I know, I know - two updates in two days
I might be more surprised than you are. But my lecture was cancelled this morning so I got the time to just sit and write. This was requested by MalvaMalfoy and I tried to include as much of your original request as possible, but I'm a little worried it's not quite what you asked for. Hopefully you'll still like it though, so be sure to comment and tell me what you think!
Also, I'd like all you fawns to pay attention to the message at the end.
I wasn't sure how coming back to Hogwarts would make me feel. But, as I stared at the double doors in front of me, I certainly hadn't expected to feel like this. When I'd left Hogwarts two years ago, I had been the quiet girl, the doormat and transferring schools gave me the chance to move beyond that image. It had taken a lot of work; I'd spent the first 3 months forcing myself out of my comfort zone whenever I'd gotten the chance. But eventually, somehow, I grew more confident and more importantly, I loved myself. And somehow, that love that I had for myself, reflected directly on the way I carried myself.
Merlin, I certainly hadn't expected that it would take just coming back onto campus to have me beginning to transform back into that girl again. But, I wasn't that girl anymore. I wasn't the meek Hufflepuff girl that let anyone, and everyone walk all over me. Helga I wasn't going to become that girl again. Never.
Adjusting my robes, my eyes lingered on the yellow underlayer. Even when I'd been sorted into a different house at my new school, my affection for my house never faded. I'd certainly missed the Hufflepuff Basement more than I had ever thought I would. Yellow was definitely my colour.
Taking another moment to gather myself, I dropped my shoulders and pushed the doors open, walking into the hall. The sound of the opening doors had every student turning towards me and the old me would have faltered under the combined weight of the eyes. But instead, I walked with my head held high towards the Hufflepuff table and sat down at the end. Already I could hear the murmurs beginning as they wondered just who I was, and why the first years hadn't entered yet. Merlin, I'd forgotten just how much the students liked to gossip.
As I'd expected, no one made any moves to approach me and instead continued to watch me, gossiping among themselves. And on my part, I just met all the waiting eyes who grew flustered, promptly looking away when they realised they'd been caught. Rolling my eyes, I looked towards the double doors when they opened to welcome the new parade of first years.
The entrance of the new students had most of the eyes shifting away from me. But it certainly didn't make everyone turn their attention. No, the students next to me – the ones that I had just realised had been my old dormmates – continued to talk as if they had no idea that I could hear them. They weren't even worth the effort of looking towards them, so I didn't. I just continued to watch as the sorting took place.
"You don't think," one of the girls whispered loudly, shooting a pointed glance in my direction. "You don't think that's Anderson, do you?"
"There's no way – come on, you remember Anderson," the other hissed back. "There's no way."
"Of course, it's her – the face is exactly the same! Something else has changed."
"How do the pair of you still gossip about everyone?" I cut in, leaning towards them.
They drew back in surprise, never having expected me to talk to them like that. Sharing a glance, they looked hesitantly back towards me, "A-Anderson?"
"Yeah, it's me." Straightening my shoulders, I crossed my arms and turned back to face the front of the hall. But they weren't ready to let things go so quickly.
"Anderson," the first girl hissed – Pritchett, I recalled from memory – as she tried to get my attention. "How on earth – what happened? You disappeared suddenly."
"I didn't disappear," I said dryly, eyeing the pair of them. "I transferred and now I've transferred back. Now, if you and Cole shut up that would be wonderful."
"Anderson," Cole gasped, affronted.
"Be quiet or the pair of you will get points docked from the house – the year hasn't even properly started yet. So, shut up."
And that was that.
Crossing my arms, I turned in my seat to face the front of the hall and watched as the sorting progressed. My old dormmates grumbled among themselves before eventually falling silent like I had asked of them. Slowly, just as slowly as I'd remembered it, the sorting progressed until one by one each of the first years had been assigned to their houses. And then the most anticipated part of the night began.
As soon as the food appeared, the students all turned their focus to the filling their stomachs. Just as I turned to grab the mashed potatoes, I froze as a bowl was suddenly thrust under my nose. Drawing back slightly, I looked at the boy holding it out to me and narrowed my eyes. When on earth had the rest of the sixth years shuffled until they were sitting around me?
