a/n: its 1:35 am. y'all so patient. I'd throw a fit if I didn't get a chapter in that long. So, I made it the longest chapter of 2500 words.
also, y'all remember Jordan? he's the police friend.
Jaida
I felt suffocated. The walls were closing in on me and the air supply was quickly thinning in the room. I couldn't get out of the house fast enough.
Inhale. Exhale.
Breathing exercises didn't work once I'd stepped into the fresh air on my porch. I rummaged my hand into my shoulder bag till I hit the smooth circular container.
"Honey, go wait by the car," my gaze shifted to the child holding on to my free hand. She nodded her head and muttered okay.
I watched her retreating back and popped a few tablets to gain control. The sound of the doorknob closing startled me into chucking the pills inside my bag without closing the lid around the orange container.
"You ready?" Xavier's voice was filled with worry and concern as he placed a hand on my shoulder, attempting to draw me to him. I shrugged off his grip on me and quickly shot him a smile. "Yes, I'm fine. We should get going. I let Calista call shotgun," I walked away without waiting for him.
Fuck.
I hadn't asked Calista to sit in front and she didn't request to but right now, I needed the space badly.
"You can sit up front, hon," I said quietly, aware of Xavier just a few steps away from the car. She shrieked a thank you and moseyed her way into the passenger seat.
As hard as I tried to ignore him, our eyes kept meeting in the rearview mirror throughout the whole care ride. An awkward silence filled the car for the whole five minutes it took for us to reach his house.
I knew that look. He wore it way too much then he should around me. It was the one look that guilt trips me for burdening him with my mood swings and bullshit. It was the are you okay? I'm right here, love look.
Once the car came to a full stop in front of his house, Calista was the first to hop out. I needed a breather but as soon as I saw Xavier's body move to turn to me, I exited the car faster than a cheetah escaping the hunters.
"Jaida!" I could hear him calling out but I had already reached the door.
I wish I hadn't.
Leaning against the edge of the door was Pa. Our shocked expressions matched while Cherie smiled gleefully at the pair of us. She ushered Calista inside leaving me to fend for myself with Pa.
"Pops, I-" he cut me off with a stern frown and followed Cherie.
I didn't make a move to go inside till I felt Xavier's hand on my shoulder. "Hey, can we talk about what happened?"
I shot him a smile. "Later, we need to go inside," I said motioning to the others.
His face beamed and he offered me his hand, palm up. "Let's go," his voice was cheery and teasing.
My response was hesitant but I decided better against my own judgement and joined our hands.
It's just hand holding, Jaida.
I followed Xavier around like a lost puppy. His hand tugging me under the arched ceiling of the hallway and through the wooden door enclosing the dining room. It seemed as though Cherie's cars weren't the only thing antique as an old, well-preserved rosewood dining table with matching chairs stood in the middle and pictures in vintage style frames adorned the moss green walls.
Like the gentleman, he was, Xavier helped me into my seat right next to him. Calista was nowhere to be seen but Pops and Cherie were due back into the dining room any minute with our dinner.
I didn't have to turn my head to know that Xavier's eyes were on me. I felt his hand slither around the back of my chair. I almost predicted the hand that came up to my chin and raised my eyes to him. "Hungry?" I could tell by the furrow in his right eyebrow that he was still worried but for my sake, he was being patient.
Damn you, Xavier.
Before I could reply, Cherie waltzed into the room carrying a pot of hot, colourful fried rice in her gloved hands. "I'm so very glad you could make it darlin'. You don't have any allergies, do you?"
Do you, Jaida? Allergic to feelings, maybe?
Cherie mistook my silence for a yes. "Fucking shitballs," she exclaimed, her eyes shifting from me to Xavier. "You didn't think to tell me that she has allergies?" she asked rhetorically and muttered fuckwit under her breath. Her eyes turned back to me. "Is it eggs? Lactose intolerant? Any types of meat? Nuts? I didn't use any nuts," her voice turned sweeter as her mouth rambled with a list of common allergies.
