a/n: ok, so I was already wary about anal sex because it's anal sex. But then, cosmo kindly shared this article. Now, I didn't fucking realise that tearing of the asshole is an actual thing that can happen. So, that has put me on the NO side of that. For now. But makes me laugh when I have these thoughts is that I need to suck dick or get licked before even contemplating anal sex.
Also did y'all know that there is such a thing as bellybutton fetish. And a plant fetish? I'll tell you my worries at the end of this chapter because I don't want y'all to postpone the reading.
Jaida
I could feel my skin prickle and my body tense.
I love Rose. God, I do. But, there are times where she could either be insensitive or oblivious to a person's current mood or problems. It wasn't her duty to be aware but it still gets on my nerves. Right then, she was both, to the fact that I didn't want to talk about my night in a jail cell. She knew me so well but sometimes it took a little longer than usual to register my mood. It was one of her very few cons but I'd learnt to love them once my anger tampered down. It seemed as though my anger would take a while to simmer down.
I could feel my blood boil. Storming towards me was a furious Rose.
"Why the fuck haven't you called me back?" She shrilled, her eyes twitching in anger.
That's a serious talent.
I crossed my arms over my chest and shrugged. "You didn't seem very worried by the third voicemail," I said in a defensive tone, "look, I was planning on calling you after breakfast," I added and greeted Luke with a wave. He sat down next to Calista, both of them watching Rose and I converse.
I didn't have to look at Xavier to know his eyes were on me. His hand was firmly hugging my thigh in support and I could feel the warmth of his thigh searing against mine. It was reassuring.
Rose's face was getting splotchy and her eyes were glaring at me. "I was fucking worried. Why did you get yourself arrested? Why on earth didn't you bother calling to let me know you're okay, sooner rather than later?" Her eyebrows raised up in askance.
"I didn't get arrested on purpose. Jesus, I was tired. I'd spent most of the night in jail and-" my voice trailed once I felt Xavier's fingertips circle my lower thigh. "- and I was busy once I got home, okay? I didn't get out of bed until late today and now I'm having something to eat," I said softly, noticing the other customers that we were entertaining.
"You could have messaged me. I don't care how tired you were. It's fucking rude J," her voice got louder and louder. I gestured her to lower her voice. "Shh! I'm sorry, okay? Now, can you drop it?"
She made an expression of disagreement. "No, we will not drop this. Tell me what the fuck happened last night? Are you a brawler now? You think you're tough? Or you and that guy fuck too hard that you broke something? You've always liked it rough-" I shot Xavier a wary look who seemed uncomfortable and mad. I knew his anger was towards Rose and not me. My eyes darted to Rose and I opened my mouth but she cut me off, "No, you tell me right now J or I swear to God, I'll ask the guy that you hooked up with. The fucker gave me his number. You sure do know how to pick them J," she had a foul smile on her face.
I knew that she had no idea what had gone down that night but once her words got under my skin, I could feel my control dissolving. But one look at Calista's worried face and I knew that this was definitely not the time or place to rehash that night's events. Breathing deep breaths, I faced Rose again, "We'll talk about this later."
I excused myself from the table and calmly walked towards the bathroom when I was stopped by a firm grasp on my wrist. I turned around to Xavier's concerned face. "You okay, love? Want to get out of here?" His voice was laced with worry and care. My eyes softened as I felt my face instantly brighten up. I nodded. "I'll meet you at the car, I just need to freshen up," I gestured towards the bathroom door behind me.
Xavier
"We'll talk about this later."
Jaida's voice was as sharp and steely as a master kitchen standard chef knife. I almost flinched at the sound.
Once she turned her back to me and entered the ladies restroom, I felt a sense of unease settle within me. I noticed her hands in fists, no doubt drawing blood. I felt her eyes on me, felt her body tense beside mine when Rose mentioned the other guy. Her words struck a cord. I knew that it wasn't true and that Rose didn't know any better, but it still brought the colour red to my eyes. I knew Jaida was worried, so I offered a small smile and caressed her thigh to assure her that I wasn't mad at her. We were past that. I was because I'm officially Jaida's.
I hadn't known her for long, but I knew that her hands in fists weren't a good thing. With no regard to the female sign on the wooden door, I marched inside to see Jaida closing an orange pill container. Taking long strides, I approached her backside and levelled my eyes with hers through the mirror. I reached around her and gently pulled the container from her hands.
