Rachel POV
I leant back letting my body fall against the bed. I had isolated myself so much to the point i didn't know who I was anymore. I had so much things running through my mind. When I thought that I had found someone better than my ex. He just pushed me away, because he was afraid.
Flashback
Our hands intertwined and our feet intertwined as we cuddled on the bed in a dark room, my room. The only light coming through was from the window, that made a shadow on the wall. We talked about our feelings, our flaws, our strengths, our weaknesses... but we never admitted our feelings properly. Well he never seemed to. His stubbornness and arrogance pushed me away, but at the same time. It brought me closer.
"do you believe in love?" I broke our silence. Although the music playing through our headphones was... our kind of silence.
His eyes fluttered open staring directly at me with his powerful dark eyes, that i could just slightly see from the light.
"love... love is the same as friendship nothing really changes about it except the kissing, hugging, buy things and sex part"
"but you think that all love is? have you never wanted to spend your whole life with someone? or wanting to see someone every morning when you wake up... have you ever felt love?"
"no" he closed them again. My heart shattered, the lump in my throat came right back after i swallowed it.
"so your telling me you've never been in love? never in the 24 years of your life?" he grumbled pulling his arms away and folding them across his chest.
"what made you start with all this love bullshit?" his voice sounded upset. My heart felt tight. My stomach felt tight, i just wanted to throw up. I was always contemplating with Yoongi, whether I should ask him deep questions or anythint at all, I just wasn't sure how he'd react.
"I-i'm sorry I should've not asked you" i got up feeling the soft carpet under my feet. Feeling lightheaded but heavy hearted
"Where are you going?" I felt his body shift.
"Home" I felt tears slowly build up in my eyes.
"Okay" okay? okay? that's all he had to say? It was just a simple fucking okay. I want to die, oh... OKAY.
"Okay? seriously... " I turned around seeing him the same position, facing the roof.
"What's wrong with you?" he opened his eyes, turning his head to face me.
"You are so sensitive" he snapped. I was finishing tying my laces on my black platfrom sneakers. I abruptly put my things in my bag taking out only my phone and my headphones. I was so furious at him. At his stupidness, carelessness and coldness. The fucking bastard.
"Where are you doing?" The touch of his hand around my wrist sent shivers up my arm.
"I said home! Are you fucking deaf? Not like you ever fucking cared" I snatched my hand away from his grip. I didn't take one second to look back at him, I just slammed the door behind me.
I ran right into someone's chest, "Rachel are you ok?"
I wiped my eyes nodding. I heard the door open behind me, I didn't care to look back. I choked on my words , trying to swallow the lump.
"Rach-
"Yes I need to go" I pushed passed Taehyung, brushing past his shoulder lightly. I had nothing against Taehyung, but all I wanted to do was run away and find a place where I didn't have to see him or hear him.
He had captured my heart, he makes me think about him every morning when I wake up and when I fall asleep. When I hear his name my heart twists and shivers get sent up my body. In every situation I think about him. Everywhere I go his there, there's no escape to my feelings. As much as I try to forget him, he's not someone I can easily forget. We've shared memories that I don't want to regret and I will never regret but something deep down in my hear makes me feel useless and lost. He doesn't feel the way I feel, I don't have a place in his heart, I'm just a friend who he casually kisses, hugs, fucks and goes on dates with. He likes to call them 'dates'.
End of flashback
"Fucking bullshit" I threw my phone at the wall hoping it wouldn't break. If it did break I wouldn't care anyway.
I heard a ring in my ears it was really loud. I realised that it was my doorbell that was ringing. A sound i haven't heard in a long time. I dragged my feet across the warm carpet, onto the cold tiles towards the door. I looked through the little peep hole to see the person behind the door. You better be fucking kidding me.
"What the hell do you want?" my voice sounded croaky and small.
"I want to talk..." his voice vibrated against my back
"there is no reason for us to talk"
"yes there is... i-i... miss you"
"I'm not in the mood Yoongi, leave me alone"
(Listen to Nostaliga by Smyang)
"would you please open the door? Please let me talk to you, please let me make it better... i kno-"
"LEAVE ME ALONE FOR FUCKSAKE YOONGI!" I screamed with the last bit of strength left in me. The tears started streaming down my face, my body fell down effortlessly on the cold hard ground. The heavy weight on my shoulders felt like my body had been thrown into a big lifeless ocean. I felt like I just kept holding my breath to the point I was running out of it. My stomach felt bruised, exhausted from the lack of sleep and food.
"leave me alone" I mumbled underneath my breath.
After his footsteps sounded further away, the room fell silent again. Until the sound of my phone constantely ringing. It sounded so faint in my room. A little bit of me felt like it was important to answer the phone but other me thought of dying on the floor. I stood up weakly, walking into my room picking up my phone, the light from the screen blinding my eyes. I had missed the call. I had missed several calls actually. I put in the passcode opening it up to a voicemail
5 new voicemails
The female's voice came through irritatingly
Voicemail 1. Hey Rach...
it was Taehyung's voice coming through, it was shaky like he was scared
...it's Tae please call me back I know you can see my call! Yoongi told me something was wrong.