"What are you doing, Butcher?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
The boy, one I'd remembered as a downright idiot, thrust the potatoes closer towards me. "You should try this mash instead of the plain mash. Its made with sweet potato and –"
"And I'm allergic to sweet potato," I cut in, watching as he shuffled back and sat properly once again.
Perhaps I wasn't as good at silently telling people that I didn't want to talk to them because, for some unexplainable reason, they continued to ask me questions which I could have ignored. But I knew them well enough to know that they'd just continue to pester me if I did that.
"You transferred out of Hogwarts, so why did you transfer in the first place?"
"My mum got a new job out in France," I answered with a roll of my eyes as I took the gravy boat when it was offered to me, only to set it aside. The last time one of them had handed me the gravy boat, it had been charmed to explode in my face. "How is it that you only got more nosy over the last two years?"
"Don't you think you're being a little too harsh?" Cole protested, raising her voice. "It's only natural to want to catch up with a friend you haven't seen in years!"
"Were we ever friends?" I shot back, meeting her eyes and holding them for a long moment.
Just two years ago, I would have buckled under her stare – but not this time. Not this me. Instead, she was the one to shuffle guiltily under my eyes and looked away. No matter how much I tried to stop it, the small smile just wouldn't leave my face.
"What's the matter, Cole? Did you remember something?"
**********
It was hardly a week into the school year and I had already been pulled aside by my head of house who seemed to think that my 'attitude change' was indicative of some problems I must have been going through. It just seemed that no one could understand that I was done with letting people walk all over me. I still maintained the belief that transferring out of Hogwarts had been good for me, but coming back? Well, I'd have to wait to see whether or not that was a good decision I'd made.
I walked into my second lesson of the day and instantly headed towards the back of the classroom. But to my utter despair, the shadows I had gained followed me and settled down into the seats beside me. During the four years I'd previously spent at Hogwarts, Pritchett and Cole had been my only dormmates and they'd instantly clung to one another, ostracising me from the first moment. And Merlin, they'd let that be known.
But now, now they seemed to be doing their best to 'get to know me' and I was so very tempted to laugh in their faces. Instead, I continued to ignore them. No matter how often they talked about how glad they were to be friends with me, how happy they were that the spare bed in the dorm was now filled, I didn't even glance their way. Merlin, if they were so 'happy' to be my friends, then what had they been doing 2 years ago? They'd been one of the people walking all over me and it was my fault that I'd let them get away with it. It was just so horrendous that it took me having to become outspoken for them to lay off.
"I can't believe you got a detention!" Pritchett squealed as if it was a big accomplishment. I rolled my eyes, wanting to tell her that detentions were hardly something to brag about. "You'd never even talk back to anyone – let alone the teacher! You used to –"
"I used to let people walk all over me," I finished dryly when she seemed unable to finish her sentence. Turning towards her with raised eyebrows, I asked, "Who decided we were friends? Why are you sitting next to me?"
"Of course, we're friends!" Cole exclaimed as our Professor walked into the room to prepare for the lesson.
"Since when?" I raised an eyebrow, "Certainly not before I'd left."
"What is wrong with you?" Pritchett demanded, not paying attention to the way I looked to the front of the classroom where the 'marauders' walked into the room, not seeming to care that they were late. Some things didn't change. My eyes lingered on the four Gryffindors, centring on the lanky boy who brought up the rear. The moment his gaze started to scan the classroom, I was quick to avert my eyes. Some things really didn't change.
"There's nothing wrong with me Pritchett," I insisted, with a sigh, "This is the way I am. I'm just done being the doormat and if you've got a problem with that, then maybe you have something to feel guilty about?"
"How –"
"If you don't like it, then don't talk to me. Simple." Turning to face the front of the classroom, I paid no heed to the way they shared an annoyed glance behind my back. It wasn't the first time they'd ever looked at me like that, they'd just started to do it behind my back instead of doing it to my face. "If you both have something you want to say to me, then say it to my face. And if it's something you can't say to my face, then maybe you shouldn't have been saying it in the first place?"