"No, no, no. I'm not allergic to anything. Nothing I'm aware of," relief showered her face and she beamed at me. "Well, I hope you like to eat spicy because I was at a thrift shop the other day and came across a cookbook with all these amazing Asian recipes and tonight, I just thought well fuck, I may as well try it out," she laid the pot in the middle of rectangular table and sat herself down across from me.
"I better not get explosive diarrhoea, like last time," Xavier muttered to himself more than anything but with her sharp hearing, Cherie heard her.
"You want to say that a little louder, son?"
He shook his head and looked away from Cherie's glare. Small and light footsteps echoed through the room as Calista skipped towards us. I turned my head to Xavier, "explosive diarrhoea?"
He smiled sheepishly. "Long story. Let's not talk about it till after I've had my dinner," he whispered back.
Speaking of dinner...
Holding a platter of gyozas and spring rolls in one hand and some chicken dish in his other was Pops. He sported a grumpy face as his eyes met mine for a millisecond before turning his attention to Cherie. He smiled endearingly at her. "Where do you want this, sweetie?"
A gagging sound bounced off the walls and I looked at Xavier to see him making vomit motions. I suppressed a laugh as Calista joined in on the commotion. "Xavier, I'm warning you right now. You're poor sister is going to grow up to be a fucking bogan. Is that what you want?" Her voice broke down, "you want my second child to join a community of hillbillies? Do you want your dear mother watch you act like hooligans?" She paused and wiped the tears streaming down her face. "Are you trying to kill me?" She was bawling her eyes out now.
No one made a move. She was crying. What had just happened?
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," Xavier stuttered and Calista apologised.
My mouth fell wide open as Cherie waved her hand dismissively and smiled widely. "Good, now let's eat," she motioned to the food on the table.
What the fuck? What kind of mindfuckery did she just pull?
Again, no one made a move as we watched her happily dig into the dishes. I turned and searched Xavier's face but he simply looked agitated. "Always the theatrical one," he whispered.
"Mum always wanted to be an actress but she says that this town is too small to f-ing make it anywhere," Calista said rolling her eyes. Xavier's head snapped to her. "Did you just swear? If you're going to swear, do it properly! You're not going to do a half-ass curse under my watch, young lady!" He reprimanded his sister.
"Xavier! She's only nine!" I hissed and slapped the back of his head. When he shot me a mischievous smile I knew he wanted me to do that. To show him that we were okay.
But, we weren't.
I raised myself from my seat and reached out for the bowl of fried rice only for it to be snatched by Pops. "Wait your turn," his voice was quiet but menacing. I raised my hand in surrender and muttered a sorry.
I really fucked up.
"So, has Jordan called? I'm sure he needs you to sign some papers for that night?" He said loudly with a hint of a smile on his face.
"I-I signed all the papers already," I stammered a reply to end the conversation before it attracted Xavier's mother. She didn't need to know.
It was just my luck that curiosity seeped into her. "What papers, love?" She asked, oblivious to the tension between Pops and I.
I opened my mouth to reply but Pops beat me to it. "We have a little thug among us. Jaida got arrested for assault on Friday, didn't you?" his eyes shifted to me. I could see the challenge fixed on me to deny his accusations.
I didn't dare meet Cherie's shocked face but I heard her gasp and I knew she must have been disappointed. "Honey, what happened?"
Her voice was filled with genuine concern that surprised me. I expected her to be disgusted that her son is dating a 'thug'. I turned to look at her and saw her hand stretch out across the table. She laced my hand with hers, in comfort.
"There was this guy. H-he tried to-" my voice wavered and I could feel Xavier's body tense up next to me. "Jaida defended herself from a guy that was forcing himself on her and they called the police on her be-" I cut him off after I cleared my throat. "Because, he sported more bruises and cuts. I got taken down to the police station and that's that," I finished.
"Oh love, I'm sorry to hear that," Cherie regarded me with a soothing smile which I returned before facing Pops.
