I wake up to the sound of birds chirping, echoing off the walls.
What day is it?
The air is chilly and my back is sore, so I don't want to wake up just yet. Still closing my eyes, I stay still for a few minutes, allowing my heavy body to wake up to its surroundings. I have a blanket over me, and the cushion next to me is inviting, so I snuggle into the warmth thinking I'm back home in my bed in Woodson.
At home I always used to sleep with something in my arms, whether it was a pillow or Andres or my childhood doll, so I'm not surprised to feel something beside me that is comforting.
But when I open my eyes, that someone beside me is not Andres.
I make a noise at the back of my throat, pushing the large body away from mine.
What is he doing here?
Rolling over on the ground away from me, Camilo groans from the movement. He was still sleeping, and I just woke him up. Standing up and brushing off my clothes, I walk over to Camilo and slap him on the head.
"Ouch! What was that for?"
"Good morning," I state coldly. "Mind telling me why I woke up next to you?"
Rubbing the back of his head, he sighs, "You were cold last night, so I gave you my jacket. I guess I accidentally fell asleep after that."
I glance back at the spot where I was sleeping, and sure enough, Camillo's camouflage jacket lays on the floor where I left it.
So that was what I thought was a blanket.
But then where is Andres?
I decide not to reply to Camillo, shoving him hard once on the chest before walking away. Just because it wasn't an accident doesn't make it any less annoying, and I don't appreciate the invasion of personal space - even if it was sweet that he lended me his jacket.
Determined not to let myself dwell on it, I look around for Andres. The cave is small enough that I know my brother is not here anymore, so I head outside of the dim cave into the sunlight. Over to the right, I find Kade laughing at something my brother said, both sitting on logs outside with sticks over the pit of flames.
"Good morning," I hum to Andres, who looks like he woke up a while ago.
He smiles, already brightening up my day. "Good morning, sister."
Out here, the air is crisp and clear, so much like the green gardens of Woodson. I take a deep breath in and out.
But then I notice the cuts and bruises over my brothers arm, and I gasp.
"Andres what -"
"Don't worry, Adel," he replies, clearing his throat. "Kade cleaned them up already."
I open my mouth to say something in reply, but I never get to finish my sentence because Kade chimes in. "Breakfast is ready!"
Upon hearing the words, Camillo walls out of the cave as well, joining us for breakfast. My brother and I are on a log opposite of Kade and Camilo, and once everyone is seated, Kade hands us each a little leaf with a cooked egg on it.
"Where'd you find these?" I ask, chewing on the meal.
"A birds nest." Kade replies, a mouth full of food.
I frown at my eggs, feeling bad for eating them, but my stomach growls. I guess it's you or me, birds, I think, continuing to eat.
I never liked hunting animals for food, which is why it was always Andres' job back at home. But I guess you have to do what you can to survive. We have no food provisions anymore now that we left camp.
"Hey guys?" Andres mumbles, his words a little unclear.
I realize his words are a little muffled because his lip is split, as if someone punched him in the face. I look down at my lap. It hurts me to see my little brother, the boy I am made to protect, beaten up.
I should have prevented it somehow.
"What's up?" Kade responds.
"Where exactly are we?"
I eye Camillo and Kade, but they seem just as clueless as I do.
"I don't know," shrugs Kade, but the anxiety spikes.
"You don't know?" Andres stammers.
"We traveled a couple of miles and changed directions to lose our tail. We're probably a few hours from camp right now." Camillo reassures him, but I am not fooled.
He has no clue where we are, and neither do I. How are we possibly supposed to find our troop legion again?
We couldn't have gone that far... could we?
An awkward silence spreads and all of us resort to picking at our food instead of looking each other in the eyes.
"Well, then. Let's get on our way, boys." I suggest, picking up all my belongings.
Kade and Camillo put the fire out, and it's only a matter of time before we're on the move again. We head southeast - thankfully I noticed where the sun rose this morning - in an attempt to get back to the camp home base after they retreated. Hours pass, and after walking for a little while we make a stop by a stream to collect water and rest.
My feet are dead tired from the journey, so as soon as Kade suggests to stop I collapse on a large rock, taking off my combat boots. We've probably walked about five miles already, and the skeleton trees are slowly gaining foliage directing us back south. The heels of my foot are rubbed raw, but there is nothing I can do about it now.
In the distance, Andres bends over the stream and refills the canteen I brought from my medical kit. He fills it, takes a sip from the container, and then shares it with me. I ruffle his hair, but he doesn't smile.
"Hey. What's the matter?"
"It's nothing, Adel. Don't worry about it," he replies without looking at me straight in my eyes.
He bites his swollen lip, and I wince. Getting him to open up is never easy. As a sister I hate to pry, but as his only family...
"I know you, Andres. Something's not right. What is it?"
"It's just -" he stops, pulling at his hair. "It's Ari..."
"Ari?"
His quiet friend from the camp?
"I think he died," He says it like a question, and it makes my heart stop. "And he was my only friend."
"Oh," I voice solemnly. "I'm so sorry, Andres."