**********
People always said that no matter how hard you tried to change yourself, the person you were at your core remained the same. And for me, that person was a bookworm; someone who found more comfort in picking up a book than in confiding my issues to the people closest to me – mainly because I wasn't sure who I was closest with. But also, because I just wasn't the sort of person that felt the best about themselves when they were surrounded by other people. It might have appeared antisocial to a lot of people, but that was me. And I certainly wouldn't have had it any other way.
But it seemed that other people had an issue with it. Helga, they had an issue with everything. They preferred my 'new personality' to my old one. Except, I was too different now; I had an attitude, and clearly, my behaviour was a cry for help. And when facets of my old life crept back into my behaviour – like my finding security in the library – I was just being a stuck-up cow who saw everyone else as being beneath me. Or, like some thought, I was just boring.
Yet those words didn't affect me. Why should they? Especially when they were coming from the sort of people that had made me feel inferior to them at every possible chance they had? Merlin, they weren't worth me wasting my time thinking about them. I had more important things to do, like finishing off the notes I'd taken from during Potions lecture.
I'd lost track of just how long I'd been in the library, but maybe I had been in here for too long because my hand was beginning to cramp around my quill. Reaching the end of my sentence, I set the quill on the table top and winced at the pain going through my hand. Straightening up in my seat, I rolled my neck to try and ease the tension that had formed there.
Glancing casually across the library, I repeatedly clenched and unclenched my hand to try and ease the ache that was getting in the way of me completing my notes. My eyes screeched to a halt, colliding with green ones that were watching me intently. Remus Lupin was sat at a table across from me, and I hadn't even realised it. Merlin, maybe I was getting better – I hadn't even noticed that he was in here. Two years ago, and his presence would have been the first thing I'd clocked when I walked into the room.
Lupin, even though I'd caught him in his staring – and he knew I'd caught him – didn't look away from me. It was only when I raised an eyebrow, that he glanced away from me. I rolled my eyes, picking up my quill and turning back to my notes. Merlin, I remembered how things would have gone only two years ago – back when I had a crush on Lupin which, thankfully, had disappeared. Or at least that was what I liked to tell myself.
In my fourth year, I really had been that typical introverted bookworm who frankly lacked a backbone. I'd gone about treating people the way I'd hoped they would treat me, only for them to walk all over me. Back then I hadn't ever been able to speak back to people and no matter how much I wanted to scream out, I'd kept it all to myself. It was no wonder that I'd gladly taken the opportunity when mum offered to have me transferred out of Hogwarts, so I'd be able to move with our family.
And now, now that I was a little older, a little wiser and a lot more positive in the way I thought about myself, I could admit that a large part of the reason that I transferred was because I'd been embarrassed. At the time, I had thought that I was so secretive about my crush but looking back on it now, I might as well have walked around with a sign glued to my forehead. I'd always do my best to remain hidden in the background whenever Lupin was around but then my well-meaning roommates would appear and purposefully embarrass me in front of him. Back then I had taken it all silently, never once demanding to know just what I had done to make them want to treat me like that.
I had always been a private person, wanting to keep my feelings, my emotions to myself. Maybe it was just another protective measure? Maybe it was a way of reducing the number of things people could use to hurt me? Whatever the reason was, it shook me to my core when the rumours about my crush began to circulate the school. For such a private person, I hadn't been able to handle the whispered taunts I heard wherever I want. And Merlin, I knew who'd spread the rumour. Hell, I'd even heard them giggling over it one night when they thought I hadn't come up to bed yet.
Shaking my head to dismiss the thoughts, I finally finished my notes and closed the lid on my inkwell. Rolling my parchment back up, I shoved it into my bag and gathered the rest of my things. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I clutched my textbooks to my chest before heading towards the exit. Walking right past Lupin's table without so much as a glance his way, I held my head high and wondered just where I was going to go now. Part of me wanted to return to the common room so I could relax, but the other part of me wasn't willing to sit through the drama again. It seemed like people were going to continue to act like we were best friends. I wasn't stupid. I knew why they were doing it; there was two years' worth of knowledge that they didn't have on me and they wanted to know the truth.
