Monday morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed.
I had to go back to school. I had to go back to bullies, an ex-best friend, judging stares, and no Ethan.
No Ethan. I hated the sound of that.
My mother didn’t have breakfast ready for me like she usually did when I came downstairs. I shouldn’t have been surprised, considering I had been pretty much fending for myself during my week of suspension. Take-out pizza could only do so much when you ate it every day.
I didn’t have time to make myself breakfast. I turned toward the counter, expecting the five dollars my mother usually left for my lunch. It wasn’t there.
I could have gone upstairs to get five dollars from my birthday and Christmas money, but I didn’t want to. I had been wasting it away on pizza all week.
“Mom,” I called out to where she was sitting in the living room. I stomped out to see her sitting, watching TV. “Could I have money for lunch, please?”
She said nothing.
“Mom!”
She didn’t even look at me. “You have money to buy yourself food, Sadie.”
My jaw dropped. Yes, I had money, but if I kept using it, it was going to run out. I didn’t have a job, and I was sure it was going to be really difficult to get one after everything that had happened with Ethan. It’d been all over the news and everyone in town knew about it. And almost everyone was judging me.
“Mom, I need to eat,” I told her.
She still didn’t look at me. “You have your own money to feed yourself. You’re eighteen, Sadie. You do not need me to take care of you any longer. Especially when you are fully capable of being in a relationship with a fully grown man.”
“Mom!” I shouted, fed up with her treating me the way she was. “What is wrong with you? I already told you that I’m sorry! Are you going to hate me forever just because I fell in love with someone? I’m your daughter! Stop treating me like I’m some horrible criminal because I did not do anything wrong. I fell in love with Ethan. Ethan, Mom. Not some random guy. Not a creep that’s twenty years older than me. It’s Ethan Deveraux, the same Ethan Deveraux that you’ve called your third son all his life. He’s no different than he was before! He’s still Ethan. He’s still obnoxious, and aggravating, and practically downright evil, but I still love him. I’ve always loved him. And you have no right to treat me like this just because I fell in love with the guy I’ve been friends with all my life.”
I didn’t wait for my mother to respond. I stormed out, not even thinking about lunch money any longer. I was sure I’d have no appetite once I went back to school anyway.
I didn’t turn on the radio on my drive to school. I didn’t want to. The only thing I wanted to do was drive my car off the side of the road.
It seemed like all eyes were on me the second I got out of my car. I took a deep breath. Here we go.
All eyes really were on me as I made my way through the parking lot. I heard whispers, but I ignored them. Nothing good would have come from retaliating.
“Look,” I heard a snide voice say to someone else. “The slut’s back.”
Yes, I was back. And I was not going to let anyone get to me anymore.
“Hey!” Bennett greeted me with a smile as I made my way into the school, more eyes on me. “I’m glad that you’re back! I missed you.”
I hugged my best friend, glad to see him outside of my house. Though he had been giving me my homework, my mother barely even let me see him. But then she went right ahead and let an angry Freya upstairs and into my room.
“It’s really good to see you, too,” I told him. “You have no idea how great it is to be able to breathe fresh air.”
Bennett laughed. “I bet.”
“Look who it is,” a new voice said, and I turned and expected to see someone that would say something rude to me. I was still surprised, though, when I saw that it was only Maxxon. “You’re finally back.”
I smiled awkwardly at him. I hadn’t seen or talked to him since he had told me he loved me days before. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say.
“Hi,” was how I greeted him. “How are you?”
“I’m good.” He nodded. “You’re back, so I couldn’t be any better.”
I felt my face heat up. Bennett noticed this reaction and the fact that I wasn’t snapping at Maxxon. His eyebrows rose.
“Um, so,” was all I was able to say. “How are… uh… How are things?”
How come I couldn’t even form words? I used to always be able to talk around Maxxon. But now that I knew how he felt, I had nothing to say.
“Well, Mr. Deveraux’s been replaced,” Bennett informed me, and Maxxon elbowed him in the side. “Oh, yeah. Maybe I shouldn’t have started with that.”
I ignored the sinking feeling in my chest. “No, it’s okay. It’s fine.”
Bennett frowned. “The teacher’s not a permanent one. Only for the rest of the year, and then they’ll get a permanent replacement.”
Not that that would have affected us, considering we’d be graduating in a few months.
I hated thinking about Ethan. Especially when I was at school when he wasn’t. I didn’t even know where he was.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar flash of blond hair. I froze.
I felt my stomach turn when I saw who Katarina was walking with. Instead of making her way through the halls with her regular friends, Katarina was now walking with Freya.
