Merlin was sitting on his bed throughout the night. He could not sleep. When the moon was at it's highest, Merlin gave up on sleep as it appears to evade him. Merlin looked out of the small window and looked at the moon. It was full tonight and it shone silver light upon Camelot. Merlin smiled absent-mindedly. He loved the moon. His smile faded as his thoughts went back to thoughts that has plagued him for over three years now. His feelings for Arthur Pendragon that go way beyond friendship. The man is a complete prat, but Merlin couldn't help but love him. It had started over three years ago when Merlin and Arthur went hunting...
*Flashback*
Merlin and Arthur were going on their weekly hunting trip. Merlin hated hunting but as he was manservant to the prince, he had to accompany him. Today they weren't going with the knights. Arthur mounted his horse as Merlin was doing his saddle.
"Hurry up Merlin we don't have all day." He said. Merlin rolled his eyes.
"Almost. Done." He said tying the crossbow to his saddle. When he was done, he mounted his horse, and they galloped out of the citadel. When they reached the forest, Arthur became more at ease. Merlin knew that whenever Arthur was away from the castle, he could be himself. Merlin wished he had that privilege. He could never be himself in Camelot on pain of death and being executed wasn't on his agenda. Merlin frowned. He hated hiding who he really is to Arthur but he refuses to put Arthur in a position where he has to choose between him and his loyalty to Camelot and, most importantly, his father. Merlin was too busy milling around in his own thoughts, to notice that Arthur had stopped. He almost collided with the prince. He stopped his horse sharply. Arthur dismounted unsheathing his sword. Merlin used his mind's eye to see what Arthur's worrying about. He saw bandits not far from them. They were surrounded. Merlin's eyes went back to blue where he saw Arthur creeping forward. 'He is either very brave, or very stupid.' Merlin thought. "Arthur." He whispered trying to get the prince's attention. "Arthur." He whispered louder that time. Arthur seemed to register what he said because he turned around to look at Merlin. Arthur's eyes shone bright blue and seemed to sparkle with weariness and curiosity. The sight of the prince seemed to make Merlin's heart melt for some reason unknown to him. He was mesmerised with his eyes boring into his when Arthur's voice cut through his thoughts.
"What is it Merlin?"
Merlin mentally shook himself from those thoughts of his prince."Bandits." He said. And as he said it, fifty or so bandits jumped out of the tree line all pointing swords at Arthur and Merlin. Arthur started killing any bandit that he came across. Merlin using magic every now and then to make a branch snap, or the bandits Arthur are fighting trip or drop their swords. Everytime when a bandit came up to Merlin, he would use his magic to trip him up and knock him unconscious. Soon the remaining bandits fled.
When they were gone, Arthur said, "Come on, we'll set up camp for the night." Merlin looked at the sky and saw it was already sunset.
By the time camp was set up, it was already last light. Merlin was attempting to light the fire without magic but was failing. He made sure Arthur was still hunting and he murmered "Fòrbærnàn" his eyes flashed gold and along with the warming sensation, the fire was lit. He was tending to the horses when Arthur returned. He placed the rabbits by the fire ready for skinning and cooking. Merlin moved onto the skinning of the rabbits. When they were done, Merlin cooked them over the fire. It was all done in silence. When Merlin sat down again, he could feel Arthur's eyes on him and turned to meet the gaze. Again he found himself mesmerised in those sparkling blue eyes. His skin was a nice peach colour and his parted lips looked kissable. Merlin, for the first time since Freya, felt his heart beating faster. The flames of the fire reflected on Arthur's face which looked beautiful and enchanting. Merlin tore his eyes away from Arthur reluctantly as he felt his face heat up. He turned to the fire and pretended to look busy.
"It's not like you to be silent." Arthur said breaking the silence "usually I am always listening to your useless prattle."
"I'm thinking." He said whilst checking the rabbits that are roasting.
"Careful." Arthur said which caused Merlin to roll his eyes but did not respond. For some reason it hurt him that Arthur would think of him as an idiot. He continued checking on the rabbits. After a few more moments of silence, Arthur spoke again. "No seriously Merlin. You're being unnaturally silent." Merlin's heart suddenly filled with joy and compassion at Arthur's words for some reason. Merlin still didn't answer afraid of what he might say. "What's wrong?" He asked and Merlin let slip a small smile. Luckily, Arthur couldn't see it.
"Nothing is wrong sire. I am just thinking." He said going quiet. Neither of them spoke. It was quiet except for the crackling of the fire. After about ten minutes of uncomfortable silence, the rabbits were done. He gave Arthur the largest and half of the other one whilst he had the other half. Arthur looked down at his meal and then at the skinny serving boy in front of him. He handed Merlin the other half of the rabbit. "What's this for?" He asked looking at the half of the rabbit with confusion. Arthur rolled his eyes.
"I thought it was obvious Merlin." He said. "Here. You need it more than I do." Merlin hesitated for a moment before he reached out and took the rabbit. The moment he did, his hand brushed against Arthur's and he felt a warm and tingling feeling in his hand that had nothing to do with his magic. He had never felt that with anyone but Freya when she was alive. Thinking of Freya made Merlin frown. He bit back tears and took the rabbit from Arthur placing it on his plate.
"Thanks." He murmered eating his rabbit. He looked at Arthur through the corner of his eyes, he saw his eyes searching him worried. His eyes were beautiful. He was beautiful. Merlin froze at the thought. 'Oh no. I'm falling in love with Arthur.' At the word 'love' his heart swelled happily. 'I'm falling in love with Prince Arthur.'
