All time low therapy
Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can keep all your misery
"Alex Gaskarth." I look up from my maths quiz, nobody came to collect me durning science and now it's about half way through maths when the receptionist who's name I don't know came to get me, "Your mums here to collect you."
"I bet she's pissed." I say grabbing my bag and leaving the half completed quiz on my desk.
"I suggest you hurry up then."
"Not at me." I laugh, "At Gunning for calling her durning work instead of just letting me go home alone."
I follow her out the class ignoring all the looks I was getting. Now is not the time for me to call someone out and get myself in more trouble. I may be acting like I don't care I'm suspended and I'm happy about the time off school but I'll be alone with my thoughts. I don't want to be alone. Not right now. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I need to be alone, like yesterday I needed to be alone. I didn't want Jack showing up but today I would rather spend time with Jack Barakat than be alone. I would be bored and boredom leads to stupid mistakes that bait myself out to everyone.
"Hi mom." I smile as we enter reception, she was leaning on the desk tapping her hills impatiently, "I told them you would be pissed if they called you at work."
"I don't see why they didn't just send you home alone." She huffed, "Come on I need to get you home quickly so I can go back to work."
"Okay." I signed myself and followed my mum out the door to the car, "They are punishing me for cutting school by no school."
"You can stop with the act now Alex." I open the front door of the car, "I know you're not happy about the suspension."
"Because it's bullshit!" I exclaim, "Gunning offered me counselling again as well."
"You know we have always been happy to pay for you to get therapy professionally and nobody needs to know about it. We can tell Mr Gunning so he stops offering you counselling and nobody else will find out." She always does this, every time I complain or act up she says I should go therapy, I don't want therapy and she knows that, never again, "Me and your dad really want you to go and believe it would really help you. I'm not going to force you into it as I know that won't work but would you please consider it Alex."
"I'm perfectly fine." I laugh, "Just a bit sad sometimes."
"You nearly froze to death yesterday." I shrug ignoring her, she don't know the half of how bad I am and I don't want her to know, I don't want my parents to worry, they've done everything right and their son is still a depressed fuck up, "It's a good thing your friend came to see if you was okay."
"Jack isn't my friend." I spit staring out the window, "And Rian and Zack told him to see if I was okay. He didn't make the choice. He didn't even know what street I lived on until he was told."
"He didn't have to do that."
"Oh well." I ignore any more attempts at my mum trying to talk, it's only a short drive until we're home anyway, then I can go up to my room and play music too loud to ignore my feelings.
Why couldn't they just give me detention or something. Suspension is awful. It's boring and lonely.
"Alex please think about it." My mum said as I got out the car, I ignored her and just walked up the front steps to the house, as I was shutting the door I watched her drive off.
I will not go therapy. I attempted it once when I was first diagnosed with depression and it was the worse thing I ever did. I only got more depressed and eventually decided to just stop going. I don't want to talk to a stranger about how I feel, I don't even want to think about how I feel. I don't want them to tell me I have anger problems. I don't want them to try put me on medication and I don't want them acting as if they want to help. They don't want to help. They only listen to you because they get paid to do so. Why would they care about a random teenage boys problems?
Anyway nothing bad happened to me. I'm just a little bit sad sometimes. Some people really need therapy and they are the people who should get it. Not me.
Authors note
Okay so about that bit at the end theirs no such thing as not being bad enough to get help. Everyone deserves help. That's just sorta how I feel about it since I found out the hospital I go you have to be super bad to get help at. I don't feel as if I need it/want it like others do.
So I have my job interview today and I'm super panicky. It's 11 pm the night before and I'm considering just posting this soon as it hits midnight to calm me down. So wish me luck and give me advice.
Also comment things. What do you think of Alex's mum? What sort of person is Alex? What sort of person is Jack? Comment shit about jalex.
If this is posted at midnight you may get a double update so I can tell you how the interview went.
Hugs, kisses and peace ✌🏻