His anger had turned into confusion. My apologetic front had turned into anger.
He had no right to air my fucking laundry in front of Cherie. God, what does Calista think of me now? What if I hadn't told Xavier? But Pops didn't care because he was too stubborn to listen to me that night just like he was now.
"Fuck, Jaida. I didn't know-"
"You didn't know? Because you didn't bother fucking asking. I know you don't like me getting into trouble, but it wasn't my fault. You could have listened but instead, you hung me up to dry," I put down my fork and shot up from my seat grabbing my bag with me.
"Jaida, c'mon" he shot me a pleading look.
"No, save it," I turned to a stunned Cherie. "I'm sorry, I need to leave," I apologised and walked out the dining room door with Xavier hot on my trail.
I ignored the calls till I heard a sweet voice call my name. "JAIDA!"
I halted a few feet from the exit and turned around. I bent down level my eyes with Xavier's sister. "I still like you," she whispered and stretched her arms wide open.
Oh, Calista.
I pulled her little frame into a hug. "And I, you, my darlin'" I whispered back and let her go.
I made my way down the footpath and walked past Xavier's car.
Fuck, I shouldn't have lashed out. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I should have just let it go. Both, Calista and Cherie accepted the terms in which I was arrested so why couldn't I have just let bygones be bygones?
I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't heard someone else's footsteps a few feet behind me. I subtly turned my head to see who else was on the path walk.
Xavier.
I stopped and turned to him, fully. "what are you doing?"
He shrugged. "Look, you're angry and I don't want to make it worse," he said exasperatedly. "I told you I'll be right here, and here I am. I'll wait till you're ready to talk about what ever the fuck just happened?" he said swaying his body back and forth on his heels with his hands jammed into his jean pockets.
I love everything I learn about you.
"I can't do this, Xavier," I whispered so quietly I wasn't sure he would hear me. He closed the gap between us. "You don't have to talk right now," he stated.
I shook my head.
Don't do this, Jaida.
"I can't do this," my hand gestured to him and I. "Us," I explained better. I was almost scared to see his expression but I had to when he didn't reply.
He cocked his head to a side. He pursed his lips and furrowed his brows. "I don't think I can either," he whispered.
I should have felt relief but I felt absolutely gutted. I looked down, nodding my head to show my understanding.
His hand came up to my chin and he lifted my head up. "This is it?" he asked with an unreadable emotion flashing across his stern face. "This is it," I repeated.
He is here, Jaida. He's tried so fucking hard to be here for you. He didn't say the three damn words, yet. If someone puts a gun to your head, there are 146 ways to get out of the situation. All you have to do is ask to slow things down. Or just wait it out because he didn't say the fucking words yet. Don't do this.
All of a sudden, a sly smile flitted across his softened face. "Good. That was that. This is now. From now on, you start fucking accepting the fact that I'm right here," he emphasised the last two words and searched my eyes. "Whether it be right beside you or two steps behind you, I'm going to be here," surprise cloaked my features and I stood there looking dumbfounded.
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. "What you're offering me right now, is enough for now but for me to have the full edition of the marvellous Jaida, you will have to open your heart a smidge more," he cupped my cheeks and wiped the tears that I had unknowingly let out.
"I am opening up," I weakly protested.
"I know you are. But you're only opening your chest of secrets. I need the key to you. When I open this door between us, I want to see the Jaida that shamelessly smiles bright, the Jaida that shows every emotion on the psychologist's chart, the Jaida that's willing to be herself. To be herself, around me," he said and leaned in, her lips feathering my own.
"Marvellous Jaida, huh?" I mumbled against his lips. A chuckle bubbled out of his mouth and I took the opportunity to kiss him.
I fucking love you, hon, and I'm so fucked because there is nothing stopping me from falling in love with you.
a/n: do you love me for this chapter, I certainly do. also, I found a website that's doing a sale on the purple rabbit dildo that I want, except it has glitter on it. life plays you in different ways.