Jungkook was sick the week of Christmas. Having mental breakdowns in the snow was not a very good thing for his immune system.
He was under his blankets in his own room, all by himself. His nose would not stop running and every ten or so minutes a fit of coughs would overtake him, causing him to sit up and fight through it. It made his body ache.
Jungkook actually had a very weak immune system. His body often failed at fighting off germs and bacteria. This lead to his mother—and even Taehyung's grandmother—keeping a stash of various medications in the cabinets in the bathrooms or the kitchen. Jungkook, over the past year or two, had been sick over a dozen times but this time had to have been the worst. He felt weak, like his body was giving out on him when he needed it the most. He couldn't even open the medicine bottles.
"I don't want to go!" Jung-hyun's yell permeated the house, shattering the silence.
"It's Christmas." His mother's voice was calm but muffled by Jungkook's bedroom door. "It's meant to be spent with family."
"But—"
"We're leaving in ten minutes. Get dressed."
The slam of a door occurred mere seconds after this, and a knock on Jungkook's followed.
"Yeah?" The word left Jungkook as no more than a croak. His mom's head poked in, a smile on her face despite what had just happened with his brother.
"Hey there," she said, voice soft, a hand behind her back, "how are you feeling?"
"Sick."
She came closer, sat on the edge of the bed, causing the mattress to sink, and put a hand on his forehead.
"I'm sorry baby." She sighed. The lines on her face seemed deeper. "You still have a fever. If it isn't gone by tomorrow, you're going to the doctor."
Jungkook nodded as her hand left his skin—and immediately regretted it. It set the world spinning.
"There's broth in the fridge—you just need to heat it up—and here's your phone. I'm only giving it to you so you can text me if you need me."
She handed him his phone, which felt cool to the touch as he grabbed it despite it have just being in his mother's grasp. He fought hard to keep the smile off of his face. He finally had his music back.
"Thanks, Mom." He said, then sniffled as she stood.
"Are you good on tissues? You know where the medicine is, right? Try not to move around too much and rest well, please. I'm so sorry you have to spend the holidays alone. I'll try to get out of there early, but you know how your father's mother can be. Once she starts talking you just can't shut her up." His mom shook her head, her hair brushing against her pale, turtleneck sweater. "I love you. Have as best a day as you can."
She smiled softly before exiting the room. This was in complete opposition to the yell that followed.
"Jung-hyun, hurry up! We're leaving." Her voice was abrasive.
Jungkook waited until he heard the dreaded sound of the front door shutting, the voices quietening, before curling onto his side and succumbing to the weight of sleep plaguing his bones despite the ache pounding through his head.
><
Jungkook awoke three hours later, around noon, to overwhelming nausea. He kicked the covers off and hurried—stumbled—to the bathroom. He fell to the floor, the landing harsh on his knees, and leaned over the toilet as his light breakfast left his body.
Jungkook hated feeling ill. He hated the acidic taste that was ever present in his mouth, the way he could never seem to get anything done even when his workload was overwhelming. He despised it. The puking aspect of it—well that was something he was used to.
Jungkook took his time as he sat there in the cold floor with his hands on his head. His hair was sticking to his skin, slick with sweat. He concentrated on his breathing, trying to force it back into a steady rhythm.
It was a solid ten minutes before he was able to accomplish that and force himself back to his bed. He collapsed face-first into the cushiony pillows.
The silence in the house was loud. It was at this moment that Jungkook remembered the phone that was shoved under his pillow and the fact that his mother had given it back. It took him a while to work up the energy but he reached for the device and unlocked it. Moments later he had the messages app open—which had over 20 messages—and let his eyes scan over the chats with his Mom, Dad, and brother. A majority of the texts were from Taehyung and Jimin, but Jungkook elected to ignore the ones from Taehyung for the time being. The fact that there were so many from Jimin made a smile want to creep onto his face.
Chim✨💖
So Jungkook
Quick question
Do you think stars are leaving things?
They're made of hydrogen and helium
What makes them inanimate and us living things?
I think stars feel pain
I mean gOd it has to hurt burning through all that hydrogen and then imploding like damn BrO u good
Chim✨💖
Ngl
You look like a penis
wait
FucK
SOREY JUNGKSOKK
WRONG PEAOSN
Chim✨💖
🎶Freckles and constellations~~
All those cute conversations~~
the moon is bright
giving us light~ 🎶
Kookie what's the next line I can't remember :p
Chim✨💖
:(
Chim✨💖
A lil fyi
Don't google pussy fights
Chim✨💖
Is it okay if I call in some plans I made? I have something to tell you
Kookie?
