(SPELLING MISSTAKES AS USUAL lol. ERM, YEAH, READ AND COMMENT. I THINK that I'm going to write two more hapters then the end, I THINK. Comment and Such. I have no idea how to end this tell me what you want to happen:)
I don’t know how to move on, where i went wrong, I wish i could live with no fear, so down and out, I'll keep it moving and tryna get out - UNKOWN
AALIYAH
I had just come out of church and I swear I felt so happy. For the past couple of months I felt like I had this big weight on my shoulder, but I had talked to my father and prayed , and the weight was gone.
I wrapped my cardigan around my body and smiled. I was actually happy. I was relived, my troubles seemed to have disappeared. I got on the bus and sat at the bottom deck. A man looked at me, I caught his eye contact and smiled and at him, he smiled back.
I was so happy. I got of the bus and basically skipped home. I opened my door, and greeted my mummy. I told her about my day excluding Omari, and how I talked to the father. She helped me revise Law and my sciences, then I resgined upstairs. It had hit 9 and I could hear Sam's friends. These weren't his usual teenage fools, these sounded like big men. They had deep voices and spoke in calmer tones.
I happy though, Sam had finally started hanging around with MEN his own age. This guy was pushing 20 and he wanted to hang around with boys, but nonetheless I had been hesitating to go upstairs.
I opened my door and threw my stuff on the bed when Sam called me. I rolled my eyes.
NO.
I wasn't going to let Sam take me down from my high with God. I knocked on his door and when he greeted me in I smiled.
"Bring me some coffee please, you guys want anything?" Sam asked his friends.
"Cause I am your maid." I wanted to say. They all declined so I went to make Sam his coffee then brang it back up to his room. I was right, they were big men they proper looked like they were half way into their 20's.
He thanked me, I was leaving his room when I noticed a bloody bat chilling in the corner of Sams room. I looked at him and shook my head with an idea of who's blood that was. I hadn't mention Marcus's name but someone must have asked/told him.
"You need God." I did the sign of the cross and left his room. Sam was a wicked person when he was angry; he needed to control and Chanel his anger into something positive.
I woke up the next morning and was happily taking a shower when the toilet door burst open, I screamed, but screamed even more when Sam opened the shower door and slapped me, then just walked away. I actually stood in the shower in shock. He actualy didn't respect me one bit. Not even in the slightest.
I left the toilet cautiously, changed and quickly ran out of my house before Sam could slap me again. I was hoping he would go back to uni now that he had done all the violence he could.
I wasn't sure if he would do anything to Cecila, but either way I didn't even want to know what he done to Marcus, but a small part, a very small part, was happy that Marcus got beaten up. Well I wasn't sure he got beaten up but I presumed that's where the bloods from.
I had proper pumped myself up for seeing Cecila or Marcus again, I had set out good curse lines I could use on them, but decided agaisnt them when I saw father Thomas yesterday. I was going to smile, and if anything apologise.
Well that's what I wanted to happen anyway.
I smiled as I trailed to my first lesson, Law.
I sat next to my lovely companion Maria and we did our work. College had a half day thing today, and Maria wanted to do a bit of shopping, so we were heading to her house to pick up her money, and drop books. Maria lived in Brixton, I don't want to say that it shocked me, because I don't belive an area makes a person, but I was slightly shocked. I think more over the fact that I knew that Kwali and his stupid gang had 'beef' with another gang in Britxton, and Maria had brothers. I didn't want Maria and Kwali to be like Romeo and Juilet, I was praying her brother was a male version of her, sweet and calm.
"Just be warned, my brothers are extremly crude. The oldest probably won't be in, but might be sleeping, and the second oldest is just the devil. He is seriously evil. Don't take anything he takes to heart. He's on medictaion for bipolar, but 99.9% of the time he acts up on it and is just rude and blames it on that"
I nodded. I still expected her brothers to be good boys.
But when we started walking up a block of flats that vision started fading, when I heard loud music blasting from the busstop, then finally realised that it was coming from Marias flat, I still prayed that her brothers were good boys.
Maria actually liked Kwali, and I just didn't want Kwali getting hurt for fiddling with someones sister or whatever gangs fight about.
She opened the door with the key and the stench of weed hit my face. Maria shook her head, and proceded opening all the windows nearby. She asked me to take a seat whilst she tidyd up quikcly and turned of the music.
But it was spotless, except for the smell of the weed, the house was nicely decrated. She got me a drink and went to change. I put on the news and sipped on my drink. I heard someone walk in, and immeditley the TV channel changed to football. I looked up to the figure that had just sat next to me. I LOOKED UP, to someone who SAT next to me.
My heart was gone.
