"But people are Oceans," she shrugged,
"You cannot know them by their surface."
-Beau Taplin |Surfaces
***
Neither the clock- or I - win the next morning.
Before the hour of five could ring, and before my eyes could open minutes ahead to beat the alarm- I was awoken by a sudden weight on my legs.
My body reacts on instinct, springing up and shooting forward to the source of the weight.
A snarled laughter fills the air- and suddenly- I'm fighting.
Wrestling against the invader.
I find their arms, stopping them before they could wrap behind around my neck in a chokehold.
They fly off me, falling from the bed and onto the floor.
I look down and scowl at the sight of Lilah sprawled on the ground.
She is laughing, rolling with tears in her eyes as she clings to her side.
"Really?" But I can't stay annoyed at her long for waking me up.
A sigh from the doorway has me looking up, a smile spreading on my face as Aunt Quinn walks in- her head shaking in disbelief at her twin.
"Freaking savages," she groans, tossing aside her long hair, until she stops abruptly on the spot, her eyes wide in horror as they take in my appearance.
"What the hell did you do to your hair?"
Her hands are clasped against her face, mouth open in dread as she rushes forward to feel the short-jagged cut that adorned my head now.
"I like it!" Lilah yells from the floor.
"You could have at least given it to me," Aunt Quinn said, mournfully feeling the thin strands, "I was thinking of dying my hair black."
"Ya, don't think Mark would like that," Lilah shakes her head, standing and grinning broadly at me.
An evil smile spreads across Aunt Quinn's face, "oh then I'm definitely going to do it."
The twins look at each other and laugh, a gleeful look shared between them until they focus their attention back to me.
"Morning wolfers," Lilah jumps on the bed, settling there and patting an empty spot next to her for Aunt Quinn.
"I guess I could say Good Morning," I look at the clock and sigh.
"We wanted to surprise you."
Aunt Quinn snorts, "Lilah wanted to surprise you with the worst idea possible."
"It wasn't that bad."
"Waking up at 4 in the fu-,"
"Why are you here again?" I asked, cutting Aunt Quinn off before she could start one of her famous long string of curses.
The twins sigh at the same time, grinning at one another when the action is done in unison.
"Well. Your mom told us last night that you were leaving. And thus we wanted to be the first to say goodbye."
"I have to see Uncle Mark also," I point out to Lilah.
"It won't hurt if you say goodbye to Quinn twice."
I groan and get up.
I was already awake. The day, by all means, and reasons- no matter how it had begun- had officially started.
"I'm going for my run."
Lilah sighs and leans back, "I'll run later when it's time for the experts to train."
Quinn examines her long blond-dyed hair- fingering two strands together as she nods in agreement.
I shrug, "I'll do that later also."
Lilah smiles, but I can sense the edge of competitive hardness behind her words, "Dedication. I like it."
They quickly stand, swaying to the doorway with a satisfied grin on their faces.
"See you later wolfers!" Lilah cries.
I wince at the degrading nickname she always uses, but quickly smile when I hear dad's angry shouts down the hall- directed at the twins for their loud and rude awakening of the whole pack house.
* * *
Of course, Sandra cries.
"Don't forget to wear those shoe-,"
"I won't," I quickly said, smiling at the motherly concerned that etched into her voice.
She hiccups, her sobs now subsided slightly after I had given her some time to process the news.
I look at her, and suddenly, a weight settles in my chest at the sight of her red-rimmed eyes.
"It won't be for forever Sandra. I'll come back. Don't act like this."
She nods her head, but a cloud of gloom still seems to descend over her as she refills my plate of food.
"Just...just make sure you don't stay away for too long."
"I'll be gone for...I don't know," I admit.
She places her elbows on the counter, leaning in to hold her head within her hands as she thinks.
"The winter months are coming dearie. The mountains will be dreadful. Are you sure you don't want to just wait until spring?"
I shake my head.
I didn't have time to wait.
"Vincent could come back..."
A sad look of understanding passes through Sandra's face.
"But what if he comes while you are away?"
I look down at the counter, tracing the pattern for the grain of wood with my hands.