*End of flashback*
After that particular revelation, things went down hill for the young warlock. Everytime he is with Arthur, his heart beats unnaturally fast with happiness and compassion, and everytime when he isn't with Arthur, his heart hurts. He can't help but be mesmerised in those beautiful, sparkling blue eyes.
Tonight, however, he was in pain in more ways than one. Arthur is to marry Guinevere in two days time and when Arthur told Merlin that morning, it cut him like a knife to the heart. He felt like running to his room and cry. He knew it was never going to happen but he couldn't help but hope. He should have told Arthur his feelings a long time ago, but what if he was disgusted? What if he laughed at Merlin? What if he banished Merlin from the one place he called home? What if he sent him to death? No. Merlin never told him for these reasons. He was too much of a coward and now he is betrothed to Gwen. When he saw Arthur and Gwen together it was like a blade to the heart. It hurt him physically and emotionally. He loved Arthur a lot and this proves he doesn't share these feelings towards Merlin. It was like torchure to see Arthur and Gwen so in love that it broke his heart for the second time. He closed his eyes as he allowed tears to fall from his eyes. He didn't wipe them off. He knew that Arthur would need a wife to produce an heir that Merlin could never do. And besides, who would want to love Merlin, the clumsy, idiotic manservant yet an extremely powerful, secret warlock? Freya did, but she's long dead. Arthur isn't dead-which is a good thing-but he doesn't return the feelings. His heart was now shattered beyond repair. There would be no smiles that could repair the damage to his heart. Nothing could. He sat there staring out of the window all night. At first light, there was a knock on the door.
"Merlin, time for you to get up." Gaius said. He got dressed an hour ago.
"I'm up." His voice was hoarse and thick with emotion. He wiped the rest of his tears away and attempted to freshen up before facing Gaius. His attempting was proved futile as Gaius saw straight through the façade.
"Merlin, what's wrong?" He asked when he saw Merlin's bloodshot eyes. They seemed dull and they lacked the sparkle of humour that he always had. They were now incredibly sad. "Is it Arthur?"
"Nothing is wrong Gaius. And why would it be Arthur?" His name caught in his throat, "honestly everythings fine." He said with feigned happiness and his voice cracked on the last sentence. He was faced with a new wave of tears that were threatening to surface which Merlin would not allow.
"Don't lie to me Merlin. You clearly are not fine. Does this have anything to do with Arthur and Gwen's betrothal and your feelings towards him?" He asked gently.
Merlin gasped. "How-how did you know?" He stuttered as a stray tear leaked from his eyes.
"Merlin, I know because I know you too well. It must be hard." Gaius said hugging his ward.
"It's difficult Gaius. Extremely difficult. I... I... I love him Gaius. And it hurts. So much." The tears were now flowing freely down his cheek. "It doesn't matter anyway. He can never know who I really am. Arthur doesn't return the feelings and he's betrothed to someone he loves. And who am I to stand in the way of that?" He said standing up, "I best go give him his breakfast. I'll see you later Gaius." And with that he left the room without breakfast, wiping his eyes and trying to compose himself before anyone sees him like this. Especially Gwen and Arthur. He went to the kitchens with a forced smile and happiness on his face which he did not feel. "Hello Mary, I just came to came to get King Arthur's breakfast." He said trying my make his voice light and airy though failing. Mary handed him Arthur's breakfast and shot him a concerned look.
"Have you been crying Merlin?" She asked him eyeing the puffy, red, bloodshot eyes which used to be full of life and now filled with extreme sadness.
"No, no why would I be crying? I have no reason to cry. I'll see you later Mary." He said and left the kitchens. he tried to compose himself by the time he reached Arthur's chambers. Merlin planted a forced smile on and attempting to make his voice sound light-hearted and happy before bursting into the room. "Good morning sire." He said willing himself that nothing of his true emotions slipped through his voice. He didn't face the King. He couldn't bring himself to. He placed the breakfast on the table before he went to the window and opened the curtains to let in the sunlight. Arthur grunted in annoyance and turned over. "Come on sire, you've got a busy day today. Busy, busy, busy." He said in a futile attempt to be the happiness that he did not feel. He still didn't face the King.
"Merlin." He growled in annoyance,with a pillow over his face.
"Yes that's my name sire the one and only." He said as his voice cracked a little at the sentence but not enough for Arthur to notice. Oblivious prat. Merlin would have laughed at that but his heart wasn't in it. It never would be again.
"Shut up idiot." Arthur said sitting up.
"Shutting up." He said forcing another smile which made him want to cry again. He still didn't face the king.
"There is something seriously very wrong with you." He said getting out of bed to the desk.
Merlin didn't answer. 'There is something wrong with me because I am in love with you, my best friend, who is betrothed to Gwen, another one of my best friends, and I am completely heart broken and you could never know that.' He thought. He didn't dare voice that aloud.
"Well, you can polish my armour, sharpen my sword, muck out the stables, clean my chambers and you are to accompany me and the Knights for a hunting trip to celebrate my betrothal to Lady Guinevere." He said.
The last part pierced Merlin like a dagger being thrush in him. He was biting back new tears. Luckily he wasn't facing the King. "Sire." He said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. He went to leave Arthur's chambers but stopped at the door. "Is that all, sire?" He said struggling to keep his voice happy with some difficulty.