I didn’t know how to react. I had not been expecting this. I never would have thought Freya would be low enough to befriend the girl that had ruined my life.
Maxxon would tell how uncomfortable I was. Without even a second thought, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. I didn’t remove myself from his grasp.
Katarina glared at me. I wasn’t surprised that Freya glared right along with her.
I shouldn’t have cared. I knew I shouldn’t have. But I did. My best friend hated me all because I dated the person she had a crush on. That was a good enough reason, I guess, but she should have known she’d never have a chance with Ethan. I shouldn’t have even had a chance with Ethan.
I ignored them. I had to. I couldn’t let myself be bothered by them. No matter how much it hurt.
School went by just like I thought it would. Girls glared at me. Boys wolf-whistled. Multiple people called me a slut. But I ignored them all. And it was actually pretty easy, considering Maxxon was by my side every moment he could be.
The opinions of the students I didn’t even know didn’t bother me at all. Why would I care what they thought when I didn’t even know their names? But I wished I felt that way about my old friends, or my classmates, or even my teachers. Even with Maxxon by my side, it was hard to completely ignore.
“Just ignore them,” Maxxon told me as we walked into sixth period after someone had just called me a whore in the hall. “Everything they’re saying isn’t true.”
I knew it wasn’t. But everyone else thought it was. They didn’t know I’d only had sex with Ethan once. That I only had sex with him after he was no longer my teacher. But even if I told them that, they’d still think I was a slut.
At lunch, I sat with only Bennett and Maxxon. It wasn’t like I expected Freya to sit with us or anything, and I knew Bennett would have much rather sit with me than Freya.
“Why aren’t you eating?” Maxxon asked when he saw that I had no food.
I shrugged. “I’m not hungry,” I lied.
When my stomach suddenly growled loudly, I shifted in my seat. Maxxon gave me a look. Bennett looked at the two of us. He still didn’t understand why we were suddenly able to get along.
“My mom won’t give me money for food,” I finally admitted when my stomach growled again. “She’s still so pissed at me that she pretty much disowned me. I have money to pay for my own food, but I got so angry that I stormed out of the house this morning and forgot it.”
Maxxon’s eyebrows furrowed, and I immediately wanted to change the subject. My stomach growled again. The last thing I wanted to think about was food.
Sixth period had been one of the few classes I was really scared about going back to. I had missed a week of rehearsal for the May dance show, something I wasn’t even sure if I was in anymore.
Both Katarina and Freya were in the class. And even worse… Anna would come in to help.
I wanted to talk to Mrs. Carson, but I was afraid of what she might have said. All my mother teachers had either ignored me or had been rude. I didn’t know what I would do if my favorite teacher—wow, if someone from school heard me say that, they’d think I was lying and assume Ethan was actually my favorite, and then they’d call me a slut—was rude to me.
“I’m probably out of the dance show, huh?” I had to ask, since I already knew the answer to this.
Maxxon looked surprised. “No, you’re not. Why would you be?”
I shrugged. “Because I’ve been gone for a week and I had an affair with a teacher?”
Maxxon seemed bothered that I’d reminded him of this. I bit down on the inside of my cheek. Maybe I shouldn’t remind him of that. He now shook his head. “You should probably talk to Mrs. Carson,” he told me.
That was a good idea. I knew I had to talk to her, but I was scared. What if she was angry, just like everyone else?
Maxxon took a seat next to Bennett while I made my way toward Mrs. Carson. I passed by Freya and Katarina, both sitting together, and they glared at me. I didn’t even look at them.
Mrs. Carson seemed surprised to see me. “Sadie!” she smiled, and this shocked me. “You’re back!”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’m back. And I was just, uh, wondering about the May dance show…”
Mrs. Carson nodded as well. “Yes, what about it?”
“I was just wondering if I’m still in it,” I told her.
This only surprised her even more. “Of course you’re still in the dance show! Why wouldn’t you be?”
I swallowed. “Because… Because of what happened between Ethan and me! I mean… Mr. Deveraux. Or just Ethan. I don’t know.”
Mrs. Carson shook her head. “Sadie, you’re one of the best dancers in this class. Maybe even the best in the school.” She smiled, but I couldn’t will myself to smile back at her. “Anyway, Maxxon refused to dance with anyone else.”
I nearly swallowed my tongue. I looked back at Maxxon, who wasn’t looking at me as he spoke with Bennett about something. How had I never realized how sweet he had been?
But I was still in the May dance show. That was good. Even though I’d missed a week of rehearsal, I was sure I’d be able to catch up, especially if I had Maxxon’s help.
I began to make my way back toward Bennett and Maxxon, only to be cut off by someone else coming inside the auditorium. I froze.