Effexor XR
I immediately felt panic dig into my flesh. "What's this, love? Are you sick? I can take you to the doctors? Or I could call Cher? Pops? The clinic is only minutes away-" I paused and flushed, "Is this for your fifty shades of red? Come on; I'll take you back home. I'll run a bath for you then I have to take Calista home and then grab some things from the shop, and I can stay over. Isn't that what boyfriends do? I don't really know, I've never had a girlfriend before. I just want to make sure you're okay. Wait, fuck. You are okay, right? Is it explosive? Oh God, are you leaking? Love, don't wo-" she turned around and placed her hand against my mouth, effectively shutting me up from my rambling. She shot me an amused smile and grabbed the pills, placing it in her back pocket.
"Fifty shades of red? How did you know my nickname for it?"
"Rose called it some different shades of red, so I made it up," her smile was replaced by a frown at the mention of Rose. She bit her lip unsure before shaking her head, subtly. She raised her face and looked at me, her earlier thoughts seemingly gone. "I'm your first girlfriend?" She frowned, "so you've been fucking before me?"
I gaped like a fish. "I-I-I wasn't a virgin?" I replied hesitantly. She crossed her arms over her chest and huffed. "Okay, I didn't mess around. I just never had a girlfriend. I had family, school, work and t-the drinking," her eyes softened. "You're my first too," I smiled widely at her, and we just stood there for a few seconds beaming. Then I remembered the pills. She tried to change the subject. Keyword being tried.
"So, what are they?" I asked warily. Exeffor sounds like the name of a lethal injection's needle brand. She waved her hand dismissively. "It's for anxiety," she muttered, looking down almost ashamed.
Anxiety. Fucking hell. Her bastard family left her with nothing but pain, memories and fucking anxiety.
My heart ached for the strong woman that stood in front of me. I wouldn't know where to begin to understand her pain. People hurt her. They hurt my Jaida. Her pained expression ruined me. I felt anger, and I felt pain. Anger because I can't help her. The pain that she has endured are scars, not fresh wounds that can be stitched and forgotten. It's etched in her skin, her flesh and her heart. And pain because I see her pain. I may never fathom it, but I see it everytime her eyes are unguarded.
I cupped the sides of her face and raised her to look up to me. "I'm sorry for everything," I started to say, and she shook her head vigorously, protesting. "No, listen to me, love. I'm not pitying you, okay? I-I-I'm sorry that I can't take it away. I'd do anything to take it away or share it with you," I said.
"Time does not matter. Jaida, you're slowly becoming everything to me. Look, I knew how to breathe and live before you came to my life. But death? I didn't know what that feels like. No, not till I met you," I pecked her lips tenderly. "I didn't realise what it would be like to stop breathing or to feel ruin till I met you. Because every time you have looked at me with or felt pain, it r-ruins me," my voice broke. "It ruins me whenever I feel helpless, but then I see you smile, and I see you laugh, and God, Jaida. I see life and death battling in your eyes. And I can only kiss at your feet for seeing the light rather than the pain," I whispered against her lips, my voice thick with emotion. A sobbed retched out of her closed lips. I opened my arms and pulled her to me. I took a deep breath to calm myself and stroked her back in comfort.
Clap! Clap!
"That was so fucking sweet! But, I mean, are y'all done? I'm trying to take a shit here!" Jaida's body jolted in shock and we turned our heads to the occupied stall behind me. We both choked out a chuckle in mirth. I turned to face her again and smiled endearingly.
"I like you," I said to lighten the mood. "Ditto, hon," her voice muffled against my shirt.
I like you so fucking much, love.
a/n: okay so i think the bellybutton fetish is called avonphilia or something. It's when people are sexually aroused by stabbing or fingering your belly button. Now my worry is that what if my future partner is in to that or newly discovers it two years in to our life together? like, i've always pictured myself as a trysexual but fucking hell? i'm not laying on the bed as he or she jacks off to the finger in my belly button. In this case, not all holes are the goal. Then there is the plant fetish. What if my future partner is as kinky as me and wants to play some roleplay. For instance, i get kidnapped in the back boot of the car. So in the setup, i'm tied up and placed in the back of our car when he/she all of a sudden has to pick up an important international business phone call. What if the gardener hijacks the car once my man or woman goes inside and so the gardener takes me to a motel and idfk, proceeds to fuck me with a cactus? He or she is a gardener, the person might have taken the job for sexual purposes. I wouldn't know!
Like it's all hypothetical af but welcome to my fucked up mind.
Also, how cute is Xavier?