This guy looked like death. But he was so sexy at the same time. I think it was the fact that he was topless, revealing a beautful 6 pac, leading to a defined V line. But his face, he was coca coloured, but had dark brown eyes, I knew no-one had black eyes, but for a second I thought he did.
He looked at me and kissed his teeth. I frowned but didn't say anything.
Tbh he looked dangerous.
I knew he wasn't the oldest because the oldest was 23 years old, and as scary as he looked, he must have been the second oldest, 18.
We sat in silence for 10 minutes until Maria came back, she looked nice and fresh in a pink blazer and black skater skirt. She asked me if she looked okay and I praised her style.
"Why is it here?" Her brother asked Maria. Maria screwed him and slapped his chest. "Why do you always have to be so rude. She's my friend."
"Don't bring her here again please." He said not even taking his eyes of the tv. I didn't understand? I was wearing jeans, top and a jacket, it’s not like I looked like a bad person?
Well... This is awkward. I looked around the room not sure wether to defend myself or let Maria take lead.
"Stop crying and take your medicine you cow." Maria answered sorting out her back. She seemed used to it.
"I can't find it."
"You mean you put it in the bin again?" Maria asked looking up at him.
"Nah bmt this time I actually cant find it." He said turning to look at her. She scruitinized him but nodded.
"I'll get some at the paramacy on my way home, make sure you eat okay?" He nodded.
We left and made our way to the shopping center. Maria was busying trying on clothes when I felt my mouth go salty. I swallowed it and ignored it. I felt brine start to travel up my throat.
F_cking hell.
I looked around frantically looking for a toilet but I was in the changing rooms of H&M on the second floor. I wasn't gonna find a toilet. My heart beat accelerated; I didn't want to throw up on the floor. That was so disgusting. I ran down the empty changing rooms as it was on around 1pm on a Thursday. I opened the last room where they kept the cothes that didn't fit and the tags for the changing rooms. There was a bin in the corner, I waited for a couple of seconds and for sure I threw up twice. I spat in the bin and screwed up my face. Errr.
I pushed the bin into the corner. I waited for Maria to change back into her clothes then went to the toilets. I drank water and spat it back out, and washed out my mouth. I bought breath mints and chewed on half of the pack.
I felt so nasty.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I had chinese last night. It’s probably that.’’ She carried on shopping, but decided to act like my mum and insisted we go home, to make sure I was okay. We went to the pharmacy and she picked up her brothers medication.
That guy was definitley a physco.
I took a personal note not to have my back turned to him, I wouldn't put it past him to attack me, I had only met him once this morning and he seemed to hate me.
I dropped her to her busstop, then jumped my bus. I stayed downstiars and got of at my busstop. I got home to hear Phil and mummy.
"Hey guys." I said closing the door and walking into the kitchen.
"Your back earlier than I thought"
"Yeah, I felt sick so I came home"
"Its that chinese. I told you to let me cook for you" Phil said laughing and shaking his head.
"I wanted to give you a break." Mum said kissing him. Er. I left and went up to my room. I turned on my laptop and let my I phone charge. I took of my jumper and helt my breast. They were feeling sore. I rolled my eyes. Guess my periods coming soon. I shrugged and carried on doing what I was doing. I ran a bath and brushed my teeth whilst muisic played from my laptop. I bathed quickly then changed into my cow suit.
"Aaliyah!" I heard Sam call me. Why was this guy not back at uni yet? Did he not have an education to attend. Did his uni really let him leave for days on end? I rolled my eyes at my unaswered questions.
I opened his door and him and Katy where chilling on his bed.
"Babes get us some drinks please" Sam said smiling innocently at Katy. She nodded and waved at me.I smiled and sat on Sams desk chair and swung around.
He just looked at me.
"Yes Sam?" I asked.
"Why where you and Cecila beefing?" I rolled my eyes and kissed my teeth. I thought we talked about this yesterday.
"She deleted numbers on my phone, then we got in to an argument, we both said stupid things and we just got into a fight." I said shrugging. I cared that me and her weren't talking, but to be honest I wasn't even that bothered, she had been acting up for the last couple of weeks anyway.
"So what's this about sex then?"
"Sam you asked me this yesterday?"
"And you didn't answer me either. So, what's this about sex?"
"Me and Omari had sex."
"Was he your first?" I nodded.
"He's gonna be your last till you get married init?" I nodded again. I seriously meant it.
"Imma ‘low you, I'm actually not even pissed you know, it’s actually calm. What I don't like, and will never like, is someone touching you. Me and Marucs have spoken and have come to some agreement yeah." As he finished his sentence Katy walked back into the room.
"And tell Cecila if me and her cross paths." Sam just nodded and we both knew what he meant. Katy put their drinks down and fell back into Sams arms. He put his arms around her and they both stared at me.
