Her sneakers squeak against the cheap linoleum flooring, echoing down the hall and evaporating all other sounds from existence. Her heart rate is beating alarmingly fast as she struggles to keep up with her parents rushing through the brightly lit hospital. Her green eyes are in a trance, locking onto the back of her dad's gym shoes and her mom's flats as they scurry through the ice cold halls. Her glossy eyes are glued to the floor below, mindlessly counting the squares to distract herself from thinking about the reality.
One tile, two tiles, three tiles, four....
"Thank you so much for coming," she hears Regina's sister choke out, but she can't find it in her heart to look at her, not yet at least, so she wiggles her toes inside her shoes and continues counting.
Five tiles, six tiles....
"Of course, sweetie," her mother sniffles as she pulls Zelena into a loving hug and because her eyes are infatuated with the cheap flooring, she watches as the Zelena's boots stumble forward toward her mother's flats while they embrace one another.
"Emma, please you need to see her," Zelena cries over Mary Margret's comforting shoulder, but she still can't bear to even glance in her direction at her. "She needs you."
Emma fold her arms protectively across her chest and begs to anybody that maybe listening for those stupid, thick tears that are threatening to tumble, to just go away. She doesn't want to face this crisis, she refuses to admit this is her reality and she would give anything right now to go back to a time when they were little and didn't have to deal with such a tragic event.
She places both her hands around her mouth to make sure her voice will be heard. She peers up at the ginormous house, that must be a million feet tall in her eyes and giggles to herself.
"Gina! Gina! Gina!" She hollers up at the tall tower and waits for her best friend to emerge. The girl with jet-black hair presses her nose to the screen against her window and smiles. "Can you come out and play?"
"Emma! Get back here young lady!" She hears her mom yell in her angry voice. "See David, this is why we need to build a fence. We can't have our daughter bothering our friends like this."
Emma dashes back over to her mommy and climbs into her lap with a grin that takes up her entire face. "Mommy, can Gina come out and play?"
"It's RE-gina baby, and how about we ring the doorbell. You can't just shout at her bedroom window whenever you feel like it," her mommy tells her as she plays with the ends of her mother's hair.
She nods mindlessly, not truly paying attention even though her mom is using her serious voice, and she smiles from ear to ear because she can't wait to see Gina.
Her mommy places her bare feet on the grass and then stands up from her chair. She wraps her warm hand around Emma's and walks her to Gina's front door. She's so excited to see her friend that she cannot contain her wiggling and dancing next to her mother.
"Emma," Gina's mommy bends over so she can lightly tap her nose dusted with adorable freckles. "Regina is upstairs, go on up," she smiles encouragingly and steps aside for Emma to enter.
She smiles and takes off running up the stairs that take forever to climb in her mind. Gina's door is closed for the first time ever, so she knocks, but her friend doesn't answer. She lies down on the floor, her palms resting against the fluffy carpet as she peeks under the door.
"Gina, I know you're in there! I can see the light on!"
That's when her friend yanks the door wide open and giggles at her for lying on the floor.
Emma swallows the lump in the back of her throat as she tentatively lifts her fist to knock on the hospital door. Regina doesn't answer. She glances down the hall, so unsure what she should do in a time like this, and notices Cora pacing frantically. She is most likely making those awful phone calls to relatives, so Zelena is crying against Mary Margret's chest for the time being.
Zelena and Cora had called the Swan's to come down to the hospital, because Regina isn't doing so well, but in Emma's heart, she truly believes Cora secretly wants her mother there as well, even if she will never admit it. As she observes Cora from a safe distance, she inspects every detail about the older woman; with no makeup on and sporting old sweats, nothing pristine to hide away the woman's true feelings and for the first time ever, Emma acknowledges just how much Regina resembles her mother.
How have she never noticed this before?
"Regina," she nervously whispers her name while peeking her head around the door. The harsh sobs that possess her girlfriend's body, will be a sound that will forever haunt her dreams. "I know you're in here," she awkwardly announces as she steps inside the room and softly closes the door behind her, but Regina doesn't say a word.
