Christmas passes in a flash and before I know it, we're getting close to the New Year. It isn't until a very late dinner that my parents decide to drop the news. "Your mother and I are going away for New Years," my dad explains. Quickly absorbing their statement, my sister and I look at each other.
"Where?" we simultaneously ask.
"The casino." I quirk an eyebrow as I glance between the two of them and my mom gives us a reassuring smile. "We're only going to be gone for two days."
"Okay..." They've never gone away for New Years before. I know my mom's always wanted to attend a casino New Years party but I figured they'd do that once my sister and I had families of our own to spend the holidays with.
"You guys are old enough to take care of yourselves." My father gives us a strong nod and I don't doubt it.
"Okay," we answer simultaneously and I can see a mischievous grin growing on my her face, which makes me want to groan. More like I'm old enough. I can already tell I'm going to have to babysit her.
Once dinner ends and my parents agree to do the cleaning up, my sister and I head upstairs. I follow her with a look of suspicion on my face. She barely notices and continues tapping away on her phone. "You better not be making plans. You're not going to go out and get into trouble- not while I'm in charge."
My sister looks at me with an annoyed look on her face. "When did they say you were in charge?" I tilt my head back in slight shock.
"It was implied. I'm 18 and you're 16, remember?" I cross my arms over my chest and she rolls her eyes in response.
"Don't worry about me. You'll probably be spending the night with Dominic, right?" I gape at her retreating figure before shuffling into my own room.
For her information, I've been avoiding Dominic. I'm scared of the conversation that has to take place eventually. The whole 'what are we?' and 'what are we doing?' conversation. I don't know what I'd say in response to that. The clear answer is friends with benefits but I've already determined that my small, inexperienced heart cannot handle that. I know I'll eventually have to see him again but I pray that he just takes cues and hints and lets the friendship go in the direction I lead it.
I'm just anxious because he already tried to have the conversation once and I dodged it. I can't dodge it again without looking shady and making it seem like I'm using him. I already have the reputation of a user because of Eli. I get a notification from Dominic asking me if I'm doing anything tonight. He sends me another message telling me about a get together with the baseball team and that they specifically asked for me. He sends another message, telling me not to disappoint with a smiling emoji. I sigh and give in, figuring he won't bother to bring it up around a bunch of people.
I 'ask' my parents for permission to go out and they ask the basic questions before telling me to have fun. My sister, who was listening in on my conversation with them, smirks at me from her doorway and tells me to have a good time. I'm not surprised at the text message I receive from her once I get in the car with Dominic.
Maritza: Use protection.
"You look good," Dominic coos as he examines my outfit. "Trying to hook up with some baseball players tonight?"
Just you. I break out into a grin as I think of a pun. I stare at him and his eyebrows raise in curiosity. I stay silent, building suspense. "Yeah but I'll only go to second base." I can barely hold in my giggles as the words pass my lips. I fall into wheezy fits of laughter as I hunch over in my seat. Dominic offers me an unimpressed look.
"Damn, you're corny," he comments with a grin as he starts in the direction of the gathering. Once I regain myself, I fix my posture and smirk.
"But I'm your best friend so you'll deal with it." He sighs with a smile.
"Yeah, I'd have told you to get out of the car had it not been for the fact that I know you would've." He slows to a stop at a light and I shake my head.
"I already feel skeptical about this whole thing. They teased me in high school. Now they're cordially inviting me to hang out with them? It's a little suspicious."
"It wasn't mean teasing, though. It was loving, endearing teasing." Yeah, that's a lie.
"Are you sure they specifically asked for me to be there?" He nods to his phone, which is in his lap.
"Look at the group-chat." I hesitantly reach and grab his phone, trying my best not to touch his pants. I unlock it and search through his messages. I click the group chat and scroll up, recognizing each name in the conversation.
Adrian: Dominic, don't forget to bring your girlfriend.
Eric: Yeah I haven't seen her in forever.
