On my way home after the test, I almost got hit by the bus because I was too lost in thought, worrying about the Choosing Ceremony tomorrow.
What should I choose?
Amity? The agricultural faction known for valuing peace and compassion. No. They're just a bunch of hippie tree huggers that would probably get on my nerves fast.
What about Erudite? The faction that values the pursuit of knowledge above all else. Nope. I can't even fathom why I would even think about joining them. They're just a bunch of power hungry nerds.
How about Dauntless? The faction that values acts of courage. Mom says they're crazy and reckless but I like the idea of running around doing crazy things.
As I continue to walk, I turn my options over in my head, wondering what my best would be.
Should I just stay in Abnegation? The faction that values selfless acts above all else. It's not that bad here. Just super boring and plain, but perhaps the monotonous life I would lead in Abnegation would be good. Tori did imply that because I'm different that I could be in danger. Would I be safe in Abnegation?
I curse myself for not being normal, for not having one faction meant for me.
A subtle breeze tugs at my loose Abnegation clothes, tearing me away from my thoughts. It felt pleasant, a welcome distraction from the stress of the choice I would need to make. It danced across my skin before leaving as quickly as it had appeared, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.
Pushing my thoughts to the back of my mind, I walked up to the front door to my house and take a deep breath before entering. I found my mother and father in the kitchen, already preparing dinner for tonight.
"Hey!" my father greeted me. My mom turned around to offer me a pleasant smile before turning back to what she was doing. "How did it go?" he asked.
"It went about as good as I could expect," I lied. "How was your day?" I asked, attempting to turn the conversation in a different direction. To my parents, I would only seem like perfect Abnegation behavior, worrying about others before myself.
"Same as usual," my dad answered nonchalantly. My mother nods absently, too absorbed in the task at hand to pay attention too much. She grabs the bowl of vegetables she had finished preparing and went to set it on the dining table where there were already plates ready for each of us.
My stomach rumbles loudly. I guess I hadn't realized how hungry I was. Sitting down in my spot at the table, I waited for both of my parents to sit down before turning my attention to the food at the center of the table. It's the same as usual, plain chicken chicken, boiled vegetables, and a slice of bread.
Politely, my mother served my father and I a portion before serving herself. I noticed the small portion she gave herself, but said nothing about it. She would save the left overs for the end of the week when she makes a trip to feed the factionless by herself.
Quickly, I cleared my plate of all the food on it. My parents weren't even halfway through their food when I stood up to wash my dish in the kitchen sink. The steam rose from the hit water, warming my arms and face as I scrubbed the plate.
I began to do the other dishes when I felt a hand on my shoulder, gently pushing me to the side. My mother squeezed in beside me, taking over my chore with a soft smile gracing her features.
"It's okay, Mom, I can do the dishes tonight," I tried to argue.
"No," she disagreed. "You've got a lot to think about. Go to your room and get some rest." I froze in my spot. She had no way of knowing what my test result was. For all she knew, I could have gotten Abnegation, but the way she spoke implied she knew this wasn't the case.
Without arguing, I made my way upstairs to my room, where I sought the comfort of my bed. As soon as my body pressed into the mattress, I could feel the exhaustion wash over me. I didn't realize I was so tired, but I wasn't about to complain. I drifted to sleep quickly, leaving me no time to overthink my results or the choice I would have to make tomorrow.
~time skip~
I took the bus this morning. My mother and father stood on either side of me alongside every other Abnegation person on this bus. They had all made room for the Candor, Erudite, and Amity who had no obligation to give up their seats for perfectly healthy strangers.
Almost all the people on this bus were headed towards the Hub, the large building in the city where the Choosing Ceremony would take place. I could see as soon as the building, it was packed full of nervous looking sixteen-year-olds and their families. They were all standing in the lobby, waiting for an elevator to take them up to the floor where the ceremony would be.
The Abnegation did not join them. Instead, we moved towards the staircase, not out of impatience, but because it was selfless to leave room for all the waiting families. We walked up the flights of stairs, making sure to keep our mouths closed to hide our labored breathing so as not to seem as though we were complaining. The Abnegation wouldn't dream of complaining about a selfless act.
Once we reached the correct floor, everyone paused to catch their breath before entering the large, dimly lit room. Seats were arranged in a large circle around a set of bowls that each hold something different to represent each faction. I couldn't but feel that sense of dread that had grown familiar to me over the last few days as I stared at my options.
My father grabs my arm and gestures to a line of sixteen-year-olds that was slowly beginning to form, pulling me away from my thoughts. Part of me wanting to stay rooted to this spot next to my parents, but I knew I would have to go. Nodding, I go to take my place behind a lanky Erudite boy who was trembling with fear.
My eyes settle on the bowls in the center of the room once again, but a hand on my shoulder distracts me. "Just remember," I hear my mother whisper to me, "we love you no matter what choice you make." The implication that she somehow knew I didn't get an Abnegation result lingered between her words.
