My palms were sweaty under the scratchy hospital blankets that covered from the waist down. The room still smelled of an old person's house, the tv was outdated and the smell was less than pleasant. All my senses are heightened under the speculation and observation of others, something about being under the watchful eye of authorities unnerved me.
Most likely it was because I had done something bad. I had witnessed the unspeakable, something no one should have to comprehend or process.
"Mrs. Styles we won't keep you too long we just have a few questions," A detective spoke sitting in a chair next to my bed. Her vanilla body mist brushes against my nose as she flips her ponytail off her shoulder, her partner eyes me from the doorway with an unreadable expression.
"Of course anything to help get this solved," I answer trying to keep my mind and its memories contained. I was going to have to lie partly, I couldn't tell them I had been a first-hand witness to the murder of John and Elizabeth. I couldn't tell them it was H or better known to everyone else Harry that did this.
This wasn't Harry's fault.
"Alright so let's get started, how did you end up at the Jones' house?" The female detective asked me. Her deeper skin tone glows under the poor lighting as her glossy ponytail trickles strand by strand over her shoulder she waits for my answer.
Snippets of memories cloud my brain and cause distress in my bones but I try my best not to let the deep-rooted anxiety show through my transparent emotions.
"My husband and I had just finished showering together and I ummm..." I make sure to remember H's story he had coached me through. I needed to make sure all my details were the same as his we couldn't afford to have any discrepancies.
"For thirty minutes I heard a baby screaming. I went over to make sure everything was okay because.. I've never heard a baby scream like that before..." I can tell from the lump in my throat my voice was about to falter. The last thing I wanted was to relieve any of this, I wished heavily I could push this all way but since this was a crime that wasn't going to happen.
"I knocked... banged on the door but I got nothing so I walked in. That's when I saw John, there was so much blood I... it was like a scene straight out of a horror movie," I swallow hard and wipe away a stray tear that made it to my cheek.
"Was John breathing at all?" The detective followed up with another question.
"I didn't go and check but as far as I know he wasn't breathing," I answer her taking a deep breath.
"So then you proceed to the nursery where you found Elizabeth and the baby correct?" I glance over at the other detective to see her staring me down as if I were doing something wrong. Did she know something I didn't? Why was she eyeing me so heavily, any twitch of my hand she observed like a hawk.
"That's correct, that's when I called 911," I offered wiping at yet another tear sniffling to clear my nose.
"I have a question for you," I say through a quiet voice that is small and afraid. The detective looks at me and encourages me to continue with her head tilt gesture.
"Do you know what happened to them?"
"We can't say a lot about the case but we are looking into a murder-suicide," The woman speaks putting me at some ease. H had the authorities right where he wanted them, he leads them to believe exactly what he wanted.
"Elizabeth and John were always so put together, the definition of a cookie cutter family," I say trying to give an image of the couple. I thought I would play dumb but show interest in helping and making conversation. I didn't want any sneaking suspensions to cloud my character.
"Well then they put on a damn good show, family members said they were having marriage issues. She was in the process of filing for divorce and from what we understand that may have been the motive," This was something I didn't know. I wouldn't have ever guessed Elizabeth and John had marital issues big enough to result in a divorce. I guess you never know what people are hiding behind their smiles, what they are dealing with when they are alone.
"You would have never known," I say noticing my head drift into my own thoughts. The new information had really shocked me, it spiraled a string of questions and thoughts that tangled inside of each other.
+
The next day passed in a blur, all the significant events mashed together. H had gotten the approval from my doctor to discharge me from the hospital. I was ready to go home, the hospital food was washing away my taste buds while the sheets scraped up my delicate skin.
I internalize everything since I know H isn't sympathetic towards my thoughts and feelings about the murder. It didn't affect him the way it did me, it didn't leave an impression on his broken mind like it had mine.
It was something I didn't want to think or talk about yet I couldn't escape it.
