this is too much fun to write. but i think it'll be kinda short in chap no's
so lol for the escalation of this chapter
two weeks later
"Just close your eyes," Kellin said gently. "Maybe that will help you."
I sucked my lip between my teeth nervously, managing to stop myself before I punctured it.
"Just relax, okay?" Kellin said, reaching out to put a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "We can take our time with this. There's no rush."
All things considered, he was being really nice about the whole thing - especially with my apprehension about the whole situation.
It felt so so wrong to me and I was having such a hard time processing the act. But Kellin was being considerate of my feelings and trying his best to talk me through it.
"It's exactly the same way as when you do it with a girl," Kellin explained and tried not to be too amused. "It's literally the same concept."
"It just feels..." I began. "Weird."
"You have to practice it here," Kellin sighed. "If we go tomorrow and they see that you're acting so strange then they'll know something's up."
"Why do we have to do it at all?" I whined. "Can't we just pretend?"
"We have been pretending for two weeks, Vic," Kellin urged. "They're going to definitely catch us out if the other couples have done it and we can't."
"You owe me so much for this," I mumbled. "Especially considering when Dani hears, she's not going to be exactly thrilled."
"I promise you, I won't tell her," Kellin said. "Besides, if you're worried about this being cheating or anything - it's not."
"Oh please do enlighten me as to why."
"Because it's not real? I don't know. We were 'together' long before Dani and you decided to be," Kellin stated matter-of-factly. "So technically, you're cheating on me."
"Plus," Kellin stated. "She knows about our arrangement. So she can't possibly get angry at you."
"You'd be surprised," I sighed. "But I understand her hostility towards... what we're doing."
"Well we haven't done anything yet," Kellin joked. "Because you're such a wimp."
"It's not easy for me," I snapped. "You've done this a million times before with boys and I... haven't."
"It's the same thing," Kellin said, rolling his eyes. "There's literally nothing different."
"But you're my best friend," I mumbled awkwardly. "It's... weird."
"Just pretend I'm Danielle or something and close your eyes till it's over," Kellin suggested. "For the first time, I'll be quick so you get over this but after we need to pretend that we're actually enjoying it. Okay?"
Kellin did not move a muscle as he waited for my consent and for that I silently thanked him. He stayed quiet as I gathered up my thoughts and mentally prepared myself for everything that was about to happen.
"Okay, I'm ready," I said finally.
"Okay," Kellin said slowly.
He shifted closer to me, putting his arms around my neck. I tried not to squirm away from his touch and how grossly intimate it was. Ugh I hoped this would be over soon.
"Relax," Kellin said. "You're very tense and it'll just make it worse if you're uncomfortable."
"I don't think I can just stop being uncomfortable with this," I mumbled. "You're my best friend and we're about to..."
Kellin pulled away from me, sighing as he sat back on the couch and looked away from me. "Maybe we should just do this later."
"Don't-"
"I'm not going to force you into doing anything you don't want to do," Kellin spoke without malice. "I told you from the beginning if things get too intense for you, you can always back out."
He was playing with the buttons on his shirt nervously, buttoning and re-buttoning the same button constantly.
"Kellin, just listen-"
"And I understand if your relationship with Danielle is becoming serious and you don't want to do anything to jeopardize that-" he continued, ignoring me. "So we don't have to do anything because I don't want you to feel obligated to this-"
"Can you just hang on for a second-"
"Because at the end of the day you're my best friend and the fact that you were willing to go this far, means a lot you know?" Kellin was completely lost in his own world at this point. "And I'd never want to do anything to put our friendship at risk because - you mean... a lot to me and I'd hate to lose you."
"Oh shut the fuck up," I snapped suddenly.
Kellin looked at me finally with wide eyes as if he were just now noticing my presence for the first time. I ignored his deer-in-the-headlights look and grabbed him, shoving our lips together before I lost the courage to do it.
I pulled away after a minute, trying to quieten the chaos that was ensuing inside my stomach and looked at Kellin expectantly.
He just continued to stare at me, as if I'd sprouted horns and was speaking in tongues.
"Hello?" I said blandly. "Did you die?"
"Uh... um... I.. you..." Kellin spluttered.
"That bad eh?" I teased.
"I just was not expecting it," he mumbled stupidly.
"Okay well? Any pointers?" I said in a small voice, feeling a bit unsure of myself.
Would things change? He was my best friend and now we were... practicing kissing. Ugh this was all too confusing to me and escalating far too quickly.
"Oh, sure," Kellin said but he was still staring at me with eyes the size of the moon. "I..."
Kellin trailed off, looking at me with the same starstruck look on his face. He re-buttoned his shirt for the millionth time and sighed dramatically. Then it was like he mentally shook himself off and his usual (annoyingly arrogant) demeanor returned.
His lips quirked up in a smirk. "How about I just show you?"
Before I could react to the cheeky way in which the words were being said, his hand was tangling itself up in my hair and he was giving me - the best damn kiss of my life - pointers.
He used his free hand to cup my jaw, angling my mouth up to meet his very eager kisses. I did my best to reciprocate the kisses as best I could, trying not to be so pleased about how soft his lips were against mine. Did gay boys use chapstick? Or maybe this was just Kellin.