"That's all." He said and Merlin was out of his chambers at his words shutting the door behind him. When the door was shut, the unshed tears started to flow again. He tried wiping them away but more followed. He went back to his and Gaius' chambers before starting his daily chores.
When he entered them however, Gaius was nowhere in sight. 'Probably treating a patient in the lower town.' He thought and went to start his chores.
He finished just before lunch. He went back to Arthur's chambers and opened the door. "Merlin. How are-" Gwen. She took one look at Merlin's face and gasped. His eyes were still red and puffy and they glazed over with unshed tears. There were dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep the night before. There was no sparkle of amusement in those blue eyes. All that remained was shear sadness and pain. They were also really dull. Why Merlin would be sad was beyond her. Merlin forced a smile.
"Everything is fine Gwen. I am perfectly alright. Absolutely perfect." He lied his voice shaking slightly. He could never tell anyone of his feelings for Arthur and how much it pained him besides Gaius. "Just going hunting with the Knights and Arth-" his name caught in his throat, "the King." He finished sadly. "So I better go. See you later, my Lady." He said to her at a futile attempt at a joke which he didn't have the heart for. He left the King's chambers rather quickly to make it to the stables. Once he arrived, the Knights and Arthur were already there, mounted on their horses. He tried to hide his face from them. Especially Gwaine as he will demand to know what's wrong.
"Hurry up Merlin." Arthur said patronisingly. Merlin didn't respond. He kept his head bowed. He mounted his horse and they set off. The knights and Arthur were all laughing at some Tavern story that Gwaine was telling them and knowing Gwaine only twenty per cent of it is true. Merlin kept his distance away from the laughing group. Gwaine tried to converse him in conversation but Merlin just nodded and forced a smile that he didn't feel, so Gwaine gave up. He was falling behind the group. He cannot allow anyone to see him emotionally distraught. Arthur dismounted and beckoned Merlin for the crossbow. He got it off his saddle and gave it to Sir Leon, to pass to the king. He took it from him and then stealthily crept through the forest. Merlin stayed with the horses. Arthur and the knights returned just before dusk with a deer. He was pretending to tend to the horses so his back was turned to the hunting party.
"We're eating good tonight." Said Gwaine cheerfully. "Don't you agree Merlin?"
"Yeah," He agreed not facing them.
"Okay, what's wrong?" Arthur asked.
"What do you mean?" He feigned ignorance.
"You've been miserable all day. And yesterday. So what's wrong?" He asked with a hint of genuine concern which Merlin shrugged off as his imagination.
"Nothing. Everything's fine." He lied. He could sense Arthur about to retort so he changed the subject. "Shall I set up camp, sire?"
"Yes you do that." Arthur said. "Someone needs to ge-"
"I'll do it." Merlin said and he set off into the trees to get wood for the fire.
***
"Sire, what's wrong with Merlin?" Elyan asked Arthur when Merlin was out of earshot.
"I don't know. I honestly don't know." He said his eyes staring into the direction his manservant went in. He hated to see Merlin like this. He hadn't faced him or the knights once.
"I got told by Mary that Merlin has been crying for some reason and trying to act all cheerful to not worry anyone or something." Gwaine said seriously. Arthur mentally cursed himself. Why did that idiot always think that he can keep it to himself all the time? It annoyed Arthur that Merlin didn't seem to trust him enough.
"Yeah when I saw him earlier, he looked emotionally distraught. He wasn't smiling at all-a genuine smile anyway-and his eyes looked extremely sad." Percival said concerned for his friend. "They were red and puffy and had dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept at all last night. Sire, Merlin was crying. The tears seemed to fall of it's own volution and when he madean attempt to wipe them, more followed."
"It must be something to make cheerful Merlin, feel like this." Lancelot said glancing at Arthur as he spoke.
"You think I did something?" Arthur asked incredulously. How could Lancelot think he would ever hurt Merlin?
"No, no, no sire not at all." He said "That wasn't what I was implying."
"Then what were you implying?"
"I was implying when Merlin started acting like this."
"About yestetday morning, I think." Arthur said unsure.
"Thought so." Lancelot mumbled not meaning anybody to hear but unfortunately, a certain blonde haired prat, did.
"What do you mean Lancelot?" Arthur asked frustrated that Lancelot seemed to know what's wrong with Merlin and he doesn't.
"It's nothing sire." He was lying through his teeth.
"Lancelot! What is wrong with Merlin?" Arthur asked grounding his teeth together. Lancelot was about to answer when said manservant returned with an arm load of firewood. He had his head bowed towards the ground. Arthur felt a pang of pain when he saw Merlin like this. He resisted the urge to go and comfort him. He saw water dipping off his nose. Merlin had been crying. But why? "Merlin? What's wong?"
"Nothing, nothing at all." He said his voice thick and he made to wipe his eyes. Lancelot shot Merlin a sympathetic look. Merlin turned to return the gaze and what Arthur saw would haunt him forever. There was no smile on his forever happy face. His eyes were glazed over with tears and they were red raw with dark circles under his eyes. His eyes no longer held that sparkle of humour or delight. He was truely distraught. He looked like a man with a broken heart and no will to live. Arthur felt angry. How dare someone hurt Merlin? If he finds out who hurt him, they are going to pay.
