"You think you know death, But you don't, not until you've seen it. Really seen it. And it gets under your skin and lives inside you.
You also think you know life. Stand on the edge of things and watch it go by, but you're not living it.
Not really.
You're just a tourist. A ghost.
Then you see it. Really see it. And it gets under your skin and lives inside you, and there's no escape. There's nothing to be done."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As I stand in the middle of the cemetery with my mother to my left and Luke and his mother to my right, grey clouds roll in and the wind picks up. The priest finishes off some of the depressing words that drag some of my aunts and 'family' members to a sobbing mess of tears.
"He was a great man..." The priest says calmly, looking at me and my sober mother beside me. Oh really? He was a good man? He must have seen my father more times than I have in order to pass that judgment. He was a good man... for a good six or seven years of my life. The rest, I barely knew him.
"He will forever be in our minds and prayers and will be dearly missed by all of those who loved him." The priest finishes and closes his book. "Ms. Harper, would you...?" He says and gestures to the shiny brown casket which was already lowered into the ground. My mother nods, tears nowhere to be seen on her make-up filled face. It baffled my mind that she did not cry, not even once. I get they technically were not married, but still. She loved him. They had been married for 17 years. What happened that made the divorce a reality?
My mother crouches down and grips a handful of dirt in her hand and releases it onto the top of the coffin before stepping back in her original place beside me. "Riley, would you like to-"
"No." I answer quickly. There is no way in hell I'm throwing dirt on my father's coffin. He would be alive if it weren't for my mother. She decided he was ready to die, not him.
After everyone had cleared out of the cemetery and were on their way to my house, I stood behind, sitting on the wooden bench in the now silent, eerie cemetery. I cross my arms over my chest in order to keep warm from the cold wind signaling the storm that is to come.
"Why are you still here? Shouldn't you be back at your house where everyone else went?" Luke asks as he approaches me with his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.
"I want to be alone..." I say gently, looking down at the fresh patch of dirt in front of the tomb stone which had my father's name engraved into it.
"C'mon." Luke says, gesturing for me to get up. "It's cold and its gonna rain pretty hard. I'll drive you, my mom's at your house anyways." He says and I simply shrug. "You're gonna get soaked princess, let's go." He adds and I sigh before standing up. The last thing I wanted to do was go back to that house which is now filled with tons of people who pretend to give a shit about me, my father, and mother.
The ride back to my house was silent, thankfully, and I was glad for the heat being turned up in the car. Luke takes a while to find an open spot to park near my house since everyone took all the previously cleared areas. When we finally walk inside, there were people in black formal attire holding wine glasses in their hands as they stand in small crowds gossiping about my family, oblivious to the fact that I had just walked inside. I can't believe that these people were welcomed into my house only to have the nerve to talk about rumors that could not be further from the truth.
I saw my mother speaking with who I assume it is a family friend. She had a fancy wine glass in hand along with pretty much everybody here. I knew her sobriety wouldn't last long. She's never lasted this long, and I was starting to think that she had changed; how naive of me to think that my mother would ever change.
"There you are. Why didn't you come home when it was over? Everybody wanted to talk to you." She tells me and I couldn't care any less what these snobby people had to say about my father.
"I wanted to be alone." I say simply and the woman who she was speaking with smiles fakely me at me.
"Your father talked about you all the time." She tells me.
"Oh really, you spoke often?" I ask, pretending to give a shit about what she had to say.
"Oh yes. We spoke to each other almost every week. He was such a delight to have around." She answers.
"Every week?" I repeat, "You've seen him more times than I have." I tell them and she laughs, and has an annoying laugh, I may add.
"He was always away at work, it was hard to ever spend some time with him. But I'm glad you got to know him." My mother says. Sure. 'always away at work' my ass. Who the hell was this lady? I don't think I've ever seen her before in my life.
"Who are you again?" I ask. If she was so close to my dad, how come I've never seen her before?
"Karen Reynolds." She answers, smiling with her overly whitened teeth. Nope, didn't ring a bell.
"Lovely." I answer sarcastically. God, I hate these people.
-
"Hey." Luke says, entering the kitchen. My mother gives me a look I haven't seen before as she leaves the kitchen with Katie, or whatever the fuck her name is, so Luke and I could talk. "You alright?" He asks, leaning on the nearby kitchen counter.
