It has been four days since the party, which means that it's been four days since I've talked to Dominic. He's texted me every night telling me that he hopes I had a good day and that he hopes the next day is just as good. He ends it by telling me he loves me and he really hopes I'm not mad at him. I simply send back a blue heart to show him that I'm not mad. I think he gets the point.
"Why haven't you hung out with Dominic?" my mom asks as she sits beside me on the couch. She's all dressed up and ready for her overnight getaway with my dad. She's just waiting for him to finish getting ready.
"I wanted to spend time with you guys." Whereas it's true that I miss my family, I've already had enough of them.
"Why don't you guys hang out tonight? You can invite him over to spend the New Years with you and your sister," my mother permits but I offer up shrug.
"I think he's doing something with the guys." I keep my eyes glued to the screen. I actually don't know what he's doing tonight because I haven't talked to him about it.
My father comes downstairs with their joint suitcase. He calls my sister to the living room and they brief us on the 'rules' of the night. "No leaving the house; no having any wild parties; no boys; no drinking; no drugs."
"Dad, we're going to be fine." As long as my little sister stays home, everything will be fine.
"Call me if anything happens," my mom insists. "And I mean anything."
"We're old enough to handle things, mom." I wave off their dramatics.
"Yeah, go have fun." My sister matches me in encouraging them to leave.
"Maritza, your sister is in charge," my father finally tells her. She gives him a flat look before redirecting her gaze to her phone.
"We'll call you when we get there. It should be around 7:30 so keep your phones on." My mom kisses both of our foreheads and our father follows suit. They finally leave after telling us to call if anything happens and reminding us of the hotel's address over and over. As soon as their car pulls out of the driveway, my sister looks at me.
"So there's a party tonight at Rayna's..."
"Nope." I don't even spare her a glance. Rayna is...wait for it...Raven's younger sister. She is also very confident and slightly bitchy and I have no idea why my sister associates with her. Rayna took after Raven in throwing wild parties whenever her parents leave, which apparently is pretty often.
"Come on! You can invite Dominic over and you guys can make all the noise you want." I ignore the latter part of her comment. I did not tell her about what happened at the party the other night so she doesn't know. I simply shake my head in response. "You're supposed to be cool now!"
"I'm not going to have mom and dad come back tomorrow to their 16 year old daughter hungover. You can either sit here with me and the dogs and watch the ball drop or you can go to bed."
"Whatever." She huffs, gets up, and goes upstairs. An hour and a half passes and I get up to talk to Mari. Maybe I can convince her to come back to the living room so I'm not so alone. All I've been doing is drowning myself in thoughts of Dominic and how bad I messed up. I jog upstairs, singing her name as I go.
"Maritza," I say when I reach her door. I knock twice but receive no response. I knock a little louder, wait a minute, and then enter. I look around and see a tornado of clothes on the floor and her bed. Her window is open and the curtains are whipping around in the wind. I sigh loudly as I stare into the backyard. If only we didn't live on a hill, then maybe she wouldn't be able to sneak out so easily.
I take out my phone and go to text Dominic before I stop myself. I can't do that. Exhaling nervously, I go downstairs and pace around. My eyes fall on the key bowl near the door. The minivan is still here. I shake my head as I dismiss the idea of driving. I don't have my license. What if I get pulled over? I contemplate calling my parents but decide against it. The last thing I want is to ruin their New Years. I swear loudly and grab the keys. I have to go get her before the drunk drivers come out.
I start my mom's car and say a quiet prayer as I head out on the road. I've never driven at night and I've never driven alone. My heart beats out of my chest as I pull up to a stop sign. An officer appears and offers me a smile as we stop at the same intersection. I continue driving and I suddenly realize that Raven is home, which means that she's going to be at this party. If she's there, then the old baseball team is definitely there. If that's the case, then Dominic is going to be there. I swallow nervously as I think about having to see him. Maybe he won't be there; maybe he stayed home tonight. Or maybe he's locked in a room with Raven somewhere making her lucky number 15. I shove those thoughts to the back of my mind. My only goal is to get my sister and get home.
By the time I reach the house, I almost blacked out five times from anxiety. I park the car and head inside the bustling home. As soon as I enter I see an assortment of people and am hit with memories of high school. I see recent graduates and current high school students mingling in the living room and people hooking up in the hallway.
I spot a familiar face and approach him. "Jack!" His eyes land on me and a look of confusion overtakes his face.
"What are you doing here?" He glances behind me eagerly and I draw his attention back to me.
"I'm looking for my sister. Have you seen her?" He shakes his head as he squints in thought.
