Summer 2021
Alex
Summer only just officially started and the weather in London couldn't be any worse. It's as if I predicted that I'd need the feel of sunshine on my skin to regain some happiness. The depressing weather of grey skies and the constant dribble making it impossible to do anything fun outside. I also knew when I booked the tickets that I wanted to be in Palas by the cliff for my father's anniversary of his death.
Since I moved back to England I haven't been back in Palas and I need it like a drug. The sparse moments I visited some kind of water in England made me realize that I feel most myself by the whisking sea of Palas. In Palas you live outdoors while in England you live indoors and for me and Harry indoors still means our small one-bedroom apartment which we're growing out of. Since we're getting married in a few months, the need for something bigger is growing but we can't seem to settle on anything.
The houses we have visited are either too expensive, too small, in the wrong area or simple not what we're looking for. The small place we live in now is romantic on one hand but on the other it is suffocating. After I moved in I thought we'd find something quick, but I was wrong. We still live there, cramped up with no outdoor space, so stepping out of the plane and seeing the shore of Palas next to me is enough to start crying happy tears for a lot of reasons.
Harry is already turning on his phone, afraid that his company that he left in the hands of his trainee Jason is burning down already. I think he shouldn't worry, but every time when I tell him to trust Jason he simply laughs at me. Jason came to Harry's shop after it had been open for eight months. Harry is popular amongst known tattoo fans and his demand grew faster than he could deliver. He needed someone to help out and take over simple tattoos and then suddenly there was Jason. To me he seemed like a God sent, but Harry needed persuading. In the end he opened up to Jason and I'm glad that he's treating him okay and is giving him this week to prove himself. I'm sure Jason will be alright, but Harry can't seem to let go. All he talked about on the plane was Jason and all that could go wrong. I can't blame him and it also is nice to see how passionate he still is about his own shop and that it is doing so well. Instead of moan about him not paying attention to me, I let him call to Jason while I silently cry happy-tears and watch all that is happening around me.
The walk from the plane to the bus is still the same. Even the busses seem to have not changed at all since the first time I came here and bumped in to Harry. Then finding him annoying and somewhat scary for the way he reacted, but now he's my soon to be husband and I take his hand.
He looks down to me, smiling briefly as he talks to Jason. He frowns a bit when he sees that I'm crying, but doesn't end his call immediately. He knows me well enough to see that I'm not upset. Only happy. Buying these tickets and booking a hotel cost me a lot of money and I worked damn hard for them, but I'd do it again every year just to spend some time here.
For Harry it is different. When we first met here and bonded, he was sure I would come back and I didn't believe him. I saw Palas as a quick way of making money and afterwards I'd grow old with James. But Harry got his way and I came back the next year. For him Palas was a nice retreat and a place to be with me, but for me Palas became a lot more. A place where I found myself and lost myself time after time. After my father died it also became the only place I felt remotely okay, while Harry grew older and wanted to return to his life in England. It is what broke us up the first time. I rooted in Palas and Harry wanted to make a career and he couldn't here.
Now he has done exactly that and it makes me proud to see him so concerned for his business. I know that after a week we'll return back there, but some of my roots will always stay here. I feel that even clearer now that I'm actually back and I'm only in the airport. But I also realize as quick as a few minutes after landing that home is with Harry and for the past year I have been my happiest in London. Palas is a nice place to visit and reminisce about, but it is not home. It's a place for vacation, something to look forward to, and I hope that Harry will stop stressing out and enjoy his time away from home. I already am, but I don't have an exciting business waiting for me in London. I don't know that sort of responsibility.
"Jason, I'm trusting you with my life. Don't fuck it up," Harry concludes his phone call. "Bye, bye."
He then turns to look at me again. We're already at the luggage belt, me dragging him through the airport while he spoke to Jason. I stopped crying along the way, but Harry still lets my hand go to put both of his on my cheeks.
"Are you okay?" He asks, and I smile as an answer. "I promise to not stalk Jason."
"That is a ballsy promise for someone who claims to not break them."
"Depends on your definition of stalking." I roll my eyes and pucker my lips as a hint. He takes it and kisses me gently before pulling me in for a tight hug. "Can't believe we're here. That why you were crying a bit?"
"Yeah," I mumble against his chest. "Bit overwhelmed."