"I'm gonna go now." It was awkward with them two acting loved up.
"No you can stay." Katy said giggling. It was obvious Sam was tryna touch her up.
"Nah she can go." Sam said screrwing me.
"You need to go back to uni too babes" Katy said looking at him.
"Is it bad that I wanted to suprise my babes?" Sam asked kissing her kneck.
Katy was flipping hot. I just started at her as she giggled with Sam on the bed. She had black hair, but on streak on her left was blue. I actually loved her hair and I loved how her nails matched her blue hair. I justed wanted to eat her, swear to god. I think one of the main reasons why Sam was attracted to her, and also the fact that she was very humble about her apperance.
I walked out of the room and back into my room. These were the times I hated being single. I wanted to do what they were doing now :(
I sighed and just sat on my bed. Chilling on my jack jones.
You know when you’re by yourself; just sitting and you start to overthink a situation, yeah. That's what I was doing.
I didn't know how to explain it but I felt like I was missing something, I actually missed Omari. Like a lot. Or maybe I just missed a boyfriend, or maybe I just missed having someone giving me attention.
Before I spent most of my time with him or Cecilia, it’s actually funny how so little can change in a couple of weeks. I was proper lonely. It sounds stupid but I just wanted someone to call me or text me just to say hey beautiful, or just to make me laugh, or just to make me feel sexy.
My house was filled with people in love and I was here. All by myself. I laughed but sighed, I wanted to cry but I was happy. I think I was happy because I knew I could stil have Omari, not being cocky but I think if I called him he would come. And as much as I didn't want to admit if he called me I would go, I would stunt but I would go. And I actually didn't fell bad that me and him had sex. I repented for my sins and God knows it wasn't the smartest thing to do, BUT, it happened,and I am going to learn and better myself, and what we did was out of laugh right?
"Suck my cockiness lick my persuasion" my phone ringing pulled me out of thoughts. I looked at the caller I'd and just saw a 077 number. I answered wearily.
"Hello?"
"Why you answering the phone like you don't know who this is?"
"Ohh Luke, hey" I said remebering that Cecila had deleted his number 2 days ago.
"What's wrong?"
"Huh? Nothing?"
"Yeah, you sound down. Tell me what's wrong yg?"
"To be honest I'm lonely" I said shrugging like he could even see me.
"Come my yard then." I kept quiet.
"Not like that man, we'll just chill. Wtf do you think I'm Zac? I don't move to my boys ex's" I raised my eyebrow, at his bbq he was singing different songs, but nodded and agreed. I put my coat and shoes on, then told my mum that I'd be back in a couple of hours. She told me to be back by 8 as it was a school night and I waved goodbye to Phil and Mummy.
I made my way to Lukes flat. I still rember it from the bbq. He lived across from the block of flats that all the ghetto people lived. I got of the bus and wallked past the blocks, I could immideatley sense the presence of black males. I swear living in south east london and being with Omari for so long, I could hear and smell them before I saw them. I walked past them keeping my head down. I crossed the road and knocked the door to Zac house. He opened the door and ran back into his living room without even greeting me. I stood in shock and went into the house, closing the door. I watched him as he watched TV intently, I looked at the TV trying to see what was so engaging about it, and it was just football. I toolk my coat of and waited for him to pay me attention. I coughed and he didn't even blink. I shrugged and started looking around his house. He got this house when he was 17, he was lucky. His mum kicked him out when he was 15, so he was put into emergency care, then when he was 16 appiled for housing, and they gave him a house. I didn't know the nocks and crannies but basically the goverment gave him a house when he was 17, and they paid for part of the rent, but when he dropped out of full time education, he's had to pay the full bills. So now he 'works'. I THINK Luke got money legally and illegaly, I wasn't 100% sure what he did illegaly, but he worked part time in a mechanics. I used to always think he was in gang, but one day we were talking and I asked him about it and he was like "f_ck that gang banging sh*t. Imma make my money and ghost with a couple of my n*ggas". I let my eyes stroll around the room until they landed on Luke.
Luke was a very dark mixed race,or a very light black person. He had such a beautful complexion, but he ruined it by smoking, which resulted in a few spots here and their. Omaris was still better.
But he did have a lovely smile, I had never seen his body but I presumed it was in good shape.
The silly programme finally went on half time and Luke turned his attention to me.
"What you saying young buck." I kissed my teeth and closed my eyes as I laid back on his sofa.
"Luke am I wrong in missing Omari, honestly?" I opened one eye to see his reaction.
"Yeah. You broke up with him." He said shrugging. Wait, what, no. I wanted sympathy.
"So? He could have at least tried to stop me, he just hang up. Its like he didn't even care." Luke shrugged again.