"No... How did you get here? Did you come with Dominic? Is he here?" Again, he peers behind me curiously and I sigh.
"No, I didn't. I drove," I answer and his eye widen substantially. On that note, I wave to Jack and look around for my sister's friends. I search for a while before I see one of the juniors my sister hangs out with. I approach her urgently and can barely make out her name. My sister has a lot of friends; it's hard to keep up.
"Yes?" She holds a drink in her manicured hand.
"Where's Maritza?" I don't bother explaining who I am or what I want.
"I don't know. She was with Ricky last time I saw her." The girl gives me a careless shrug and I want to sigh.
"Well, when was that?" I follow up.
"I don't know...like, a half hour ago." She gives me an irritated glance and I don't even bother thanking her. It feels like forever as I gaze upon all the vaguely familiar faces. In reality, it takes me ten minutes to find her best friend Nala, who's standing in the corner flirting with a random boy.
"Where's Maritza?" Her eyes widen when she sees me.
"She's outside," she confesses. I hurriedly leave the house and search the yard. Just dancing teenagers. I go around the side of the house and find a bunch of parked cars. Just as I'm about to call her phone, I see my little sister getting out of Ricky's truck. She fixes her shirt and looks around to see if anyone noticed her getting out of the steamy vehicle. When her eyes land on me, they double in size and she grimaces.
"Come on, we're going home." I don't bother trying not to embarrass her.
"Nova," she whispers, "come on, be chill. Please?"
"We're going home." She exhales heavily.
She looks to Ricky. "Hey, I'll see you around."
"What? No New Year's Kiss?" he teases as he leans against his car. I want to scowl. I'm pretty sure he just got a lot more than a kiss from my little sister.
I grab Mari's hand as we slip into the back door of the house. We force our way through the kitchen and the dining room. We reach the living room and I glance in the direction of where I talked to Jack earlier. I see Dominic peering around in his Nike sweatsuit. For a second we lock eyes and I practically drag my sister out of the house.
"What are you doing? I think Dominic wants to talk to you." I glance back and see him making his way through a group of teenage girls behind us. We head in the direction of the minivan and I see a familiar vehicle parked behind it. "Are we riding with him?"
"No." I drop her hand and point at our mom's car. We wait for the chain of cars to clear the road before we cross the street.
"Are you not going to wait for him?" my sister asks when she sees Dominic on the other side of the street. We hurriedly get into the vehicle.
"No." I put on my seatbelt and start the car.
"Are you mad at him or something?" I glance in the mirror at his flashing lights.
"Not really." I pull off onto the road and try my best to focus on the road ahead of me rather than the person behind me.
"He's following us." Mari watches his car curiously.
"I don't know why." My fingers grip the wheel tightly as I look into the mirror again. I feel my sister staring at me as I return my eyes to the road.
"What happened?" she pries.
"I'm a jealous mess," I answer dully as we pull up to a red light.
"Care to explain?" Do I? I mean, she gave me good advice last time. Of course I didn't take it but it's nice to hear from someone on the outside looking in. She knows Dominic more than Kat does, that's for sure.
"At the party the other night, I saw him talking to Raven." There's no need to say more.
"Ouch. Yeah, I see what you mean; everyone knows Raven wants a piece of that." I don't like the phrasing but I'm happy someone understands.
"So I got upset for obvious reasons. I didn't try to hide it so he realized and insisted we leave. I snapped at him, made my jealousy embarrassingly noticeable, and then jumped out of his moving car." My sister exhales loudly.
"Jeez. You sure know how to make a scene." Yeah, tell me about it.
"I haven't talked to him since. I told him I need space. But this...this is not space." Literally, he's practically tailgating me.
I purposefully head in the direction of his street and he follows behind me. Moments later, we drive past his house and he doesn't even bother parking. It doesn't surprise me so I just shake my head as I continue on the path home. I pull into my mom's usual spot, trying to make it the best park job ever so she won't notice it. I expect him to continue on past the house but he parks in the front.
"Do you want me to talk to him?" Mari asks as she unbuckles her seatbelt.
"No, I think I will." I slowly prepare to exit the car. My sister gives me a small smile before getting out and heading inside. I watch her wave at Dominic as she does and he waves back like the gentleman he is.
As soon as my feet touch the driveway, I punk out and turn in the direction of the house. Dominic is leaning against the door of his car with his eyes locked on me. He's staring so hard that I can feel it. "I just wanted to make sure you got home safe!" Dominic calls from across the lawn. "I didn't mean to disrespect your space."