It wasn't like this was my first kiss or anything. I had had girlfriends before and well... we'd done more than kiss that's for sure. But it felt like this was the first time I'd ever kissed another human being in my life. I couldn't exactly pinpoint whether or not that was good or bad.
He balled up my hair into his fist, tugging it slightly as he practically straddled my lap. I should have pushed him off and told him that was a little too far but... I didn't.
He smirked at my shocked reaction and instead started guiding my otherwise stationery arms around his waist. I hooked my arms around his slim hips the way he wanted me to, letting him settle into place on my lap.
It felt awkward to hold him in place but I did it anyway, trying to loosen up and pretend he was a cute girl instead.
He was deepening the kiss the longer it went on and I realised it had turned into a make-out session instead.
Except I wasn't really imagining anybody else, let alone a girl, and some distant part of me was okay with that.
-
"So?" Jaime asked me later that night. "How did your meeting go with Kellin?"
"Oh." I said slowly, rubbing the back of my neck. "It was... uneventful."
Jaime sat up in his bed across the room from mine. He rested his chin in his hand, his eyebrows quirking up as he regarded me with a smirk.
"Is that so?" he grinned.
"What?" I mumbled, turning away from him so he couldn't see my cheeks turning red. I tried to focus on the work in front of me but Jaime's eyes were boring into my skull.
"I just heard something... interesting," Jaime spoke delightedly.
"Just say it then and get over it."
"How did it feel?" Jaime urged in between laughs. "Did you feel yourself-"
"It was just a kiss," I said bluntly. "I'm helping out my best friend."
"Is this what you're telling yourself?"
"Yes."
"And how is Danielle taking it?" Jaime pried.
"Danielle and I aren't... together," I sighed. "You know that."
"That's not what I asked though."
"It's not cheating-"
"I didn't ask that."
"Because she and I aren't dating-"
"THAT IS NOT WHAT I ASKED YOU THOUGH IS IT, BITCH?"
"I know but-"
"ANSWER THE QUESTION, PWUSSYBOI."
I glared at Jaime's utterly thrilled face as he laughed at his own jokes. If I ever wanted to punch him it was definitely now.
"Well it's not like she was thrilled."
Jaime laughed. "Why should she be?"
"What are you trying to prove?" I said in a defeated tone.
"I'm just trying to show you if this thing you have going is worth losing a potential relationship," Jaime shrugged.
"It's not a thing," I corrected. "It's literally a pretense. It's not fucking real. If Dani can't handle that then I don't think we should be together at all."
"Vic, look at it from her side," Jaime said. "What if Danielle was the one in a fake relationship?"
"Have I not stressed the 'fake' part enough?" I retorted. "Dani has expressed her maturity about the situation enough."
"How long do you think you're going to be able to stick out the gay act?" Jaime asked me.
"For as long as I can," I sighed. "Kellin really needs the money or he's not going to be able to afford his apartment."
"Maybe he doesn't afford it then," Jaime shrugged. "Or he gets a job like everyone else."
"You know how stubborn he is," I explained. "He won't do that if he doesn't want to."
"Even if he literally has no choice?" Jaime said skeptically. "He's not a baby, Vic."
"I'm helping him out," I said in a final tone. "If it gets too much for me, he said I can always back out. He's made it explicitly clear that I am not supposed to undergo anything I don't want to do."
"So today-"
"I kissed him, Jaime."
Jaime shrugged. "If you're not doing anything you're uncomfortable with, then I'm fine. At least you're being smart about the stupid thing you're doing."
Jaime and Danielle were the only people who knew the truth about Kellin and I. So far it had spread nicely throughout the university that I was inherently very gay and had just been in the closet up till now.
I didn't really get as to how that could be such a believable lie, but it was working so far so I had no complaints. It really helped our situation that Kellin and I literally used to go everywhere together so people started filling in their own pieces; such as longing looks where there hadn't been or not-so-accidental touching.
I didn't really care what they were coming up with, as long as it was appeasing the idea that I was Kellin's boyfriend.
Danielle and I however was another story. After she'd kissed me in her apartment, I'd considered whether or not I had feelings for her.
At some point back in high school, yeah I did have a pretty solid crush on her but then I moved away and it fizzled out as things do.
But I didn't really have to think about whatever was going on between us much because we'd both come to the mutual decision to hit the brakes on it.
Until the whole thing I was doing with Kellin was over, I couldn't be with Danielle. Not only to make sure Kellin and I couldn't get caught, but because I couldn't be true to her if I was still with Kellin.
Kellin still teased me though, because in his mind we were already dating. So everything we did for the stupid social experiment had turned into a big joke for him when it was just us and he constantly teased me about how I was cheating on my girlfriend.
I didn't get why he'd latched onto the idea of Danielle and I so quickly but he had and well, I suppose that was just Kellin.
"Is he a good kisser though?" Jaime teased, rolling over and facing his back to me as he prepared to sleep.
"I hate you," I murmured indistinctly, sinking into my own sheets and trying to sift through the mess of my head.
Jaime stilled in the dark and I thought it was just because he had fallen asleep. But moments later he spoke again and I could practically hear the smirk in his voice.
"That means yes then."