"It aint my buissnes to be teling you how Omari felt cause I aint him, but he seems fine now." I rolled my eyes. Luke was such boy, I wanted him to be on MY side, not tell me what I should be hearing.
"Really? I haven't seen him since your bbq." This was nearly 2 weeks ago.
"Yeah, was that awkward?"
"A bit yeah." I said trying to hide my smile.
"I would have thought you woulda started throwing punches."
"Why?" It had been a month since we'd broken up, why would I have punched him?
"The whole Chyna ting init." Luke said laughing/confused. I stopped laughing.
"Who's Chyna?" I asked slightly jealous. Luke went through his phone the threw it at me. I looked at his blackberry and saw a picture of a mixed race girl wearing Omari's Chelsea shirt. Number 16. She wore it loosely with a pair of short shorts and smiled at the camera in what I think was Omaris garden.
My heart beat skipped, then started beating fast. I pressed back to see the picture was Omari's profile picture on bbm.
My hand started shaking. I honestly didn't know how to react.
Omari wasn't mine?
Yes he was.
He was.
"Who is she?" I asked Luke pressing back again. I typed in 'CH' on his bbm and ' iChynaaa x ' came up. I pressed her and scrolled up to see her display picture. It was Omari playing football, about to kick it, whoever photographed it caught it at a moment when he's face was concentrating yet still a hint of sexy. His leg was pulled back just about to hit the ball. I started at the picture, zooming in on his face. I pressed back space and saw her status said ' my photoography *love heart*'
I immedialtey hated the picture, Omari looked weird and why was she even at his matches? He didn't like inviting people to his matches, but I was at all of his matches even before he got signed.
So why was she there.
I drew the conclusion that she must have been special to him. I didn't know in what way, but she was.
So did he even miss me then, in a month he had found someone to replace me. F_ck him then. No I’m lying.
She was hotter and most probably smatter and funnier than me. I actually had no chance with Omari looking at her. I went back to Omaris picture of her. She looked like a tumblr girl. She was actually perfect in every way, but she ugly because she had who I thought I owned.
I had come to realise that Omari was actually a catch, he was hot, funny and important to some girls, he had money, he got paid by Chelsea AND his family were rich.
"Who is she then?" I asked Luke again getting irritated.
"I just showed you her?"
"But WHO is she? How old, full name, college?" I must have sounded like a stalker but I wanted to know everything about her, what made Omari want her.
"Your f_cking mad. I know her cause me and her older sister did a ting, she's alright, she kinda dead. Like her personality is one dimensional" I was so happy Luke was using such big words now. I liked to think I had this affect on him.
"She’s hot though, let me not even lie to you. She a quater this and that, banging body, she's just alright...yeah." Luke siad shrugging. This guy didn't know how to bitch to a girl. I wanted him to say she had a big forhead or SOMETHING.
I needed my Kwali. He would know what to say in these situations.
"If you want my advice, its clear his moved on, so why don't you?" I was actually suprised he had said that to me.
"With who?" I said agrily. I couldn't get thoughts of him and her kissing, or having sex.
"I'm sure theirs guys catting for you in your college?" I shrugged.
"There's Nelson?"
"See, next time he tries to talk to you agree to go out with him. At least try to move on."
"Do you think they've had sex?" Luke gave me a look and I nodded. The likely hood of them two having sex was 100%. There was no doubt that they hadn't had sex.
"I need to go and check something yeah" I was angry at Omari. Why would he let us have sex knowing that he had this Chyna chick, and the fact that they probably had sex, why would he do that?
I stood up but sat back down, I just felt so dizzy when I stood up.
"You okay?" Luke said not even standing up to check, he honestly didn't care sometimes, he reminded me so much of Kayne.
"Yeah."
"Did you eat today?"
"I did, but I threw it up."
"Go and get something to eat, then I'll drop you busstop so you can do your buissnes init" I nodded and stood up more slowly this time and walked into Lukes kitchen.
When I opened the fridge I wasn't suprised when I saw the bottom half full of supermalt cans. And the top shelf with an apple and an onion. Everything thing else was bare. I actually wasn't shocked. I took a can and opened it, then called Luke to go. I wasn't in the mood for company, I just wanted to go home and find out all about this Chyna girl. I didn't mind if it was sad, I was going to do it anyway. Luke paused his football and put on some trainers and we left his house. We walked past the batch of boys again and Luke greeted them by nodding and touching hands with some of them. We carried on walking to the busstop and I opened the can of supermalt.
It tasted so nasty. I swallowed it and screwed up my face. Luke screwed me and picked the can from my hand and gulped it down in two goes.
My bus came and I shortly hugged Luke goodbye