As I stepped out of the library, my steps slowed without any conscious thought and I felt my bottom lip quiver for a moment. I didn't need friends – not friends like that. Merlin, I didn't need to be hurt like that again; not by the same people. I was just protecting myself and that was the smart thing to do.
Letting out a breath to steady myself, I tossed my head back and continued my pretence of confidence. It was like the muggles said; fake it until you make it.
**********
N.E.W.T. level Arithmancy was a pain; one that I regretted picking. Merlin, the subject had been downright fascinating at O.W.L. level. But then again, I had been at a different school and the subject had been taught by a different professor. My old professor and the new one had such very different teaching styles that I found myself struggling to pay attention sometimes. That was why I was in no rush to get to the class. As long as I got there before the professor had begun to teach, then it would be fine.
Sure enough, when I got to the classroom, most of the other students had already arrived. But then again, only a handful of students ever chose to take N.E.W.T. level Arithmancy – and now I knew why – so it wasn't as if the classroom was ever 'full'. Regardless, I still headed towards one of the desks on the less populated side of the classroom.
Settling down on my seat, I rifled through my bag to try to find the right number chart for the lesson. By the time I'd managed to look through the numerous charts to find the right one, the stool beside my own scraped against the ground as it was pulled out. I frowned, looking up instantly; why didn't people seem to understand that I wanted to be left alone? My expression froze for a fraction of a second as I watched Lupin settle down into the seat beside my own. I managed to school my expression by the time Lupin glanced towards me.
He smiled warmly at me but that didn't stop me sliding as far away from him as I could without falling off my stool. Turning to face the front of the classroom, I continued to pull my things out from my bag whilst keeping a close eye on Lupin who did the same. Once I had put my bag on the floor, I crossed my arms and waited for the lesson to begin.
Merlin, there were dozens of empty seats in this room so why hadn't he gone and sat in one of them? Besides, wasn't it an unsaid norm that no one sat on the same table as someone else? Since the year had begun, no one had shared a table. There was no need to! Not when there were so many tables and so few of us that had chosen to take –
"Anderson," Lupin called out suddenly, taking me so much by surprise that before I could stop it, I glanced over at him.
"What?" I tried to grouch, planning to be cold enough so that he'd stop trying to talk to me. But it didn't work. The single word came out as a tiny mumble. Clearing my throat, I spoke with as much confidence as I could muster, "What do you want Lupin?"
"Nothing," he assured me with a smile that dimmed a little when I continued to watch him in silence. "So – long time no see, huh? You transferred out without telling anyone that you were leaving. You didn't tell anyone that you were coming back either."
"Why was it anyone else's business?" I asked pointedly, shuffling in my seat when Lupin's smile disappeared at my tone. At least he knew now; I wasn't the same mousy girl.
"What's wrong with being shy?" he retorted suddenly, making me realise that I'd spoken aloud. "There was nothing wrong with the way you were."
"Why exactly am I supposed to care what you think? I didn't like the way I used to be, so I chose to change myself." Furrowing my eyebrows, I lowered my voice and tried not to glare at him. "So, butt out Lupin."
"Looks like I touched a nerve." And yet you keep touching that damned nerve. "Sorry if I hurt you somehow."
He continued to watch me as if expecting me to say something. So, I did. "If you're waiting for me to accept your apology, don't get your hopes up. I've learnt that most people don't mean the sorries they make."
"Who –" I narrowed my eyes at him and Lupin decided against it. Shaking his head, he cleared his throat and leaned towards me as he asked, "So, how was Beauxbatons?"
"You've been listening to the gossip, I see."
He shrugged, admitting easily, "I was curious."
The three simple words were enough for me to be on my guard. I knew he recognised it the moment my shoulders tensed, and I turned away from him and I half expected him to prod further. Helga knew he seemed to have done that from the moment he'd settled down next to me. But he didn't. Instead he looked towards our professor who began to talk about our next project.