Her girlfriend is teetering on the edge of a chair, her head resting against Henry's forearm as she openly weeps. She's clenching his hand so hard like she truly believes she can wake him up with enough love and strength. She studies the way Regina's shoulders bounce up and down rapidly from the violent cries attacking her body. Green eyes instantly burn and become fuzzy when she sees her girlfriend in this condition.
Emma takes a few timid steps forward, but she doesn't know what to say. She feels like there isn't anything she can say or do in a moment like this and even if her scrambled brain could formulate a string of words, she knows it will just end up sounding stupid. There's just nothing she can come up with that will help ease this excruciating pain.
It's hard to deny the way her hand is trembling as she reaches out to comfort her girlfriend and she actually winces in response. She knows she needs to find whatever strength she has inside of her to be strong for her girlfriend, her best friend. So, she inhales sharply, shakes out her trembling hand and gently places her palm to the middle of Regina's heaving back.
"Regina?" Her voice cracks as she attempts to whisper her name and it ends up sounding like she called her, Gina, and for some strange reason she feels comfort from the name.
Raven locks sway gently across her back as Regina turns around to face her. Emma bites down exceptionally hard on her lip to control the gasp that desperately wants to escape her throat at the sight of the girl next door. Those once big brown eyes are bloodshot in a murderous red, swollen and soaked with thick tears. Her usual olive flesh tone is now a sickly grey and stained with streaks from all her crying.
"I haven't heard you call me, Gina, in over ten years," the brunette croaks out in a tone that's barely audible to Emma's ears.
She has to strain to understand the words, but once she thinks she understands what Regina just said, her eyebrows furrow together. Did she ever call her Gina?
Her thoughts are quickly interrupted when Regina hazardously throws her arms around Emma's neck and sobs even harder into the warm crook just waiting for her. Emma doesn't waste a second before she wraps her arms around her girlfriend's tiny waist and pulls her in even closer. She holds her breath, so unsure how she should react and holds the girl even tighter against her body in hopes that her arms will be enough to calm her and express how much she loves her.
Emma repeatedly stretches her lips out to kiss Regina's temple, and breathe in her familiar scent that drifts from her silky tresses. A scent that reminds her of their childhood and easier times. A time when that man lying next to them was vibrant and simply alive. She closes her eyes and finally allows her tears to fall, soaking her girlfriend's hair, but Regina doesn't seem to mind.
"I am...so so sorry," she cries when the sound of both of their harsh sobs become far too much and she just needs to hear something...anything other than their crying at this point.
"I...know," Regina heaves and she knows this girl is trying so hard to stop her tears.
"I know there's nothing I can say or do to help your pain but...I love you. I love you so much and you know I'm here for you," she reminds her, with all her heart, even though she can physically feel that organ in her chest cracking under pressure.
"I love you, Emma, more than you'll ever know," and with that being said, her girlfriend falls apart all over again, viciously sobbing.
Emma readjusts her grasp around her girlfriend's body and holds onto her with everything she has, vowing to herself to never let her go.
She isn't quite sure how long they are standing there for, holding onto one another like they are each other's air to breathe, but Emma finally catches a glimpse out of the corner of her eye of the man who has given her the love of her life and her best friend. She's never seen a deceased body before, but she sighs in relief when she takes in his appearance.
Henry just looks peaceful. Sure, the man's cheeks are pale and he's lost a disturbing amount of weight, but the expression that rests upon his face is content and it's so much better than the torment that clouded his features for the past year or two.
"Regina, he looks peaceful," she whispers, inspiring the brunette to turn her head toward her father.
Not once does Regina's head leave the comfort of Emma's chest while she takes in her father's appearance again. "He...he does, doesn't he?" She mutters before taking a few deep breaths to help calm herself back down and it's all because of Emma's presence.
"He really does. He looks happy, Regina, he's not suffering anymore. He struggled for way too long, don't you think?"
Emma peers down, but all she can see is the messy black strands cascading all around her chest. Regina nods slowly with a small hum breaking from her chest that creates a satisfying vibration against her own chest.
"You're right, Em. He's not hurting anymore."
