Harry
"Hey," I pick up the phone, surprised to see it is Alex. I thought about giving her some time after we met up, and I didn't expect her to be the first to call. "What's up?"
"I wanted to talk to you," she says, and I feel a rock grow in my stomach. I had to correct myself and not ask her what's wrong instead of up. Of course there is something wrong and she wants me to know of it. I brace myself for what is about to come. Did she make up her mind and decided that she rather be with Thomas anyway?
"What about?"
"I just met Rob in prison. Wanted to talk about it with someone."
"Oh," I bring out, feeling relieved. "What was he like?"
"Kind of nice, actually."
"And did he answer all your questions on your list?"
"I don't know. I didn't check. I'm going to throw away that list. I don't want to look back anymore."
"So I take it was a good conversation then?"
"Well, I think so. He basically confirmed what I already thought about her, but it was nice to hear it. She wasn't a heartless bitch like we thought," she says with a laugh.
"What was she like then?" I ask her and she thinks about it for a moment.
"She was extreme in everything. Addicted to drugs to numb her feelings and thoughts. She might have loved me, but she wasn't capable of showing it. And I shouldn't let that guide the rest of my life, right? I had a father who loved me to pieces, through it all he managed to raise me right."
"He did," I agree. "When I met you, you were wonderful."
"And I'm not wonderful now?" She wonders and I roll my eyes, feeling like a dickhead for the way I said that.
"No, no, I don't mean it like that, but the death of your parents changed you. It made you think of all these things that you are struggling with right now. But the fact that you sound okay after having a conversation with a criminal who broke up your family shows that you are still wonderful. Changed because of all that happened, but still as wonderful as back then."
"Thank you," she says, and from the tone of her voice I can tell that she's smiling. "I'm starting to feel like that person more and more."
"Old-Alex."
"Yeah," she laughs.
"I prefer just Alex. Old, new, you must see that in the end it makes no difference."
"I know. My eyes are slowly opening."
"I'm happy to hear that," I tell her.
"So, how are you? Settled down in Brighton?"
Alex and I talk some more as I tell her about the first few nights in Brighton. She laughs when I explain about my sleeping facilities in a shared hostel room and how that is a great test for my snoring. I haven't exactly made friends so I'm doubting staying with this guy called Luke although I'm a bit afraid for a repeat of Pascal.
"Is he your boss?" Alex wonders.
"No, he's not the owner of the shop. And the owner isn't really my boss either. I'm only filling in. Guest artist."
"So, why do you doubt then? If it is only for a few months and he has space and isn't a serial killer?"
"Well, I don't know about that for sure of course. But yeah, maybe I should just give it a go."
"Everything better than a hostel for months I'd think."
"That's for sure. I'll see."
"You will never believe who I called on my way here," she says and I think about it for a second.
"No clue," I say in the end trying to come up with a name.
"Nano."
"What? Why?" I question her, hearing how I'm raising my voice already.
"I need work, Harry, and he's offering me a position. I need money to start building a future for myself."
"You shouldn't have said no to my mother's money," I tell her. "Then you wouldn't have to work for a douchebag like him."
"You were the one being a douchebag," she says. "Nano has apologized and is giving me a raise. I rather work for him than accept money from your mother who is deceased, and we're no longer together. That would make me feel like a douchebag."
She's right of course, and I don't feel the need to fight about him again so I hide my ego and try to sound calm and collected whilst I'm actually raging. Alex knows how to irritate me, but it shouldn't surprise me that the second we're able to be civil, we're also able to have a little argument.
"He's more than right to give you a raise. If you're happy about it, then I'll keep my mouth shut."
Alex laughs on the other end of the line. "I'm happy about it. Of course it is not my dream job, but it is better than nothing. It's time to be independent."
"I'm proud of you. Takes some balls to go back there."
This makes her laughs again. "Yeah, that's true. I know he was a dick for the most part, but he sounded apologetic so. For now it is better to do something easy and figure out what I want."
"I suppose it is. When will you start?"
"Don't know yet. Next week I think."
"Okay, well, good luck," I tell her, feeling as if the conversation is dying down.
"Thank you. You with your sleeping facilities," she says and I smile.
"Oh, it will be alright. Thank for calling me.. I really liked it."
"I just wanted to tell you about Rob," she tells me, and I can tell she's drifting away from me as I'm probably pushing her limits by saying that.
"Well, I like that you want to tell me about it."
"Yeah, I'll call my Doctor now," she pauses, "bye Harry."
"Bye, Lexie."
I listen to her breathe for a second longer, waiting for her to hang up but she doesn't. Then I hear a soft giggle. "You know what I like?" She then wonders and I shake my head, not able to reply but she doesn't seem to mind. "When you call me Lexie."
****
Alex
"So, my idea's weren't completely crap?" Doctor Collins muses after I explained how my last week has been. "You managed to forgive both your parents."
"They weren't crap, I'll admit to that."
"It seems to me that you are doing better, that you learned from your past. We're seeing each other less and less, but I think it is time to let you go bit by bit, Alex. No matter how much it pains me," he says.
