Jane stared up into nothing. She had to get herself back to a more normal state, there were people to face and things to do, but her mind kept drifting back: back to her home, back to her parents. Jane was not blind, she knew all her parents had sacrificed for her, to get her where she was. A guaranteed career, a guaranteed life—and she had left it all behind. Jane covered her face with her hands. She should have been happy. Any other person in her place would have been. Jane imagined the sun shinning down on the other person's upturned face, her anonymous smile glaring at her. This was what Jane should have been. This was everything she was not. And it didn't help that the more this other person came into focus, the more it resembled the other Jane.
Jane shook the vision out of her head, her fingers pressing into her eyes. She searched for something to comfort herself. There was still one thing she had done right. A lot of things had gone wrong, but there was one thing she had done right. At least she had escaped from her old life, at least she had escaped from the other Jane.
Her stomach growled noisily. She put her hand on it, feeling it churn. Her hands ached; she brought them up to her face. The palms were dotted with sores where the skin had been completely rubbed off. The inside of her mouth felt thick and pasty, but she knew there was no more water for her today. She wondered if the sky had cleared, or if the sun was shinning. She closed her eyes, visualizing the warmth on her face. She imagined the orange glow cast by the sun through her eyelids. How she wished it could be real—her sun, shinning on her face. Her mind began singing the song.
Jane stopped it immediately, she hated that song. Probably the words, Jane reasoned, the words talked about sunshine, that's why she kept thinking about the song; really, it had nothing to do with her.
She threw off the blanket and stood. The room was cold. She unlocked the door to the shelter and stepped out. The air outside the shelter was even colder.
"Jane."
Jane looked towards the direction of the voice and found Captain coming towards her. She met him half way.
"Feeling better?" Captain waited for Jane's affirmative reply before continuing. "With the additional knowledge from you, we had a reason to send out the birds. You were right. We have visual confirmation—three buildings. And Jane, one of them has water in it. Do you know what this means? Hope Jane, you've given us hope."
Captain stared for a moment reminding Jane very much of when he had interviewed her. And when she thought of the interview, and the training that had haphazardly taken place in the weeks after, Jane felt something cringe inside her, followed by the heat of embarrassment.
Captain cleared his throat before continuing. "The first group is going to check out those buildings you saw. You are going with them. The rest of the skeleton crew and the insatiable Mr. Bellast are staying here. Josh and Scott have come up with a plan to modify the transport using parts from the Holiday. Mr. Bellast is so concerned about that shield, I think it best he stay with me, he'd only get in your way." Captain leaned in closer. "I didn't know your brother was here. Convenient Jane, that he was put in the transport, when many more qualified people were not."
"Qualified? Like Mr. Bellast?"
"Don't fight me Jane. I'm on your side. When we get back, and we will get back, remember - I'm the one who got you away from Earth and you know what I'm talking about, I'm the one who stayed silent when you ran away, and I'm the one who is going to get you back. Consider that Jane, and consider this:" Captain lowered his voice. "Josh found your program. He'd never seen anything like it, and he knew exactly who'd written it."
"You know why I did that. How else could I save you?"
"I understand, but people will ask questions. When people start acting strange, what will you do then? You play with our minds; you're going to have to accept the consequences. And the blame. And the guilt."
"I knew what I was doing."
"Did you Jane? Do you?"
Captain said it far too calmly, far too patiently. Jane's jaw tightened.
"I can help you. This planet brings out the worst in all of us. The readings from the birds were – disappointing. The particles are everywhere. Not enough to take out something electrical, but there are enough to mess with it. We're going to use the mechs to salvage what we can from the Holiday, but they won't last long. I don't trust these military guys. Jane, make sure you come back for us. Make sure you keep power consumption to a minimum. And don't fly above one hundred meters—we can't let that shield take out the transport. Here comes Faringoth now. He'll explain the rest to you." Captain became silent, but he still stared at Jane. It was like back in the interview, so long ago, a world away, and Jane felt just as insecure now as she did then. What was going through his mind?
Captain spoke quickly as Faringoth approached, his words fading proportionally to Faringoth's proximity. "Whatever happens, come back to us Jane." Captain left nodding to Faringoth as they passed each other.
"Hallowell." Faringoth stopped in front of Jane. There were two other soldiers, one to his left and another to his right, but Jane couldn't look at them. She kept her focus on Faringoth. "How would you like to be addressed?"