Jack: I see her every day. She's always in our room.
Eric: Have they slept together yet? Or is she still making him wait?
West: She literally has no interest in Dominic. Besides, I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend.
Dominic: I'll tell her you guys want to see her.
Dominic: And actually, West, she doesn't have a boyfriend.
"That's supposed to make me feel better? They don't even know my name." I toss his phone back onto his lap. He cringes when it lands and I don't bother apologizing. "They just want to hound me about sleeping with you."
"They do want to see you. That's their way of being friendly, Nova, I swear. And they do know your name, I promise," he assures me.
"I'm not a good liar, Dominic. I get all red and nervous." How am I supposed to deny sleeping with him now?
"That's fine. You're always red and nervous." I lightly nudge him and he grins in response. "Trust me, it's going to be fun."
I narrow my eyes at him but leave it at that. To avoid any further conversation, I turn the music up and lock my eyes on the houses we pass. Eventually, we reach Eric's home and I recognize a few of the cars outside. "Ready?" He pulls behind Adrian's car and turns to me.
"Yeah." I unbuckle my seatbelt and follow his lead. When he opens the front door, I hesitantly enter.
"Who's that?" a deep voice asks and a grin breaks out on Dominic's face. I trail behind my best friend nervously with my sweaty hands pressed against my jeans. He lightly touches my lower back and leads the way into the living room.
The guys practically bum rush him with hugs and handshakes and I stand off to the side, smiling awkwardly. Adrian is the first to break away from Dominic and he turns his attention to me. "Nova," he greets and I'm a little surprised that he actually went out of his way to acknowledge me.
"Hi." I rock back and forth in my sneakers like an awkward idiot.
"Nova!" West greets me with a large grin as if we don't see each other every other day.
"Hey..." I offer him a nod. Jack joins the small semi-circle facing me, as do Eric and Rodrigo. They all greet me and I offer nods and smiles and short glances. Dominic eventually joins, as do the last, more distant team members. Instead of standing across from me, Dominic joins me and meets everyone's entertained glances. Dominic makes a shooing motion with his hand and most of the guys disperse, save for Eric and Adrian.
"So how have you been?" one of them asks and I assume the question is directed towards Dominic so I simply look around the house. "Nova?"
I turn my attention back to the boys surrounding me. My eyes settle on Adrian, who is staring at me curiously. "Huh?" I say, a little lost. Dominic chuckles at my reaction.
"How have you been?" Oh, so he was talking to me.
"Good...and you?" If I remember correctly, he is two hours away at a neighboring private university. He was one of Dominic's closer friends but they had a falling out over Dominic's decision not to play baseball anymore. They still remain cordial but it's very clear that they still have some tension. The only thing I remember him for his incessant teasing. I think he was the worst of them. In fact, I have no idea why he's even talking to me.
"Great." His eyes look between me and Dominic. "Still rejecting Dominic's advances, I assume?"
Dominic laughs loudly at this and I don't even bother looking at him. "I don't know what you're talking about," I respond dryly and he chuckles. He brushes a couple strands of his light blonde hair from his face before adjusting his semi-rimmed glasses. I think he wore contacts in high school; I actually don't remember.
"Dominic?" Adrian starts and I glance at my best friend, who shrugs with a smirk on his face.
"Like she said, I don't know what you're talking about." Dominic lightly thrums his fingers against my spine.
"Where's the bathroom?" I need to escape this conversation. The testosterone is too much.
"Down that hall." Dominic points to a hallway off the living room. I reach the bathroom and take my time, not wanting to return to the very awkward, slightly tense environment. I don't know why they're acting so weird. I don't know what Dominic told them but it's clear they know something. They've never been this excited to see me.
I return and find Dominic standing alongside Eric and West, having a rambunctious conversation about which college baseball team is the best. I excuse myself and head to the kitchen in hopes of getting soda. I grab a cup from the pile in the corner before opening the fridge. I gaze inside and grab an unopened can of Coke. When I close the fridge in hopes of getting ice, I find Adrian leaning against the counter. As anyone would, I jump at the sight of him.