As our professor continued to speak, I tried my very best not to groan and instead eyed the silent Gryffindor from the corner of my eye. Surely there was no way that he could possibly have known that the project would be a group project – one with the person sat closest to us. And it wasn't as if it was some small project either! Helga, he'd asked us to submit an in-depth evaluation of all of the different number charts we had covered in the subject and that number was in the dozens. There was just no way I could spend that long in Lupin's company.
But I'd have to. I'd have to suck it up and deal with it because that was what I needed to do. Besides, it wasn't like I was that girl who couldn't speak a word around him – our entire conversation had proven that. I'd just remain professional; that was the best thing to do in this situation.
Our professor turned back to his own desk after announcing that the rest of the lesson would be used to plan the project and I tried my best not to narrow my eyes at the smiling Gryffindor. Oh, he'd definitely had some idea about this.
"You knew about this," I accused heatedly, turning towards Lupin who was smiling innocently at me. "Don't try and deny it; if you didn't know it then why would you decide, out of the blue, to come and sit beside me?"
He just continued to grin at me, as if he was an idiot. Merlin, there was something very Black-esque about the dumb grin. "Like I said before; I was curious. You disappeared for 2 years and suddenly your back, and as a completely different person at that. It's like someone cast a spell on you or something."
His careless remark, one he'd made without much thought, had me turning away from him. Helga, there was just no winning when it came to these people. What would it take for them to leave me alone just like I so clearly wanted?
Lupin sighed before asking, "What have I done wrong now?"
**********
Normally, I was the type of student who, once I set my mind to something, I made sure that I accomplished it. Hell, I definitely accomplished it. So why was it so hard for me to concentrate right now? All this was, was a simple study session with Lupin as we looked up some of the lesser known number charts for our report. It wasn't particularly taxing at all, so why was it seemingly impossible for me to concentrate on what I was doing?
Helga, why was my mind constantly shifting back to the letter I'd received this morning from my parents? It wasn't like I hadn't known about the upcoming divorce. Hell, it was a long time coming and it was the reason that I'd moved back to England in the first place. Mum had chosen to stay in France and I'd decided that I would rather stay with Dad because he needed me much more than my mother did. And, a rather unfortunate consequence to that was my readmission to this school. It might have been stupid, and downright naïve but I'd hoped, on some level, that my parents would manage to sort out their differences. At least for my sake. But it wasn't enough; I wasn't enough.
Dismissing the thought with a sigh, I flickered through the textbook that had been open in front of me for over an hour now. Merlin, I'd never felt so unproductive before. But I was going to get this done even if I had to spend the rest of the day in the library! If I didn't manage to get this finished, then who knew how many more times we'd have to meet for this project.
"What's wrong?" Lupin eventually piped up, looking across the table towards me.
Raising my eyes to his, I muttered, "What are you talking about?"
"You're not like this," he explained, holding my eyes when I shot him a look.
"How would you know?"
He sighed, fidgeting with his tie. "Even before you transferred out of Hogwarts, you weren't like this. So, what's got you so fidgety."
"None of your business," I shot back, pushing my chair away from the table. Rising to my feet, I looked down at the still seated Gryffindor, "I'm going to grab another textbook – this one is useless."
"Anderson," he tried to call out after me, but I was already walking away from the table and heading towards the Arithmancy section of the library.
When I was certain that I was out of his eyesight, I slumped against one of the bookshelves. Dropping my head with a slight sigh, I took a deep breath and let it out as a long hiss. I'd thought that by now I'd have grown used to all the fixated eyes and the nosey students who seemed to have nothing better to do with their lives than prying into my business. And for the most part, I was. But for some reason – a reason I knew very well – Lupin's questions always got to me much more than anyone else's did. And that was so irritating; especially considering that I'd spent the last two years very actively trying to get over him. No boy was worth this much trouble.