And Emma's just waiting for another set of tears to burst from her girlfriend with a heavy sob, but it never comes. She's calmer now and she feels like maybe she has something to do with that. She squeezes Regina even tighter and kisses the top of her head once more.
And she holds her, in the peacefully silence until Regina is comfortable enough to finally leave her father behind.
~~~~~~~
She enters the building, a nervous, fumbling mess, because the reality is, this is her first wake and she is terrified to her very core. She doesn't really know what to expect despite the fact that her parents did attempt to talk to her about what she is feeling and what might occur at a wake. However, she brushed them off and assured them she was fine.
She is not.
She immediately locates Cora first, with her professional mask perfectly set into place so people will never think less of her. She can't help but wonder, what turned this woman so cold? Cora's dressed to impress with a black pantsuit and high heels, for once appearing taller than both of her daughters. Her makeup is done to perfection, impeccable and she knows not one single tear has managed to escape her glossy eyes, yet.
Zelena is standing next to her mother and Emma already notices the heavy weight burdening her shoulders. She's trying to be the rock for her family, to support her mother during this dreadful time while supervising her younger sister and being her shoulder to cry on. Zelena fakes a watery smile to each person that passes, but ignores her true feelings festering deep inside for her family.
Then there's the girl next door. Black heels, black tights, a respectable black dress with hardly any makeup. She can definitely pull off the all black look, it's her color and truthfully, she can pull off anything. Emma smiles at first from just her girlfriend's proximity, but her grin slowly falters and vanishes from existence when she notices the way Regina's fingers are twisting and pulling at a crumbled up piece of tissue. She knows that look, she knows her...despite her brave facade, she's struggling just to be standing there.
Emma follows her parents lead and hugs each one of the Mills women. Her mother takes it upon herself to be in charge of the unnecessary details that Cora really shouldn't be bothered with, like the comfort food and beverages being held in a room down the hall. Her father decides to make small talk with all the guests, so Cora doesn't have to. All while she stands awkwardly next to her secret girlfriend with nothing to say, nothing to offer. She doesn't even know if Regina realizes she is there or not, but she doesn't move from her position.
Regina's family proceeds to greet people at the door with their awful, awkward, hugs and the same, 'I'm sorry for your loss', mantra over and over again. She's completely unaware how long she stands rooted behind Regina, but then Zelena's quaking voice registers in her head.
"Regina, go with Emma, get something to eat or drink," the redhead instructs her little sister in a flat tone that hardly holds any emotion.
"No, it's alright. I'm fine. I'll stay here with you," Regina offers, but her voice is just as vacant from emotions and there's no conviction behind her words.
"I mean it, you need a break," Zelena hisses through a clenched jaw and walks away without another word spoken to greet another family who is just entering the room.
Logical, slips from Emma's mind and she doesn't even think twice as she slips her fingers between Regina's. Her girlfriend doesn't pull away, but still, her mind is screaming that they shouldn't be touching this way in public. But it doesn't matter, she just can't keep herself at bay any longer. Her girlfriend is hurting and she should be able to console her without any rules or regulations.
She ushers Regina out of the room that holds a casket, that she still cannot face, and drags her to the other room filled with sandwiches and snacks as a distraction.
"Em, really, I can't eat a bite right now," her girlfriend whimpers from behind her as she leads her over to a table.
Emma doesn't argue, she simply motions for the girl to take a seat and luckily, she doesn't have the strength for a debate either right now. Regina effortlessly glides into a folding chair and sits quietly with her head hanging low and her fingers fiddling with all kind of anxious energy.
Emma shuffles to the refrigerator, pulls out a bottle of water and trudges back to the table where she left Regina. "At least just sip on this please." She slides into the seat next to her and places her hand upon a bouncing knee beneath the table.
"Thank you," Regina whispers, unscrewing the cap while Emma smiles in return and fights every natural instinct to lean in and kiss her cheek.
"I love you," she murmurs so quietly that she's sure her girlfriend will miss the confession that is forbidden outside their bedroom walls.