"Then it won't be father that I challenge."
Sandra shudders slightly, shaking away a chill within her body as she looks at me.
I remain quiet, thinking about her question.
It's interrupted by the appearance of mom and dad.
Dad walks by, no word said, as he goes straight to the door and wordlessly leaves.
A sudden pain stabs into my chest- a tightness I can't control that constricts within my body.
His actions had told me everything I needed to hear from him.
Mom stares at the door, her face twisted into a rare frown before she turns and smiles at me.
"You'll be leaving soon?"
I nod silently.
She slides into a chair next to me, thanking Sandra as she places a plate of food in front of her.
It was still too early for the pack to wake up.
I look at mom in surprise.
"Shouldn't you eat with the pack?"
She and dad normally ate when they had all woken. When the warriors were back from patrol or the ones asleep had risen.
Dad at the head of the table, with mother to his left.
"Just this one morning, I want to eat with my daughter."
I look away from her eyes and smile.
"I guess," I shrug, pulling off my grin to look back at her with a blank face.
I don't look up when a familiar scent enters my nose.
"Morning Uncle Mark."
"Can never sneak up on you," he sighs from behind.
Mom jumps, startled at the sudden appearance of her brother.
Uncle Mark just laughs and sits down next to her, accepting a plate from Sandra.
"Do you know, Quinn told me this morning that she was going to color her hair black?"
I look down smiling, but quickly realize that there is no longer a curtain of hair to hide my grin.
Uncle Mark is able to catch it.
"I think she would look nice in it," mom said in a neutral tone.
Uncle Mark gives an exasperated sound, shaking his head.
I hear Sandra's laughter in the background as mom joins in.
"Okay enough," he said weakly, earning another round of laughter from her.
He leans his head back, letting us take in his misfortune, but a smile is on his face.
"What am I going to do with her Lex?"
Mom just shrugs, her own smile widening as she and Uncle Mark give each other a knowing look.
Something about the far-off look in Uncle Mark's eyes bothers me. Maybe it was because his whole focus was only upon Aunt Quinn. His world was her.
Maybe it bothered me that nothing else seemed to fill it.
The fact that having a mate would consume so much of someone. Making them forget goals and dreams. But it also served as a reminder that dreams could change with just the meeting of one person.
I never liked it though when soft emotions were brought up.
I felt that the feeling of such things would make you that- soft.
I'm not sure my mate would appreciate my hardness though. That I'm not soft. I can't say soft words or provide comfort that well. I'm not a soft creature like the siblings next to me.
My reality has made sure of that.
Uncle Mark's dreamy look is snapped back to focus as he leans over mom to face me.
"Heard you're leaving?"
I nod, my body going rigid at the look I am receiving.
He nods back, leaning away and resettling back within his seat.
"Good luck."
We eat in silence for a few minutes.
Uncle Mark finishes first.
He looks uncomfortable as he softly squeezes my shoulders. We both don't say anything.
Like father, he wordlessly walks away.
I stand and sigh.
Mom and Sandra watch me, a sudden weariness hanging over them.
I look down at them.
And then it hits me.
"You don't think I'll really go."
Sandra looks away, but mom doesn't.
Her eyes don't leave me.
"You don't think I'll last out there," I whisper.
I look out the door, another thought coming to my mind.
"Tell him to not come."
Mom's eyes widen at my request.
But I feel that same rage burn into me.
Each person coming to say goodbye but not really meaning it.
How nice.
How cute.
She's going away for a few days to look at some mountains?
"Tell dad to not follow me. Tell him to not come into those mountains with me."
I feel a sudden monster in me.
Like the wolf inside was ripping to get out.
Like a beast was waiting for me to release it- because never had I felt so much frustrated energy pent up within me.
It didn't matter how much I ran or trained.
It would always be there.
"And if I do see dad there... in those mountains..." my voice is a deadly whisper- a quiet promise as I lean closer to mom, "I will not hesitate to challenge him."
She grabs my hands.
The roughness of her own brings back a familiar feeling as the dried paint rubs against my cut skin.
