Apparently, Devin wasn't as bothered as I feared. Stunned for a minute, perhaps, but it appeared that more than anything, his mind had begun reeling with possibilities of what had happened to them. After wondering if I had banished them to Hell, to which I had replied my ignorance, he considered the terms of my nourishment.
"Do you feel any different?"
"What do you mean?" I tapped the side of the bowl of chili in front of him to gesture that he should eat more.
He had gone ahead and finished preparing the simple meal we had been interrupted from, disappointed that I didn't want any food myself. I had explained to him that I hadn't felt any sort of hunger since I died, even now that I was back in the human world.
On the other hand, I had noticed earlier that he had lost weight. His muscles had toned down and his face was less round than I remembered. The thought of him not taking care of himself upset me. Knowing that it was my fault physically pained me.
"I mean," he tried to ignore my prompt and continue so I raised an eyebrow, shifting my vision angrily to his bowl and back up. He rolled his eyes, but quickly swallowed a bite before finishing, "When you killed Emma and Damian, did you feel any stronger afterward?"
I cocked my head, catching his drift, "You're wondering if perhaps that was me feeding? To be honest, I actually feel pretty tired. Whatever I did, it was draining."
Devin's expression grew instantly concerned, "Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?"
"No," I smiled, "Just tired. I would assume it's just me recouping from the sudden change in environment. I know we just got up, but do you think we could lay down for a while longer once you're done eating?"
"Of course," his demeanor didn't change as he rose from his seat, "We should make a plan before trying any tests on you anyway. You know, to figure out your dietary needs and all," the man had walked over to where I sat and placed a hand on my arm, urging me to get up.
"I said we can after you've finished your food," I reminded.
"Oh, I'll do that later," he shrugged, clearly too focused on taking care of me.
I twisted the arm he was pulling at and grabbed his with it, forcing him to fall into my lap, "Finish eating, Devin," I repeated sternly.
His lips lifted into a smirk and he reached over to get his chili, "You've gotten more dominant."
My eyes softened. I hadn't considered how some of the changes I had gone through affected his outlook of me, "I'm sorry..."
"No! I mean, I wasn't complaining," his lips curled more as he took a spoonful into his mouth.
I relaxed somewhat, "Am I not the same as I was?"
There was a pause.
"No, you're not," he admitted gently, stirring his food before looking up at me, "But you're still you. You're still the man I love. You're just... You know what you want now and you go for it instead of denying yourself so much."
I considered those words; I guess they were true, "You know you've changed a little too. You don't act like you have to be strong all the time. I'm glad I can finally be strong for you."
The man blushed, shoving another mouthful of chili down. The two of us sat in silence as he emptied the bowl and once complete, tilted it to show me. Rewarding him with a quick kiss, I finally allowed us to return to the bedroom. Despite feeling as though I could easily take a nap, I fought to stay awake through drooping lids.
Devin would undoubtedly tell me to sleep, but I knew he was worried I would disappear and admittedly, I couldn't assure him that I wouldn't. Neither of us spoke on the matter, we simply talked about other things. Nevertheless, my will failed me and fatigue overcame my body.
My heart sunk as I surveyed my surroundings. I wasn't asleep. In every direction was an endless white which neither physical or spiritual sense was able to cut through. It was frustrating to try to describe, but as I walked through the expansive nothingness, I got the feeling that I was in the midst of a plane somehow removed from existence.
My brain tried to understand if I liked the place and the only answer it came up with was that I did and also didn't. My entire being felt completely neutral within the space as if I was incapable of feeling much of anything.
Seemingly out of nowhere, a word came to mind: Limbo. It was an interesting concept that many humans believed in. Some believed it to be a part of Hell, however the actual idea was that limbo was a space where the soul is sent after the body dies until it is determined fit for judgement.
The realm attempts to purify the spirit so that either it may enter a perfect eternity in Heaven or proven inadequate and doomed to Hell. I already knew both Heaven and Hell were not what humans thought they were, therefore I had no idea why this information sprang upon me or why it was relevant. Yet I still couldn't get rid of the thought that this was where I ended up for some reason.
Was I being judged? I had gotten so used to the Hell creatures' outlook on things that I had forgotten how expansive the universe was. Not every spirit or mind was going to see morale the same, meaning it was quite possible there were ones who did, in fact, judge others based upon their own reality.
"You once again surprise me," Spike's friendly voice was suddenly beside me.
"I have surprised myself," I replied nonchalantly, oddly not startled by his appearance, "What's going on? This place, I don't recognize it," although I outranked him, he was still older and more knowledgeable than me.
"You've managed to return to the human world, I take it?" his pointed head was looking about as if he wasn't sure himself.
"I was summoned," I shrugged, "Is this Limbo?"
"Hm. I haven't heard that term in a long time. I suppose you could call it that. This is your realm."
I braced myself for the oncoming vagueness that his help always began with, yet I didn't feel agitated at all by it, "Mine?"
"I knew you were rare," the demon mused, "But this species I did not predict."
"My species?" my brain recalled learning how demonic breeds, as opposed to the creatures of Earth, were based upon their abilities rather than their appearance.
It wasn't to say that those of particular races did not tend toward certain looks, but largely this was not how different types of demons were named. Since it wasn't necessary to life in Hell to use skills inherent to one's kind, sometimes it took a while for this detail to be established. I had not yet come to know what specific species I was.
"It's quite uncommon, as you've already come to know, for demons to care about any code of right and wrong," Spike seemed keenly interested in the matter, "And yet it remains that some will go above general survival as to what acts they deem kind or vile."
"Such as me," I gathered, "Just because I don't see beings who murder as evil, doesn't mean I would kill someone simply for feeling like it and knowing it would cause no ill effects to me personally.