I put my hand over his, but feel a twinge of guilt inside. Should I tell him about what I saw? Or should I not?
"Yeah, well. I guess we all didn't know what we were getting into."
I consider Andres' statement - there's a hint of resentment there. Does he hate me for not being able to protect him from this? For not taking his place instead of my fathers?
I open my mouth to say something, but decide otherwise. If I tell Andres about how I wheeled Ari to the hospital, I might be giving him false hope. He probably did die, from the state of his condition and shock. Might as well give Andres more time to mourn rather than make it worse. I didn't know Ari well, but I could tell he was a good kid.
How many other good kids are going to die if this war goes on?
"No, we didn't." I pat my brother on the back before walking over to the stream, running my hands along the clear water.
I can see my reflection there, my hair all messed up and my face reddened from the heat of the sun. It's a face I don't recognize.
Do I even want to?
"Hey," Camillo's smooth voice comes up behind me.
"Hey."
I don't have the energy to reprimand him right now.
"What was going on over there?" He gestures to the space between my brother and I.
Why is he so curious about my life? Why can't he just leave me alone like everyone else?
"It's nothing."
"Nothing," Camilo echos, the words falling elegantly off his tongue. "Didn't we discuss this type of response yesterday?"
I blush, remembering the words I threw back at him yesterday. "I believe the exact words were 'it's none of your concern.'"
He chuckles, and for some reason, the maple syrup quality of his laugh makes me mad. My words weren't meant to be taken as a joke.
"Why won't you just leave me alone?"
He smirks at my blatant tone, now knowing I am both irritated and embarrassed. "Leave you alone? Now why would I want to do that?"
Sighing, I do not answer, hoping the response, or lack of thereof, would deter someone like him. If there is one thing that I learned from growing up in Woodson, it is that adamant people tend to get bored when you don't respond to their antics.
I shake my head and bend down to reach further into the stream. My arms are dirtier than I want to admit, and washing the remnants of dirt and blood on them is refreshing.
"What's that?" Inquires Camilo.
He's staring at my back.
"What's what?" I emphasize, aggravated.
He's giving me this weird look, and I don't understand what he's getting at.
"What do you think you're doing!" I exclaim.
Camillo tries reaching for the hem of my shirt, and at the sound of my alarmed voice, he takes a step back.
"Calm down, just stay still. I want to see something." He says carefully. He holds his hands up, showing that he means no harm, but I eye him warily.
What in the world could possibly be worth seeing on the sleeve of my shoulder? I cock my head, glaring at him as his gentle, warm hands touch my ice cold skin and lift up the sleeve of my uniform.
This is so strange -
"What happened to you?" He demands, while I stand there dumbfounded. Kade and Andres' conversation stops at his much too loud statement to look at me.
Becoming self conscious, I turn around, following Camillo's line of sight.
"What are you making such a big deal about? It's just my ski -
The words stop falling out of my mouth the moment I catch what everyone is noticing. Camillo, ever the observant prick he is - is staring right at a line of purple bruises littering the back of my shoulder. Bruises that have been bothering me all day.
"It's nothing, I -"
But Camillo won't hear me finish, and doesn't listen to my protests as he also lifts up the hem of my blouse near my waist to reveal more bruises. The blows are the source of the aching I've been feeling all day and night, blows due to being pushed up against a tree too aggressively on that silent night Kade and Camillo met me.
I roughly tug my shirt down, fuming. How dare Camillo come up to me like that, without a warning? I glare darkly at him.
"You have no right -"
"Adeline..." gasps Andres coming towards me. "What happened?"
I stay quiet, shoving my uniform jacket over my inner shirt and skirt. Nobody else was supposed to know about that. For women, injuries are seen as weaknesses. I am supposed to be looking out for my brother, not the other way around. And I don't need him worrying about me when he should be worrying about himself.
How am I going to explain this to him?
As if he could see me internally panicking, Kade steps in the middle of the way.
"Andres? Let's walk over here for a moment and give your sister some space, okay?"
Kade shoots me a quick wink, and I try to send him a thank you with my eyes.
I'd rather not tell Andres the story about how I was attacked, but by the way he narrows his features I can tell that my brother is suspicious. It's only because of Kade that he doesn't question me. Instead, he follows the redhead a few paces deep into the forest, just far away enough so that he won't hear Camillo and I's conversation.
Once they're gone, I let out a sigh of relief and hug my arms to my stomach. The pressure of being invincible for my brother has taken a toll on my body.
Bruises or no bruises, it always has.
"Adeline," Camillo orders. "Why didn't you tell anyone you were hurt?"
I sit for a few minutes to contemplate my answer. The truth? I convinced myself that I didn't even really feel the soreness, and the pain wasn't so bad that I needed to stop walking, because I know I don't deserve for someone to take care of me.
I failed my mother when I said I would protect Andres. He's here, serving in a war, and even volunteering my own life wasn't enough to save him.
But how can a weak girl, who is just as scared as her little brother is, possibly protect him? Hiding my weaknesses has always been easier than confronting that fact.