Lancelot whispered something in his ear and he nodded reluctantly. He felt jealousy consuming him at the way Lancelot seemed to know what is going on. Why would he be jealous? He loves Guinevere. Or did he? Arthur didn't know any more. He thought he loved Guinevere but looking at Merlin's distraught figure he realised he wasn't in love with Gwen. He was in love with Merlin. His heart fluttered at the revelation. All this time when he thought he was in love with Gwen, it was actually Merlin. Said person hugged Lancelot and started weeping quietly. Anger bubbled inside of Arthur at watching the exchange. He took one look at Merlin's shaking form and he felt sympathetic and sorrow towards the boy. The rest of the knights were already sitting by the fire talking to themselves quietly. He trudged over to the fire and was milling in his thoughts. He put his head in his hands. Guinevere, the person who he thought he was in love with, was now betrothed to him. Why did he propose to Gwen? He felt like banging head against a stone wall. How could be so stupid? He had to end it between them. He can't be with someone when his heart belonged to another. And it is clear that Guinevere doesn't love him either. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. He would always love Guinevere but he loves Merlin more.
***
"You love Arthur, don't you?" Lancelot whispered. It brought new tears. He nodded reluctantly. "I am so sorry Merlin." He said as Merlin wept into his shoulders. He wished it was Arthur who comforted him but Arthur is betrothed to Gwen. The knights and Arthur were sitting by the lit fire. The knights were talking amongst themselves whilst Arthur had his head in his head in his hands.
Merlin seems to calm down but nothing can soothe the aching pain in his chest. "I need to be alone." He said "If anyone asks, tell them I am getting some water." Without waiting for a reply, Merlin set off towards the stream. Once there, he plants himself on the bank, and closes his eyes. At once he feels all of the magic of the earth, the streams, the trees, the animals, the flowers, everything. He smiles in spite of himself. Just feeling the magic calms him down considerably and for a moment makes him forget his troubles.
'Emrys.' Merlin's eyes snapped open flashing gold briefly before merging into blue. 'Emrys.' The voice repeats. 'Emrys.' The voice got louder but at the same time he hears another voice.
"Merlin." Gwaine. Typical. He rolls his eyes as Gwaine came over. "Are you alright mate?"
"Never knew you cared?" He turned around to face him with a small smile on his face and for the first time in days, it wasn't forced.
"Merlin, you're my first and best friend, of chorse I care. I can also see that your hurting quite a lot so what's wrong?" He said and Merlin had never heard the drunkard so serious in all the time he's known him. "Does Arthur know your secret?" Merlin drew in a sharp breath. Gwaine knows?
"I-I don't know what you're talking about. Wha-wha-what secret?" He stuttered nervously.
"Your magic of chorse." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Merlin visibly paled. He was overcome with fear. Gwaine knew. He knew. His fear must have shown on his features because Gwaine added, "I'm not going to turn you in Merlin I promise. I think it's pretty cool that you have you magic."
"You... You do?" Merlin said in disbelief hope filling him.
"Of chorse I do. But I'm pretty hurt that you didn't tell me." He said.
"Sorry." Merlin murmered quietly. "I wanted to tell you. All of you. Especially Arthur, but I was terrified on how you would react when you finally know that I have lied to you for years. I also didn't want to put Arthur in a position where he had choose between me and his loyalty to Camelot and his father. I couldn't do that to my friend." 'Even if I don't deserve it.' He thought.
"You've never told anyone have you?" Merlin shook his head.
"I was afraid what you might think if you knew who really I am." He said. Gwaine sat down beside him. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you. I really am. So... You don't hate me?"
"Of chorse I don't. Magic or not, your still my friend." Merlin grinned and it reached his eyes. "So Arthur doesn't know?"
Merlin shook head. "No. He doesn't. He can never know. Not after what happened with his father..." Merlin trailed off as his eyes became distant. Arthur's words echoed in his mind, 'We'll never know. All I know is that I lost both of my parents to magic. It is pure evil and I'll never lose sight of that again.' "Arthur said magic is pure evil and he has no idea how much his words hurt me. I felt like leaving there and then because that's when I realised he would never know who I really am but I couldn't abandon him when he needed me-his friends-the most."
"I'm sorry Merlin. I really am." Merlin just shrugged.
"I know. As much as I wish that I could finally be free and no longer have to hide who I am, I respect Arthur's judgement. When the time is right he will know. And then there will no more secrets between us. Until then, I'm just going to have to protect him from the shadows."
"How long have you had magic?" He asked genuinely curious.
"I don't have magic." He said, "I am magic. Kilgharrah and the Druids say that I'm magic incarnate. They also said I'm the most powerful warlock ever-and will ever-live. It is my destiny to protect the Once and Future King to become the greatest King Albion will ever know. Arthur is that King and I will do everything in my power to make sure that we fulfill that destiny. We are two sides of the same coin." Gwaine was gaping at the young warlock.
"Most powerful warlock that has ever lived?" He repeated incredulously.
"Ummm...Yeah... Apparently." He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. He loathed speaking about the amount power he beholds.
"And Arthur calls you useless, cowardly and weak?" He says "He is so wrong. I would have left the princess a long time ago if I was you. I wouldn't be brave enough to stay in a kingdom where they persecute your kind. I wouldn't be able to. And that's bravery in itself. And you risk your life to save Camelot on your own. We don't deserve you Merlin. Especially not Arthur." Merlin looked at Gwaine incredulous.