"Jeez! I hold my hand to my heart. "You scared me."
"Sorry," he laughs. "That was not my intention. I was trying to be smooth."
"Didn't work too well." I let the ice noisily fill my cup as my heartbeat regulates itself. I pour the soda in before throwing the empty can into the recycling bin. I nod at him with intentions of returning to Dominic.
"I'm surprised you came." I want to sigh. I wasn't quick enough- now I'm forced into polite conversation.
"I didn't want to. You guys weren't exactly nice to me in high school," I admit honestly. "Dominic said that you guys would play nice though, so I figured why not?"
"We were only joking." This earns a narrowed gaze from me.
"Questioning me about how I manage to stay friends with Dominic without having sex with him isn't what I consider a joke." I can finally vocalize it without being laughed at by the entire table.
He stares at me for a second before sighing. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry about that. It was immature." The apology completely takes me by surprise. I expected a response along the lines of 'you're being too dramatic.'
"It's fine." Is this my cue to leave?
"Besides, Dominic told us that he's not your type," he replies with a grin in an attempt to lighten the conversation.
My eyebrows rise slightly. "Did he?" I wonder what else he told them.
"Yup." He brings a red cup with unidentifiable content to his lips. I blink a few times, unsure of what to say. He takes this as a sign to continue speaking. "He said you like nerdy white boys."
"Did he?" Good to know he's airing out my business.
"I just thought I'd let you know that I made Dean's List this past semester." The smirk on his lips only confuses me further. Why do I care?
"Good for you." I slowly nod as I analyze what he's saying. Is he flirting with me? What's going on here? I go to move again but another one of his startling statements keeps my feet locked in place.
"You know, I don't remember you being this hot." He bites the rim of his solo cup and my eyebrows immediately jump up on my face.What? And also, what kind of compliment is that?
I decide to laugh it off and give him the benefit of the doubt. "Must be the beer goggles, eh?" How can he not tell that I'm uncomfortable?
He wears a slight look of confusion before he looks into his cup. He tilts it in my direction, revealing the clear liquid. "This is water."
"Oh..." I trail, a bit thrown off. So what's his excuse? Deciding to take advantage of the gap in conversation, I clear my throat. "Well, I should get back to Dominic."
Instead of giving him time to talk, I turn and hightail it out of the kitchen to find Dominic. I stop in my tracks mid-dining room. I spot him sitting on Eric's couch, resting back in his seat. Propped up beside him on the arm of the couch is Raven. I didn't know she'd be here; if I did, I would not have agreed to show up.
Raven was one of many of my high school's Regina George's. Except she's less bitchy and more...passive aggressive. She made it clear to people that she thought she was important and she also stressed the status quo more than High School Musical. She had a very known thing for Dominic and according to him, he never did anything with her. But from the flirtatious look on her face and the smile on his, I can't help but wonder...
I narrow my eyes slightly and grip my cup a little tighter. I've felt jealousy before but nothing like this. In high school, I've seen him make out with girls and come to school with hickies from one night stands and I've never felt jealousy nearly this strong. And all for what? They're talking. They're sitting a little close but they're only talking. My chest burns and I feel my hands start to shake. I'm completely surprised at the way it's taking over my body.
I try to calm myself down and repeat that Dominic is not mine. When that little mantra doesn't help, I remind myself that they're only having a conversation. I hate myself for the extremeness of this emotion. If this was taking place a year ago, I'd simply turn and find someone else to talk to or something else to do. But all I can do is watch with the urge to punch Raven in the face and then punch Dominic in his face, too.
"Oh look, it's Raven. Maybe Dom will finally sleep with her," Adrian comments from behind me and I want to scream. I slowly approach Dominic in hopes of catching his attention so he'll come to me and I won't have to face Raven.
