private messages
junebug
hey
smelly
i didn't steal the bean sprouts
junebug
huh?
smelly
oh i just automatically assumed i was in trouble
junebug
you're not
junebug
but i do think it's time for a chat
smelly
i think the fuck not
junebug
mel
smelly
what
junebug
you don't think i've noticed what's been going on??
smelly
oh so you know about the bean sprout thief then
junebug
number one: you already exposed yourself as the bean sprout thief in your very first text
junebug
number two: bean sprouts? really?
junebug
number three: that's not what i'm talking about and you know it
smelly
junebug
oh no no we're not meming
junebug
not today mel
smelly
junebug
i'm serious
smelly
junebug
i'm here to help you mel but there's two parts to play here
junebug
i don't know what happened between you and tom because you won't tell me but i know it hurt you
junebug
so whenever you're ready i'm here
smelly
i hate it when you do that
junebug
do what
smelly
be mature and caring it's infuriating
smelly
i just wanted to fuck around and send some memes
junebug
so you're ready to talk?
smelly is typing...
smelly
you know what
smelly
why not
smelly
every time i keep this shit inside and all it does is eat me up
smelly
and this time hurt more than most
smelly
so yeah maybe it would be good to talk for once
junebug
thank god
junebug is typing...
junebug
mel what even happened?
junebug
you and tom were so close and then the next thing i knew you weren't even speaking
smelly
we got in a fight
smelly
a big one
smelly
i don't know if i can ever take back what i said june
junebug
what were you even fighting about
smelly
he kissed another girl
junebug
on one hand tom is dead to me forever and i'm going to feed his ashes to bucky the cat
junebug
on the other hand
junebug
you know you can't technically get mad at him for that if you claim you don't like him
smelly
don't be logical june you sound ridiculous
junebug
maybe you would feel better if you tried being the bigger person and just moving past it
smelly
i'm 5'1 and bitter
smelly
tom can be the bigger person
junebug
you can't really hold a grudge against him if you say you don't feel anything for him
smelly
i'm not holding a grudge against him
smelly
i don't even hold grudges
smelly
my father held grudges
smelly
i'll always resent him for that
junebug
is that even what you were really fighting about
smelly
i'm not really sure
smelly
i mean that part really hurt june
smelly
and i wasn't expecting it to
smelly
i didn't think i would care so much but i did
smelly
but i don't think that's what we were fighting about
smelly is typing...
smelly
i don't know how to describe it
smelly
i wasn't even mad
smelly
i was just scared
smelly
i don't know
smelly
didn't it scare you when you were friends with seb and you just woke up one day and realized he knew you better than anyone else
smelly
maybe more than you did yourself
junebug
yes
junebug
but i was in love with seb
junebug
oh my god
smelly
no
junebug
oh my god
smelly
no
smelly
that's not the same thing
junebug
OH MY GOD
smelly
june
junebug
YOU TOTALLY WANT TO PUT IT IN TOM
smelly
june no
junebug
YOU LIKE TOM
smelly
i don't
smelly
i just want to be his friend again
smelly
please
smelly
i'm serious
junebug
if you think i haven't picked out the color of the napkins for your wedding reception (pale yellow) you're wrong but fine
junebug
why don't you apologize
smelly
how am i supposed to apologize after everything i said and did
junebug
listen i always say when one door closes another door opens
smelly
no it doesn't
smelly
not unless the two doors are connected by relays or there are motion sensors involved or if the first door closing created a change of air pressure that acts upon the second door
junebug
mel with all due respect one of these days i'm going break your toes with a walnut cracker
smelly
well i feel respected
junebug
as i was saying
junebug
not all hope is lost
junebug
you still have a chance
junebug
we just need a plan
smelly
ooo are we planning
smelly
hang on i need to get ready
junebug
what are you going to do
smelly
grab my supplies and eat some pudding
junebug
pudding solves nothing
smelly
no june
smelly
yogurt solves nothing
smelly
pudding can do it all
junebug
i mean okay
junebug
anyway how are you going to win back tom's heart
smelly is typing...
smelly
i think i might have a plan
smelly
it's not a great plan but it is a mel plan
junebug
well if you're happy with it i'm happy with it
smelly is typing...
smelly
hey june?
junebug
yeah?
smelly
thank you
junebug
what are doing
junebug
are you showing me gratitude and affection
junebug
is someone holding you at gunpoint
smelly
no i'm fine
smelly
just
smelly
i love you
smelly
a lot
junebug
mel
junebug
you're my best friend in the whole world i don't know what i would do without you
smelly
okay that's enough i'm starting to have to make weekly visits to my dermatologists for my hives
junebug
okay
junebug
and remember mel
junebug
you will machete your way through this
junebug
*make
junebug
fuck please don't machete your way through this
smelly
too late
AUTHOR'S NOTE: WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME IT FUCKING SNOWS IN LONDON I ONLY OWN FLIP FLOPS AND I LEAVE IN 2 DAYS AHHHHHHH