"You don't deserve me?" He was completely dumbfounded "I don't deserve you. I could never have friends in Ealdor because I was afraid of exposure. Everyone called me a freak, a monster because I was born with magic. No one knew but they suspected. The only friend I had was Will," His voice cracked on his name remembering his death " and he was the only one who knew and accepted me for who I am. I had nobody apart from him before I came to Camelot hoping for a fresh start. I was scared out of my wits when I witnessed that execution the first time I stepped through the gates and I felt like running back to Ealdor but I knew I had to control my powers. I have lied to you, deceived you, made you think that I am an idiot when I'm not. I don't deserve your friendship. I save Camelot because it is worth it. That Arthur's worth it. His life is worth is worth a thousand of mine and I would die willingly a thousand times over just so Camelot and him are safe. I do it because I want to try and convince myself that I'm not a freak and a monster but I can't escape the valid truth that I am both of those things and more. I don't deserve anything. Especially after all of the lies I have told. Arthur's right. I am an absolute coward and I don't deserve the friendship or the kindness that is given. I walk around with a smile on face trying to act all cheery when it's killing me inside that I don't deserve anything that I am given. I'll bet my life that Arthur wouldn't think twice about having me executed if he knew. Morgana definitely wouldn't as she's been trying so hard to kill me because I keep on thwarting her plans to take over Camelot and if she knew I was Emrys, then she would use that knowledge against me and try to get me executed or try to kill me herself. I would never forgive myself if anything happens to the friends I don't deserve. That's why I don't ask for help because I can't risk anything happening to you, Arthur, Lancelot, Elyan, Leon, Gwen," again his voice cracked as he remembered that Arthur's betrothed to her," Gaius, or anyone in Camelot I won't be able to live with my self if any harm comes to you. I am entirely grateful that a monster like me can have friends that words don't even begin to describe how much I am thankful for that. Yes, I do so much for so little, but that's not why I do it. I do it because it's the right thing to do and I am forever in indebted for all of the friendship that I have received even if it's something I don't deserve. I never will." After Merlin spoke, Gwaine was rendered speechless. "I just... Don't deserve it." Merlin had tears standing in his eyes but refused to let them fall.
"Don't think that. Don't ever think that. Okay Merlin? Ever! You deserve everything. You are the most selfless, most noble of us all. You're wrong. We don't deserve your loyalty. You are the kindest, most purest hearted person I know."
"I am not pure of heart. I have killed people Gwaine. I cannot shake off the guilt that I have taken lives. Their blood is on my hands and mine alone."
"Have you ever killed anyone in spite?"
"No, but-"
"Have you ever used magic for ill intentions?"
"No, never but-"
"Have you ever used magic to hurt or cause any harm to others?"
"Only those who have attacked Camelot or hurt Arthur or one of you knights but-"
"Have you ever used magic on anyone?"
"To heal you but-"
"Well there we go. There's your proof. You have never used it for personal gain and you are definitely not a monster."
"I use magic to do some of my chores to make them get done quicker but-"
"No 'buts' Merlin." The finality in his voice cuts Merlin off. "Now, would you mind telling me what is wrong?"
"I..." Merlin stopped. How could he just come out and tell Gwaine of all people that he is in love with Arthur, the King of Camelot? He'll probably make fun of Merlin because of his feelings towards another man.
"I promise I will not make fun of you. Please just tell me." He said softly.
"Alright. I'll tell you." Merlin sighed in defeat, "I am... Kind of... In... Love... with... Arthur." He closed his eyes awaiting the jibes and the laughing but they didn't come. Merlin opened his eyes to see him gazing sympathetically at the young warlock.
"..,And he's getting married to Gwen." He said finishing his unsaid thought.
"Yeah. And it hurts. So much just to see them together and knowing that nothing can come of me and Arthur. It just... Breaks my heart. I love him, Gwaine. I tried to get over him but... I can't. " He said voice breaking with emotion. Gwaine put his arm around the young warlock comfortingly as Merlin cried in his shoulder. It was silent and all you could hear was Gwaine murmuring words of comfort as Merlin cried in his shoulder silently.
***
Unbeknownst to the young warlock and the drunkard-knight was that Arthur was a few feet away listening to the conversation they had. Arthur's heart clenched at Merlin's speech. Merlin is magic. He was born with it. How can he think that he doesn't deserve their friendship? How can he think that? Arthur knew he was loyal to a fault but he never knew how loyal his manservant was. When he had first heard that he had magic, Arthur was filled with betrayal, but now... He feels nothing but empathy and guilt that it was his and his father's fault that Merlin has to live in fear his whole life. How can Merlin think that he would execute him without hesitation? How could-
Oh. The Law. 'Law be dammed. I will never allow Merlin to live in fear again.' He thought. He was on his was back to where the other knights were when Merlin's next words made him stop in his tracks. "I am... Kind of... In... Love... With... Arthur." Merlin loves him? He loves Arthur back? So that's why Merlin was distraught. He loved Arthur and when he announced his betrothal to Guinevere, his heart broke. Arthur sunk to his knees.
"... And he's getting married to Gwen."
"Yeah. And it hurts. So much just to see them together and knowing that nothing can come of me and Arthur. It just... Breaks my heart. I love him, Gwaine. I tried to get over him but... I can't. " To hear Merlin's voice break with emotion, almost makes his heart break at the sound of it. 'I love you too idiot.' He screams in his head. When Gwaine places his arm around the warlock's shoulders, he is filled with jealousy. He trudged back to camp quietly thinking over this new revelation. He won't allow his love to live in fear any more. When they back to Camelot, he's abolishing the law concerning sorcery and he is going to end it with Gwen. He cannot be with someone when his heart belonged to Merlin.