I narrow my eyes even more when I see her hand rest on his shoulder as she laughs girlishly at something he says. Dominic's funny but he's not that funny. When I'm about five feet away, Dominic's gaze falls on me and he sits forward on the couch. "Hey..." I bite my tongue from saying something petty; I don't want to cause a scene.
I decide not to say anything back to him in fear of slipping up and saying something snarky. Raven practically glares at me as I noisily sip my soda after successfully interrupting their conversation. I lock eyes with Dominic and by the look on his face, I know that he can see something's wrong. I brush it off and avert my gaze, take my phone out of my pocket, and check my notifications. Other than my sister and Kat, no one has messaged me all day. I suddenly consider texting Eli out of spite but decide against it. That won't make anything better.
Raven clears her throat and Dominic tears his eyes from me to risk a glance at her. "Well I'm going to go catch up with some of the guys..." she trails and I feel her glowering into my soul. I know saying something to her will only get us into a cat-fight. Maybe sitting on Dominic's lap and making out with him will definitely get a different reaction out of her. But it will also get one out of every other person in this room. I hold back as she stands and continues to make conversation with Dominic.
"Okay." His answer is curt and abrupt and I can't help but wonder if his responses were so curt and abrupt when they were having a conversation.
"I meant what I said about us catching up. My parents won't be home for the rest of the week so just hit me up when you're free. We can chill." She says it loud enough so that I can hear and I feel the blood in my body start to boil. I wonder what everyone would do if I hit her- just once. She slowly removes herself from the couch, winks at him, and bites her lip flirtatiously. I want to pettily encourage him to take her up on the offer. Before she walks away, she gives him another longing gaze and doesn't spare me a glance. I watch as she struts off towards the dining room, where a group of guys are playing beer pong with her friends.
"Are you okay?" he asks as he turns to face me. I keep my eyes locked on my phone and my mouth suctioned to the rim of my cup. "Nova?" I don't respond and he stares at me for a few more seconds. "Do you want to go home?"
"Go catch up with your friends. That's what we came here for," I retort in a slightly bitter tone. I don't want to be an asshole and force him to leave but I also don't want to sit here and watch Raven throw herself at him as he talks to his friends. I wish I would've just stayed home and let him come here alone.
"Nova," he whispers and I practically bite a hole through my lip as I glare at my phone. "Let's go home."
"Go talk to your friends," I insist. My voice shakes a bit, from both hurt and anger. I really shouldn't be this upset but I can't help it. Everyone in this room knows Raven has a thing for Dominic. He claims not to be interested in her yet he entertains her. The fact that I'm not allowed to be mad is only making me more mad.
"I've talked to them enough tonight." He stands and holds out a hand to help me up. I ignore it and get up on my own, leading the way to the front door. He doesn't bother saying goodbye to anyone and just follows me outside. I toss my cup into the trashcan beside the door before heading in the direction of his car.
He unlocks it so I get in and buckle my seatbelt. I keep my gaze locked on the window as he starts the car. "Nova, can you at least talk to me?"
"What's there to talk about?" I swallow the ball of emotions in my throat. I know I have no right to be upset about Raven; he's allowed to talk to anyone he wants and do anything he wants. I don't get a say in that and I don't have a right to be jealous. But I can't help it. And his obliviousness is just angering me more.
"What happened? Why are you upset?" he pries.
"I'm fine." I'm not fine. He knows I'm not fine. But it's easier to say I am than to explain why I'm not.
"Did something happen in the kitchen?" I want to scream at the top of my lungs.
"Other than Adrian flirting with me? No." I say it in hopes that it ignites a similar feeling to mine in his chest.
"Adrian?" His brows shoot up on his face as he grips the wheel. I wish I could look at him right now without feeling the urge to punch him and cry. "Like my old friend Adrian?"
"What other Adrian was there, Dominic?"
