HORIZON
six | know the history
WARNING: a chapter as small as donald trump's hands
"THANKS FOR DROPPING ME OFF," Savannah said to Carson as they sat in the ginger girl's car. They were parked in the driveway of her house. It was a few hours after meeting Carson's friends and she felt good. For the first time in a while, she fought the anxiety and stayed in Jackie's home. Not making up an excuse to leave early was a huge accomplishment. To say Savannah was proud of herself was an understatement. "I had a really fun time. Your friends are really nice."
"Of course, I did drive you there so it would be a douche move to not," Carson stated. A light laugh escaped her lips, trying to make her comment as a joke. She was one of those people who were straightforward when it came to their thoughts and opinions. This was shown earlier when she strongly suggested for Bianca to stop talking about her past with Jackie. It was obvious it was something she wasn't necessarily proud of.
"Can I ask you something?" The tone of Savannah's voice lowered as if she was ashamed of even thinking about her next words. When learning new information about Carson's past relationships, it was something she couldn't drop. It danced in her mind, waiting to explode in a mixture of emotions. She didn't know how to feel about it. Clearly, she had feelings for the girl sitting next to her and wanted to make sure she had a chance to at least not feel guilty about the fantasies and thoughts that developed. Carson nodded to her question, turning her body in the seat to face Savannah. "Would you mind...possibly...only if you want, explain what happened between you and Jackie?"
Carson was hesitant for a moment. From the expression, her face held, she was debating whether or not to lie. A sigh of defeat left her, the devil on her shoulder losing to the angel. Her thumbs began to fiddle with each other as she spoke, "I mentioned before that she was my first kiss, right? Well, I met her last year and she was completely open with her sexuality and I was confused with mine. So, one night, she took me to a party, and she kissed me while we were dancing. Before things could get hot and heavy, I left. I felt terrible for ditching her but my head was moving so fast I could barely see; I had to get out. There was a little alcohol in my system so I started walking home but Jackie caught up with me. She was so pissed."
"She didn't know you were confused, did she?" Savannah guessed, watching the girl's hands nervously play with each other. She hated that she made her friend feel this way, guilt clouded above her head.
"I led her on. I was experimenting with her without realizing." A sigh left her lips drastically, hanging her head in shame. "After I told her, she offered to help me figure out my shit, which she did. I know she still has feelings for me and I've tried hinting that I'm not into her but I think her emotions shadow over reality."
"I'm sorry I asked."
"Why are you sorry?"
"Because, I feel like, I'm interfering with everything."
"You're not," Carson said. Her head lifted up and turned towards Savannah. "You're my friend, you're my friends' friend. You deserve to know the history."
"I don't think Bianca feels that way," Savannah chuckled. Now she was the fearful one speaking. Just thinking of the intimidating girl made shivers crawl up and down her skin. All she wanted was to be liked, which led her to stay as quiet as possible. That was her tactic. How could someone hate another person who was silent?
"Bianca is like my big sister. She's taught me everything I know about girlhood, dating, etcetera. You are the first person I've ever brought into the group, she's protective. A lot has happened to me throughout the past year and she was the one who knew and stayed by my side. I think she's making sure you're not going to use me or something." She explained.
Once their conversation died down, the two went into Savannah's house. Introducing Carson to her parents was an eye-opening experience. It seemed like her mother and father adored the ginger girl, especially her dad. The main guess was because Carson wasn't a boy who could get her pregnant. That probably sent him into a boat ride of ease.
Throughout a whole new introduction, she felt tingles in her body. Tingles of excitement and joy. Of course, she had friends who were just friends but that wasn't how she saw Carson. In the fantasies and dreams, Carson was everything she wanted. Watching her interact so well with her parents, Savannah knew if something ever did happen between them, her parents would be fine with it. In her head, that was all that mattered.
After Carson left the household, the topic of the night was if Savannah liked this girl more than a friend. Obviously, she denied the questions and begged her parents to drop it. But, this only caused them to press even more. Teasing each other was a ritual they performed every single day.
Later in the night, as she laid in bed with a book, her mind was everywhere but on the inked words across the pages. Wings grew on each side of her heart, fluttering every time she speculated to when her skin touched Carson's. She couldn't believe they actually held hands. She couldn't believe it was Carson who insinuated it. Nobody cared about her anxiety (except for her parents), let alone hold her hand in order to put her nerves in comfort.
By now she knew the feelings she developed were true and not a phase. Every time Carson's presence was near; butterflies ate away in her stomach. When looking into her electric eyes, her own turned into giant red hearts. This girl was a wonder to earth but a blessing, Savannah thanked every God there was for bringing them together. Even if it was just as a friendship.
-
"I'm really happy," Savannah stated with a soft smile. She watched Mrs. Kelley write down the new information and she felt pride in her chest. Happiness was such an amazing feeling and she realized how much she had taken advantage of it. "I have friends now, people who fully accept me and like me. I never thought I would feel like this after everything that happened last year."
"I'm so glad you feel this way." Mrs. Kelley smiled back. Knowing that smile, Savannah was waiting for the 'but' coming after. The older woman shifted her position in the blood red chair before speaking, "but we've never discussed what happened last year. I didn't want to bring it up because you never did, so I assumed it was forgotten. Do you think you could talk about it?"
Leaning back against the couch, she nodded her head lightly. For the first time, when thinking about it, tears didn't form in the corners of her eyes. Maybe they wouldn't come at all if she finally expressed it all. "I came out to my two best friends last year; I was in public school at the time. They believed I was only friends with them because I "wanted to get in their pants". Immediately, they told everyone, even though I asked them to keep it a secret. I lived in such a small town that this was like a murder case being revealed to the public. Of course, with living in North Carolina, the entire town was disgusted by me. Nobody wanted to be near me, to be seen with me, to look at me...I was so depressed that I attempted suicide and I went to the hospital then my family packed up and we moved here."
The story was a lot to take in. Being a therapist, Mrs. Kelley had heard multiple stories about how cruel people could. But still, it was always a repeated shock. Realizing other people's versions of hell punched a hole in the center of her heart. It wasn't fair, especially to children.
The two continued the conversation about happiness and recovery. Savannah was asked at a point if she was happy with the idea of having friends that she saw past flaws that could stab her in the back. For the first time in a while, she was surer than anything that this was a new start to life.
During dinner that night, the only time the Alana family get together that isn't on the weekend, Samuel stirred the pot of questions that desperately needed to be answered.
"Straight up, Sav. You into that girl or not?" He asked. Although he was a rather private person, he didn't have a problem with interfering with others. It was difficult to take his question seriously since there was spaghetti sauce on his chin.
"Samuel, that isn't any of your business," their mother snapped as she grabbed his chin with her thumb and pointer finger before wiping the sauce off his skin. From the look in her bright eyes, she too wanted to know about Savannah's inner emotions. The two never talked about love ever since she came out. Discomfort was always shown but never discussed.