Jane was confused. Somehow, she had the feeling she was in trouble.
"See, I can't go around calling you Hallowell because that's your brother. So what would you like me to call you?"
Jane suddenly understood. "Um, just Jane." It sounded like both a question and a statement.
"Well, Just Jane," As Faringoth said it, Jane thought: yeah, just Jane, that's me. "Here is your update, and I'm only going to say this once. We've separated into two groups. First group is going garbage picking through the wreckage of the Holiday. Lucky for you, you are part of the second group, part of our group. We are going to those buildings for supplies: water, tools, anything we can scrape together, and possibly to find a way to disable that shield. I've organized our people into teams. You are part of team five. Here are the other members of your team: Ibber, Harris." The two men standing beside Faringoth nodded when they heard their names. Harris was the man who had handed Jane her applesauce, he was about Jane's height and lean like Jane. Ibber was a giant of a man, even bigger than her brother Michael, and he was the one Jane had kneed in the nose. Jane cursed her rotten luck. "Harris will explain the mission to you. He will also give you your equipment package. We leave in thirty minutes. Any questions?"
"No." Jane replied.
"Oh, and to remind you," Faringoth was looking at Harrris when he said this, but then turned back to Jane for the rest. "Comm protocol is simple. Activate visuals only when necessary. Speak when you're spoken to and make it quick. Otherwise, shut up. Understood?"
"Understood."
Faringoth gave a quick smile before going back to his usual look. Then he walked away.
Jane looked from Harris to Ibber.
"Good morning." Harris greeted. "Which would you like first? The briefing or the suit?" He held out a black bag.
"Let's just get this over with." Jane moaned.
Harris saw the look she gave. "Hey, it's nothing. Once you're in it, you'll forget your even wearing it." He opened the black bag and began to pullout pieces of a protection suit giving Jane information about every piece of the suit as they went. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing as Harris helped her into it. Jane knew she should be listening, but she was too preoccupied with feeling awkward and inadequate. She wasn't a soldier. What was she doing?
Harris handed Jane the helmet and she reluctantly took it. Then he held out his hand the same way he had when he'd given Jane her applesauce: hand closed tightly in a fist, fingers down, back of the hand up. He turned his hand up while opening his fingers to expose his palm. Something small and translucent, with silver filaments running throughout, was in the middle it. "This is your comm. It links with your helmet, that way, we get a record of everything you see. Oh, and don't let Faringoth scare you, I mean about the comm and all. It can tell if you're speaking to your team versus speaking to everyone. It's not like everyone will hear everything you say."
Jane glanced over at Ibber. He was looking at her: he didn't smile, and he didn't move.
"Everything is recorded and sent to that screen there," Harris pointed to something Michael was setting up, "so if we need to go back to search for something, we do it by computer. So make sure you take a good look around. Although normally if we wanted to get something we would just send a retriever, but none of them made it off the Holiday. Ahh... Would have saved us so much time. Of course it wouldn't have mattered now would it? Not on this planet with all these bugs in the air. What were these people doing? Took all the trouble to terraform a planet, get this shield going and then deserted. But I hear that was years ago. Seems a bit buggy to me all this yes, no, uninhabitable planet, inhabitable planet stuff. How long has this place been vacant?" Harris looked at Jane. "Oh, never mind. You put it on your temple, right beside your eye, doesn't matter which. Yes, just there. Now press it, and voila! Now huddle," Harris bent down on one knee beckoning Jane and Ibber to follow. "Come on, get down here. Come on." They both reluctantly followed.
Jane learned very quickly that Harris liked to talk, and Ibber didn't. Throughout the entire explanation of the mission, as Harris called it, Ibber said nothing. Faringoth came over, interrupting Harris's long explanation, to tell Jane that she was to report to the cockpit in five minutes.
"So make it snappy." he said firmly to Harris before he walked away.
"Hey, I'm always succinct." Harris said.
"Whatever." Ibber replied. It was the first time Jane had heard Ibber say anything. His voice matched his appearance.
"Anyway, as I was saying..."
Jane wondered if Harris was ever going to stop. She didn't dare say anything, afraid it would add fuel to his verbal fire. Their team's mission could be summed up in one sentence: Perimeter check along the east side, then report back for further instructions. It took Harris seven minutes. He frequently became distracted and covered such topics as cornbread, mechs, and the problems of reloading an UmBer75.