Pushing away from the bookshelf, I remembered my excuse and scanned the shelves before managing to find one of the textbooks our professor had recommended. Snagging it from the shelf, I headed back to the table where Lupin was waiting.
When I returned to my seat, my breath left me in a gasp when I realised Lupin was reading a letter. My letter. Snagging it quickly from his hands, I folded it up and shoved it back into my robe pockets.
"Is this a consequence of being roommates with Black and Potter for so long?" I demanded, sitting back down in my seat and crossed my arms.
"It fell out of your pocket when you left the table," he explained defensively.
"That doesn't mean you needed to read it," I shot back, opening the new textbook and eyeing from him over the top of the page. "Let's put your nosiness aside for now and just get this finished, alright?"
"Fine," he agreed, eyes lingering on me as I looked down at the page. Helga, I didn't even need to look up at him to know just how he was watching me. I didn't need his sympathy; people split up all the time.
We continued to work in silence and I forced myself to remain focused on the work in front of me. Picking up my quill, I jotted some notes down on a piece of parchment. Across from me, Lupin cleared his throat as if to gain my attention and I rolled my eyes, not bothering to give him any. I'd only just regained the ability to focus on my work; I wasn't going to let him disturb me.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked hesitantly, and I fired daggers at him from beneath my eyelashes. Why couldn't he take a hint? Were all Gryffindors like this?
"No," I said sharply, wishing he'd finally leave me alone.
"Well – if you ever want to talk ... you know where to find me."
The cautious offer had me looking up at him in surprise, my quill stopping halfway through the word I'd been writing. He held my eyes, shooting me a small surprise which completely stopped the sarcastic remark that was on the tip of my tongue.
"You actually mean that," I said quietly, unsure of what to do.
"You've gotten better at reading people," he said with a slow smile that only had me growing more and more confused at the sight of it. "I meant it two years ago too," he admitted as if it was some large declaration.
My eyes narrowed at him, trying to figure out whether he was being truthful or not. He seemed sincere, but I couldn't risk it. Clearing my throat, I looked abruptly away from him and paid no attention to the way the gesture had his smile disappearing.
"Well, I'm not the same person that I was two years ago."
"I'm not so sure about that."
**********
Apparently, Lupin had reached some epiphany that held me at its very centre. He made it his mission to become 'friends' with me and I very reluctantly found myself incorporated into the Gryffindor's life. At first, I had done my best to ignore the Gryffindor and his friendliness but, considering the fact that we were working on a project together, it just wasn't practical. And the annoying boy had used that to his benefit.
"What are your plans for Christmas?" Lupin asked as I looked over the notes he'd taken last night.
The Gryffindor had accosted me on my way back to the common room, completely disrupting my plan to spend my free period relaxing. He'd pulled me down onto one of the random benches in the corridors and claimed that he wanted me to look over some 'breakthrough' he'd made whilst working on our project. At first, I'd thought that he had been lying but then he'd pulled out a stack of notes and I'd realised he'd been speaking the truth.
I groaned at the question, rolling my neck to ease some of the tension there. "I really don't want to go home. But I can't leave dad alone – not when the divorce has just been finalised."
Lupin picked up something from my tone, something I really hadn't intended to carry across and he reached out to wrap a consoling arm around my shoulder. I almost shrugged out of it, but all it took was a single glance into his face to have me stilling. He looked down at me with warm eyes, eyes that slowly grew more solemn and I could have sworn that he was leaning down towards me –
"Get in there Moony!" The loud exclamation had me shifting quickly away from Lupin and looking down the corridor. Sure enough, there was Black standing with his hands cupped around his mouth.
Lupin muttered profanities under his breath, turning towards his friends who were walking towards him. Black and Pettigrew led the charge, walking towards us as they begun to make kissy faces. The scathing remark died on my tongue the moment Potter whacked them both round the back of the head and proceeded to promptly drag them away. It was a struggle for the bespectacled teen to pull both of them after him but, the years of Quidditch had done him wonders. The proof was there in the way the muscles of his arms strained under his shirtsleeves. Well, I could certainly see why the girls seemed to go mad over him.
