XV.
My mother told me that when one makes plans, he should make sure that everyone is on board. That was why I never put in myself in the central position of coordinating. Juggling people, places, and times has never been a strong suit. I cannot deal with three things at once.
A nervous sweat moistened the line of my brow as I picked my phone to call Dave.
"You are where!?" He shouted. I pulled the phone away from her to recover from the impact of his words.
"Chicago."
"Oh, good God, Divy. Why couldn't you tell me before?"
He had a point, but my rage towards Logen and the nuisance of Robert and Christian had clouded my rationality. Then again, my rationality had never been clear. I stayed silent.
The heavy crackle of a sigh came from the phone. "Alright, just tell me who's coming."
I thought into my memory, sorting the list of names in my head. "Well, there's me, Christian, Robert, Logen, Maggie, Drew, my mother, my father, Cal-"
"Mairead?"
My hand balled up into a fist. "Oh, hell no. Not Mairead-"
"Okay, okay, calm down. Jeez, Divy, I was just asking. No need to blow up."
I quieted down. My teeth clenched my bottom lip in frustration.
After an awkward moment of listening to each other's breaths, Dave spoke. "Can I ask you how you came to the decision to come and help me? I thought we were done."
"Long story."
"Divy, I don't know how people deal with you sometimes."
"Dave, they deal with me because they love me."
"I-"
"Oh, and Dave, I am the who decides when this thing is over, okay?"
I hung up without his response.
Anxiety clawed at my heart, spreading its poison, It not even touched upon the a half hour when I started fretting about my recent conversation with Dave.
My hands shook as placed my pearl earrings on. I willed myself to say focus. "It's nothing," I kept muttering, "It's going to be fine."
But, it was something. I had jeopardized my whole relationship with Dave and by doing so, I had placed my plan on the line.
I went through a whole internal conversation, beating myself up and then making excuses. I avoided my reflection in my mirror in fear that I would burst into tears if I saw it. I tried to push my self loathing to the back of mind, focusing on the task. Christian and Robert would knock on my door in a few movements, ready to take me to Navy Pier. I had to find a way to look presentable.
A pattern of raps vibrated through the wood of my door. They were here and I still hadn't put my mascara on yet.
"I'll be right there." I called, trying to mask the apprehension in my voice. I tripped over to the mirror and whipped out the mascara. With light brushes against my lashes, I applied it with record speed.
I dared not take a glimpse of my reflection, knowing that I could not look at myself in the eye. A silent prayer went up to heaven imploring God to make myself look okay.
With heavy breathes, I pushed the door over to greet my two friends. There faces morphed into concern as soon as my image seeped into their sights.
"Yes, I know," said I with a strained voice, "I did my make up without even looking."
"It's not that-" Christian began as I brushed past him, "It's just that you look-"
"Nervous," Robert finished, "Are you sure everything's alright?"
I pretended to ignore them. Of course nothing was alright, but I did not want to tell them so.
Navy Pier appeared before me. The people bustled to and fro just like the day I waited for David F. Ryan to appear. The same seed of anxiety blossomed within my heart.
My hands caressed the outline of my phone, almost as if they wanted to will to glide through the fabric into my palm. I knew that I should text Dave and apologize, but I couldn't. I knew what that action would do to me. The minutes with Christian and Robert would be stained with myself pacing back and forth, waiting for a reply. I could not put them through that without an explanation.
That was I told myself, but in the end, I pulled my phone from my pocket. The message I sent Dave held a simple, "Sorry."
My group and I boarded the Ferris wheel. We rose higher and higher till we could see a clear view of Chicago. Robert talked about the architecture, marine life in the Great Lakes, and just about any nerdy thing that crossed his mind, from comic books to baseball stats.
My mind turned his prattle out. I could not force a smile and listen at the same time. There was too much emotional turmoil. I glanced at my phone in constant checks. He still had not gotten back to me.
"Divy, what do you want?" Christian's voice caused my head to rise from the cellular device. We stood at some lucky vendor's window.
"Chocolate." I checked my phone again.
"Chocolate? Chocolate what?"
"Chocolate ice cream."
A deep laughed rang from Christian. A shiver ran up my spine. I knew I had made some mistake.
"Divy, oh Divy, we are a hot dog hut. Not an ice cream shop."
"Oh." My face heated, "I'll just have what you are having."
Christian handed Robert a hot dog before he took a seat. Rob's face brightened. "Oh, boy. I've always wanted to try a Chicago hot dog."
Christian winked at him. "You're easy to please. Aren't you?"
