A/N me? introducing drama and plot into this book? its more likely than you think
nah but for real i just wanted to expand on the plot in this book, and uni starts soon so i wanna get as many chaps as i can out before i start!
anyways hope yall enjoy! xx
-
Camila lets her work get to her, she lets it sink its teeth into her skin and it makes her start to think that maybe not everything in the world is inherently good.
The case she's been working on for weeks breaks her down, beating her to a messy pulp. A child, god, only nine years old, abused by her father. The case is heavy, sitting upon Camila's shoulders and making her close her eyes, lean her elbows on her desk, rub tiredly at the bridge of her nose.
Jesus, Camila thinks, barely ten years old.
Tears prick her vision, she gets up and starts to pace and breathe faster because no, no. Not now. Not at work . She doesn't need to have an anxiety attack about her own childhood at work.
She shuts her eyes, hands in her hair as she breathes in deep. One. Two. Three. In. Out. In. Out.
"Come on Cabello, calm down."
She mutters it to herself, shakily breathing out one last time, putting her hands on her hips and blinking to the roof to stop the tears. The light in her office flickers once and she should really fix that because it's wrong and out of place and since when did the floor boards creak like that and was that crack in her desk always there and-
Her phone lights up, making Camila flinch slightly.
baby (Lolo): hey camz! im picking something up from the store on the way back, frozen pizza rolls sound good?
For the first time that day, Camila cracks a smile, a little bit of light being let into her heart at Lauren's simple text. She picks her phone up, putting her reading glasses on and unlocking it; replying with a simple "sounds good baby" and a bunch of heart emoji's.
She's shaken out of her smiling match with her phone when a light knock rings out in her office, Camila looking up and seeing Normani, smiling in greeting and holding her finger to her watch to her boss.
"It's 3pm Ma'am. Ready?"
Camila frowns, locking her phone and folding her arms. "Do I have a meeting I missed, or..."
Normani blinks once, laughing lightly in confusion. "Uh, Camila, the interview with the victim?" Normani checks her notepad, flicking through. "I'm preeetty sure it was scheduled for 3pm today, Ma'am."
And Camila shuts her eyes, muttering "Shit" as she takes off her glasses and grabs her blazer off her chair, picking up her handbag and loose papers.
"God, sorry Normani. This case is..."
Normani smiles sympathetically, taking Camila's blazer without the older woman asking, Camila blinking pleasantly surprised at the action.
"Stressful? I know. But you got this, yeah? The interview is just a standard procedure; the victim just needs some familiarity with the woman who's going to save her life."
Camila rolls her eyes at Normani's words, her secretary laughing as they walk in the direction of the interview rooms. Sometimes she's so glad she hired, met, and became friends with Normani; in that moment, Camila's pretty sure she feels like crying.
(It's been a long day.)
"I know you're just calling her "victim" for procedures sake, but what's this girl's name?"
Camila asks it as they make it to the elevators, Normani frowning and flipping through her notebook again.
"Uhhh, oh! Found it. Lilly Sinclair."
Camila presses the button for the first floor, she mutters the girls name under her breath and when it settles on her tongue, innocent and young, Camila really does feel like crying.
When she makes it to the interview room, Lilly sitting on a chair wide eyed and shaking and with a drawn in lip, Camila tries not to see herself in her. She really does. She tries not to see a small Camila, shaking and trembling in the corner of her room at the rage of a father that never truly loved her like he should have.
But it's hard not to, because the smaller girl is scared, so scared. And it forces Camila to realise something about herself; about her past, about what she went through, about how she never faced it or dealt with it or talked about it.
(She realises in that moment, of looking into the smaller girl's eyes, that she's scared too.)
-
"Hey bumble bee, what's your name?"
Camila speaks softly, already knowing the answer but wanting to spark a conversation. She's sitting across from Lilly, patiently leaning forward and smiling warmly. The smaller girl looks up, playing with her hands in her lap and twisting her fingers around each other.
She doesn't answer Camila, and that's okay, Camila didn't expect much.
"Not a big talker huh?"
Lilly blinks back to the older woman, eyes flicking back down to the table. Her eyes are wide and brown and so innocent.
Camila internally sighs, heart breaking for the smaller girl.
"That's okay, I can do all the talking." Camila notices the pony printed onto the smaller girl's shirt, pointing to it and smiling.
"You like horses?"
Lilly shrinks in her seat, but nonetheless, nods; her light brown bangs moving with the motion. She looks so much like Camila at that age in that moment, it almost makes the older woman stutter.
"Me too, but I've never ridden on one. I trip over my own two feet, so horse riding? Not for me."
The small girl cracks a light, barely there, smile at that; and Camila smiles with her, opening the file she bought with her. She puts her reading glasses on, and before even speaking she sees Lilly's wide and scared eyes, as if she knew what was in the files.
But Camila quickly reassures her, slipping some papers out from the folder and spreading them out on the desk; each one having different pictures for the smaller girl to colour in. Camila reaches into her bag, pulling out pencils and texta's; smiling when Lilly inches closer on her seat with an interested look.