He's trying to be funny and sarcastic, but the thought of him letting me go scares me. Over the last months we have gone from daily appointment to weekly and that all felt natural. The thought of not seeing him anytime soon scares me and he seems to notice. After all this time he notices almost everything about me.
"I think you'll be fine," he says. "We'll keep your doses the same, and then we'll meet again in a month. And I think you'll be surprised where you'll be in a month's time. If it is as positive as I think, we'll stop all medication. And even then you're still not getting rid of me. I want you to be stable for at least six months so don't worry. We still got a couple of months left."
I nod, thinking his plan through. I almost did everything he asked me to do. Forgave my father, learned more about my mother and that in the end we might share DNA, but we're not the same people. And because of the revelation I'm able to look to the future without a big, black cloud hanging above my head. Even working at a 24-shop feels like something good. So it doesn't seem to matter that I don't have big plans for the future. The list of things I could become isn't that long, and all of the professions are uncertain plans, but a seed is planted that maybe one day will grow to something more, but even if it doesn't, that's okay too. That's what therapy brought me, that I am enough.
"Yeah, you're right. I'll be okay."
"So, what are your plans for the rest of this week?"
"I'm due to start work tomorrow morning. Liam and Nina are going away for the weekend. So it will be a very boring and lonely week, but welcoming normal as well."
"You are exited for it?"
"Yes, funnily enough I am. Some peace and quiet. No one that will bug me."
****
"Sage, Sage, Sage!" I yell through the phone trying to calm her down. "Breathe and tell me what's wrong."
"I'm pretty sure I'm having contractions, this is not right, I'm not meant to give birth for another month!"
"Just sit down, breathe and tell me where you are," I instruct. "Tell me where you are and I will come right to you."
"Uhm, I'm near the Aldi, close to your old flat. Please Alex, this can't be it."
"Okay, okay," I say, trying to calm her down as she start to sob and I race to the door and out on the street. "I'm coming right over. Have you called Nick yet?"
"I can't fucking reach him, he's at work."
"Okay, well, I'm going to hang up and see who I can reach. Don't panic, Sage. You and the baby will be fine. If it's time, it's time. Sit down at a bus stop and breathe," I repeat.
"Just come here quick," she begs.
"On my way," I say, whilst hanging up.
I won't deny that my hands are shaking. If she is about to give birth it might be too soon. I think the baby will survive, but you never know for sure of course or if these early contractions mean that something is already not right. Now I've been through a lot of scary situations when I was a lifeguard, but I never had to help giving birth. I for sure hope that I won't have to now.
Luckily I know where she is and am able to make a short cut. By the time I'm in my second bus I still haven't been able to reach Nick or my uncle. It seems that I'm on my own. Nerves fly through my body as the bus reaches the stop opposite of the one Sage is waiting. Even from a distance I can tell that she isn't just experiencing cramps, but is seriously ill. All blood has drained from her face. I rush out of the bus and cross the street almost getting hit in the process.
"Sage," I yell to her and relieve spreads over her face when she sees me running towards her. "Have you called an ambulance?"
"What?" She says, leaning her head back against the glass window of the bus stop. "Do you think we need to do that?"
"Yes. You're ashen, sweating, breathing as if you're ready to push. I think we need to call an ambulance."
"But Nick," she moans.
"I call his work or something. He'll be there. Don't worry about that. I'll get you through this," I tell her and she gives me a faint smile and then closes her eyes to focus on her breathing.
As I call the ambulance and talk them through Sage's condition and location, I hold her hand and squeeze it tight. Beeping interrupts my phonecall and I think it must be Nick or uncle Theo, but instead I see it is Harry. After I hang up with the telephone operator and am secured that help will soon come, I push ignore.
He's probably calling to talk about a tattoo he just finished or a something other that is interesting when I'm not in an urgent situation like this. I told him about this week and not having so much to do. I'm filling in for Nina at the store but luckily for me and Nano I don't have to cancel him today as I'm off for the weekend.
Nina and Liam are on holiday in Barcelona, making me very jealous with multiple daily updates about the much nicer weather and most of all scenery. Let's not mention all they get to do there. They deserve it for sure, and it's nice to have the house to myself for a bit, but it is boring. Harry the only one to brighten it up a little bit when he calls. Which of course worries Liam.
Only yesterday I visited Sage at her house, laughing about the prospect of another month of kicking and pushing legs and arms in her belly. It seems that we won't be laughing about that again.
"I'll call his work."
"Yeah, yeah," she mumbles, zoning out already. This is all going faster than I had hoped.
Finally luck is on our side when I get Nick on the phone after being transferred two times already.
"Nick, this is Alex. I might have some upsetting news, but, stay calm, we'll be alright, but me and Sage are waiting for an ambulance to take her to the hospital. I think it's best if we meet there. I'll stay by her side okay?"
"Wait, what?" He mumbles and he must be anxious to the max. I would be.
"She's having contractions, I think her water broke as well. The baby is on its way."
"My water broke?" Sage asks sitting up right a bit and only then noticing that she's leaking.
"Okay, okay, which hospital?"
