Surpriseee double update hoes
Ps. I love you boo camrenkordied Ok go read now.
"Hey Y/nn." Ellie said as I jogged down the stairs. "You look happier today."
I nodded and sat at the island.
"I feel better to be honest." She smiled and sat besides me.
"We should go somewhere today. It's been a while since we've just hung out." I nodded amd turned to her.
"What do you have in mind Melissa?" She rolled her eyes at her full name before smiling again.
"How about...we to shopping! I haven't been in weeks and I'm starting to wear the same things every day now." I laughed and nodded in agreement.
I really never went shopping unless it was with Matt when he was feeling the need to 'renovate' himself.
"Ok cool, I'll go get dressed."
-
I bopped my head at the soft music that played through the speakers of Victoria Secret.
"Ooh, how does this look?" Ellie asked as she playfully held up red lingerie to her body.
"I dont know. You'll have to try it on for me." I winked. She laughed and pushed my chest.
"Idiot." She shook her head and put the lingerie back. "So are you ready to turn twenty? Only four more days!" She squealed excitedly, getting the attention of some customers.
"Not really. It's not twenty one." I shrugged. She smacked her lips and brought the cup in her hand to her lips as she sipped through the straw. "I might just go to edc, get a little fucked up with Matt and one of his friends named Jaden or whatever. I dont really know who he is."
She hummed and picked up a spray bottle, spraying her writst before smelling it.
"Sounds like hell, count me out. Also I saw some pics of you and a little blonde sunshine. What's that about?" I blushed slightly as I looked through the extremely girly bras.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." She groaned and made me face her.
"Don't give me that bull crap. Are you making moves?" She stared at me with her 'intimidating' look and placed her hands on her hips.
I chuckled because she looked like a five year old trying to look mad. "She's a friend, an extremely beautiful and talented friend."
"Oh yeah! A friend!" She laughed loudly and shook her head. "I'm happy you have friends-"
"Oh excuse me." A guy said as he purposely bumped into Ellie amd grabbed her waist. I made a move to say something until I saw his face. "Oh its the ex." He chuckled and slowly pulled away from Ellie.
I glared at Philip as he smirked at me. Ellie moved next to me and grabbed my forearm.
"Hey, sorry about everything that happened with Vanessa. I guess she just knows better dick when she sees it." He shrugged and crossed his arms smugly.
Ellie gripped me tightly as I started to move forward.
"I guess so huh? But who did she go back to after that night?" He clenched his jaw and stood up taller. "When she used you like a wash cloth, she came right back to me. I bet she didn't even spend the night, did she?"
"Shut the fuck up, bitch." I smirked as I saw I started to get under his skin.
"Phi-" I looked behind him and scoffed as I saw Vanessa standing behind him with a shocked face. "I- hi..."
I could feel my heart break even more but I wouldn't let it show. I kept my eyes connected with hers as I spoke.
"She doesn't love you. She loves me. Whatever shes doing with you right now, its to get over me-"
He shoved me harshly and tried to get a punch in but Ellie somehow pulled him away.
"Back the fuck up slut!" He shouted and towered over her as she coward back in fear.
I felt everything turn red as he called my best friend a slut and seeing her look that scared just sent me over the edge.
I grabbed the front of his shirt and punched him directly in his nose. He staggered back but I held a firm grip on his shirt and kept going. Everything I've been feeling came out with each punch I threw. I couldn't control myself anymore.
We somehow ended up on the ground with me on top, still wailing on his face.
"Y/n enough! Come on!" I was pulled up and shoved backwards. Ellie kept pushing the front of my chest as my eyes locked onto Vanessa's. She stared at me as she opened and closed her mouth while Philip laid on the ground with a bloody face.
"You fooled me again, V. Slowly but surely, right?" I spat before being completely pushed out of the store.
I gripped my hair and breathed heavily as I walked away.
"Y/n-"
"Not now, Ellie. Please." I breathed out as people stared at me. Most likely due to the blood on my knuckles and shirt. "Of course she'd go back with him. Why do I even care?" I scoffed and closed my eyes as I dropped my head backwards.
"Don't go backwards Y/n. You were doing so well, don't let this push you back down." Ellie tried to sooth but her words went in one ear and out of the other.
"I'm so stupid. She seemed so genuine and I fell for it." I started to get choked up again as I gasped for air.
"Look at me, Y/n. Breath ok, copy me." I squeezed my eyes shut as it became harder to breath and even harder to understand her words. "Y/n....calm....listen."
I last thing I saw want the mall spinning and a crowd of people around me.
-
I breathed out heavily as my senses started to come to me.
I opened my eyes slightly and looked around. I was in my room in my bed with an ice pack on my head.
"Vivian how long ago did you move the ice pack?" Ellie said from outside.
"Like forty five minutes, why?" Vic replied.
"I told you to change it every thirty minutes or her headache could get worse!"