"Hey!" Lupin chastised, snapping his fingers in my face and making me blink out of my daze.
Looking back to Lupin, I shuffled under the accusatory stare he levelled at me. "What?"
"Nothing." He shook his head with a sigh before suggesting, "Try and enjoy your time before you have to head back."
"Head back?"
"Home. We were talking about the Christmas holidays remember? Or did seeing Prongs make you forget that too?"
I made a face at the insinuation, "Believe me Lupin, he's not my type."
"It didn't seem that way."
"I'm not even going to bother justifying that with a response." Crossing one leg over the other, I sighed, "I think I'm going to try and kill as much time as I can before having to get back to my dorm. For some reason, Cole and Pritchett have decided to go stark raving mad over the upcoming Hogsmeade trip. But I guess with them out of the dorm on Saturday then I can take the chance to have a lie in; it'll be quiet for once."
"You're not all that fussed about the trip?" he guessed, and I nodded, shifting my attention back to the notes I was supposed to be reading.
At least that was the plan. But the way Lupin was shuffling in his seat and fidgeting with his uniform made it absolutely impossible to concentrate on the words in front of me. Rolling my eyes, I turned towards him, only to narrow my eyes when I realised that he'd bowed his head as if he couldn't quite look at me.
"But there's something about this Hogsmeade trip, isn't there?" I asked, nudging his leg with my foot. He hesitated before looking up at me, only to look down again. "You want to ask me – no, you want me to ask you? Is that what it is?"
"It's remarkable how much better you've gotten at knowing what people are thinking," he murmured, and my eyebrows rose in surprise.
Angling my body towards his, I watched him for a moment longer. Biting my bottom lip tentatively, I admitted, "You're really good at uncovering someone's buried feelings, Lupin." The quiet statement had him straightening too, puffing his chest slightly with pride and I couldn't help but smile. "Let's go."
"Go?"
"To Hogsmeade. Let's go together."
**********
2 YEARS LATER
All students, when studying at Hogwarts, wondered just where they were going to end up when they were forced out into the adult world. More often than not, just the thought of it brought a wave of crippling anxiety amongst the seventh years. I had been one of them. Merlin, I'd left Hogwarts with no idea about what I wanted to do with my life and 18 really was too young to be making life decisions.
Maybe if Remus hadn't confided in me about the real reason that he disappeared every full moon, then I wouldn't have gone into healing magic. It wasn't as if Remus could hang around at Hogwarts or go to St Mungo's the morning following each full moon. Doing so would only force him to tell people about what he was, and he just wasn't ready for that.
But it wasn't as if Remus had willingly told me either. The situation had forced him into telling me.
During my seventh year at Hogwarts, Pritchett had managed to lose her position as the house Prefect and it seemed like our head of house decided that I was the best choice for her replacement. One night, after I'd returned from a late-night patrol, I'd walked into the dorm room to find Pritchett and Cole's beds empty and as much as I still disliked the girls, it wasn't like I could let them roam around the castle on their own. Not when people were murmuring that Grindelwald was looking to break into Hogwarts. Reluctantly, I headed off in search of the girls and if I hadn't happened to casually look out of the window, I wouldn't have seen the pair of them heading towards the Forbidden Forest.
With an irritated sigh, I ran through the castle and took all the shortcuts that Remus had shown me to try and intercept the girls. The stupid bints hurried into the Forbidden Forest, only to freeze at the sound of a deep howl. The sound rooted me to my position, fear turning the blood running through my veins into ice and I took deep breaths to try and calm myself. Helga, this position just wasn't worth it. Before I could begin to move towards my dormmates to convince them to return back inside, a ... what was that –
A werewolf burst through the trees heading straight towards them, with a deer and a grim – of all creatures – following after it. Just the sight of the creature had the girls screaming and I reacted before thinking.
"Protego!" The spell did two things; it covered the two girls whilst suddenly alerting the werewolf to my presence. Well, I thought as the werewolf switched targets and suddenly approached me; this was the way I died.