"I love you, too," Regina whispers right back and takes a small sip from the water bottle.
"Hey, there you are," Ruby says, successfully popping the small bubble her and Regina had created together.
They both lift their heads to find Ruby walking in with a large group behind her. Emma's eyes quickly scan all the familiar faces and notices that some of the people, Regina isn't even that close with anymore, but she thinks it's really kind of them to show their support during this time. Robin, Killian, Rose, Daniel, Will, August and then Neal.
Ugh, she's avoided him since she left him hanging in his basement well over a year ago. Luckily, it's been easy this year since he left for college.
"We are all so sorry, Regina. Honestly, if you need anything please tell us," Rose says her condolences first, reaching down to hug the broken girl before her.
"I love you," Killian says as he follows Rose's lead and hugs Regina as well.
"I love you, too," Robin repeats as he leans down, wrapping his arms tightly around Regina.
Everyone takes a turn, hugging Regina and whispering their support and condolences, but she doesn't shed a tear. She responds with a small thank you to each person and an awkward hug and it kills Emma to know that now, her girlfriend is stuck on autopilot and numb from the world.
~~~~~~~
She's going against every good brain cell that her parents have raised her with. She knows in the back of her mind and in the bottom of her heart that she should be sleeping at her house tonight, out of respect and privacy of the Mills. Except, she's Emma and there's a tiny part of her that has always followed her gut over everything else.
So, she tells her brain to shut the hell up and lightly taps her knuckles against the glass window. The shadowy lump hidden in a mess of blankets doesn't stir, so Emma gently lifts the glass and sighs in relief when the window easily slides up.
Maybe Regina wanted her to come over tonight.
Emma sneaks inside without a sound, carefully closes the window and tiptoes across Regina's dark room. The only light is the moon spilling through the window and glowing against the floor below, but Emma is using the sniffles and gasps of fresh air to guide her way to the bed. Without a word spoken, Emma lifts the comforter and slips behind Regina and not once does her girlfriend flinch. On the contrary, Regina actually scoots back and slots herself perfectly into Emma's embrace.
Emma buries her nose deep into Regina's thick locks and inhales her familiar scent as she squeezes the tiny frame even closer. "I love you," she murmurs and places a delicate kiss to the warm neck before her, because there is nothing else she can say or do to take away her girlfriend's unbearable pain right now.
Regina sobs even harder, inspiring Emma to hold her as close as humanly possible. "I know," Regina croaks out through her violent cries. "I love you."
And so, Emma continues to hold her girlfriend throughout the night, not one single word muttered again. She holds the trembling girl next door until Regina finally passes out from exhaustion. And when the world is finally quiet and free from Regina's harsh sobs, Emma very distinctively hears Cora, from down the hall, hysterically crying and gasping for her next breath.
And she feels the tormenting pain squeeze her own beating heart and the brutal reality of this cold-hearted woman sobbing violently from the loss of her husband, honestly breaks Emma. She squeezes onto Regina and muffles her own cries into the pillow until both her and Cora are swept under from exhaustion as well.
~~~~~~~
The next morning is definitely one of the worst experiences of her life. Every single person Emma knows are all crowded around Henry's gravesite with tears streaming uncontrollably down their faces, not one dry eye surrounding them.
First, a few friends step forward to place a single rose upon Henry's casket. Then, some distant relatives take their turns and repeat this action as well. Emma's parents proceed right after and she follows her parent's lead.
The moment her fingertips connect with the smooth wooden casket, she breaks again. Her tears come pouring out so rapidly that she cannot possibly see a thing in front of her. She sniffles and gasps for air and tucks her head into whomever is pulling her away. She inhales sharply, breathing in that calming and familiar scent of her mother. She cries against her shoulder for a brief second before she pulls away, because if she's having this hard of a time, she can only assume the pure torture Regina is about to experience.