How did people get over death, I hadn't ever experienced it first hand. Elizabeth's scream was forever printed in my mind when silence bit at my ears my mind would fill the emptiness with the blood-curdling screams.
I would wake up in a hot sweat after nightmares took over my state of dreaming. I was afraid to sleep, all I ever saw was red. The color stained my mind every time I closed my eyes, it was a never-ending nightmare.
I watch Harry in the kitchen pouring multiple glasses of alcohol, he didn't care what kind. He stumbled around in the kitchen and drank off his ass, I could tell he was getting shit faced with every gulp he took.
My phone vibrates at my side, I pick it up and see Liam's caller ID. Believe it or not, I had completely forgotten about anything else, my audition and work had definitely been at the top of that list. I didn't have time to think about that when I was consumed by H and all his wrongdoings.
"Hello?" I answer staring out the window where the sun started to falter in the sky. The intensity of the orange and yellow filters die down to pinks and purples that paint the dusk sky.
"Chanel! I just heard on the news! Are you okay? Where are you?" Liam briskly asks breathing heavily into the phone. His lungs inhale and exhale as if he were running a marathon, he is breathy and sounds like he needs to sit down and rest.
"I'm as okay as you can be ya know?" I tell him watching Harry hiccup and giggle to himself about nothing. I watch from a distance as I stand up and walk a little toward the kitchen, leaning against a doorway.
"Yeah no, I get it. Are you home? I thought I would stop by to make sure you are okay, the last time we talked I knew you were going through stuff-"
"That's not necessary, really I am okay," I cut Liam off as soon as the idea surfaces in her mind. I didn't want H anywhere near the people I cared about, he was unpredictable and often displayed reckless actions. I had to keep Liam and anyone else close to me safe by creating distance between us.
"Chanel-"
"Liam I promise I am okay. I need some time to process all of this alone. Keep in touch okay?" I soften my voice not wanting to sound harsh. I didn't want to come off as a bitch, I cared about Liam and his well being. I knew that only bad things could come of him trying to help me, H was delicate and he didn't take well to other people. Half the time he didn't even take well to me.
"Chanel I'm worried about you," I could sense the worry in his deep voice but there was nothing I could do but reassure him that I was going to be okay.
"Look, Liam, I have to go, call me soon," I hang up as soon as H stumbled over to me. I catch him from his unstable feet and sigh when I get a whiff of the strong and pungent smell of alcohol.
"Who is Liam?" H slurs in a whisper fiddling with my gold dainty necklace that hung around my neck.
"My manager," I tell H as he then goes on to touch my skin, I close my eyes and try to be patience with him but this has proven to be a hard task.
"Are you fucking him? Because you aren't getting any at home?" H asks holding my face in one of his hands, he runs a thumb over it while he asks a string of questions.
"No,"
"You are sneaky but I have seen too many movies to be convinced of your lies," H gives me sly smile before poking the tip of my nose, "Boop!" He says smiling a lazily.
"Well this isn't a movie this is real life," I tell him feeling his weight start to heighten against me, he was losing his balance.
"Wheres Kesha at? It's going down," Harry tells me with a wiggly tone as I fall back from H's weight being pressed against me. I tumble to the floor and grunt when I feel H's weight crush me, the wooden floors chilling through my clothing.
I cough out when I feel his full weight pressing me against the hardwood floor. I glance up at the ceiling and try to breathe under all of H's weight.
"H?" I say in a soft voice after I hear steady breathing come from H. "H?"
I snake my hands through H's curls and feel them straighten from the way I gently pull through them. His head lays on my chest while my fingers unravel his curls and smell his signature coconut scent. I brush his chocolate strands out of his face and see his long eyelashes hideaway his green eyes. The warmth of his body radiates off his and soaks into my skin as I keep my eyes on his soft face.
"I promise I will take care of you, Harry. I won't give up on you," I whisper threading my fingers through his hair while staring up at the ceiling.
N: I'm back! Any thoughts? Or maybe some predictions on the horizon? Let me know! Comments keep me more motivated to update😂