"Looks exactly the same."
"It has only been two years."
"You don't want to know how nervous I was when I stood here two years ago. I had no clue what I was doing."
"Clearly you didn't," I say, thinking back to how he came here expecting to see me with Thomas while he himself was sort of together with Susie. A fact he neglected to tell me.
"Good thing we do now."
He releases me from our embrace and we realize that almost everyone has already gotten their luggage while our shared suitcase is still rolling around the belt. We laugh and carry it of so that we can get a move on.
I booked us a hotel near the strip and the sea which can only be nice although I don't think we'll spend much time there. Harry needs to relax and for him that also means being by the sea-side. Part of me is scared to go back to the beach and see my previous work. Afraid that it will awaken the feeling I had after I left lifeguarding to go back to London jobless. My work at the 24-hour shop is dull, but I no longer feel like a failure working there instead of an exciting place like Palas Beach. I hope that seeing my old work doesn't make me feel like a sudden failure anyway.
"God, the weather is glorious," Harry says as we step out of the airport to find a taxi. He takes a deep breath and I can see him relax. "Thanks for arranging this."
"I think you needed it. You are on the verge of a nervous breakdown, Harry. Just be, remember?"
"I remember," he says on a more serious note. "I remember it all now that we're back here."
It does feel like a full circle to return as a couple, stronger than ever. Nostalgic feelings rise thinking back to the first time I came here.
"It's a sad thing Rosie isn't here to pick us up."
The thought of her makes Harry laugh. "Does Liam know how she ended up?"
"No, I don't think so. I asked Rob about her, but he said she's still the same girl."
"Pity for her, blessing for Liam. He's much better off with someone as independent as Nina."
"For sure. They're disgustingly perfect together aren't they? I lived with them for so long and never once heard a real fight. And even if they disagreed it never lasted longer than an hour."
"I don't know how they do it," Harry admits. "I think a fight that's shorter than an hour is a miracle for us."
"Worth celebrating after," I add and he smiles down to me.
"Which is always the best part of any fight. Just imagine never having make-up sex. Their relationship much be boring as hell."
"It's not, but we can think it is."
"To make us feel better," he continues and I'm out of comebacks and simply laugh as we find a taxi that is willing to take us to our hotel. "Can't wait to go to the beach."
"Me neither," I say, but I still feel nervous about it. "But let's get to the hotel first. Who knows what I booked."
The trip from the airport to the hotel is beautiful and I feel myself relax a little bit when I watch the city fly by me and the old town on top of the mountain. Not much has changed since I left. Still the same stores that I used to do my groceries for years and buy my clothes. The closer we get to the hotel the more often the sea pops up between the buildings on our left. Harry and I both love watching it so much that we don't talk to taxi driver nor to each other.
When we reach the hotel I realize it is close by the flat we used to live in the early days and the other hotel James stayed and I stole food once. That makes it also incredible close to the beach and the tower as well.
"This looks brilliant," Harry says as we step out of the car and accept the luggage from the taxi driver. "You did good, Lee."
"It might be full of termite. Let's not celebrate too soon."
Inside we realize there's probably not a cockroach to be found anywhere. We're greeted by the receptionist with a big smile. We're up on the top floor which excites me, and are promised a sea-side view. After some more small talk we're granted our keys for the room and we almost snatch them out of her hand, both eager to see the space.
There's an elevator that takes us to the fifth floor and soon we find the right door. Harry turns to look at me and I like that he's just as excited as me. With his keycard he manages to unlock it after the third try.
"Woh," he gushes while we both step inside and hear the door fall back in its lock, the sound ringing in our ears as we both fall silent.
The room is large, nothing like we've ever stayed in before. It also looks much more modern than anything else we've ever seen in Palas. The flat and my apartments don't look anything like it. Besides a king size bed there's also a large seating area, and the bathroom holds and actual bath.
"How were you able to afford this? Is there something you need to tell me?" Harry wonders and he makes me laugh.
"Like what? How I sell my body on the side?"
"I don't know. This just looks like a bit too much."
"It was the cheapest. Maybe Palas isn't as expensive anymore and it's also not high summer."
"Otherwise you must tell me."
"Don't worry about it. Honestly, it was as much a gift to you as it was to me."