"Please, Soraya- don't hurt yourself again. Please don't.... don't push yourself. You have nothing to prove to me or your father. Nothing."
I pull my hand out, tasting a bitterness in my mouth as every word I want to scream at her turns to ash.
The fear in her eyes was real.
I knew why they feared what I desired.
I knew it.
Yet I still caused this pain to them.
"I'm leaving now," I lean down and softly kiss mom's cheek. I tried to do it whenever I could. To remind mom that I really did love her.
"Goodbye mom. I'll see you later."
I look at Sandra, and smile.
Her eyes are once again full of tears.
I only pause in my actions, when I catch sight of Leo at the foot of the stairs.
He gives me one, silent nod.
That was all the encouragement I needed.
All the encouragement I could have hoped for, to help me turn my back to them, and walk out the door.
* * *
"When do you think you'll be back?"
I lean down into the chair and sigh, shaking my head.
"There's no telling Henry."
His eyes are far off, calculating my words. Always thinking the next step ahead.
"You know why I'm here though."
He snorts, "Well I know it's not to say some tearful goodbye."
I fight back the smile that wanted to pull up my lips.
"How are Katie and Reign?"
His face lights up in happiness at the mention of his mate and newborn pup.
"Good. Better than good actually."
I can't help but shake my head in amusement at the silly grin that hung on his lips. His whole body glowing in serenity.
It only makes my question that much harder to ask.
"Henry...You know why I'm here...you know what I want from you."
The light on his face suddenly clouds over at my words. His features twisting and turning dark.
"I know."
I swallow, unexpectedly nervous about what he will say.
But he surprises me by looking into my eyes- unflinching in his actions- as he nods his head, "You don't have to worry Soraya."
A breath of relief falls from my lips at his promise.
I stand, looking down at him one last time before I left, "Thank you."
He gives me a knowing smile.
"You're welcome."
I pause though. I can't help but hesitate as I lean towards the door, then turn back to face him.
"But what about Katie? And now Reign...what if something goes wrong?"
His expression only grows more serious- a flash of gold showing in his eyes.
"I made a promise to you Soraya. Katie knows that."
A foreign feeling creeps inside me. One that I quickly shove down. I don't say thank you again. I had already lingered too long.
I could tell Henry wanted to get back to his mate- to love on his new pup.
The family he had created.
And he knew me well enough to expect such a blunt and short meeting.
The main road that travels down the pack is lined with different housing.
Various members are out now that the morning is finally arriving at a decent hour.
I greet them all, calling each out by their names I had painstakingly taken the time to learn, as I walk down the road.
I stop when a middle-aged couple approaches me.
My face immediately goes blank.
Unfeeling.
Showing no emotions so that I would give nothing away.
Their haggard faces show some warmth spreading back into them when they see me acknowledge their calling.
"Good morning," I nod my head respectfully down, keeping my eyes away to avoid the ever-present pain that seemed to fill theirs.
"Hello Soraya," the female said softly back. Her voice was calm- almost soothing. But I knew better. I knew that a violent storm of sorrow raged inside.
"How are you? And the family- Leo is okay?"
I feel my jaw clench at the question.
The same question they always ask.
Leo is okay?
"All fine," I mutter, almost inaudible. But I know they can hear me.
"If you see him...can you...can you tell him he is welcome to see us and...and to not feel shy..." the female's words die away in her mouth. She knows this is a play that we act out. Each with our own parts. Each member holding their own dialogue. The male is always silent. Always staring at me intensely as if his broken expression alone is enough to break me also.
The female always whispers her same questions.
And I always reply, "I'll pass it along."
She nods, but the hope that had once entered her eyes from the words no longer comes.
She knows better than to hope.
We stand there in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds longer until I continue with the performance, breaking off and waving goodbye, voicing my final dialogue, "Have a nice day Mrs. Rive. You to Mr. Rive."
The broken couple just nod and wave me away.
I put my back to the sight, pushing my head up. I didn't need such distractions now.
The open road laid ahead of me.
Once I reached the cover of the woods I would shift.
And then my journey would begin.
*hugs*