Anna’s eyes immediately locked with mine. She scowled, but I only stood there like a deer in headlights. I had not been expecting to see her up close so soon.
“Alright,” Mrs. Carson called out to the class once I took my seat. “We’ll be rehearsing today, just like we have been the last couple of weeks. Today, Ms. Ryder will be helping out.”
How great…
“Do you remember anything about our dance?” Maxxon asked as we separated from the others in the class. “Since we didn’t have all the choreography down before you left and all.”
“I remember some of it,” I answered honestly, since lying about knowing it all would not be the best idea. “But not all of it.”
Maxxon nodded, smirking as he took a step toward me “Guess I’ll have to teach you, then.”
He took my hands, pulling me toward him so my chest pressed against his. I felt my breath catch in my throat.
“It started like this,” he whispered.
I shook my head. “I don’t remember this.”
He smirked. “Just improvising a little.”
Improvising, huh? I didn’t know how I really felt about that. We were so close; the last time I had been this close to someone, it was…
I placed my hands in between Maxxon and me so our chests were no longer touching. “Maxxon,” I gulped. “You know I’m not… I can’t…”
“I know.” He nodded, but didn’t let go of me. “I’m not expecting you to reciprocate my feelings or anything. At least, not any time soon. But I am hoping… that maybe someday…”
I shook my head. “I can’t even think about that right now.”
Maxxon let go of me, understanding. But he was still close. He knew I wasn’t ready, but that didn’t mean he was going to completely forget about his own feelings. And I shouldn’t have either.
I knew I couldn’t be with Ethan ever again. My parents would never find it okay, even twenty years into the future. And I knew I shouldn’t have cared about what they thought, but they were my parents. I couldn’t help but care.
Maxxon was a good guy. I knew he really cared about me. But thinking about being with anyone but Ethan so soon was not an option. Even if I did have to think about that someday.
“Sadie!” a new voice suddenly squawked, and I pushed myself even farther away from Maxxon. My face when white when I saw that it was Anna. “We need to talk.”
I didn’t agree.
I looked at Maxxon, not wanting him to leave me alone with this woman. I had no idea what her reaction to everything that had happened was. I hadn’t even seen her after Ethan and I had been exposed.
“Maxxon,” the teacher began, and I held my breath. “Could you give the two of us a moment to discuss something?”
Maxxon looked at me. He knew I didn’t want to be left alone. He knew the past Ethan and Anna had; he knew what she could have said to me. But as much as I wanted to not be alone with her, I knew she was going to say whatever she wanted to say to me eventually. So I might have as well just dealt with it right away.
I nodded, this being my way of telling Maxxon that I was fine and he could leave. He gave me one last look before leaving me alone with Anna.
“Hi,” I greeted, since she didn’t say anything right away and there wasn’t anything I could really say to her. “How are you, Anna?”
The fact that I called her by her first name seemed to anger her. Her glare morphed into a scowl and her hands balled into fists at her sides. I bit the inside of my lip to stop myself from smirking.
“Do you think you can call all the teachers by their first names now just because you were hooking up with Ethan?” she spat, her acrylic nails digging into her palms.
I glared at her now, not appreciating the fact that she had said that I was hooking up with him. It had been so much more than that. “I’ve known you nearly all my life, Anna. You don’t really think I’d ever really be able to call you Ms. Ryder, do you?”
She seemed so angry with me and I didn’t understand it. She had been the one to break up with Ethan. If she hadn’t wanted him to be with other people, she never should have broken up with him. I understood wanting to focus on your career, but if you break up with someone and they started seeing someone else, it was your own fault and you shouldn’t have been feeling sorry for yourself.
“You ruined his life.” Her hands were still bawled into fists as she continued to glare at me. “He had a nice job and a nice life, but you ruined everything for him. He’s never going to be able to do anything now and it’s all because of you.”
I already knew that. I didn’t need this stuck up bitch to remind me. “You know what, Anna?” I snapped. “I don’t care what you think. You don’t have to remind me of things that I’m already aware of. Maybe you shouldn’t have even broken up with him.”
“Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have.”
She had said it so easily that any response I had died in my throat. Just the thought of Ethan and Anna getting back together made my stomach turn. Ethan had been in love with her once, so what would stop him from getting back together with her since we couldn’t be together?
I decided that the conversation was over. I couldn’t even look at her. I didn’t want to talk to her any longer. I left the practicing area to go find Maxxon, wherever he might have gone.
We didn’t practice at all for the rest of the period. I wasn’t in the mood. And as we made our way to the last period of the day, my stomach was doing flips and I felt like I was going to throw up. Part of me thought that maybe Ethan would be there, and another part of me knew that every kid in the class would be staring at me and whispering.