***
It was close to last light when Merlin and Gwaine returned. Merlin had shown Gwaine some magic and he was awe at how beautifully Merlin performed it. They sat down near the fire and started eating. Merlin dished out the food for everyone, including himself. Once everyone was finished, it was after dark. "Get some sleep, I'll take first watch." Arthur said getting up to stand by a tree to keep guard. "Leon, you'll be next after me."
"Yes sire." He said and went to lie down on the sleeping roll by the fire everyone followed suit apart from Merlin who remained sitting by the fire looking in the bright orange flames. Within minutes everyone was asleep. Arthur was still leaning against the tree keeping watch.
"Ustia draca." He chanted quietly as his eyes flashed gold and a dragon made of sparks formed and looked like it was flying. Out of the corner Arthur's eyes he saw the flame dragon and smiled at the innocent act of magic and couldn't help be mesmerised in the beauty of it. The dragon faded and Arthur turned back to the task at hand. He pretended not to notice the manservant until a minute after the flame dragon disappeared.
"I thought I get some sleep?" Arthur said turning around to face his manservant. Said manservant turned to face him. His eyes were still dull and lifeless, but they weren't glazed over with tears. Arthur's heart clenched at the sight.
"I couldn't sleep my lord." Arthur winced at the use of his title. "I thought I could help with keeping watch."
"I appreciate it Merlin but get some sleep you look out of it." Arthur said looking at the dark circles under his eyes on his usually adorable and beautiful face.
"I'm not out of it." He protested but then yawned as if to torment him.
"Sure you aren't" Arthur said sarcastically rolling his eyes.
"But what about you? Don't you need sleep as well?" He asked. 'Dammit Merlin, why do you always have to be so god damn loyal? Do you ever think of yourself?' He thought bitterly then he recalled the conversation he had 'overheard' with Gwaine-no he doesn't.
"Not as much as you do Merlin." Merlin opened his mouth to protest but Arthur cut him off, "do you ever think of yourself?"
"Uhhh... Yeah... Sometimes." He added so quietly that Arthur almost missed it.
"Just get some sleep Merlin." He said as Merlin yawned again.
"Yes sire." He said tiredly and went to a tree and leant against it. He wrapped himself up in his jacket and he shut his eyes and went to sleep almost immediately. Arthur stared at his his sleeping form and noted how beautiful he looked even when asleep. There is no way that Merlin is evil. He looks so peaceful. The innocent magic that he performed earlier was beautiful. He doesn't have an evil bone in his body. He proved that with the conversation he had with Gwaine by the stream. He smiled at the sleeping form of his manservant-no, friend-leaning against the tree.
*Merlin's dream*
Morgana was strutting around Camelot with a wicked smirk on her face. According to her, everything was working perfectly. Merlin ran around the corner then and was met with the smirking Morgana. "You have lost Merlin. Give up now while you still have a chance."
"Over my dead body." He growled with venom in his voice. His normally sparkling blue eyes were cold and laced with malice and anger.
"That can be arranged." She smirked even more evilly and held her hand out "Fòrbærnàn Akwèlè." Her eyes flashed a dull, corrupted gold as a large fireball erupted from her outstretched hand and towards Merlin. He ducked as not to reveal himself to his mortal enemy. "You foolish boy." She sneered as he dodged yet another spell. "Helæp bonbæc." She said, her eyes flashing gold and Merlin was unceremoniously thrown backwards and hit the wall and Merlin could have sworn he heard something crack. "You always were a thorn in my side Merlin." She said with a triumphant smirk of malice towards him "Now you won't be able to save your precious King. Goodbye Merlin." She held her arm over his form lying spread-eagled on the floor.
"I don't think so." He hissed. Exposure be dammed Camelot's in trouble. Arthur's in trouble. He thrust his arm out his eyes flashing a pure gold and Morgana went flying through the air until she hit the wall on the far side of corridor. She still managed to get back up but it was difficult. Her eyes were flashing furiously.
"You have magic?" She said her voice disbelieving and furious. "You've betrayed me. You've betrayed our kind Merlin."
"No." He was walking towards her eyes hard and cold which made Morgana involuntarily shiver "the only one who has betrayed our kind Morgana is you." He hissed angrily as she attempted to used magic on him again but with a flash of gold in Merlin's eyes held her in place. She was frozen. "You've betrayed our kind the moment you joined Morgause. As soon as you went to her, you were no longer my friend." Morgana flinched at the venom in his voice as he spoke. "Do you know what my name is Morgana?" Morgana though that was a stupid question. She would have laughed if she could. "No, well let me refresh your memory shall I?" He walked closer to Morgana his steely gaze met her hate filled ones. "Does the name Emrys, ring any bells?" Morgana visibly paled.
She realised she could still speak."No. You're lying. Your not him. He's an old man. You can't be." She sounded uncertain and her voice wavered.
Merlin laughed humourless and cold which sent shivers down Morgana's spine. "Ever heard of an ageing spell, Morgana?" He spat her name as if it were poison.
"Emrys." She said as it dawned on her.
"Finally the last High Priestess of the Old Religion worked out who Emrys was." He congratulated Morgana sarcastically with so much venom, that Morgana blanched. "It only took you, what, three, four years to work that out? I am very disappointed in you Morgana. I thought you would have worked that out ages ago. But I was wrong." He leaned closer to her "And now, you are going to leave Camelot and never return."
Anger bubbled inside Morgana "NEVER! " She screamed and her eyes flashed and she was set free from the magical restraints. Merlin went back a few paces but was standing nonetheless with a pure golden shield protecting him.
