Happy summer everyone! :) I'm awful at updating, my bad, but here's chapter 5, so yeah, here ya go!
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The boys left around 2 in the morning, after we had finished all the ice cream in my freezer. They mostly just tried to get my mind off of what happened, and it worked for the most part. I hadn't thought about Jake the whole two hours. All I could think about was the kiss with Eli. I still felt guilty, which I had no reason to, but I did. I didn't want to lead him on, but every time I tried to avoid that situation it happens, every time we were alone.
The thing is, I wanted to kiss him again and again an again. I wanted to hold his hand and put my head on his shoulders, I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything about him and I just couldn't stop imagining that scenario in my head the whole night.
When they were leaving for the night, Eli and I got a moment alone. We were standing on my porch, while Macy and Tom cleaned up the mess of ice cream sundaes we made in the kitchen.
"I'm sorry." I said to him while we sat on my front steps staring up at the stars. All I wanted to do was join them, and not deal with all of the drama and problems.
"You have absoutely nothing to be sorry for, Ansley." He sounded like he meant it, but I still felt bad.
"No, Eli. I am sorry. I feel like I'm leading you on, when I can't be in a relationship right now, not while all of this is happening. But I just, something came over me... I like you so much Eli, and it's a strange feeling because I don't think I've ever liked someone this much. But all I feel is guilt." He turned and looked at me with caring eyes.
"I know you don't want to lead me on. And I know you feel like you're not ready, I don't want you to get into anything you're not ready for. I feel it too, Ansley, and I do believe we could really be great together. Only when you want to, though. Why do you feel guilty?" I felt like crying. Here in front of me was this amazing guy, who couldn't be more supporting and really liked me. No one, not even Jake, ever looked at me the way Eli had.
I always though Jake was as good as it got, that what we had was love, even if he could be a major dick. I put up with his flaws because that was all I knew, he was all I knew. When we ended, all I could think was about how altered my life was going to be. I had everything warped around our relationship, that when it was over I felt so lost. But looking into Eli's eyes that night, I felt more than all I felt during Jake and I's relationship. I never knew that people like Eli even existed, it just never occurred to me. I felt guilty because even though I felt like I was over Jake, I shouldn't have been. I was upset, and hurt, but I wanted Eli more than I would ever want Jake.
"I don't know.. I feel so guilty because Jake and I were together for a whole year and I'm already moving on? Isn't there some designated amount of time before you even consider dating again?" Eli smiled a little, and I felt like I'd known that smile for longer than three days.
"Ansley, there isn't a designated time for anything like that. You get over someone when you realize you don't want to be with them anymore, when you realize you don't care what they're doing, maybe even if you hope they're happy. You can't schedule love, it comes when you least expect it."
I couldn't help but smile at that.
Maybe he was right, maybe I shouldn't try and control everything, but even then, I was still hurting, and it was still too soon. So we left it at that, and said our goodbyes.
Macy and I got back to my room, and immediately passed out on my floor, exhausted from the days affairs.
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We woke up the next morning around noon, when my phone went off.
It was my mom of course, calling to check in. I told her Macy had been staying with me, and that everything was fine. She told me I was sounding better, and I said I was.
and I really was.
It was a pretty laid back day, or at least that's what we were hoping for; some girl time. Macy and I were lying on the sidewalk in front of my house, something we'd been doing since we were little kids. We would stare at the sky and talk about nothing, or something, or we would cloud watch or stargaze or whatever we decided to do that day.
We decided to stare at the sky, we would have cloud watched if there were clouds, but it was a clear day, and desperately hot, but kind of in a good way. It felt like summer should feel.
"So. Eli." Macy said, turning her head towards me, blocking the sun from her eyes. She gave me a mischievous look. Looks like it was a something day.
"What about him?" I said playing it off, I knew she knew everything, she practically could read my mind, but I liked messing with her. She jokingly shoved my arm, and I laughed, we didn't even have to say words to know exactly what the other was saying.
"So how many times?" She was talking about how many times we kissed. I decided to just tell her everything, I needed someonelse's opinion.
"Twice. I wanted to again on the steps last night but I had to stop myself." Macy let out a series of sequels and screeches of excitement.
"So what now?!" I sighed, I didn't want to burst her little bubble of excitement.