I talk details with Nick as I am interrupted by Harry again, but I ignore him for the second time. This is not the time as the ambulance is also finally approaching us. Within seconds one of the paramedics reaches us and calmly starts to ask Sage a couple of questions. The situation must be clear to her because she asks for my help.
"Can you support her as we walk to the car?" She asks and I nod, letting Sage lean her weight on me as we struggle the small distance to the wagon.
After she's positioned on the gurney I use her phone to call Nick again and explain the situation. The frown on the nurses face and the fact that Sage barely seems to be conscious worry me, but I try to sound cool when I call back Nick with details of the right hospital.
"They'll take us to A&E. I guess from there we'll be sent to the maternity department."
"Is she okay, can I speak to her?"
"Yes, she's okay, but they are working on her now, best not to disturb them. You try getting hold of uncle Theo and then we'll see you there okay."
"Okay, see you soon."
"That the baby's father?" The nurse wonders and I nod. "Good to not panic towards him."
"Should I panic?" I ask her and she shakes her head.
"No, it is too soon of course and going in a rapid speed, but nothing out of the ordinary."
"Good," I say as I watch her feel how far Sage is along. Sage doesn't seem to like it and she comes back to earth for a moment so I rush next to her and hold her hand. "It will be okay."
"You are almost ready," the nurse says. "Just relax, love. You'll be okay."
Sage lets her head fall back as she zones out again. It's probably for the best and how she deals with the pain she must be feeling. I'm instructed to sit down and buckle up as we drive to the hospital. Nerves fly through me, but I'm also excited. Soon Sage will be a mother, my uncle a grandfather and I will be an aunt. Since the very moment she knew she was pregnant I have been excited to meet the little baby boy, and now it won't be long. I just hope that everything will be alright.
****
Harry
After I texted my sister my new address, I didn't expect her to use it to send mail. For a moment I even hoped she'd stop by and travel all the way south, but she didn't. She must have known what she was sending because I imagine that she got one as well. It's a letter from the notary my mother worked with and it can only mean the rest of her net worth.
Just like Alex had felt the need to call me after she met up with Rob, I now feel the need to open this letter with Alex near. She was there when I got the first one for the funds, and I want her to be here when I open the last one so I ring her.
After what feels like minutes, but is exactly only thirty seconds, she pushes me away. I can tell that she pushed ignore and I hope it only has to do with the fact that she's busy. But something nags. She told me yesterday that she was bored and didn't had anything planned for this day. At first she was looking forward to it, but I think she was also a bit scared. Maybe to reach for a drink or feel depressed again. I guess she's used to having someone around her all the time that it must be a bit scary to suddenly be alone. I offered to come over, but she declined, saying that it was only for the weekend and that she needed to be able to do it. I guess she's right, but I had hoped that she had accepted. Then maybe she could have been here instead of calling her.
The second time I try to call her she pushes ignore even faster and it makes me a bit angry. What can be so important that she can't even pick up and tell me to wait? Frustrated I sit down on my bed in this also empty flat that I'm now co-sharing with Luke. He also works at the tattoo parlour and I know him from way back when I was ten years younger and started out as an artist. Then I thought he was the coolest, living alone at thirty. Now I find him a bit sad, but he's a cool guy and I guess I'm sad in a way as well.
Here I am, twenty-six, with no own place and a temporary job, afraid to read a letter. After the third try of reaching Alex and not being answered I give up and open the letter myself. What I find in there is enough to make my hands shake. Besides of course the business side of things, there is also a handwritten letter by my mother. And it breaks me down, unable to do the one thing she asks of me.
Dear Harry,
I've asked your sister to send you this. I hope that by the end of this all, she'll know where you live. That you two made up like I hoped. You two are better when you work as a team, but I think you know that. Your sister has missed you all these years, but I even more.
When you came in my life, I did my best to make you happy and give you everything you deserved. I failed you, as you know, but I guess we failed each other. Faith has a weird way of messing about. The first time I got sick, it didn't do our relationship favours, but then you suddenly came back. Troubled and in pain, but just like me you kept your head up and didn't show me how much it hurt that you felt as if everything had gone wrong. This second time around it felt even worse for you, but you still kept your head up and gave me the best care I could have asked for.
I always thought that I did everything wrong when it came to you. Your sister was my first try, and with you I tried to do it better, but I did even worse. You never had the mother you deserved, and definitely not the father. But I hope that in these last weeks I showed you how much I actually care for you. You and Liz are my entire life. It doesn't matter that my ex-husband didn't show one bit of interest in me, or that my own sister was too upset to visit me yesterday. All that matters to me is knowing that I'm leaving behind two sensible children who maybe even love their mother a bit.
Because Harry, I love you, I love you so much. Just be happy, live your life like you think is right, because it no longer matters what I think. I think that you are smart, talented, caring, funny, and most of all loving. You have so much to give to this world, and I am incredible sad that I won't be around to see what that exactly is.
But I'm asking you one thing, don't be sad for me, and don't ever let me be your voice of reason. Chase what you want. Whatever and whoever that may be, just know that through it all, I will love you. For forever.
Love, your mother