I stop dead in my tracks and repress the urge to sigh. Instead, I look at him with pursed lips. "Thank you." This gets a small smile out of him.
"It's too soon to talk, right?" He presses his luck and I allow my shoulders to slump. I can't say no to him. Besides, It's going to happen at one point or another. I turn and slowly descend down the steps. I cross the lawn and reach his car, feeling my nerves getting the best of me. He opens the passenger side door and motions for me to get in. "It's cold out here."
I sit down and wait for him to join me. When he does, he taps anxiously on the wheel, waiting for me to start the conversation. "So..." I fidget, "how are you?"
"I'm okay...how are you?" he asks, which earns a slow nod from me as I stare at my hands.
"I'm fine. I just needed some time."
"I know," he replies, "I get it."
"I did some thinking..." It's now or never.
"Yeah?" He watches me with a curious expression on his face.
"I, uh, I want things to go back to the way they were before," I prompt as I grind my hands together. I risk a glance at him. His eyebrows knit together as he listens closely. He waits for me to continue but I don't.
"When you say before, when are you talking about?" He seems hesitant, as if trying not to jump to conclusions.
"The summer, I guess." That's the last time things felt normal.
"So no more...benefits?" he clarifies.
"No more benefits. I also think it's best if we keep our dating lives private again." I keep my head bowed as I stare at my legs.
The latter of my statement surprises him. It takes him a second to gather himself before he nods again. "Okay..." he mumbles. "Anything else?"
"No...unless you can think of anything?" I respond and he shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I just want to be friends again." I put emphasis on the label.
"You don't have to apologize. You're allowed to say what you want and what you don't want. And I'm grateful that you're communicating."
"I just don't want you to think this friendship is too much work. I know I've been all over the place lately but I just want you to know that-," I start to ramble but he stops me.
"Nova, you're my best friend. I'd do anything to maintain this relationship." His words send a shiver down my spine and I hate myself for it.
"Me, too."
We fall into a comfortable silence as I watch the clock tick. 11:38PM. It reaches 11:40 before he speaks. "Do you hate me?"
"What?" What have I done to make him think that?
"I feel like things have changed in these last few days. Do you look at me differently? Do you hate me?" I feel my heart shatter as shares his concerns.
"No, of course not. Why would you ask that?" He opens and closes his mouth a few times, which causes my eyebrows to furrow. "Just spit it out, Dominic."
"Because I took your virginity," he exhales. "And I hear it sends girls emotions out of whack and I can't help but feel like I hurt you."
"You didn't take it; I gave it to you," I clarify. "And you didn't hurt me."
"I just feel like I should've known better." I turn to him in absolute confusion. "I-I don't know if you called me over the first time to make up for what you did the week before or if you were upset about Eli but it was out of character for you and I should've caught on. You've never made a pass at me before that and I should've just...known better."
"I didn't sleep with you out of pity and it wasn't a rebound, Dominic. And it wasn't just a random, impulsive thing. I'm capable of making rational decisions."
"Nova, you hadn't kissed anyone because you wanted to give it to someone special. I imagine it was the same with your virginity. I feel like I just...took it. I didn't even make it special for you. You could've gone out and met a boy that you liked and built a relationship with him. Then you could've had sex with him for your first time and you would've enjoyed it more."
"Dominic, I chose to sleep with you because I wanted to! It wasn't pity or a rebound. It wasn't me giving up on my dream of getting a boyfriend and having a magical first time. I chose you and it was good."
We're both quiet for a couple of minutes before he speaks up. "Do you regret it?" he asks bluntly.
"No..." I trail. He senses a 'but' so he nods in encouragement. "But I was overwhelmed. I didn't expect things to happen the way they did and it just...overwhelmed me. But I don't regret it. Do you?"
"No, but again, I feel like I hurt you," he reiterates.
"You didn't hurt me, Dominic." I'm not quite sure if I'm telling the truth. He had no idea about my feelings for him so I can't blame him for sleeping with me and stirring all of my emotions up. He didn't intentionally hurt me is the proper phrasing.
"Are you sure?" he presses.
"Dominic, I'm positive."
"Okay." He swallows nervously and we fall into another silence, only to have him break it a few seconds later. "Do you feel like our friendship can go back to the way it was?"
I take a second to think about the answer. "I don't know," I admit honestly. "Do you?"
"I'm going to try my best...because I know it's what you want." I open my mouth to ask what he wants but he intercepts before I can. "It's 11:59."
We watch in silence and fall into January. "Happy New Year," he mutters as the clock strikes 12.
"You, too," I mumble as I touch the tips of my fingers together. "I'm sorry you left the party early."