When I entered the classroom, the first thing I did was go up to the new teacher and introduce myself. She was an old woman with beady eyes and grey hair. She looked me up and down in distaste.
“You’re the girl who had the affair with that previous teacher,” the old woman scowled, loud enough that for everyone in the class to hear. “I can’t believe they allowed a girl like you back at school.”
I’d never met this woman before. She had no idea about anything about me other than the fact that I had been in a relationship with a teacher. She didn’t know the details, so she had no right to judge me.
“Listen, you old hag,” I began, sick and tired of all these adults that were supposed to be on my side ganging up on me. “You don’t know a single thing about me. So I fell in love with a teacher that I’ve known all my life. Bet you didn’t know that little detail, huh? Have you ever been in love? You’re not wearing a wedding ring, so your husband’s either dead, left you, or you never had one in the first place. Don’t go judging me, and I won’t go judging you. Alright? Alright.”
I hated that people were judging me without the full story. But it wasn’t like everyone in the school was going to listen or believe me. And honestly, what did they even matter? I wasn’t going to be seeing any of them again after graduation. And they didn’t even know the full story, so I shouldn’t have been bothered by their ignorant thoughts.
The old woman was speechless, not saying another word to me. I rolled my eyes at her and turned toward my seat in the back. But before I could make my way toward it, my eyes locked with Katarina’s.
As I walked by her desk, I bumped into her pencil case and it went tumbling to the floor. “Oops,” I gasped sarcastically, bending over to grab the pencil case I had knocked off her desk so I was now eye-level with her. “Sorry, Katarina.”
She scowled at me, and as I picked up the pencil case, I purposely tipped it over so all of its contents spilled onto the floor. Her scowl only deepened. Poor baby.
“Sorry about that,” I apologized sarcastically again, standing up instead of picking up her possessions. I brushed myself off. “Maybe you can get Maxxon to help you clean this up. Oh, wait, that’s right. He’s too busy being in love with me.”
This seemed to shock Katarina so much that she didn’t even know what to say. Her jaw dropped and her eyes went so wide I thought they were going to fall right out of their sockets. I shrugged and continued on my way to my seat in the back. No one bothered me for the rest of the period.
If people were looking at me on my way to my car after school, I didn’t notice. I walk walking so fast that I wasn’t even looking at anybody. The only thing I noticed was that Maxxon was following right after me.
“Why are you following me?” I questioned, surprised when I saw that he wasn’t going off toward his usual parking spot. “What are you up to, Maxxon?”
He shrugged. “Whatever do you mean? I’m not up to anything.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “Then why are you following me?”
“Because I have your keys,” he answered simply, as if it was no big deal as he pulled my car keys out of his pocket and dangled them in front of my face.
“Maxxon!” I gasped, reaching for them, but he lifted them above his head so I couldn’t reach them. “Give them back to me!”
“Let me take you somewhere,” he suggested, and this surprised me so much that I stopped fighting for my keys. “I’ll take you to go get some food. My treat.”
My stomach growled at just the thought. “You don’t have to do that, Maxxon.”
He shook his head and lifted my keys higher when I reached for them again. “I’m not going to let you starve, Sadie. What kind of guy would I be if I let the girl I love starve?”
“Why do you keep doing that?” I found myself blurting all of a sudden.
This seemed to confuse him. “Doing what?”
“Why do you keep… saying all of that,” I continued, but then realized that that didn’t really explain anything at all. “You keep saying how you’re in love with me like it’s the easiest thing in the world.”
“I’ve been keeping it locked away for fourteen years, Sadie.” He put his arm down, but I didn’t try to grab for my keys. “I’m saying it a lot to make up for all the time I’ve lost not saying it. And I say it like it’s the easiest thing in the world because it is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve never had any doubt about the way I’ve felt about you. I’ve always been in love with you.”
I’d wasted so much time being annoyed with Maxxon. I’d fallen in love with a man that was completely off limits. Maybe if he had been kinder to me while growing up, I would have fallen in love with him instead.
I didn’t want to think about this. Instead, I simply turned toward my car and said, “Let’s go get something to eat.”
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So... it's been over a month. Sorry about that. But... like... today was my last day of school. So... more updates more often? Yay?
Except I have my SAT in about a week so I'm going to have to study for that. But after that, I'm pretty much free. Minus some summer homework. But it's really weird because it doesn't feel like summer at all. I feel like I'm going to have to go to school tomorrow.
And the song on the side has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I've just been watching Clue too much.
Please COMMENT, VOTE, and FAN! :)