"You flight attendant guys would be lost without us." Jane could only assume Harris was speaking about the skeleton crew, his judgments bothered her.
"Too bad this planet is so messed up," he continued, "the birds could have done in fifteen minutes what will probably take us hours. They tried to get readings from the buildings, but got nothing but drizzle. Particles stuck to them like heat to an overload."
"At least we have something to do." Jane said, more to herself than to Harris, but Harris heard her.
"Optimistic." Harris evaluated. "We all need some of that." Harris took a deep breath. Jane was prepared for the verbosity that was about to follow, but instead Harris looked from her up to Ibber and then back to Jane again. "Well, that about does it. I'm good."
After a very pronounced 'finally' in her mind, Jane stood, helmet in hand. Harris and Ibber followed.
"See you soon." Harris said.
Jane hurried to the cockpit. She got to the door just as Mr. Bellast was coming out. He had a docile kind of face, but when he looked at Jane, his eyes showed fear. He moved as far around her as the wall would allow and then hurried off, looking back before he disappeared into the cargo bay.
Jane went into the cockpit and sat in the pilot's chair. She tucked her helmet beside her. Mr. Bellast must have been up to something. Jane looked over the room, calling up a few screens, but all she could find was the uploaded coordinates of the three buildings. Jane sat back to think. Her mind came up with a few hypotheses. The most likely one was that Mr. Bellast knew computers well enough to hide his tracks; she would mention it to Captain. But there was one other idea that Jane had a hard time getting out of her head. Mr. Bellast did work for the government, he had shown recognition when he saw her, maybe he knew what she had been doing at the university.
Jane took herself away from those thoughts and focused on the many buttons and switches before her. "Listen," she said, speaking to the transport, "we may not have started on the best of terms, but you be good to me, and I'll be good to you. You've spent the last, who knows how long as a drone, nothing but lines down the pipe for you, but with me you can finally be free." She waited just a moment, listening for an answer. Then she nodded her head and smiled. "I understand exactly."
She commenced the long sequence to start something as old as the transport. There was movement outside the wind blasted cockpit window. A small group was moving away from the transport. There was five of them, all wearing military protection suits, moving with the slow rhythmic gait of the mechs that enclosed them. One of them turned around and waved. Jane assumed it was Scott, and she waved back but then suddenly realized it could be anyone. Jane distracted herself from the deep embarrassment she felt by going over the console.
"Jane, we're ready." Faringoth's voice was in her ear.
"I'm ready as well." she replied.
"We're in your hands." Faringoth replied.
Jane looked at her hands. The sores had begun to turn a grayish brown. Gray, just like the planet. Jane looked up into the sky and imagined it crowding around her, trying to force its way into the transport. Then she looked back at her palms, it was already happening. Jane wiped her hands on her pants until the gray was gone, letting the pain flow through her. It made her feel calm, it made her feel powerful.
She could hear the engines very clearly this time, and they sounded good. Scott did a good job fixing them up, and it gave Jane confidence.
The view of the Holiday from above reminded Jane of the way a drop of rain scatters when it hits dry sand. It would take hours to search through the wreckage. Jane was glad she was leaving. It felt right to be moving again.
Up in the air, the deep gray ground looked exactly the same as the deep gray sky. Jane had to rely heavily on the cockpit instruments, which was a problem as most of the gauges were steadily climbing even though the ship wasn't. It didn't help that the screen with the uploaded coordinates kept shutting down. She had to keep the ship close to the ground, which made her nervous. With the difficulty in separating the ground from the sky, Jane knew that at any time she could fly into something.
The time ticked away agonizingly slow. Jane had never realized how much she relied on instrumentation. She had no idea how far she had come,the landscape outside seemed to never change.
The cockpit instruments flipped between two numbers, and one of them told her she was close. Jane narrowed her eyes in an attempt to see better. And then she saw it, a crack running through the ground, and then—the buildings. The crack ended at a cliff, together they made a right angle and the way the largest building was oriented it made the hypotenuse.
She landed the transport near the largest building. Not in the centre of the triangle, but on the outside of the hypotenuse. Jane checked over her instruments. Everything looked good. "It was a little rough, but we pulled it together. Let's do this again." she said to the transport. Then she stood, grabbed her helmet, and walked out of the cockpit.