"I thought we could colour while we talk? You can just nod or shake your head in answer, no big words, is that okay?"
Lilly, after a moments hesitation, nods so softly Camila wonders if she imagined it. But the little girl reaches over and picks the picture of a dragon, taking a green pencil and biting her lip as she colours.
"Aw, you took my picture." Camila playfully pouts, smiling when it makes another shy grin spread across Lilly's face. "That's okay, the puppy one is cool too."
And the hour interview carries on like that. Camila asks simple questions, things like "Do you like school?" and they work themselves up. Lilly only answers in shy nods, or shakes of her head, colouring intently and furrowing her brow.
If Camila's being honest, a nine-year-old colours in a picture better than her, and she finds out Lilly has such a quiet and soft mind when she laughs at Camila holding her picture up and the puppy on it looking like a train wreck.
And then, as Camila's half way through another question, her heart seems to break in two. She wonders why she never anticipated this job to be so hard.
"So, mint ice-cream, yay or na-"
"I don't like my dad."
Camila quickly glances up from her picture, Lilly's soft voice hitting the air between them like a knife. Camila opens her mouth, about to say something, watching how Lilly hasn't even looked up from her own drawing as she talked.
And just when Camila goes to ask why, croak out words laced in softness, someone knocks on the door behind them; a tall man telling them the time is up and the interview is over. Before Camila can blink, Lilly is out of her chair, clutching the picture in her hands and walking to Camila before she leaves.
"Can I keep this?"
Camila smiles softly, laughing lightly. "Of course, bumble bee."
Lilly smiles, it looks like she hasn't smiled in a while, and ducks her head, walking out of the room and leaving Camila to close her eyes. To take the weight of what feels like the world upon her shoulders. She feels like crying, for some reason, she feels like sobbing until her chest aches.
Her phone dings, Lauren's name flashing bright.
And for the first time, Camila doesn't answer.
-
"Baby? I'm home!"
Camila shoulders through the apartments doors, bag and blazer in hands. The smell of cooking hits her senses, and it makes her smile through the ache in her chest, it makes her warm inside because Lauren's home. So everything's okay.
"In the kitchen! I decided we live off pizza rolls too much, so homemade pasta it is."
Camila just drops all her stuff by the door, groaning and walking up behind Lauren. She hugs her close, sighing contently and burying her face into her girlfriend's hair. Lauren chuckles, setting the heat on low and tracing patterns on Camila's hand at her stomach now as she stirs dinner.
"What's gotten into you? The Gucci blazer never goes on the floor, a rule set by you by the way, Camz."
Camila just sighs, muttering "Fuck the Gucci blazer" and breathing in Lauren deeply.
"Woah, okay, now there is definitely something wrong."
Camila smiles against her neck, feeling Lauren turn around in her arms. She immediately sinks into the kiss Camila plants against her lips, sighing and wrapping her arms around the older woman's neck. Lauren's easily lifted up onto the counter, giggling when Camila stands between her legs and kisses her again; deeper this time.
"Hmm, baby."
"Yeah Camz?"
Camila pulls back, and Lauren notices in that moment how tired her girlfriend looks. How she looks like she's carrying the weight of worlds on her back. Lauren lets her fingers trace down to the back of her neck, massaging lightly and watching how Camila closes her eyes contently, sighing.
"Remember when we first met?"
Lauren smiles, wrapping her legs around her waist. "How could I forget? You really need to take your motorbike out of storage by the way, super hot babe. Hooked me in first glance."
Camila rolls her eyes, laughing slightly. "No, I mean, sorry, I worded that wrong. I mean when we first...did this."
Lauren catches on when Camila gestures to their bodies, smiling lightly and tilting her head.
"I think so, I was so nervous. But, you helped me, guided me, I think those soft moments made me fall for you."
Camila almost melts, watching how easily Lauren said the words, as if they would have no effect on the older woman. So she smiles, kisses Lauren once, and pulls back.
"So you love me?"
Lauren frowns, laughing perplexed. "Of course I do Camz, why?"
Camila goes to say "because I'm really scared, and I don't want you to leave me if I tell you this" she goes to say "because I'm hurting, and you always make me feel better" or "because I was abused as a child and I don't think anyone ever loved me"
But what she lands on is quieter, less weighted, Camila decides to leave it for another day.
"I dunno, I think I just wanted to hear you say it princess."
Lauren smiles, her expression softening, and she kisses Camila again and smiles as she speaks.
"Well I love you Camila Cabello, always."
At that, Camila thinks she started crying as Lauren kissed her again. She's not too sure, she willed the tears away as Lauren kissed her again, deeper this time, and moaned into the kiss and fisted her hands in Camila's work shirt.
Camila carries Lauren to their room and she worships her and holds her down and tells her how much she loves her, tells her how much she means to her. Camila hopes Lauren listens, she hope's the other girl hears her.
(She hopes she can be enough for Lauren someday.)