my eyes. I haven't slept in weeks because I've been stressing about this shit.
Yo problems are old as fuck.
You got a roof over yo head now, yo mama clean, and you got a family but all my shit is still occuring if anybody should've killed they self it should be me not you."
"I love you." She said before kissing me.
I didn't know what to do so I picked her up and laid her across her bed.
"I don't wanna hurt you Toria. This is to protect you." I said. She pulled me in by my shirt.
"I don't care Jay." She kissed me and I kissed back.
"I want you." She said while I kissed on her neck. She ain't ready for it so I'll be waiting.
I pulled her on top of me and just held her. "Let's just go to sleep." I said.
She started crying softly.
"It's okay Tot I gotchu forever and always." She nodded and just held on to me.
___________________
"She good?" Wiz asked walking in the room. "Yeah, yhu know anything about her cuts on her thighs?" I asked him.
"Nah why would I?" He asked looking guilty. "No reason fam."
"You love her?" He asked me.
"Why?" "Cause you hurting her mane can't you realize it?"
"She'll be straight I been hurt all my life." "So has she. You suppose to be her peace yet you cause her the most pain."
"You been fucking her or some shit?" I asked him.
"Nah I would never fuck you over like that but if I'm being honest I think I love her." I laughed hard as fuck.
"Mane Wiz take yo ass on somewhere else with that bullshit.
She'll never love you back nigga she sprung off me and ian even gave her the dick yet."
"You ain't right nigga."
"You see this?" I squeezed her ass and started rubbing it.
"This right here belongs to me forever."
"Fuck you Jay."
He turned around to walk out and I just grinned. "You didn't have to do him like that." She whispered in my ear.
"You must like the nigga?"
"No James but that was mean and selfish as hell." She lifted up off me.
"Where you going?" "To talk to him."
Toria P.O.V
I didn't try to kill myself this time I was just trying to drown out the world.
I heard they whole conversation and went to go find Wiz.
"Where's Wiz?" I asked Jazz.
"He stormed outside." I nodded. I walked outside he was on the porch smoking.
I grabbed the blunt out his hand. "Wassup?" He smiled instantly.
"Hey." I took a puff.
"You good?" "Yeah I heard the whole conversation." I said.
"About?"
"You being in love with me."
"Awww. What about it?" "Was you for real?" I asked him.
"I think. Ion know. I believe I am."
"It's not no believe Cameron either you is or you ain't."
"Why? You ain't gone do none but keep fucking with that fuck nigga?" "Yo Brother you mean."
"Nah not so sure if that's my brother hell if that's even my friend.
Look Toria just go back in the house with that bum ass nigga." "No Cameron I can't let y'all fall out especially over me." He towered over me causing me to look up.
He grabbed my chin softly and pecked my lips.
"Everything ain't always about you ma shit run deeper then you think. It was gone happen regardless."
I shook my head. I went in the house "Everybody get the fuck out." I said.
They all looked up at me.
"You good Toria?" Chris asked. "I will be once everybody just get the fuck out."
Nobody moved.
I went into the kitchen and grabbed my gun.
"I said get the fuck out." I had the gun pointed at them.
"She ain't bout that shit. Sis just sit the fuck down." Smoke said. "Momma go to ya room." I said.
James came from the back.
"The fuck going on." My mama got up and went to the back.
"I'mma ask y'all one more time to get the fuck out." I screwed the silencer in so no neighbors wouldn't hear shit.
I laughed and seen nobody leaving.
I shot James in the shoulder. "Bruh what the fuck Toria." Smoke said he ran over to James.
"GET THE FUCK OUTTTT!!!!!"
Everybody was running out while Chris, August, Smoke, and James stayed.
"I'll hate to have to shot all y'all."
James charged at me and I accidentally squeezed the trigger sending one through his chest.
His frame hit the floor.
"We gotta get him to the hospital ASAP or else he gone die right here." August said.
"This nigga was just fighting in the hospital from getting shot and you gone shoot him again." Chris said.
I scratched my head with the gun.
"I'll hate to have to turn this into a crime scene so get the fuck out niggas."
I walked back into the kitchen and grabbed some bleach. They lifted him up and was carrying him out.
"You need fucking therapy." Smoke said.
I flicked him off. "Fuck all y'all bitch asses." I poured the bleach on my floor so I could clean up the blood.
I walked back into my room and grabbed my liquor bottles.
I went back to the front.
I watched the bleach bubble around the blood. I shut my door and sat on the couch opening up a bottle of Hennessy.
I laid back and started downing most of the bottle with a strong sensation burning down my throat.
"Tot?" I turned around and seen my mama walking out the room with my sister in her hands. Ian seen that baby in weeks.
"She's crying." I rolled my eyes.
"Fuck that baby you her mama do some about the shit."
I continued drinking.
*Next Morning*
I woke up with a pounding headache.
I looked over and seen the blood was cleaned up. Somebody was beating on my door.
"Who the fuck knocking this early?" I screamed.
I went to open it and these buff ass mean was standing there with a woman in a pantsuit on.
"What?" I had a bad headache from my hangover.
"Is your mother home?"
"Yeah why?" "Tot who is it?" "Ms. Jackson I'm Sidney from child services can I come in for a minute?"
I turned around and seen all the liquor bottles. "Nope." I said and shut the door.
I locked it and ran to get em all up. I put em in the fire place since we never use it. They was still beating.
I went back to the door. "What?"
"Are you drunk?" "If I was drunk trust me you wouldn't even see me."
"We're coming in."
I rolled my eyes and opened the door. They sat on the couch.
"Could I get you anything?" My mama asked the people.
"No this will only take a second."
We sat across from her. "Well we've been getting complaints and calls from schools and neighbors for a while now and looking at the condition your daughter is in we've came to the conclusion we're going to take the kids."
"No I just got em back. Y'all can't do this to me." My mama said.
I just sat there.
"The trucks are outside. Sorry you'll have to show up to court to get them back."
My momma cried as they took Munchkin and I just followed them to the car.
Damn I went to far now.