My eyes peel open to the glowing light that's streamed in rays through the living room window onto my face. I take a deep breath and yawn feeling a comfortable warmth on top of my body.
I blink rapidly to shield my eyes away from the sun and see my fingers are still tangled up in H's curly brown hair. He snores softly into my chest holding me close to him while he laid on top of me. The silence is peaceful, birds chirp every once and while whistling the morning song.
A strong smell of mixed alcohol brushed up my nose, I wrinkle it and look down at the culprit of the scent. I gather strength to push the peacefully sleeping man off me but pause momentarily. I can feel Harry's heart beating faintly against me, I sit here for a little while and admire his soft features while he breathes lightly. It was nice to see him like this.
I sigh out and close my eyes gathering the rest of my strength to forcefully push Harry off of me. He falls to the side and bumps his head against the wall groaning out while I hide away a chuckle. I sit up and start to get up before his hand wraps around my ankle, I try to wiggle his weak hand off me and giggle a little more from the smile curling on his lips.
"Let go!" I pick up my foot and wiggle his arms until it resembled a noodle.
"Come down here and make me," His eyes are still closed while he tugs at me causing me to lose my balance and fall on top of him. He grunts out and moves his hands up to where my white tee shirt rode up my back. I bite my bottom lip when I feel his fingers trace up the spine in my back.
"What are you doing?" I ask him snapping back to reality when I see those playful eyes absorb the morning sun that streams in through the windows. He illuminates in the light as I watch his eyes travel back to mine.
"I've missed you," He tucks a few strands of hair behind my ear, my heartbeat quickens when I hear this. Was he really back?
"Harry?" I whisper with a shocked expression, my skin tingles under his touch. I watch those pale green eyes closely and see a sort of brightness ignite in them, I didn't know if it was just my wild imagination but for a second I saw him.
"Who else would I be?" He asks me as a smile widens and I tackle Harry in a hug. Emotions creep up and wash over me as I hold Harry close, I sniffle and feel burning hot tears brim my tear ducts.
"I'm sorry for everything I said before, I was just upset and I didn't mean it I'm-"
"Shhhh," Harry coos to me sweetly running a hand down my hair to comfort me. I can smell the sweet scent of coconut on him that gives me the sense of familiarity.
I didn't know how many days had passed without him because it felt like each day blurred into the next. It had been an ongoing nightmare that I kept trying wake up from even though there was no waking up. Some nightmares are real.
"I was so scared I lost you," My lip quivers as I sit up and straddle him, sitting on his lap. Our hands intertwined like barbed wire, his ring clad fingers touch my warm skin on my fingers causing them to chill against the cool metal.
"Elle, you can't ever lose me," Harry tells me pulling me down by my hands till I am laying on top of him. He kisses me again and at the moment I can't ever imagine him leaving me again. he was trapped inside his mind, or so that's what H lead me to believe. H told me he had pushed Harry to the "away" which was a place I was still yet to understand.
"I thought I had, Harry why didn't you tell me about your mental illness? I had no clue you were struggling," I reason with him wondering why he hadn't told me about this. I had no clue Harry struggled with such a serious mental illness. Without saying it I knew he acquired DID which stood for Dissociative Identity Disorder or as some people knew it by, multiple personality disorder.
"I didn't want you to think any less of me. I was afraid I could lose you in the process," He opens up touching my face delicately with his soft touch that I had grown so accustomed to. I knew Harry touch and it was sweet and gentle.
"Harry that would have never happened. I love you for you and nothing could ever change that! I know things have been tough but you could never lose me, I will always be here," I tell him bending down to kiss him from my straddling position. He lays a kiss on me and smiles through it giggling until it transitioned into a full on laugh. I pull myself up and away from Harry to see him clutching his stomach while he was sent into a laughing attack.
"What is so funny?" I ask folding my arms after he cackles, his face turns red while he chokes between laughs. I clench my jaw and keep my arms fastened around my chest tighter unsure of what Harry found so funny.
"You are kitten," He cackles sniffling, crying from his laughter. My jaw is locked into place and heat quickly rises to my cheeks. Large deposits of tension strain my muscles all the while my tears cloud over my vision.
I've never felt this overwhelming amount of anger before. It was almost like I could feel it in every fiber of my bones, every strand in my muscle, every cell in my blood boiled. I was almost positive my tears acted as a sizzling acid when they fell down onto my cheek.
I didn't have anything to say, nothing that could showcase how upset I was. Heat and anger pulsed in my bloodstream and yet I came up empty handed with fighting words. I was so easily played.
"I thought I lost you!" H mocked me fluttering his eyelashes like he was playing my role. "You can never lose me, damn I almost lost it!" He mocks the conversation in a playful voice before bursting back into laughter.