"What'd he say?" I can tell that he's angry now and it doesn't satisfy me as much as I thought it would. I shrug carelessly as I stare out the window with a clenched jaw.
"He said that, according to you, he's my type and that he doesn't remember me being this hot."
"Really?" Dominic now sounds very angry. I nod but I keep my eyes stuck to the large tree across the street. "Wow, okay. I'm going to talk to him about that. As a matter of fact, I'll be right back."
He makes a move to unbuckle his seatbelt but I reach my hand across his chest. I turn my attention to him and shake my head. "Don't bother. I handled it." While you were busy flirting with Raven in the other room, I warded off your creepy ass friend.
He stares at me and slowly drops his hands into his lap. I return my arm back to it's spot at my side and glue my eyes to the tree again. "I'm still going to say something to him."
"Don't." He's the least of my concerns.
"Why not?" he remarks, sounding annoyed. I clench my jaw as I stare out the window. "Nova?"
I feel something in me snap at his oblivion. "Because I don't care about that, Dominic! I don't care about him! He doesn't matter!" I scream. He jumps slightly at my outburst and I exhale noisily before returning to my original position. "Now can we just leave?"
He's silent as he pulls out of his spot and onto the road. The car ride is silent and I don't complain. I rub at my eyes in hopes of shoving the tears back into my ducts. As we get closer to my house, Dominic attempts to talk to me again. "Nova." I'm silent but mostly because I'm scared my voice will break and I will cry. He repeats himself once...twice. I respond the third time.
"What?" I hiss once I'm sure I won't cry.
"If this is about Raven..." He hesitates, probably waiting for me to snap at him again.
"I don't care about her either." I sound much weaker and less believable. I feel pathetic for even caring this much.
"Neither do I," he responds reassuringly. My face contorts as I look out the window.
"It didn't seem that way but okay. You don't have to explain yourself to me, Dominic."
We reach my street and he purposely slows down. "I don't like her, Nova."
"Dominic, you can do whatever you want with whoever you want. It's not my business. I don't care. In fact, I think you should take her up on her offer. Go back to the party and have sex with her. Make her lucky number 15. To hell if I care." I clench my fist as tears start rapidly falling down my face. I unbuckle my seatbelt and shove open the door of the moving car. He brakes hard but it doesn't matter because I'm already out and jogging towards my house.
+++
The second I wake up, the memories of last night flood back into my mind and I'm hit with an overwhelming amount of guilt. I shouldn't have lashed out on Dominic last night. I should've just said that I didn't like Raven very much and waited to see where that brought us. But ever since I pinpointed what that stupid glob of feelings in my gut is whenever I see him, my emotions have been all out of whack. I'm crying out of jealousy and getting angry at him for having a conversation with a girl. Sleeping with him was a mistake.
I look at my phone and see an influx of messages from him, which doesn't surprise me. I open our conversation and scroll up to the first one.
Dominic: Nova I'm sorry. I shouldn't even have talked to her. I know you don't like her.
Dominic: Please don't be mad at me.
Dominic: I don't even like her. I don't want to sleep with her. I don't even want to touch her. I won't talk to her again.
Dominic: Can you text me when you wake up?
His next texts are from this morning.
Dominic: I'm going to talk to Adrian.
Dominic: I accidentally punched him in the face but it's okay because he apologized.
I adjust my vision as I reread his text. Jeez. How do you accidentally punch someone in the face?
Dominic: Can we talk?
I note that the last message was sent ten minutes ago. I type out a response before deleting it. I do this a couple more times before deciding on one.
Nova: I'm not mad at you. I just need some space.
I automatically see the typing bubbles appear in our conversation and I wait for his response.
Dominic: How long until things are okay again?
I stare at the text and sigh. How long does it take to fall out of love with someone?
Nova: I just need a few days.
Immediately, he's typing a response.
Dominic: I'll be here.
I lock my phone and toss it at the end of my bed. I need to get it together.