"I wasn't even at the party until Jack told me he saw you there. I was at my house watching Netflix," he scoffs. "I got in my car and sped over. He told me you drove and I had to make sure you didn't get into an accident on the way home."
"I was going to call you. When I discovered that Mari had snuck out. It was my first instinct; I grabbed my phone and was going to ask you to help me get her but then I realized..."
"You still could've called me. I would've picked you up or got her myself. Just because you were mad at me doesn't mean I was mad at you. And even if I was mad at you, I still would've been there for you." That's Dominic...being Dominic. A sweetheart, as usual.
"I wasn't mad at you. I was more mad at myself for being so...emotional. I'm sorry about the night of the party. I shouldn't have yelled at you." At least I can communicate that properly.
"It's okay. I understood your frustration," he forgives me. "I shouldn't have even entertained Raven. I don't know why I did. I don't like her and I know you don't like her."
"Whether or not I like her doesn't really matter," I remind him quietly.
"Yeah it does." He doesn't go further in depth and I decide to end that conversation before I can get my hopes up.
"Either way, I don't know why I reacted like that," I answer with a shrug. Of course I know.
A smirk breaks out onto his face and I narrow my eyes at him. He's going to ruin the serious conversation in 5...4...3...2... "Jealousy is my guess," he announces. "I mean, I could be wrong."
I stare at him for a few seconds and a grin falls onto my face. I've missed him. "I don't know," I reply, matching his tone. "I was just frustrated that your old best friend was trying to flirt with me. I wanted to go back to you and complain but instead, I find the girl I don't like on top of you-."
"She was not on top of me," he corrects with a shake of his finger. "I made sure there was space between us."
"Sure, Dominic." I purse my lips in doubt and he grins widely.
"Why does it matter to you?" I sense what he's getting it so I shake my head casually.
"It doesn't. It was just something I noticed. t's not my business, remember?" He nods slowly as he contemplates what he's going to say next.
"I do remember. You told me the other night that you don't care. You also said that I should make Raven 'lucky number 15,'" he recalls and I give him a sheepish frown.
"Sorry about that," I mutter.
"It's okay. People say mean things when they're jealous," he reassures me, which earns a loud groan in response. "I was jealous when you told me about Adrian."
"Speaking of, how'd you accidentally punch him?" I inquire with slightly wide eyes.
"I went to his house to talk to him. I asked him about what happened. He told me to mind my business. I accidentally fell and punched him in the eye. I guess I just slipped. He then explained what happened and apologized." Dominic watches me with a large grin on his face.
"You can't just go around hitting people, Dominic!" I scold as I hold back laughter.
"He's a piece of shit and he deserved it for many, many, many reasons," Dominic excuses with a wave of his hand.
"That may be true but violence is never the answer." Then again, I wanted to deck Raven.
"If you knew the things he did, you'd understand my anger," Dominic responds, which earns a confused look from me. "Don't worry about it. It's handled."
"Okay." Cue my confusion...
When he sees me yawn, he quirks a brow. "So are we good now?" He seems hopeful and I'm not one to crush his hope.
"Yeah." Even though I still want to kiss him and profess my love for him, I don't have to worry about being tempted. I can have these desires in the sanctity of my mind.
"Good." He sighs in relief. "I know it's only been a few days but I've missed you so much."
"I missed you, too." My confession makes him smile even wider and before he can make a slick comment, I point back to my house. "I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight, Dominic."
"Goodnight, Nova."
I hesitate as I move to get out of the car. "Are you going home? Or the party, assuming it didn't get busted yet?" I wait patiently for his answer.
"Home," he answers with a small grin. "Why?"
"I was just going to wish you luck at, you know, getting a late New Years kiss. I can think of a girl who would totally kiss you." He tilts his head a little with the same goofy smile on his face.
"Didn't we just talk about this? You're not supposed to be flirting with me," he reminds with a confused but amused look on his face.
"Okay first, we never agreed on that." This clarification seems to make him happy. "Second, I was talking about Raven." His mouth quickly turns downwards.
"Oh...ew," he mumbles. "No, thank you."
"She did make it very clear that her parents are never home so you still have a couple days to decide how to start off the New Year," I encourage him and he rolls his eyes at me.
"And you say you're not jealous?" It's my turn to roll my eyes at him.
"Goodnight, Dominic," I sing in an attempt to shut down talk of jealousy.
"Goodnight, Nova. I love you," he says as I get out of the car. I freeze as I go to shut the door. It still doesn't feel normal but I guess I'll have to live with it.
"Shut up, Dominic," I retort. He laughs at this.