*1 and a half months later*
•Mason's P.O.V•
Today is Megan's birthday celebration and I know I will see Jess. My sister told me she wanted her to come, and as much as I know it will hurt, I want to see her too. I haven't seen her in weeks, and it is killing me.
I'm driving to this fucking expensive restaurant when she is hosting the party, and my hands are shaking. This is ridiculous. I am ridiculous.
I walk inside the place to the room she has reserved for the party; it is a big room with many round tables, a little stage and a dance floor, like a wedding salon, decorated with weird shit and glitter.
The room is full of people, but Jess isn't here. I don't have to look carefully, I just know she is not here because my eyes don't go straight to her, I don't feel the crazy body attraction and sexual tension that I always feel when she is around.
I spot my sister talking to a group of people and I join her quickly.
"Mace!" She walks to me and gives me a warm hug.
"Hey, happy birthday" I try to sound chill, but she knows I am fucking trembling inside.
"Mom and dad aren't coming"
"Whatever" I thought they would come, so these are good news, not that I give a fuck about them, but I'd rather not see them.
"She isn't here yet" she says trying to calm my nerves.
"I know"
"Megan, won't you introduce us?" A tall blonde girl asks my sister.
"Oh sure, this is my brother Mason" she points at me and the girl smiles "Mason, these are my friends Maddie, Lisa and Stephanie"
"What's up"
Stephanie, the one who asked Megan to introduce us, keeps checking me out.
"I'll go have something to eat, see you later" I tell Megan and walk away.
I sit on a table at the back, where I can still see the door. I really want to see Jess, but at the same time I don't because I know how painful it is going to be.
After a while talking to the people on my table; three guys from Megan's debate team and two girls from her dance class, she walks in.
My jaw almost drops when I see her; she looks perfect. She is wearing a short tight pink dress that enhances her curves, white sandals, and her hair is up on a low bun, sort of the way she wears it when she is at home.
She walks in smiling, and her perfect teeth light up the whole room, or at least that is how it seems to me.
She waves at Logan and hugs him... I never imagined I could say this, but I'd give anything to be that dude now.
Her green eyes shine in the room, and people look at her as she walks to the table where Logan is guiding her, far from me.
She hasn't seen me yet, and I hope she doesn't see me at all, that will be easier.
The waiters serve us some food, and I no longer pay attention to the conversation being held in my table, I only stare at her.
Even seeing her stuffing a tomato into her mouth is fucking attractive to me.
After a while her eyes finally meet mine, but I look away quickly.
I wait a few seconds and her eyes are still on me.
I don't move my glance from her and she smiles and waves at me, just as if we were friends.
I nod and focus on my food.
This makes no sense; I shouldn't be sitting here with my sister's friends, I should be sitting with her, making fun of her passion for tomatoes as she squeezes my tight underneath the table.
After dinner, a Dj takes the stage and people move to the dance floor.
I walk to the counter bar and look at her dancing. The way she moves on the dance floor makes me want to run to her and fucking make love to her.
I notice a guy trying to get closer, he keeps devouring her with his eyes, it is fucking disgusting.
But I am not jealous, I can't be, Jess is not only attractive to me, obviously.
After a while the guy starts to dance with her, resting his hand on her waist and pulling her closer. She seems comfortable, she seems happy.
"What is it going to be?" The waiter asks behind me. I am so focused on her that I forgot to order.
"A cola please"
"With gin or vodka?"
"No em... just cola" I could use some alcohol now, but that is part of the past. Fuck, I miss you damn vodka.
"Oh, okay"
He pours the liquid into the glass and I look back at Jess. I feel the biggest pain on my heart when I see that she is kissing the guy... she is making out with someone else... she has moved on.
•Jess's P.O.V•
I haven't seen Mason since dinner finished. He was sitting on a table at the back, with more people that I don't know.
He looked good, he seemed good. Maybe he is good. I hope he is good.
My presence must made him feel uncomfortable because I haven't seen him in a while. I didn't want to come, but Megan insisted too much to say no.
He looked at me very quickly at dinner; I waved at him and he simply nod, probably forgetting about my existence a few seconds later.
Now this guy in front of me... he is kind of cute, he has very short hair and blue eyes. His smile is sort of fun and he certainly knows how to move his body.
I feel him getting closer with each move, and I don't mind it. I know Mason has left, and I don't only mean the party, but everything; us.
I have definitely not moved on, but I have to, and maybe tonight is the right time to take the first step.
The guy rests one hand on my arm, the other one on my back, and pulls me against him.
We dance together, he smiles playfully and I smile back.
Our bodies are touching each other but I don't feel the electricity flowing underneath my skin, I don't feel any tension between us.
He leans over and makes his lips touch mine.
I follow the kiss, I force myself to move my hands to his neck, I try to enjoy this, I want to enjoy this. He is a good kisser, this is a nice experience but... I can't.
I break apart and let go of him.
"I'm sorry" I say quickly.
"Are you okay?" He asks confused.
"Yeah... I just can't do this now"
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He sounds mad.
"I said I can't do this now, sorry" I walk away and he looks at me with his eyes open like plates.
It was too awkward... it was a pleasant experience, but it was not how a kiss should feel, it was just not right.
I walk straight to the bar counter; I need to drink tonight.