Although I loathe myself in admitting it.
"It doesn't even hurt me, anymore. I'm fine -"
"No - don't do that. Tell me the truth." He orders, as if he could see the gears in my head turning, turning, turning. "And not just some bullshit that you make up, just because you don't know me. I am not as heartless as I may seem, Adeline."
The way Camillo reads through me so clearly terrifies me, and makes my heart beat fast in my chest like adrenaline.
"I care about you."
I search his golden brown eyes, it's deep golds and browns. The layers remind me of chocolate, sunrise, and the earth. For some reason, the sincere tone in Camillo's voice makes me believe him, even though it's sort of impossible. No one has ever said that they care about me outright before, and the moment grounds me.
Does he actually care about me?
Probably not.
But I want someone to.
So, so badly.
"I don't know," I whisper, defeated.
Why lie to someone who can guess at my emotions so effortlessly? This is the sort of excuse I tell myself in order to not feel bad about confessing my feelings.
"I guess I just didn't want him to worry - Andres, I mean. He was already so scared from yesterday, and... I didn't want him to worry."
The honest words come tumbling out of my mouth before I can process them myself, but Camillo listens intently. Relieving myself of these thoughts and worries is sort of freeing in a way. My shoulders feel less heavy than they did before, so I let out a breath and go on.
"And besides, there's nothing I could tell Andres about my situation that he would understand. For my brother, I've always been the one he looks up to, you know? I feel awful that I can't protect him from the harsh reality of the world, where men attack women, and violence is normalized. He's injured, I'm injured, Kade was injured. Here we all are, and here I am. Stuck in the middle of a warzone. It's so insane that the military expects someone so young to join the army, when I know that Andres can't even cook a meal. How am I supposed to do it? How am I possibly supposed to look after him?"
I huff bitterly, and my rant ends, yet Camillo doesn't seem to mind my angry tone. He just nods and gives me an empathetic smile, almost as if he does understand.
As if he knows the feeling.
It's so nice to have someone listen to me for once.
"Well," he starts in his low baritone, the words filling up the empty air around us. He seems thoughtful, a finger brushing under his chin. "If there's anything I know, it's that you've got to look out for yourself, too, Adeline. You can't control everything."
I regard him closely, skeptical of his advice.
"Andres is older now, and I think he can take care of himself. Maybe it's time to let it go of him a little. You watch him like a hawk."
I scoff. "He's my little brother. Like hell I'm going to let him get into trouble. I watch over him like I am supposed to."
"Supposed to? Adeline, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but no one told you that you were supposed to give up your whole life in the process of looking after him. I know what it's like to be overprotective, but sometimes you can't always protect the ones you love. You can't control fate, but you can control yourself. And if you're gone for not taking care of yourself, there will be no one left to protect your brother."
No one told you that you were supposed to give up your whole life in the process of looking after him.
Camillo makes a good point, I think. He is well spoken and right on target with his words. It makes me wonder what kind of secrets this man is holding, and how much I still don't know about him.
Like me, he seems to have a problem with a lack of control. But where does it come from? Why does he speak as if he has personal experience?
His tan skin glistens in the daylight, and for a moment I admire his strong build and structure. He could probably protect anyone, I think childishly, unlike me. With those lovely arms of his and muscles that strain with his every movement, who would ever cross his family?
Does he even have a family?
You're asking too many questions, Adeline.
I scold myself for getting too interested in his personal life. I shouldn't get involved with someone like Camillo. People with a history of risk and responsibility are dangerous.
I would know.
Shaking my head, I try to ignore the aura of security I feel while talking with Camillo. Without realizing it, I needed someone to listen to me ramble, as odd as that sounds, and Camillo has made it easy.
"Thank you," I manage to get out. I appreciate his advice, I really do. It's the first constructive criticism I've gotten in a while.
"No problem."
He smiles sadly at me, and I return it, two damaged people recognizing one another.
But the intimate moment is soon ruined when Kade and Andres come returning us by crashing through the trees - and they aren't alone.
Within Kade's bulging biceps is a young man being held at knifepoint, Kade's weapon glinting in the sun. Camilo and I back up on the grass, both on guard. Who is this man? Why is he a threat?
"Andres, come here."
I gesture towards my brother, and he runs quickly behind my back.
"I'm not gonna hurt you, just please let me go! I come from Maulie."
The boy Kade is holding stutters, and a bead of his blood drips down his next as his Adam's apple bobs against the knife. He can't be more than eighteen years old.
"Kade?" Camillo inquires expectantly.
It's good he trusts his friend, but I don't yet. How skilled is Kade at ending someone's life?
I hold my breath, but let it go when he answers.
"I found him walking in the woods. He was doing a perimeter search."
It takes a few seconds for me to process his words, but I know we are all thinking the same thing.
Perimeter search? A Nation soldier from Maulie?
Maulie is miles off course from where we are supposed to be.
How did we even get that far?
Sharing gazes, I tell Kade to let the boy go because it's official.
We are lost.
And only this boy from Maulie can help us now.
I guess you really can't control fate.