KAIDEN
IF you've ever thought about hacking your ex-girlfriend's security cameras – don't. You'll only see her fucking her fiancé in the living room. Rough, intimate, sex. Good for them.
The next thing I know, I'm digging through my suitcase, looking for the pills Robbie gave me this morning before I left. He was fresh out of coke, so he gave me OxyContin. I find one and swallow it without water.
Within minutes, I'm higher than a fucking kite without a care in the world. I'm so glad Cameron and Jordan and I got separate rooms. Stupidly, I try to call Madison. I know she won't answer. She's too busy laid up naked with Jace.
The phone goes to voicemail and I decide on leaving her a message.
"Madison, it's me. I just wanted to say that I fucking hate you. I hate you so much. I give you my heart and you stomp on it like it's a bug you want to squash. Fuck you and fuck your perfect little fiancé. Fuck all of you." I ramble before eventually hanging up, letting the phone fall from my hands into the floor.
Cameron wakes me up the next morning. His arms are crossed over his chest and he looks mad.
"What are you doing?" I grumble, rubbing my eyes so they can adjust to light pouring in my room.
"The better question is what the fuck are you doing, Kaiden?" He grabs the bag of pills Robbie gave me and holds it up, right in front of my face.
I sit up and try to jerk the bag from him, but he's too fast.
"Give them back." I stand up, but stumble and fall back on the bed.
"Look at you, Kaiden. You look like shit. When did you start using again?"
I roll my eyes. "I'm not using again, Cameron. I just needed a little pick me up."
"That's what you said the last time." He mumbles before heading towards the bathroom. I know he's flushing the pills, but I don't have the energy to argue with him. I'll just get Robbie to hook me up again when I get back home.
"Fuck you, Cameron. Why don't you get the hell out of my room and stay out of my business?"
Seriously. Fuck everyone.
"Get up. We're going home." He says before leaving me alone in my room.
The first thing I do is reach for my phone. I remember the voicemail I left Madison last night. I barely remember what I said besides "fuck you." God, I'm such a fucking idiot.
I know she's probably already listened to it, but I still try calling her anyway. When her phone goes straight to voicemail, I start to panic. She wouldn't block me. I try sending a message, but my message fails to deliver.
She blocked me. She actually blocked me.
I get up, kick the side of the bed, throw the remote against the wall. It snaps into pieces, the batteries clattering to the floor. How am I going to fix this one?
———
I let Cameron drive my truck home. I don't feel like driving, so I crash in the backseat. Cameron and Jordan both bust my balls about how I should get help now before I let it get bad again.
I try my best to block them out. I could quit right now if I wanted to. I've just been using to deal with my problems, not because I'm addicted again. There's a difference. They fail to understand that.
I constantly keep checking my phone, hoping Madison will call me back or even send me a text telling me how pissed she is with me.
She has every right to be mad at me. I shouldn't have ruined her dinner last night and I shouldn't have taken those pills, and I definitely shouldn't have left her that nasty voicemail.
I crash on Cameron's couch for the rest of the day. I contemplate calling Robbie several times, but I try distracting myself in other ways. Eventually, I take a melatonin and go to sleep.
I wake up in the middle of the night to Cameron shaking me. "Kaiden, get the fuck up!" He whisper yells.
Banging on the door makes me jump up. "What time is it?"
"It's Alyssa. She's at the door again." He says and I feel my blood turn cold. Fuck. "Go in my room and hide under the bed."
Hiding under the bed? That's the most cliche place to hide, but unfortunately, I have nowhere else to go. So, I do as he says, crawling under the dusty bed and trying to my best to not cough.
I hear him open the door. "Alyssa, what are you doing here?" Cameron tried to disguise himself as someone who just woke up.
"I can't take it anymore! Is he alive or not, Cameron? Just tell me the truth. I'm going crazy." Alyssa's voice and footsteps carry inside and I hear Cameron shut the door.
"Alyssa, he's dead. We just need to accept that and move on."
I can see their feet now in the living room. She actually stomps her foot like a child, which is just typical Alyssa behavior.
"I went to a medium and she said she couldn't contact Kaiden for me because he isn't dead! Either she's full of shit or you are."
"You went to a medium?" Cameron asks, sounding surprised. She's just full blown crazy.
"Yes, I needed to tell Kaiden goodbye and that I loved him. If he's not dead, then where is he?" Her voice is beginning to raise and I know she's on the verge of a full blown mental breakdown. Well, she can just join the club.
"I'm sorry, Alyssa, but he's gone. You can go visit his grave if you like. The tombstone should be coming this week." Cameron tries his best to sound sincere and I almost laugh a couple of times.
"I don't believe you."
"I'm sorry, Alyssa." Cameron repeats, this time with a firmer tone.