Robert moved his red scarf away from his face in order to take a bite. With a full mouth, he said, "Yup."
I looked up from my phone and made it an internal decision to not check for another hour. I placed the phone on the table and folded my arms.
The phone sat there masking itself as an inanimate object. One that did not have a mind or a voice. However, I knew better. It called for me to check my messages. "Just a peek," it said, "Just a peek. Dave may have sent something."
"You would have vibrated if he texted," I mumbled.
"Divy, are you mumbling to yourself?" Christian asked. He turned and waited for my answer. A smudge of mustard lined his chin.
"Nope. Not all at all."
"Uh huh." Christian went back to enjoying his hot dog.
My phone continued to taunt me. It's voice over the clatter of the food court. "You know, I don't always vibrate when you are waiting for that message. Like that time when you were suppose to pick up Maggie and she said she would text you when you were needed. But, I did not tell you when her message came. Oh, and it was so funny. Did she not wait two hours in the pouring rain? Oh, and the she took the bus at the end."
I pounded my fist on the table. Robert and Christian looked at me. I ignored their stares.
"Jeez," the device continued, "calm down. I'm just saying that I am not the most reliable phone in the world. My cell coverage is shoddy. I sometimes don't notify you when something comes in. Look, I am just saying that you might want to check just in case Dave, you know, sends you a text that repairs the relationship. But, hey, it's your choice."
My hand eased out. The thuds of my heart beats swirled around my hearing. Then, rationality settled in and my arms folded again.
"If I ever go to reach for that phone," I said to the guys, "Slap me."
Robert's eyes widened as he swallowed his last bite. "Slap you?"
"That's what I said."
I gazed out into the crowd of diners, trying to find some distraction from my phone's taunts and jeers. I had to prove to myself that I was not some desperate girl who's world revolved around one guy.
Amongst the chatter and the clatter, I recognized a face. There, across the room, stood a tall man with a defined chin. He strummed a ukulele and his mouth held a few notes. From the expressions of the others, I judged that what he was making wasn't music, but noise.
A girl sat next to him. She let a curtain of brown fall over her pale face. I could tell by her stiff posture, she wanted to stay anywhere else but there.
I stood up to confront the man and his miserable date. "I'm going the bathroom," I told Robert and Christian.
"But," Rob protested, "The bathroom's the other way."
I turned back and smiled down on him. "There are bathrooms everywhere, Rob."
"But, that one's closer."
I silenced him with a wave of my hand and went to finish my mission.
With elongated strides, I sauntered up to the moronic individual. "Well, well," said I, "just my luck I get to met the David F. Ryan once again."
The man with ukulele stopped his song. His face turned to surprise for a moment as he tried to access his recollection, but then it turned to arrogant amusement.
"Well, well," he answered back, "isn't it Little Miss Angel Clark?"
"Divinity Claire."
"Uh, yeah," he fumbled for a moment, "Right. I was close. I knew it was all church-y and all."
"Yeah, sure," I placed my attention on his date, "Girl, I don't know who you are, but, I would run miles from this guy. He is a total jerk who has no respect for women."
The woman looked up. Her mortified blush still lingered on her cheeks. "Excuse me, do I know you?"
Her question took be aback. I brushed a strand from my face and gave a nervous laugh in order to buy time. "No you don't, ma'am," her face darkened the address, Northern did not like normal points of pleasantries, "I just know him. And he brought me on a date, just like you are right now-"
Her face turned even redder. "A date!" she choked out, "No, surely, I misheard you. He's my brother!"
And in turn, I felt the rush of humiliation sway beneath me. "Oh, sorry I assume- yeah, I'll just leave."
I spun around and started to go on my way. From behind I heard, "David, why the hell is it that whenever we go we run into jilted ex? What do you do this girls?"
"I am just that great of a lover they need make it a point."
"You're a pig sometimes, you know that?"
"And proud of it."
The ukulele began to play again and David's off key voice started to sing a bought of lyrics that had no connection to each other.
I wanted to go die in a hole.
When I found my seat, Christian had a snide remark to offer me. "It took you long time. Did everything come out okay?"
I shot him a stern look. "Ha ha, you're so funny. It's a private matter."
My phone still laid here it had been left. A text from Dave was the only thing that could calm with me. I needed his approval. I needed someone to not mock me.
Instinct alone caused my hand to reach for the device. Just as the tips of my fingers brushed against its familiar edges, a searing pain exploding across my skin. I jumped back and looked at the red mark that was created. It took me a second to realize what had happened.