"Yet totally, I'm having a great time at my father's funeral." I say sarcastically.
Luke takes a breath, and scratches the back of his neck slightly. "How you holding up?" He asks.
"Not so good." I answer honestly. "I got a lot of shit on my mind." I say, running my fingers through my hair.
"What's on your mind?" He asks gently.
"I was thinking a lot about my father... Like where was he going before he got into the accident? And, why the hell my parents got a divorce. I mean, it was so random... Why did they do it? And also, what has he really been doing when he was supposedly at work?" I let out my short rant.
"Is there any way you can find out?" He asks, grabbing a half full glass of wine from the counter and brings it to his lips.
I think for a bit, wondering where information about my father could be, and that I finally figured it out. "His office." I say, as if a light bulb had gone off in my mind.
Luke lifts his glass up into the air, "There's your answer." He says.
"I'll be back." I respond, and Luke nods drinking a bit more of the wine as I leave the room and walk down the hall.
I walk into my mother's room and walk to the dark, wooden computer desk and open up the small drawer. In it, revealed a set of about three keys that my father had almost always kept with him when he went out. One of the keys belonged to his office, or the study in the house. As a kid as I always wondered what was inside the door to his office. I was never allowed to go inside. He stayed in their most of the day's, busy doing work or paying bills, or so that's what my parents always told me. After I turned a 17, I haven't seen him in his office that often anymore. He usually disappeared for hours and hours a night into the study. My curiosity returned after talking to Luke and thinking about everything I had questioned. I knew he couldn't be doing work the entire time. He was hiding something, I could feel it now.
"Riley? What are you doing in here?" My mother asks as she stands by the doorframe. I take the keys and put them in my pocket.
"I wanted to get away from everybody..." I respond. It was true, I hated being surrounded by all of the fake people here tonight.
"I know you not comfortable here with all these people talking about your father." She says and sits down on the edge of her bed. I tried not to take the sincerity in her voice to heart, knowing her somewhat caring words would not last long.
"Why did you two get a divorce?" I ask, just in case I don't find my answer in his office, it wouldn't hurt to ask my mother in hopes that she finally tells the truth for once in my life.
She sighs softly as if she expected this question and the dreaded answering it for a while now. "There are just some things that your father needed to take care of that was more important to him than taking care of us." She answers. God, could she be more vague? "And of course my drinking added to his dissatisfaction with our marriage." She adds.
"What was his other main priority other than his daughter?" I ask. It baffled my mind that my father still manages to disappoint me even in his death.
"I wish I can tell you, but it's not your business to know." She answers. Is she serious? How is it not my business? Before I can speak, she does "I have to get back out there, the ladies are waiting." She says, and with that she leaves me alone.
I take the keys out of my pocket and fiddle with it in my fingers as I stand outside of the study door. "C'mon princess, just unlock the door..." Luke says from behind me.
"This is stupid. I'm not even going to find anything." I scoff and turn around.
"You need to do this Riley, You need to know what he's been doing all those years." He tells me.
I sigh softly and put the key back into the lock and turn it, the sound of a click signaled that it had been unlocked. I turn the knob and push the door in and it creaked slightly. I noticed, that the corners of the room were home to a few dust bunnies when entered. I trail my fingers along the desk which was lightly layered with dust, as I walked inside the empty room. It may have been months since anyone had stepped inside here. I brushed the dust off my fingers before taking a seat and opening up his laptop. As I tried my best to figure out his password, Luke was scanning around the room sifting through a bunch of different files he had stored. It didn't take me long to figure out the password, but once I did, I didn't know where to start. There were so many folders, and so many files to go through. I open up one of his work folders, skimming through the different cases that he has been given throughout the years.
After a few minutes, I close the folder and search through until I come across one labeled "Private." I open that one which led to a few other folders. The only sub folder that caught my eye, was one labeled "divorce documents." If my mother wouldn't tell me the truth, I'll just have to find it out for myself. I open up the document and read through the copied papers. I can barely read anything, due to the horrible handwriting their attorney had. I reach the category of "Custody of children;"
Riley Harper- full custody given to Ms. Harper
I'm glad they spoke to me about this. In a heartbeat I would have chosen to live with my father, where of course my father wouldn't have wanted to live with the daughter like me. I don't care anyways, in a few months I won't have to live under this roof any longer. Just as I was going to go to another document something strange caught my eye.