"If I find out you're lying to me, Cameron, I'll make your life hell." She warns one last time before I see her feet moving towards the door, and eventually I hear Cameron shut and lock it behind her.
When I climb out from under his bed, I have to brush the cobwebs off of me.
"Thanks, man. I owe you one." I say as I walk back into the kitchen.
Cameron shakes his head. "You owe me more than one. Madison called me and asked if you were using again. I lied and told her no."
"Thank you." I say quietly, ashamed of myself. "I need to learn to handle my problems better."
That's harder to say than I'd like to admit. I'd like to pretend I handle my problems really well. I make excuses for my actions, like if Madison is allowed to choose Jace then I'm allowed to let myself go. I shouldn't be that way.
"The first step in getting help is realizing you need it. I'm going to bed." Cameron mumbles before brushing past me and heading back to his bedroom.
———
My first day as Keith Richards has not gone so well. I got the job at the computer repair place, but I ended up losing my key to my new apartment and had to request a new one from the office. Turns out there's a ten dollar charge for that. Oh well. I tried to put my bed together and ended up slicing my finger open on a box cutter. Madison won't answer me no matter how many times I email her. Yes, I've resorted to emailing. And now I'm starving. Ten points for Kaiden.
The only thing I like about this apartment is the view, but currently sitting in the dark living room, I feel more lonely than ever. The city is alive and full of people, but here I am, drinking a beer still crazy in love with my ex-girlfriend. I wonder what she's doing right now.
I did myself a favor and deleted the security camera app after the incident I watch unfold with her and Jace in the living room. How would you like watching the person you love most in the world get fucked by someone else? The image is permanently engraved into my mind and I get sick just thinking about it.
I sigh before standing up and walking over to the sink where I dump the rest of my beer out. I toss the glass bottle in the trash and rub my eyes. My eyes are tired, but my body isn't.
I take a shower, hoping it will relax my muscles and make me tired. I slip on a pair of boxer shorts and lay down on my mattress that's lying flat on the floor currently. I couldn't get my bed frame together today so I'll just work on that tomorrow after work.
I check my email multiple times, hoping Madison will email me back or unblock me. I'm absolutely fucking miserable.
This can't be the end of me and her. It's not, I know it's not. Out of complete and utter desperation, I download a free text and call app. It feels like it takes hours to install, but once it finishes, I open the app and pick a number. I immediately dial her number and naturally, she picks up on the third ring.
"Hello?" She sounds tired, like she was sleeping. She probably was since it's almost two in the morning.
"Madison," I exhale. I hurry and add, "Please don't hang up."
I hear some ruffling, then seconds later what sounds like a door being shut. "Kaiden, what are you doing calling me? I blocked you for a reason."
"You don't mean that." I try not to sound cocky, because I'm trying not to be that way. I feel lost without her.
"I do mean that. You left me a voicemail saying 'fuck you' and I know you were high, so don't lie to me. I can't believe you would do that, Kaiden. Not just to me, but yourself. You've come such a long way."
She sounds sorry for me, which ticks me off. I don't want anyone feeling pity for me. I try to bite my tongue, but the words still come tumbling out of my mouth, right into the phone's receiver.
"You fucked him, Madison. I can't believe you would do that to me." My voice cracks and I get the urge to punch something. Is this what love is supposed to feel like? Because if it is, fuck love. I feel upset, so upset that I'm angry. Why can't she see my side of things?
"I- What.. Kaiden, what the hell? Did you watch us through a window or something?" She sounds confused, then angry.
"No, I didn't watch you through a damn window." I sit up on the couch, plant my feet on the cold floor.
"I don't even know what to say to you right now. You relapsed and I had sex with my fiancé. Those two things aren't even comparable." She argues and I feel myself becoming more and more frustrated.
"Yes, they are!" I exclaim, quickly jumping to my feet. "You hurt me! You drive me absolutely insane, Madison. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. When you make me happy, it's like I'm on top of the world, but the second you hurt me I just want to crawl out of my skin and pretend I'm not even existing."
I run a hand down my face, taking a couple deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. She's silent on the other line which only makes me more upset. I'm expressing my feelings, trying to be open and honest, and I'm getting nothing back.
"I have to go. I have to get up early and- " Excuses. That's what she's making.
"It's fine, I get it." I say and hang up. Out of everyone in the world, Madison is the last person I expected to give up on me.
———
A/N: Do y'all think Madison is being a biotch? I kinda do.
Oh, and guess what? I have a very awkward story. I went to a restaurant with my friend and my EX BOYFRIEND was my waiter. It was so awkward and he kept making eye contact with me and I kept looking down at the table. It's so weird how you can go from sleeping with this person every night and saying "I love you" to being complete strangers.
Anyways, vote and comment. xoxo