•Mason's P.O.V•
Is she walking away? She was just making out with him, and she suddenly walks away... what is wrong?
She walks straight to the bar counter in which I am standing, but I am sure she hasn't notice my presence here yet.
"Can I have vodka shots, please?"
Is she drinking? I don't understand anything about tonight.
She looks to one side and finally notices me.
"Oh" she says surprised "I thought you had left" she looks at the door and then back at me "hey"
"Hi" I simply said.
She turns around and realizes I could have seen what happened from here.
"Were you em... were you here this whole time?" She asks nervously.
"Yeah, I were"
Her cheeks turn red and she takes a whole shot.
"That was nothing though... I was just... experimenting" she struggles to get the words out of her mouth, and takes another big shot.
"It's fine, we are not together" I try to keep it cool, but saying this hurts like fucking hell.
"Yeah, right, you seem to have moved on anyway" she discretely takes a step towards me, and I already feel gravity trying to bring her closer.
"I could say that too" I say laughing at the irony.
"That is the first time I had kissed someone since... we broke up"
"Really?"
"Yes, sounds kind of sad, doesn't it?" She plays with the glass while she speaks.
"I haven't been with anyone else either so... yeah, might be sad" I fake the fakest laugh ever.
"You haven't been with anyone?" She sounds genuinely surprised.
No, I said she was going to be the one and only, and that is the truth... if she only knew.
I shake my head in response, and I see how guilt invades her eyes.
"Jess, what you did tonight is okay, you know that, right?"
"No, it's not. I mean, it is okay for me to do it if I want... but it didn't feel okay. It felt awkward and uncomfortable. Like, the kiss was fine, but it wasn't what a kiss should be like, you know?"
She looks at me and laughs, shaking her head
"Maybe you are not the right person to talk about this, right?"
Yeah, that was too uncomfortable. She has no idea how painful seeing that was, not to mention talking about it. Even though my selfish jerk self is fucking happy that she didn't like the kiss.
"No, it's fine, we are friends now, aren't we?"
I lie, because I want her to talk to me and be with me.
"Sure"
"I mean... we used to talk about everything all the time, it is not fair to give all that up" I try to explain myself so that I don't sound as the desperate ridiculous jerk who wants to go through as much pain as possible in order for her to stay here.
"That is very true" she takes another whole shot.
"Maybe you should take that slower" I point at the board of shots placed in front of her and she looks careless at how much she has drunk in just a few minutes.
"Are you going to give me drinking lessons?" She says playful, but quickly apologizes "sorry"
"It's fine, but you are right, I am no one to give you lessons" I take a sip out of my glass.
"You em... you drink again?" She is trying to play it off, but I see real concern under her words, which makes me happy.
"Plain soda, that is all I drink" I smile.
"Is that actually true?" Hope sinks in her eyes.
"Yeah, wanna try?" I offer her my glass and she shakes her head.
"I trust you" she smiles and takes a step towards me "Come dance with me" she grabs my hand and walks closer.
I finish off my drink and she finishes hers, and we move to the dance floor and start to dance.
The alcohol starts to make effect on her until the point I have to hold her because she is about to faint.
"Jess, I think you should go home"
"I'm fine!"
She tries to dance, but ends up falling into my arms.
I carry her to the bathroom and splash some water on her face; she is almost passed out.
I ask one of the girls that was sitting at my table to watch her while I try to find Logan to ask him where she is staying, but he doesn't know.
I want to take her to my place, but I am not sure if she is going to be okay with that, so I look in her purse and find a hotel card.
It makes me sick that she has to stay on a hotel in the same city in where I live.
I lift her up and carry her to my car. She is rambling on the passenger seat as I drive carefully.
When we make it to the hotel, I struggle to find her room.
"Yuhu!" she yells as I carry her around.
I open the door with her card and check that it is the right room, which is easy because her books are on the table, and she has a photo I took of Lola next to one of them.
I splash some more water into her face as she keeps rambling words that I don't understand in Spanish, and then I move her to the bed.
"I'll take off your shoes, you ankles are swallowed"
"Swallowed" she tries to repeat, finding the word very funny.
I cover her with the sheets and turn off the light.
"Mace..." she calls when I am about to leave "is that you?"
"Yeah"
"Don't leave" she says in between various sounds.
"What?"
"Turning... it is turning" I turn on the light and she is holding the sheets and staring at the ceiling, frightened.
"The ceiling is turning?" I ask helplessly amused.
"Yes" she looks afraid, and I can't help it but laugh. I am not sure how much she drunk before we talked to each other, but probably a couple drinks, and she is not used to drinking at all, so this intoxication is normal.
"It is okay, you can try to sleep"
"Don't go, Mace" she begs again.
I can't leave her like this.
"Okay"
"Come!" She yells, still squeezing the sheets.
I lay down next to her and she holds on to my arm with both hands.
"Thank you" she mumbles.
Just a few seconds later, she is completely asleep.
I wish I could take off my clothes, I wish I could kiss her goodnight... but I can't.
And I am sure she will regret this tomorrow, I am sure she will want me out as soon as she opens her eyes.
But this is what I got right now, I'll probably never get to sleep with her again, so even if it is under these circumstances, this is a goodbye.