I shake my head and stand up from the straddling position, it was getting hard to breathe here. I couldn't accurately explain the mixture of hurt and anger so I stood up and walked away, only to be caught by my foot once again.
"I am only going to say this once, get the fuck off me," I say darkly as soon as I feel his fingers wrap around my ankle like a ribbon around a Christmas present. I couldn't stand to feel those calloused hands snaked around me.
"Alright chill out, it was just a joke!" H justifies trying to make light of my stern response to him. I feel him lift his hold on my ankle and stood still temporarily paralyzed after hearing his response to me. My jaw tires from the tight bite I keep locked into place while I cry silently, I keep my back turned because I don't want him to see me crying like this. He didn't deserve my tears.
"A joke? Is that what it was?" I scoff steadying out my voice the best I could. I was under held with so much emotion it was even a struggle to maintain a steady breathing pattern. My hands are balled into fists at my sides that accumulated more tension and heat. "You truly are the most sadistic person I have ever met and honestly I don't blame Harry for pretending like you aren't there. I would do the same,"
"Tough crowd," H laughs bitterly after pushing what he had told me in the hospital back in his face. I knew that he had told me that in confidence and I knew deep down that would resonate and hurt me. That was my intent, to hurt him.
I didn't like who he was turning me into. I never was someone that hurt people on purpose, I spared others feelings because they mattered to me. I would never say things I knew would cut them deep down yet here I was.
I squeeze my eyes shut and bury my face in the palms of my hands. Keeping my back to H and catch the warm tears in my hands and sink down to a crouching position with H's hand still clasped to my ankle like a shackle. I was his prisoner.
"I just want him back," I cry to the sound of my heart breaking all over again. H's hand loosens around my ankle and I hear a scoff come from him. I know he isn't the type to comfort when someone is upset but that's all I needed. I needed someone to tell me that I was going to be okay. Everything was moving too fast and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
"Of course you do, so does everyone," H snaps bitterly standing up as I hear his footsteps clap under the wood floors. I look up and see him tower me in height but decide to stand up tall in the face of the devil.
"If that is supposed to make me feel sorry for you it doesn't. Your self-pity comments don't mean anything to me, it just makes me realize how pathetic you are!" I spit feeling the heat rise to my cheeks seeing his tough stature and sniff upper lip.
"Pathetic? Is that the card you want to play? How about this, it's pathetic that you didn't have sex with your husband for months before I came along! It's pathetic that you still think what you have with Harry is a marriage!" H thundered getting into my face, my heart ceases to beat while my ears ring. I swallow hard and back down, I cower back and see my vision blur all around me.
I stand under the watchful eyes of H, my skin is numb and a faint dull ache persistently beats in my chest. "You were the one that wanted to go there kitten, I hate to break it to you but it looks like you can sure dish it but you can't take it," H tells me coming nearer to which I pull back and walk up the stairs before I feel a grip of my wrist.
"What could you possibly want from me now? You've humiliated me, hurt me, I don't know what else you could possibly want from me," I say under a wobbly voice that I was surprised I could even muster up, to begin with.
H stares deep into my eyes before taking pressure off my wrist he had caught in his hand. I turn back to the staircase and leave him behind feeling another wave of blue wash over me. I get tangled up in the tide that pulls me further and further out into the wide range of sadness. I was hurt and that didn't even begin to describe the flames that started in my heart from the sad and anger fighting for dominance.
My heart was exposed and left out to feel vulnerable, I had completely believed H in his sick and twisted joke. Was in my fault for being so easily gullible?
I had wholeheartedly believed that I was talking to Harry, that I was kissing my sweet Harry again but that was proven to be false. In all honesty, H had put on a great show, he was a beyond talented actor as far as I was concerned.
I lock myself in the master closet and run my hand over Harry's clothing that hung on various hangers through the walk-in closet. The soft fabric runs past my fingertips while my vision blurs from my tears that clog my tear ducts. I pull a button down shirt from the hanger and wrap it around myself sobbing uncontrollably. I overwhelm myself with the coconut scent and try to hold on to the memory of him comforting me when I am upset. Harry was always there to comfort me when I was crying for any number of reasons but this time I knew he wasn't coming for me.
I knew he wasn't here to dry my tears, I was all on my own with this one as I sit in the corner with his oversized shirt wrapped around me and my knees locked into my chest. This time he wasn't coming to my aid, I was alone.
N. Damn, I love writing this book so much! I hope you are enjoying it as much I love writing it! How are you feeling about H and Chanel? I know it has been forever so feel free to go back and reread the last chapter to know what is going on lol!