All three of the Mills women step forward together as a united front. Both daughters gaze at their mother, through heavy tears, waiting for her direction. Cora nods her head toward the casket, encouraging her daughters to proceed. Emma's chest constricts so tightly that there's simply not enough oxygen in this world for her to breathe in. Zelena and Regina carefully place their beautiful red roses down upon their father's casket, silent tears rolling down their cheeks. Once their fingertips release the stems, their hands linger against the smooth surface like maybe they can reach out and touch his presence just one last time. Both girls hiccup and release the most painful cries Emma has ever heard before, provoking her own stomach to coil in pain.
The sisters both drop their foreheads against the box that will forever hold their father and weep violently for the man they will never see again. Emma cries even harder, watching her girlfriend sob against the casket and knowing there's just nothing she can do to take away the pain. But she just can't stand this any longer, secret or no secret, she needs to comfort Regina. Whether she is her girlfriend, best friend or the girl next door, she will never leave her side.
Emma nervously places her hand upon Regina's heaving back, persuading the brunette to whip around and bury her face into the crook of her neck. Emma holds her as close as humanly possible and together they cry, their tears and heavy sobs mixing as one.
Cora quickly places her rose between Zelena and Regina's flowers before scooping Zelena into her arms and holding her daughter while she cries as well. And then something in the air shifts and Cora is abruptly yanking Zelena's face from her chest so she can furiously wipe away the tears with her thumbs.
"Come along girls," Cora vacantly commands, curling her fingers around her oldest daughter's wrist.
Emma's eyebrows pinch painfully together in perplexity as Cora repeats this action with her youngest and yanks Regina from her embrace. She stands there, completely baffled, as this woman drags her daughters away from the funeral.
"Mother, it's not...we aren't...daddy's not," Regina stutters out through her confusion, but Cora quickly cuts her off.
"You don't need to see your father being buried. We don't need that image burned into our minds. We are all better off this way," Cora coldly announces, viciously tugging on both of their wrists away from the grave.
"Mom, don't you think dad would want us..." Zelena tries to reason with her stubborn mother, but Emma can very clearly see the fire burning in that woman's eyes.
Something finally snapped and she isn't about to lose this argument or make a scene in front of everyone.
"Quiet you two. Your father wouldn't want us to remember him like this. Now, get in the car."
Emma feels her mother lock her arms around her shoulders and hold her close to her petite body. She knows she is silently expressing how much she loves her. Emma reaches up and clasps her hands around her mother's forearm, watching through her tears as Cora forces her children into the car and whisks them away.
Her parents and a few other relatives stay behind and watch as that amazing, strong-willed, kind-hearted, loving, devoted husband and father is buried. They lower his casket into the cold, dark ground below only causing everyone to burst into tears all over again.
It is a sight that she will never forget, but she's glad she could stay for Henry, on Regina's behalf.
~~~~~~~~~
Later that evening, her skin is crawling knowing she is apart from Regina again in her time of need. Her body is calling out for the girl next door once again.
"Mom, Dad? Can I go over to Regina's?" She hesitantly asks for permission, because she has this gut wrenching feeling that they will tell her to give the Mills some space.
Her mother glances over at her father with sorrowful eyes and he stares right back with a puzzled expression. Her father simply shrugs his shoulders before he scratches the back of his neck, a sign that the man is utterly torn. Her mother sighs as well and grips her cup of tea just a little tighter between her hands.
"You can go, but please, if Cora looks like she is having a rough time, please come home," her mother pleads through watery eyes.
"I promise, mom. I just think Regina needs me right now," she explains before hugging both of her parents. "I love you guys," she confesses, needing to acknowledge her true feelings after the day from Hell they just experienced.
"We love you, too!" Both her parents exclaim in unison with soft smiles before she darts out the door to the neighbor's house.
Her squirmy finger reaches out and retracts ten times before she finally connects her finger with the doorbell because her body is all itchy at the idea of Cora answering this evening. Relief floods her veins the second she recognizes messy red curls.
"Hey, Emma," the eldest daughter softly speaks as she opens the door wider, offering for her to enter.
"Hey, how's Regina?" Emma quietly whispers in a rush as she slips out of her shoes.
"She's alright," the redhead shrugs noncommittally, but Emma knows she doesn't mean a word. "We are in the kitchen eating."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, I can-"
"Relax, it's just Regina, my friend from college and I. My mother is upstairs," Zelena explains.