Some people claimed they would run in dangerous situations, others said they would fight for their lives. But me? I froze, suddenly seeming not to remember any of the spells I'd ever learned.
The stag, glancing between the werewolf and me, sped up quickly as it shared a look with the grim. Merlin, why were these animals showing such human mannerisms? The rat, which I had only just noticed, flung itself towards the wolf and seemed to bite its snout, causing it to rear back in pain. The grim barrelled straight into the wolf, knocking it aside and giving the stag enough time to get towards me. I watched, terrified as the stag came to a stop in front of me, turning to face the wolf who snarled with anger and charged straight towards us.
Lowering its head, the stag held the wolf back with its antlers, and no matter how much it tried, it couldn't fight against the wolf. Tossing its head aside, the stag sent the werewolf flying before turning towards me to push me roughly out of the way. My head hit a tree trunk and, as everything turned black, I vaguely heard Pritchett and Cole screaming out for me.
When I woke up early the next morning, I found myself in the hospital wing where the matron told me that my dormmates had been the ones to bring me in. And, as I looked around, I could see the two girls sleeping beside my bed and shuffled towards them slightly. Shaking Cole awake, I shushed her instantly when she began to speak loudly and gestured towards a still slumbering Pritchett. It took a long time for me to convince the two girls to head up to bed, but eventually, they were forced to leave. As they left, they pushed open the curtains surrounding the bed and I realised that four other beds were filled.
The Marauders, but why –
People said that one of the most dangerous things was having too much time to think. And maybe that was true because I couldn't stop myself from remembering exactly what had happened last night and who had been there. A rat, a grim – no, no a dog, and a stag. Not to forget the werewolf. My eyes flickered towards the other beds and I sucked in a breath.
Wormtail. Padfoot. Prong.
Moony.
Helga help me.
Of the boys, Remus had been the first to wake up and I could still remember the way he looked down at me with guilty eyes. I'd somehow managed to convince him that it wasn't his fault – it was my own fault for wandering out of the castle – and that I knew the truth. He's been forced to admit everything to them and then proceeded to spend the next few days avoiding me until he was hauled in front of me by Potter who had a firm grip on the back of his robes.
Now, as I watched Remus sleep calmly after a full moon, I knew that training to become a healer was the best decision I could have ever made. Looking over the room I couldn't help but giggle at the sight of the 4 marauders sprawled across our bed which had been magically enlarged to fit all of them. There was more than enough space for them but that didn't stop them from clinging to one another in their sleep.
With a glance at the clock, I realised that they'd be awake soon and set about pouring out dosages of different potions for them to take. Removing their wands from the cupboard where they'd locked them away for safe keeping, I used them to essentially label whose potions were whose. Just as I turned to leave the room, one of them groaned as they woke up.
Tuning towards the bed, I was unsurprised to find that Remus was the first one awake. He opened his eyes, straining against the sunlight which streamed in through the gap between the curtains. Lifting his head, he searched the room for me and when he found me by the door, he gestured for me to approach the bed.
Coming closer to him, I watched as Remus lowered his head back to his pillow, but not before casting a look at Peter who was sleeping with his head against Remus' chest and his leg thrown over Sirius'. Perching on the edge of the mattress, I smiled gently down at Remus and ran a hand through his face.
A slow smile spread across his face as he murmured, "Good morning."
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I feel like I haven't written for Remus in ages so be sure to tell me what you think. The Remus in this is a little different to how I usually write him but then again, he is a pretty complicated character.
Anyway, onto the message I want you to pay attention to; I'm planning on taking tomorrow off so I won't be doing any writing. The plan was to originally post 4 one shots in 4 days to make up for my lack of posting. And, considering that I tend to write ahead, I should be able to post 2 one shots on Sunday! I'm not sure if I'll post them at the same time, or post one in the morning and one in the evening. What do you fawns think I should do?
That's why I'm posting the hints for the two one shots together - they apply to both of the characters. Have fun guessing!
So, here are the hints - remember they're for TWO people:
* Naturally popular
* Gryffindor
* The eldest child