"MERLIN!" Arthur yelled and he sped around the corner and saw Morgana smirk again. Merlin's shield lowered and disappeared.
"Well, looks like this is going to be easy after all." She smirked evilly "Fòrbærnàn Akwèlè Killàs Arthur Pendragon." She chanted eyes flashing maliciously and a large black and dark purple fireball shot from her hand towards Arthur.
"ARTHUR!" He started to dart forward but it his him squarely in the chest. He fell to the ground lifeless. He was dead. Anger was now coursing through him like a plague. He clenched his fists and the whole castle seemed to shake. She killed his love and now she was going to pay. He was shaking with fury and all of the windows smashed and circled around the warlock. The weather changed from sunny to stormy in an instant and thunder and lightning playing outside. Merlin outstretched his hand towards the lightning and it struck his hand and danced in between his fingers. The towns people were staring with fear and shock as the most respected manservant in all of Camelot using extremely powerful magic. Merlin couldn't care less. Morgana has just killed his master, his king, his friend, his love and she was going to pay for it. "You. Should. Not. Have. Done. That." He said he voice laced with uncontrollable anger. "Goodbye Morgana Pendragon!" He then thrust both of his arms towards the witch the glass and the lightning met and seemed to glow an electic blue and struck the witch. She let out a blood-curling scream-
*End of dream*
Merlin woke with a start screaming. He was covered in cold sweat. He was panting. It was still dark. Arthur noticed that Merlin was shaking uncontrollably and covered in sweat. His eyes were fearful. The knights awoke at Merlin's screams. He was struggling to breathe. Arthur's dead form still in his mind. Tears escaped through his eyes. He tried to wipe them but more followed. The knights and Arthur were looking at him with fearful and concerned looks. "Just-just-just," He voice was also shaking "just a nightmare. Just a nightmare." Arthur, Gwaine and Lancelot weren't convinced. Merlin had a vision and they knew it. Merlin looked at Gwaine and Lancelot with a look that says I'll tell you later.
Merlin's breathing was shaky at what he had just seen. Gaius was suspecting that he was becoming a seer and that very thought scared him. He feared the future since when he first looked into the crystal of Neahtid and in the crystal cave. Merlin didn't go back to sleep after that. Now he knows how Morgana felt when she had visions. He remembered her petrified at the thought of them. She was alone. A wave of guilt clawed him. He should have helped her. He should have told her about his own gifts but instead he left her alone when she she needed him the most. Merlin caught eye contact with Arthur and time seemed to freeze. It felt like they were the only two in the world. Arthur had worry etched in his features. Merlin was first to brake eye contact and everything resumed.
Everyone fell back sleep except Merlin and Arthur. It was an uncomfortable silence. Not one for silences, Arthur-unsurprisingly-broke it. "What was it about?"
"What was what about sire?" Merlin asked confused. Arthur ground his teeth together at his title.
"Your nightmare idiot. What was it about?"
Merlin bit his lip. He couldn't tell the King that he was having visions of the future. "Well," Merlin hesitated.
"Come on, you can tell me, we are friends right?" Arthur asked softly.
'I wish we were more than friends' Merlin thought sadly. "Right." He said aloud regretfully.
"So, what was it about?" He asked softy genuinely curious and worried about what his love had dreamt.
"Ummm... Morgana was in it." He said quietly but Arthur heard. He was right, it was a vision.
"What happened?" Merlin didn't answer. He was scared of the vision that he saw. "Please Merlin. Please tell me."
Arthur looked at the king. "You really want to know?"
"Yes I do. Now, please tell me."
"Alright. Morgana was strolling through Camelot..." He continued to tell Arthur the dream but not mentioning the magic he used. He told him up to Arthur's death but didn't go further than that.
"Is this the first time you've had these dreams?" He asked.
"Ummm... No. I've had them over the last couple of days." He said.
"That explains you being tired." Arthur said. "Does anyone know about these dreams? Besides me I mean?"
"Gaius. That's it but I don't like talking about them." He said in a low voice.
"Look at me." Arthur said softly, yet commanding. Merlin looked at him. "Whatever is bothering you, you can tell me. Alright? I'll be here for you."
"You'll hate me." Merlin said sadly.
"I don't think so. Nothing can change what I think of you. I wouldn't care if you had magic. Nothing can make me think of you differently." At Arthur's words, Merlin looked up. There was hope sparkling in his eyes.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously"
"There's two things. I'm not sure how you would react to the second one." He bit his lip. "Arthur. I'm a warlock." He braced himself for the betrayal, the anger and the hatred that didn't come.
"There, was that so hard?"
"You knew?"
"Naturally. Well I found out when you were talking to Gwaine earlier." Merlin froze.
"How-how much did you hear?"
"All of it."
"So, you heard about my... Feelings?" He gulped waiting for the disgust . What surprised him was that Arthur smiled. He nodded. "So, you're not disgusted by me?"
"Does this answer your question?" And with that he kissed Merlin. They fell into pure bliss. Arthur's lips were soft and gentle. There lips moving in synchronisation with each other's. Arthur gently licked Merlin's bottom lip and was immediately admitted access. Their tongues were battling for dominance. There was a spark that went through each of them as they kissed. Merlin moaned in pleasure as Arthur deapened the kiss. They reluctantly pulled apart when they needed to breathe. Their foreheads resting against each others both breathing heavily. "Damn breathing." He said and Merlin chuckled. Arthur smiled at the beautiful laugh that he missed so much.