Voicemail 2. Rach pick up the phone please
Voicemail 3. You have 5 seconds to call back and i'm coming
Voicemail 4. RACHEL PICK THE PHONE UP!
Voicemail 5. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME STRESS LIKE THIS
The phone rang again. I answered it not even noticing who was calling.
"OH MY GOSH RACHEL..." Ellie took a deep breath.
"ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? YOU HAVE ME AND TAEHYUNG WORRIED SICK" she continued. I coughed out like i was sick.
"I'm fine"
"Don't fucking bullshit with me! You haven't told me anything about what happened with Yoongi and you kept it in such a secret, Taehyung had to explain it all"
"IT WASN'T A FUCKING SECRET! You weren't there for me Ellie when I needed you, NOW YOU FUCKING CARE, HOW CAN I FUCKING TELL YOU-!"
"Seriously? this is my fault now? There were plenty of times we talked over the phone and i asked if you were alright but you would tell me everything was fine Rachel! BUT IT WASN'T! from the beginning it hasn't been fine from the night you slept with him and you knew that you lost your mind with him after that Rach, you were completely fucking lost in his bullshit" she took no breaths in-between that. She was furious, tears grew in my eyes.
It went silent.
"SAY SOMETHING!"
"I love him... i didn't lose my mind... he just didn't feel the same way back" i sniffled
Silence broke out again.
"Dont you dare fucking cry, lets meet"
"No"
"There isn't a choice of your answer just meet me at the cafe in an hour, near the studio please"
I shut the phone collapsing on the soft mattress behind me. once again.
Jimin POV
Butterfly blessed the speakers. The soft piano melody started taking control of my body, my sensation to dance slowly came back to my body. I hadn't danced properly by myself since the beginning of the comebacks. The feeling of the empty room and the music being the only sound to hear, brought joy to my ears. When I felt unsettled and overwhelmed by something, the dancefloor was my only escape. The climax to the song broke through and I could feel my body loosen more. The tension in my arms setteled. My synchronization between my feet and my arms became easier as my heart felt the beat of the music. As it got faster and faster during Joonie's beat, my feet lost control, they were doing everything my mind imagined. At last my body came back to reality at the last notes of the melody.
"Jimin" I looked through the gaps in my blonde fringe seeing a familiar pair of shoes in the distance. White and black pumas they were. I brushed my sweaty fringe away and got up to see Ellie clearly waiting in the doorway. I lowered the sound of I Need You playing in the background focusing my attention back to the girl. She slowly made her way in, with her hands in her light brown coat pockets. She wore her blue skinny tight jeans that wrapped her waist and warm fluffy black jumper tucked inside the pants, slightly baggy with a dark red scarf wrapped her neck. Her lips were painted red contrasting with the red on her scarf, her eyes drove me crazy everytime she had that sparkle in her eyes, you could get lost in them so easily. Her cheeks and nose were rosey from the cold, which made her like a little gnome.
"What are you doing here?" I plonked onto the benches in the practice rooms. She followed sitting right next to me, but not close enough.
"Well... I came to ask you something?" she rubbed her thighs nervously. She was so adorable it hurt.
"Yeah?" I fiddled with towel in my hands. I was being as hopefully that she was going to open up just a little bit more to me.
"Well...um- it's just that I wanted to thank you for coming to the hospital and taking care of me" she sped up her words nervously. My head twisted obviously in her direction. Her reaction was exaxtly as I imagine, chewing on her bottom lip and the top of her forehead had little creases in them, which show she's worried.
"That's it" I asked. She sighed heavily. Everything on her face relaxing.
"What else do you want to hear? It was hard enough for me trying to thank you, it should really be you thanking me"
"I saved your life why would i say thank you?"
"Oh don't get too excited! You just drove me to the hospital, plus I've forgiven you on many occastions, you should be thankful for that" she got up clutching onto her little pink side purse.
"Anyways I have to get going now but maybe we will see each other again"
"Maybe we will" I repeated cheekily. She turned back glaring at me, a small smirk formed on my face.
"Why did you say it in that tone?"
"Maybe I will ask you on a date so we can see each other again" her face turned cherry red.
"Ahaha you are so funny" she laughed sarcastically continuing her sexy walk to the exit. My eyes slowly drifted down making my heart speed faster. Jimin, keep your eyes up don't be creepy. You creepy bastard.
"Ah and by the-" she turned around abruptly, I quickly shifted my attention to the ground feeling my face burn up.
"Yes?" I looked up acting dumb.
"I'm not saying i will say no to your question BUT IM NOT saying yes" she pointed her index finger me, nodding as if she said it correctly and then slamming the door behind her.
Does this mean I should ask her out or wait till she asks me out? Or do I just take her somewhere without her knowing? Hm.
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(El^^Hope you guys are doing great! ❤)
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