"It is through doing this, you will sustain yourself while away from the Nethers."
"I'm meant to subside fr- what are you looking for?" my companion's excited bobbing had become too distracting for me not to comment.
If not his entire frame, his eyes had not ceased dodging about and I had never seen him so enthralled. More or less, he had always been a stoic observer, assisting me only when I called upon him.
"Apologies," his screechy voice commanded his body to still, "I've just not had such an opportunity in many ages. Yes, you are meant to subside on what judgment you shall place upon other spirits."
Mouth opening to complain how he hadn't answered my other question, I instead began studying the atmosphere as well. In a roundabout way, he had actually told me. He was searching for whatever creature I had subdued in order to bring me to this strange plane in the first place.
I turned my attention from the demon and to the ghostly teens I had struck down. As simply as manipulating the energy in Hell, the two appeared, but they didn't take any notice of me...or even each other. Emma and Damian stood no further than five foot away and yet as their confused gazes darted in every direction, their expressions remained ignorant of anything besides themselves.
"This Limbo you reference," Spike strolled up to my side while I stood staring at the captives who had begun walking in place, "I believe is meant to remove a soul from all else so that it may be purified and sent to a new life?"
The analysis was close enough so I nodded, never tearing away from the guests to whom we were invisible. Their endless trudge stopped when Damian seemed to grow tired, opting to sit down and stare, while Emma released a furious shout.
Or at least, that's what I gathered she was doing. The girl spun in uneven circles, throwing obscene gestures into the air, her lips parting too wide for sound not to be leaving them.
Bubbles. It was like each of them were inside their own protective space, eternal and blank in itself, yet seen to me. In all accounts, I was God in this scenario. I had heard of judgment angels, but judgment demons was a new one. How was I supposed to pass such ruling?
My thoughts must have naturally slipped over to Spike because he started talking again, "It is not a punishment in the sense you are used to. Rather a knowledge you have obtained which they would benefit from learning. They will either learn or they will fade, their energy becoming part of this," bony wings gestured to the whiteness.
"Then I assume whatever happens, it is irrelevant to what I gain?" I surmised, "Because if I could only feed from a spirit that faded, then there isn't much incentive for me to teach."
"It's not an active process," the skeleton hummed, "What they can learn from you seeps from your mind and is graven into your realm. Gradually, either it breaks through to a willing brain or they continue to resist. And yes, you still obtain energy from what is cast off during it all, regardless of the outcome."
"What if I were to cross paths with a creature who had nothing to learn from me?" I wondered.
"A hunter is not obligated to eat his kill. Sometimes he must slaughter a useless carcass to protect himself."
"I see. And you are here because...?
"A servant needed will always find his master," the demon bobbed his head slightly as if to bow.
"I am appreciative of your service."
As if in response to the simple cue dismissing him, Spike vanished and once more I was alone. I turned my focus upon the girl who had continued in her exasperated acts. After mentally cutting through the film separating us, I was greeted with the same angry voice I had heard earlier.
"You fucking shit!" Emma growled, finally seeing me, her black skirt swishing rapidly back and forth as she ran forward.
I watched as she remained only a handful of feet away, jogging furiously but staying in the same place. Her frustrated shouts and insults upon realizing how stuck she was fell upon deaf ears.
I couldn't hear her words any longer though I knew they were there. Instead, my vision was filled with her essence. I saw her aura and her very intent. Staring with this sight, a new word popped into my mind and clung there: hopeless.
Her form slowly fell into its former trap as I twisted my neck toward Damian. The boy was in a similar state, except on the ground where he had slunk while I spoke with my demon friend. Seeing me, his demeanor perked up and he spoke my name softly as though entirely uncertain.
His voice also quickly became an indecipherable echo as his aura appeared to me with another word: time. I let the vision of him settle out and gave one more glance around the white.
With a single blink, understanding there was nothing more for me to observe at present, my lids lifted to reveal I was laying on the bed with Devin. The man was curled up in my arms in front of me, both of us facing the same way.
"I think," he said plainly, "That we should just walk out of the building, get in the car, and go to the store. Just go inside with your wings out and see what happens," he laughed, "Will find out really quick if others can see you."
I hadn't fallen asleep. I hadn't physically left. No time had passed and Devin was oblivious that I had been in another world at all.
"Mark?" his tone grew serious when I didn't respond to his playful attitude.
"Sorry, I just spaced out," I told him, the events still catching up to me.
He rotated in my arms to see me, lips falling into a frown, "Are you still feeling bad?"
I paused a moment to think, "Actually, I feel much better."
I did eventually enlighten him to the experience. Exactly as I figured, he had been fearful that my fatigue was going to end in me phasing back to Hell, so he was clearly thrilled to know I had discovered what nutrition I required.
"It's not as good as sex," he joked, "But you don't have to gruesomely murder innocent people either, which is a huge plus."
"I can't argue with that," I grinned, idly poking the ramen in front of me.
"Can you not eat real food? You haven't swallowed a bite all day," Devin complained, setting his own fork down.
"It just doesn't seem appetizing," I raised my sight to smirk at him, "But I know something that is."
"I like this newfound confidence of yours," his hand stretched across the table, taking mine from the bowl and squeezing it.
"You have to go back to work tomorrow, you said?"
"Day after," he sighed, "Today was supposed to be my last for the week, but since I called out I have to start next week's shifts a day early."
"Then let's make the most of it," I lifted his hand and gave it a gentle kiss. With all flirting aside, I didn't truly didn't care what 'making the most' of our time entailed. Watching him eat, cuddling, sex, or just sitting in peaceful silence; as long as it was done together.