"What about Gwen?" Merlin said sadly but didn't pull away.
"I will always love Guinevere but I love you more." He said, "I cannot marry Guinevere when my heart belongs to another. It wouldn't be fair on her or you." He whispered "I love you more that life itself."
"I love you too Arthur, my King" They kissed again with more compassion than before. The kiss expressed every emotion and every desire. They broke apart for breath. Merlin leaned his head on Arthur's neck and Arthur wrapped his arm around the young warlock. "You do not know how long I have waited to do that." He said quietly smiling.
"Or I, you." He said. "Come on, lets get some sleep." Merlin froze. "Merlin, what's wrong?"
"I don't want to have another vision. Gaius said I'm becoming a seer and it scares me." He hugged Arthur tightly not wanting to let him go.
"I won't let anything happen to you I promise." He said and Merlin smiled lovingly at his king.
"Or I, you." He kissed him again and they got up and lay on the bed roll. side by side. Arthur brought the blanket over them both and Arthur held him closer. They both fell asleep like that.
When Merlin awoke next morning, Arthur had his arms around him. None of the knights were up yet. Merlin reluctantly slipped out of the make-shift bed and began to make breakfast. The Arthur woke up next. He wrapped his arms around Merlin. "Good morning." He whispered kissing his head.
"Good morning Arthur." He smiled. Arthur let go of his lover and sat down as the knights awoke. "Breakfast." He said cheerfully.
The knights all smiled at the good mood of the servant all thrilled that he was no longer moody. Gwaine and Lancelot shared a look and grinned. They knew what happened they saw it last night. "Glad you cheered up Merlin." Gwaine said. Merlin grinned at him from ear to ear as he passed out the breakfast.
"Yeah. Me too." Lancelot agreed and so did the other knights.
"Couldn't give me some more would you Merlin?" Leon asked and Merlin gave him some before sitting down next to Arthur and ate his breakfast. Once they finished, they packed up their camp and started to ride back to Camelot.
"So is there any other secrets I should know about?" Arthur asked. They had both hung back so they could talk, their fingers entwined.
"Umm... I'm the last dragonlord." He said.
"But Balinor..."
"Was my father."
"Merlin I'm so sorry."
Merlin shrugged, "It's okay, you didn't know." He said, "I don't know how you are going to react to this one."
"Come on you tell me." Arthur said softly.
"The Great Dragon, Kilgharrah, is alive. I couldn't kill him Arthur. Me and him are kin and he helped me saved Camelot many a time. I just couldn't kill him Arthur."
"I see. If I was in your position, I'd do the same."
"I ordered him to leave Camelot alone or I'll kill him and he has kept his word so I saw no reason to kill him." He said.
"I understand." Arthur said gripping Merlin's hand tighter in affection. The moment they were close to the Camelot gates, they let go of each others hands. "Come on. I have an announcement to make." He said.
After lunch, Gaius, Gwen, the knights, Merlin and Arthur went to the balcony. "Good people of Camelot." He addressed the people. "After some recent events that came to light, I have decided that some laws are to be changed. So I hereby decree that magic will once again be welcomed into Camelot." Merlin's jaw dropped. Gwaine was smiling proudly at his king and Lancelot and Gaius were smiling at Merlin. Everyone was in shock at first, but then the crowd erupted in cheers. A few of the towns people were around before the purge so they saw the wonders that magic can do.
"Merlin," He addressed the warlock and the crowd died down. "is a warlock who has tirelessly protected Camelot singlehandedly and I hereby decree Merlin, to be court warlock so any magical issues would go to him. Anyone who uses magic for personal gain and tries to harm another person for ill intentions, will executed acordly." The crowd cheered once more.
"LONG LIVE THE KING!" Erupted throughout Camelot.
"There will be a feast to celebrate the new laws tonight and a magic festival that will go on for a week starting next week and you are all invited." The crowd cheered. "Merlin, if you would." Merlin grinned happily and stepped forward.
"Blòsmà lèòght." He chanted. His eyes flashed brilliant gold and flowers of all colours appeared with orbs that glowed magnificent gold and silver over the crowd. The children ran forward and started dancing as they floated around them. The crowd stared in awe at the beauty in the magic. "Ustià dràcà" His eyes flashed again and they morphed into a Pendragon crest. Merlin was free. He no longer had to hide who he is. He was now with Arthur and Merlin couldn't be happier.
***
After the announcement, Arthur went to speak with Gwen. "Guinevere, I'm sorry but I cannot marry you. I love you. Remember that I love you and always will but my heart belongs to someone else."
"Is it Merlin?" She asked with a smile.
"How did you-"
"Know? Well I know because I know you Arthur. I've seen the way you look at him. I came to tell you that I cannot marry you either." She said. "I too have someone that my heart belongs to but it isn't you."
"Lancelot?"
She nodded. "I hope you Merlin will be very happy together Arthur." She said smiling.
"And you with Lancelot, Guinevere." He smiled. "Now I must go find our court warlock."
"Go." She chuckled and Arthur left her house to search for Merlin. He found him walking down the streets of Camelot with a beautiful smile on his face.
"Merlin." He called and if possible he smile got bigger. "Me and Guinevere are no longer betrothed. So, would you do the honour of becoming my consort?" He asked and everyone stopped and watched eagerly for Merlin answer.
"Yes. I would." Arthur smiled and then kissed Merlin not caring who was watching. The crowd cheered once more. When they broke apart, they were both smiling happily. "I love you."
"I love you too. Forever..."
"...And always."