I turned to stare at her in confusion, but she was already making her way over to my father who was talking to Marcus Eaton. The three of them move to sit down with the rest of the Abnegation faction members, melting into the growing sea of boring grey outfits.
Gradually, the room is filled with more people from the other factions. Those who were choosing standing in neat rows by the bowls in the center and their families sitting in the chairs that lined the room around us. It felt terrifying to make this choice in front of so many interested eyes.
I tried to calm myself by taking deep, even breaths, but the moment the doors closed and the Dauntless leader, Max, moved to the podium, I felt my heart rate spike again.
The room fell into a reverent silence as we waited to hear what the Dauntless leader was going to say. I stared at him, feeling my curiosity overcome my fear for a moment. The man looked pretty young—not too much older than myself really—and he was covered in piercings, tattoos, and bruises.
"Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony!" Max yells out to the sea of people in front of him, loud enough to make some of the more nervous kids around me flinch out of surprise. The yell was met with laughter from the sea of black that was the Dauntless members.
"Today," Max continued, ignoring all the reactions to his booming voice, "you are going to choose which faction you stay in for the rest of your lives by dropping your blood into one of these bowls." He gestured to the bowls at the center of the room, his eyes scanning the faces our faces.
"Each bowl represents a different faction," he explains loudly. The microphone on the podium really wasn't there out of necessity. I'm sure we would all hear him just fine if it weren't there. "Earth for Amity, glass for Candor, water for Erudite, flames for Dauntless, and stones for Abnegation."
I stared at the bowl of flames and the bowl of stones. I couldn't really stand the idea of being in any Candor, Amity, or Erudite, so my choice was between Abnegation or Dauntless. According to my test results, I could fit in at either of these factions.
Which one should I choose?
"Choose wisely. There's no second chances at choosing your faction, so choose based on who you are, not who you want to be." The last line seemed oddly uncharacteristic of the Dauntless man, but it resonated with me.
Choose who I am, not who I want to be? It would have been helpful if I knew who I was.
The crowd broke into applause. As it died down, I could hear Max call out the first name. It was a confident-looking Candor girl who walked up to the bowls with her shoulder back and her head held high. She's handed a knife that she drags over her palm without hesitation before dropping the blood onto the glass that represented the Candor faction.
She was met by applause and Max called the next name. I watched as she took her place amongst her faction members, smiling happily.
Closing my eyes, I listen as more names were called one by one. When I opened my eyes again, I could see that the group of people standing around me was quickly disappearing. In this time, I had been turning over my options in my mind. I had already ruled out Erudite, Candor, and Amity; there was no doubt in my mind that those weren't the factions for me.
Dauntless or Abnegation?
The Dauntless were the loud, reckless warrior faction, the Abnegation were the quiet, polite government faction. Complete opposites.
"(L/n) (F/n)," Max calls my name. I heard it clear as day, but I almost didn't believe I did.
Forcing myself to move, I walked up to the bowls with my heart pounding in my ears. The silence is deafening as almost every pair of eyes is on me. I wish someone would cough or something. The silence only made my anxiety worse.
At the bowls, an Abnegation woman hands me a clean knife. I look down at it in my hands, the plain black handle reminding me of the knife I was presented with during my aptitude test. The disembodied female voice I had heard during that test rang through my head now.
"Choose," she had said.
I move closer to the bowls, my eyes landing on the Dauntless and Abnegation bowls which were placed right next to each other. The flames had died down because of the blood dropped into them, but the coals were still hot. The stones were no longer the boring grey color. They were covered in red and brown-ish splotches, the red from the blood that was still fresh, the brown from the blood that had dried.
I dig the knife into my palm, a little deeper than I really meant to, but I was so nervous I could barely register the pain. The blood gathered in my palm, a small pool of red threatening to spill out before I had the chance to place my hand over a bowl.
Scrunching my eyes shut, I shoved my hand over the bowl and listened to the satisfying sizzle of my blood dropping onto the Dauntless coals. The silence was broken by the Dauntless who all made a ton of noise as they welcomed me into their faction.
Turning towards them, I see crowd of Dauntless all cheering me on with broad smiles and laughter. I walked towards them and catch a glimpse of my mother in the crowd of Abnegation. To my pleasant surprise, she's smiling. It's different from her other smiles. This one felt more genuine.
My father is sitting beside her looking dumbfounded. He doesn't look happy, but he doesn't seem particularly upset by it either. My mother waved at me and I couldn't help smiling back at her. I wasn't sure of my choice before, but seeing her smiling and waving made me feel a little more confident.
Finally turning my attention away from her, I joined my fellow faction transfers at the back of the group.
There was no wiping the smile off my face at this point. Something about this choice felt right.