"Aren't you clever," he says, dragging our suitcase in and falling on the bed afterwords.
"And?" I ask, referring to the bed.
"Come test it out yourself."
Instead of lying down next to him, I jump on top of Harry's body and let my head rest on his chest. He takes a hint and wraps his arms around me to hold me close. To me it is the best feeling in the world to have him so close to me. Over the last months we have become a lot more affectionate, sickening the people around us with our love. I like that for once I'm part of the couple people envy instead of me looking at others and wishing I shared something like that with someone. It really seems that Harry and I needed to find each other again in order to truly feel our every emotion and also appreciate it, the good and the bad.
"Thank you for bringing me back. I didn't know how much I missed it. Last time I came back I was too occupied by you to enjoy the city."
"By me?" I wonder.
"Yeah, you. You and Thomas, you and Liam, you and Zayn, you and all that comes with you."
"That's a lot of me."
"It was tiring."
"I'm sorry," I joke, and I somehow expect him to bring up Thomas like he always used to do, but he keeps quiet. I guess he finally realizes that he is out of my life. A year later we don't even text anymore. Looking back on my relationship with him there are moments where I miss him, but I guess that is natural. He once meant an awful lot to me, but now we're merely strangers. Even Harry realizes that.
"We should go to the beach, don't you think?" Harry offers and I nod. "Can't wait to see you in your tiny bikini."
"Didn't bring one," I tease and he brings his hands to my face, forcing me to look up.
"Skinny dipping?"
"Doubt the rules have changed on Palas beach about that."
"It has always been a stupid rule. Who knows with Zayn at the helm he might have made himself useful and allow naked sunbathing."
"Well, I'm allowed to take off my top, just not my bottom."
"Such a pity," he says and he slaps my ass. "But I'm glad it is so it remains mine."
I laugh and crawl of him to unpack our suitcase and make this hotel room a little bit like home for the next week. It's almost just as big so we don't need much adjusting. After we've emptied our suitcase and changed into our swimming clothes, we drink a glass of water on the balcony that does indeed have a seaside view. We can't see much of the beach, but the sea is as beautiful as ever and I wish I could just take it home with me.
"Let's go," I say, sounding like a child who can't wait, and I really can't.
There are almost no nerves left when we walk to the beach because I'm too excited to feel the sand beneath my feet and the sea tickle my thighs. The fact that I might run into people of my past isn't scary and Harry's next to me, making small talk all the way to the boulevard.
The tower is to our left, still quite a while away which means that we're on the sluts end of the beach. It's not so busy since the currents are probably big and everyone is ordered to swim at the other side of the beach. Since Harry and I know the sea well enough, we dare to set up here. We take the steps down to the beach and it is so strange to be here as a tourist and not in our lifeguarding clothes.
As soon as my feet hit the sand I take off my flip flops so that I can feel it in all its glory. Harry copies my actions and also takes off his shirt right after. The sight of him shirtless and wearing blue swim shorts is something that sets me on fire. He still is so attractive to me and it seems to never fade. I'm still just as excited to walk next to him as I was the first year I met him. Everything around us feels so nostalgic, and I can sense that it is the same for Harry. He too looks over to the buggy to see who is in it, but it is someone we don't know. The thought that the guy sitting in it thinks that we're enjoying tourists not reading the signs makes me laugh.
"What?" Harry asks as he puts down a towel for us to lie on.
"Oh, nothing. Just the thought of us being the annoying tourists I cursed upon for years."
"We're not annoying. If you drown I can save you and vice versa. We're dream tourists."
"Unless we drown together."
"Truth to be told, if I drown I rather have you drown with me."
"Let's not talk about drowning though," I say, sitting down on the towel. "I rather have you protect my skin."
Harry doesn't need to be told twice and sits down behind me to massage the sunblock on my skin. Even the smell of it brings back memories about a lot of people. The combination of Harry touching me, the sound of the sea and the feeling of the sun burning makes me feel the happiest I've felt in a long time.
"So glad to be back," Harry whispers in my ear and he keeps sitting behind me, holding me close as we both watch to the sea.
For a long moment all his worries about work and Jason are pushed to the far back of his mind, and I have absolutely nothing to worry about either. We simply enjoy each other's company and the beautiful place we're at. Just be- as my father would say.