I grunted and pulled the dripping ice pack off of my forehead. I pushed myself up on the bed and sat against the headboard before sighing and pulled my knees up to my chest.
"See? She's already up. Hey Y/nn." Vivian smiled widely and sat on the egde of the bed.
I smiled weakly and looked up at the wall behind her.
"Ellie told me what happened at the mall. Kudos for kicking his ass." She joked and bumped my leg.
I wanted to laugh and joke with her but I couldn't.
She sighed sadly and scooted up to sit besides me.
"What are you feeling Y/nn?" She whispered and grabbed my hand.
I shrugged and stared at nothing. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't feel anymore. I didn't even feel like crying or yelling or caring. I just wanted to sleep and not wake up.
"Ellie can you get me some tissue?!" Vic called as she pinched my nose. "Stop thinking so hard Y/n, you're making your nose bleed." She whispered and rubbed my back.
Ellie jogged to my bedside and kneeled besides me before holding the tissue to my nose.
I laid my head on the headboard as they sat in silence with the tissue pressed against my nose.
"I think you should talk to someone Y/n." Ellie eased as she used her free hand to rub my shoulder. "You're not ok-"
"I'm fine." I deadpanned and reopened my eyes. I replaced her hand with the tissue as I sat up and climbed out of my bed.
"No you're not. You can't pretend like you're not feeling anything. You have to face it." I ignored her and walked out of my room.
"I'm fine." I muttered again and grabbed my keys.
"Y/n I dont want you to drive while you're hurting like this." Ellie whispered and tried to pull me back. "What if you get in a car accident?" She asked as I opened the front door.
"I'd be ok with that." I replied before climbing into my car. I locked the doors as her and Viv tried to open the door. I started the car and tried to pull out of the driveway but Viv quickly ran in front of the car and stayed there.
I sighed heavily and revved the engine, scaring her and making her jump out of the way. I took the opportunity and sped out before she could try to stop me again.
I turned on the radio and leaned against the window as I drove down empty LA streets.
A light sprinkle covered the windows as my mind raced a mile a minute.
Why couldn't I be happy. Yes I lost a great girl, or so I thought she was great. She was but she's not anymore.
What went wrong? I thought everything was perfect and we were amazing. What the fuck did I do wrong? She cheated so was the sex not good? But sex isn't what a relationship should be based on. Right?
Why am I asking myself questions like someone is going to answer them for me.
I'm exhausted. But I'm not depressed. I couldn't be. People had it way worse, I didn't have the right to be depressed. I have money, friends who care.
I wish I had my dad to talk to about these things. Why did he have to leave me? He knew the risk it took to get into that car with a drunk idiot. Why didn't he just drive him? Or not get into the truck? I fucking hate him.
No I don't. I miss him.
I clenched my jaw and punched the steering. Why couldn't I just stop thinking.
I looked down at my phone as it rang loudly. I grabbed it and saw I had twelve missed calls.
I shut my phone off and tossed it into the back. I didn't want to talk to anyone, they wouldn't understand. They couldn't.
Why am I even sad? It's not even that serious. I lost my first love, boohoo, who cares. I wasn't enough, how sad.
I shook my head at the self criticizing thoughts. I wanted to feel something, maybe cry. I'd rather feel pain than feel numb.
I could feel nothing. My chest felt empty like a balloon with cold air and it's just there, floating. Occupying space, a waste of space. Am I a waste of space? It felt like it.
If no one liked me as a person anymore and I was just a burden, why was I still here? Why was I wasting my time on this earth if I had nothing going for me anymore?
"Watch it!" Someone shouted as they swerved around me. I slowly drifted back to my side of the road as I laid my head on the headrest. If only they saw me a couple seconds too late.
I stopped at a familar condo just to torture myself even more than I already was.
I leaned back in my seat and watched the black Mercedes pull into the drive way. Vanessa climbed out of the car and helped a bandaged Philip out as well.
I waited patiently, hoping with the little ounce of faith I had left that what I thought would happen wouldn't.
He grabbed her hips and seemed to be whispering something. She didn't pull away. He brushed a piece of hair behind her ear before leaning in and connecting their lips.
I watched in silence as she pulled back and said something. All faith left my body when she then reconnected their lips.
I started my car again and watched them for a few more moments before driving off.
She's not mine anymore, she can do whatever and whoever she wants. I'm done, for good this time. I reached into the glove department and grabbed the small baggie that Matt left on the seat a couple days ago.
I stared at the little white bars. I free handed my driving as I pulled two bars out and dropped them on my tongue. I grabbed a stray water bottle that probably wasn't mines and washed the pills down.
I sighed heavily at the feeling of the xans sliding down my esophagus and spreading throughout my veins like a wildfire.
°
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Female X in the making
Hope you enjoyed this chapterrr. If not, I still love you....maybe.
OH AND don't worry about this "situation" being similar to what happened in my other book Temporary, for those that read it. It won't be like that all all.
<not proof read>