I tried to keep my breath even, but it still faltered. Every anxiety that aroused came out in volume, "Robert, what the hell are you doing? You can't just slap a woman!"
I was shouting. The noise caused a few locals and tourist to watch.
Robert shrank back. "But, Divy, you said-"
"When did I ever give permission? Huh?"
"Ten minutes ago, you said-"
"Yeah, Robert," Christian cut in, trying to hide his laughter, "you should know to never slap a woman. Especially without permission and even when given permission, don't entertain the idea."
"Shut up!" I screamed, "Shut up!" I covered my ears, "You don't understand."
The weight of my emotions caused me fall to the floor. I sought shelter by curling myself into a tight ball, trying to block out the world. I did not want to deal with it for awhile. My body rocked back and forth. "You don't understand," I kept saying, "You'll never understand."
I stretched myself into the mattress of my hotel bed in an attempt to let my negative emotions flow from me.
Rob and Christian sat upon the carpet, playing a card game that I did not inquire about. They had shown their concern earlier in a barrage of question, all which I pushed off. I told them I desired solitude and silence.
They granted me silence, but not solitude. Their quick glances at me looked soft, laced with concern as if this was the last stated they would see me in.
Christian's phone vibrated. He went to the bathroom to answer. Rob stayed behind, cross legged on the floor. He nibbled his bottom lip in an anxious tick.
I watched Christian's shadow emerge from the bathroom. "Divy," his voice came out like a soft echo, soft and distant.
I turned my head and let my eyes adjust to his shape. My friend continued, "Did you happen to get any texts or calls from Maggie? Because she says she has been calling you for a long time. Drew, Maggie, and her are in Chicago right now, circling around looking for the hotel," he held up his hands in surrender, "I told her the details, don't worry. But, she sounds pissed. I recommend finding an excuse, fast."
No sign of understand came from me. My head rolled back so that my phone laid in my sight. In a slow movement, I checked my missed messages. There were a few from Drew, some from Logen, a lot from Maggie, none from Dave.
Dinner time came and we had all united. We sat at around round table in a dimly lit restaurant, while 60s music played in the background.
Our waiter, a tall lanky man in his 20s, came up to take the drink order.
"Hello, I am David-" I inhaled a sharp breath. Please God, I thought, not another David Ryan, "Wran and I will be your server this evening. Can I start you off with drinks?"
The orders were placed. With a nod and a smile, he walked away.
"So, Divy," Maggie said, "Why did not answer my calls?"
She had not brought the topic up at the hotel, but I knew Maggie. She was a master of waiting for the right moment to nag without making herself look bad.
I shrugged. "You know my phone," my voice conveyed no emotion, "it sometimes doesn't work."
"You have to probably have heard this a thousand times, Divy, but you can't leave people hanging, you know. It's pretty rude."
I snorted. "And it can be pretty rude to lecture in public. You're not my mother, you know."
Maggie's met mine. Our full concentration was on each other. "I wasn't lecturing you. I was just speaking from experience."
"Maybe, we don't want to hear your experience. Hm, Maggie?"
Maggie turned away from me and sighed. "Divy, you have to learn that not every time that someone says something remotely negative about you it is to offend you. Okay? I was just pointing out-"
"Maggie," Drew said. Her head snapped towards him. "Leave her alone, okay? She probably has had a hard day."
Her dark eyes widened. "She had a hard day? Divinity Clarie having a hard day? Ha, probably can't be as bad as driving around in circles in an unknown city with barely enough hard cash to pay for gas. She probably is making a big deal out of nothing like she always does. Christian, Robert, what did you guys today?"
"Maggie," Drew pleaded, "let's not get into this."
"No, I really want to know. Christian, Robert, what did you do today?"
The two guys looked at each other with their mouths forming an uneasy line. Drew spoke before they could squeak out an answer.
"You're overreacting, Mags."
"I'm overreacting?"
"Yes. At least, we are all here. Things happen. I am sure it is all not Divy's fault."
Maggie sunk into her chair. "Unbelievable," she muttered and then became mute.
Drew stole a glance towards me and winked. I turned away.
It was not until after the food came that I received a message from Dave. "It's okay," it read, "sorry for not responding for a long time. My phone battery died."
I closed my phone without a response. Not even a text from Dave could lift my spirits. Nothing gets one down than finding out their best friend thinks they're a irresponsible bitch.
My head lifted and my eyes met Drew's pale stared. He smiled at me, showing a tight row of pearls. I managed to lift one corner of my mouth in return.