Tyler Reynolds- half custody given to Ms. Reynolds and Mr. Harper
What? Tyler Reynolds? Who the fuck is Tyler Reynolds? And why does my dad have half custody of him? "Luke?" I ask, calling him over.
"Yeah?" He asks and walks over, leaning above my shoulder to look at the screen. He furrows his eyebrows in response after looking at the words written on the paper for writing. "What? That doesn't make sense. You're an only child, and your mom's last name isn't Reynolds. Is it?" He asks.
"No, it isn't." I answer. What in the actual fuck is going on?
"Whoa, so does your dad... have another kid?" Luke asks, looking over at me.
I take an unsteady breath, not answering him as I get up and out of the old leather chair. I quickly print out the documents, looking over them again. Reynolds. Where have I heard that name? There's no way in hell this is real. They couldn't have hid this for me all this time, could they? "Riley, don't do anything stupid..." Luke warns gently, and I storm out the room.
I walk quickly down the hallway, searching for my mother among the crowd of woman. I spot her sitting down at the dining room table, slowly sipping on her glass of wine. I walk over to her, dropping the papers down in front of her and onto the table.
"What's this?" She asks, looking at the papers.
"Is it true?" I ask, putting my hands on my hips in annoyance as I waited for a truthful answer for once.
She sighs softly, pushing the papers back, deciding that she wasn't going to answer my question.
"Does he have another kid?" I ask, running out of patience. "Well?" I ask after she stays silent again.
"Yes." She answers, taking another sip of the white wine.
"How long have you guys been keeping this from me?" I ask. She doesn't answer, instead sips on her wine again. "Mother." I say, jaw clenched in anger. She doesn't respond again, and acted as if I wasn't even standing there.
I grab the glass right from her hand, throwing it to the dining room wall and watching the glass shattered as everyone in the room silenced and looked over to us. My mother shifted in her seat due to the embarrassment of her daughter's actions.
"How long have you been keeping this from me!?" I say louder, maybe she'll hear me this time.
She looks down, sighing deeply as everyone's eyes were on us. "A year." She answers. A year. A whole year my father kept this from me. Kept the fact that he had a son, from his own daughter. If he hadn't died, would he even have told me?
"Is that why he was gone all the time? He was taking care of his baby?" My voice raises. She stays quiet. "He was too busy taking care of his new fucking child, that his daughter didn't mean shit to him anymore-" I yell, reaching for another glass to break, but I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around me.
"It's alright Riley.." Luke says. "Calm down."
"Calm down? Are you fucking kidding me?! They hid this from me for a year!" I protest.
"Riley, you're causing a scene.." My mother says softly.
"You think I give a fuck what these people think?" I say, breaking free of Luke's arms. "My father fucked some other lady!" I say, circling around, facing all the people who turned to watch the argument. "Yeah, Isn't he such a great guy.." I say, mimicking the voices and words the women were saying earlier. "Oh but wait, there's more! The lady got knocked up... Whoever the fuck she is, and my dad left us, to go take care of that baby! Because he is more important than us." I say and clap. "Now wasn't he such a great guy? He will be dearly, dearly missed." I finish in my sarcastic voiced rant and leave the room, going out the front door as everyone's heads turned to watch my grand exit.
(Helloooooooo everybody! I hope you enjoyed this long chapter haha. I hope it was worth the wait as well and I am very sorry for the 6 week delay. I will definetly never take that long to update again! I wanted to make sure this chapter was good enough to post and I hope you guys enjoyed it! There are only 10 more chapters of this story left!!! I will try and make the rest of the chapters worth reading. P.S. I apologize for any mistakes or weird spacing, I will try my best to edit it soon :) P.P.S. As always, I would greatly appriciate it if you voted, and commented! :) Next chapter will be up next week! Xx -Victoria) (Song of the chapter: Enough for now- The Fray) (And for those wondering, yes.. I used the last lines of my favorite show SKINS, in the beginning of this chapter ;) )