"I can't." She frowned and sat up.
"Why can't you? You like him right?" I nodded.
"He likes you, correct?" I nodded.
"The what's the freaking problem?" I groaned and sat up too. It was so complicated to explain and I already knew what she was going to say about it.
"I can't! I feel like it's not aloud, I feel guilty, and it's too soon. I really like him, Macy. He's perfect and he makes me feel, like, weightless. And I don't even know him that well, imagine how it'll feel when we do know each other. God I'm so conflicted!" I proceeded to make pterodactyl noises and put my head in my hands. Macy laughed, and put her arm around me.
"Sweetie. Listen to me. You'll know when you're ready, you will, I promise. Don't think about anyone else or how it's supposed to be. Stop stressing yourself out and HAVE FUN! You're free now, you can do whatever the hell you want! You're letting Jake control you when he's not even here, just let go. Eli's perfect and I think you should snatch that boy up, but do it when you're ready." God I love Macy so much. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her, because she was right.
I vowed to enjoy myself, and if something was supposed to happen, it would. This summer will be my summer, I told myself.
So maybe I was still hurt about the Jake thing, but I had every right to be. That didn't mean it should ruin everything. I knew I was going to be okay, I wasn't going to try and be all dramatic and say I'd never be okay again. And maybe Eli could even be the thing that fixes everything, but I wouldn't know until I tried, right?
Macy and I decided to do some much needed shopping, then went and ate dinner with her family so they knew we hadn't been sold into sex trafficking or whatever. Macy's family and mine were both extremely close, which made sneaking around and lying almost impossible, but it was kind of worth it in the fact that we could basically do whatever we wanted as long as both our parents agreed on it. That was really the only reason Macy could stay at my house for a whole week with my parents gone.
After dinner we headed back to my house. We were walking up my front steps, about to head inside, but our path was blocked. there was this HUGE basket. It was filled with flowers and chocolate and teddy bears and God knows what else. We were both pretty confused, so I checked the tag on the side, looking for a note or something.
Ansley, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I love you, we should talk about this. please, love Jake.
I literally bursted out laughing when I read it, I couldn't keep it in. I showed Macy and she became furious and started judging everything in the basket.
"Really, teddy bears? Wow, real original!"
"These are the cheapest chocolates you could have gotten!"
"Who sends someone chocolate covered pretzels? Wow, just wow."
I was still laughing as I picked the basket up and carried it into my kitchen. I wasn't stupid enough to even think anything of it, and it just amused me that he would even try that when I threatened to call the cops on him just the other night. Neither Macy or I touched the basket the rest of the night.
The next day I got three more packages and even a man dressed up as a giant heart singing me an 'I'm sorry' song, to which I slammed the door in his face, opened it again, apologized, and closed it again. I was really starting to get a collection in my kitchen. At first I just shrugged it all off, but it was really starting to get annoying, and I was running out of vases for all the stupid roses.
Eli and Tom came over later that day, we invited them to come eat all my chocolates and goodies. Tom's face when he saw all my gifts was priceless, it was like a little boy in a candy shop, he attacked the chocolate and Carmel popcorn and whatever else was in there.
"He sent ALL of this?" Eli asked me, as Tom and Macy picked through everything.
"Yup. I don't care, it's just super annoying." He shook his head.
"He should know it's not all this crap that would make you forgive him, it's actions not these stupid heart shaped boxes and roses." God could this boy get anymore perfect? I couldn't even respond because my heart was to busy melting.
I didn't personally want to go through all the gifts, so when Macy saw something she knew I'd want to eat, she'd toss it to me, and Eli and I would eat in together. It was actually a really good system. I'd realized that Macy and Tom had started to get really close, and maybe even a little flirty. I guess all that trying to get me and Eli alone worked out for them. Eli noticed this to, and pointed it out.
"Looks like our friends are getting pretty cozy over there." He said, motioning toward Macy and Tom play fighting and giggling while going through all the stuff. I smiled.
"That's really cute, good for them." But all that flashed through my mind was what it would be like to double date if I was with Eli and all the cute coupley stuff we could do. I didn't even try and push the thoughts away, I just let myself scoot my chair closer to Eli's and smiled at him.
I promised myself a carefree, good summer, and gosh darn it I was going to have one.