Emma nods slowly and follows the redhead into the kitchen. She hurries to Regina's side and slides into the chair next to her and before she can even manage a single word, she presses her lips softly against Regina's in hopes it can somehow express her love for her. Regina breathes out a small sigh and smiles lovingly as her eyes gradually drift close.
"I love you too, Em," she breathes into the heart-warming kiss.
That's when it clicks in Emma's mind, that Zelena's friend is over. "Uhhhh," she pulls away abruptly while a fire spreads rapidly up her chest and through her cheeks.
"It's fine, Emma," Zelena laughs lightly, flopping down next to Regina. "Mal hardly knows our mother, she won't expose you two. Right, Mal?"
Emma glances over at the blonde who holds a very malicious smirk across her face. That smile somehow makes her more nervous deep down, but she honestly has know clue as to why? Maybe because she's older? She's rather pretty, but the way she presents herself is rather intimidating.
"Oh, I won't be telling a soul," Mal replies in a deep seductive tone that sends shivers down Emma's spine and she knows it's not the good kind.
"Thanks Mal," Regina smiles kindly while she picks and pokes at the food in front of her and god does she look utterly exhausted.
"Hey Regina, how about we go down by the lake...get some fresh air," Emma suggests hopefully, reaching out in the minimal gap between them to tuck a few loose strands behind her ear.
"Sure," her girlfriend shrugs before scooting her chair back from the table.
Emma follows her lead, jumping into action to toss her plate into the garbage for her.
"If Mom asks, I'll be back in an hour, okay?"
"Yup, I got you covered. Go have some fun," Zelena happily offers just as Emma tugs Regina out the front door.
When they are finally alone on the front porch, Emma cups her face and kisses her passionately, with every ounce of love she contains in her heart for her. Regina curls those dainty fingers around Emma's wrists and holds on for dear life like she might just tumble away if she doesn't keep her grounded.
"I love you," she sputters out her words, gasping for some much needed clean air.
Regina's forehead rests against Emma's as she sighs. "I love you too, my Emma."
And with that, they take off running toward the lake. A place Regina's dad would take them as little girls to go fishing.
The sun is beaming a bright orange shade as it slowly begins to descend from the sky. They lay down in the grass next to the pier and gaze up into the sky wondering what's actually up there. A few white fluffy clouds stroll by, but there aren't too many up there today.
They both kick off their shoes and tear away their socks before they lay head to feet. It is something they always did when they were little and waiting for Henry to set up his little boat, to take them out on the lake.
They lay quietly in the grass for a while, both unsure of what to say and suddenly an idea flickers across her mind, promoting her lips to twist into a pout while she contemplates whether or not she should do it and if it's too soon.
Henry would always play the same song when they were younger, over and over again. He explained that the song was his song, that he dedicated to Cora, and was a song that they had to know in life.
Emma shuffles through her songs on her phone, presses play and sets the phone down on her stomach. Her feet sway to the opening music as a wide goofy grin bursts across her face without her permission. This song always did make them smile.
"They say we're young and we don't know, won't find out until we grow..."
Sonny and Cher begin to sing and she waits for some kind of reaction from her girlfriend, except Regina is unnervingly quiet for half of the song, before Emma hears a little voice singing along.
"Then put your little hand in mine..." Regina sings along, creating the dopiest smile of pride to blossom across Emma's face. Emma grabs her hand and tugs with enough force to spin Regina's body. Her girlfriend actually giggles as her head rests upon her stomach, but it isn't long before Regina climbs on top of her body. Her girlfriend pecks her lips lightly before she breaks out into song prompting Emma to laugh. "I got you to kiss good night..."
"I got you to hold me tight!" Emma finishes the lyric while rolling her eyes playfully.
"I got you and I won't let go!"
"I got you to love me so!" They both sing before they crash their lips together in an over heated kiss that silently promises that they will be okay.
A/N: I just want to remind everyone that there will be several large time jumps, because they are thinking back on their lives together and what brought them to the moment before the judge.