Chim✨💖
Did I do something to make you mad?
Was it the pussy fights?
I was just trying to start a conversation :c
Chim✨💖
Hello...?
Chim✨💖
Jungkok
Bby
I'm sorrb
I wish you were here
I
M skrry
I cojslnt est today
I missed you too mcush
I'm worried
about me
And ypu
Anf my friends
I'm scared
Chim✨💖
I hope you're okay.
I'll see you tomorrow
<3
And that was the last message. Jungkook felt bad for not responding, but it wasn't his fault, was it? It was his mom's for taking his phone away when all he did was take a mental health break.
Jungkook
Im sorry for not responding
Merry Christmas, Jimin
❤️
Jungkook sighed as the message sent then regretted it as snot dribbled out of his nose. That made him cringe.
He was waiting for Jimin's reply as he tapped his hand on his knee, flipped his pillow a couple of times, trying to discern which side was cooler, tried to decide if he could sleep.
Ultimately, he put his headphones on ( a habit he had despite the fact that no one was home.) and pressed play on his favorite playlist. The familiar sounds resonated throughout his mind; the memories and nights spent listening as he hummed along to the melodies resurfaced.
They weren't warm, but they weren't cold either.
It was upon realizing it was the holidays and that there was supposed to be joy in his heart as he spent time with his family that these feelings turned cold.
Jungkook was almost always alone. He was used to that.
But alone and sick on one of the most festive times of the year—that was something he wasn't used to.
It wasn't anyone's fault but his. He was the one who panicked and ran into the snow. He got used to having someone to take care of him; he had gotten too dependent.
He sighed as he checked his messages. There was nothing. It made sense; Jimin was probably with his parents in Busan, listening to them nag at him about his eating habits.
What were the others doing? He didn't have their numbers even though he had been with them quite a few times. He hoped they were eating well and enjoying the break from the pressures of university.
He looked towards his desk. His art supplies were a mess, scattered everywhere. He had been up late trying to get the shading on the next rendition of the album right, but he had gotten so tired that he had fallen asleep in the chair. This morning he had woken up in his own bed.
But amongst the papers, pencils, and charcoal, there was a lighter. It was small, compact, and fit in his pocket. He had found it in the laundry room a couple of days ago, mere moments after the others had left. His mind had been consumed with panic and sorrow and rage, hence the reason he had worn sleeves ever since.
Every year—or at least last Christmas—the urges get worse. Things seem to weigh him down so much more during the time of the year when he was supposed to feel the lightest. Whereas he used to reach for a blade he now reached for a lighter, because surely it wasn't that bad. He wasn't bleeding. He was fine.
Jungkook felt tension rising in his shoulders so he stood, grabbing his phone and leaving his room and the temptations in it. It was time for him to take his medicine anyway.
Normally, he forgot to take it throughout the day and only remembered at night before he went to sleep but with the threat of a doctor looming over his head, he knew he would do anything possible to get rid of this fever.
Jungkook sniffled as he walked down the steps and headed towards the kitchen. He was sure he mother would set both the food and medicine out for him to minimize how much he would have to move.
When he reached the bottom step, his phone dinged, sending his heart into his throat. He looked down at it as he braced a hand against the banister of the stairs.
Chim✨💖
junNGKOOK
YOU FIXED YOUR PHONENSSKD
I MISSED TALKING TO YOU
How are you??
Oh, and merry Christmas❤️
Jungkook smiled as he leaned against the wall.
Jungkook
I'm alright
are you in Busan?
Chim✨💖
yeah im with my parents
What about you?
Jungkook
I'm at home
My parents are in Busan tho
With my dads side of the family
Chim✨💖
wait wait wait
you mean they left you home alone on Christmas?
Jungkook
I'm sick
Chim✨💖
Okay but
Sjejfjwjd
you got sick so they left you alone?
That's bullshit jungkook
Jungkook
It's not that big of a deal
I have medicine and I have my phone back
Everything's alright
Chim✨💖
iTs nOt thAt bIg oF a DeAl
No onE should be left alone when they're sick
If I weren't in Busan rn
Jungkook
Even if you were here I'd tell you to stay home
To spend time with those you love
Jungkook, quite frankly at that moment, wanted to hurl his phone across the room. When Jungkook saw the wrongness of it all it was okay because he could convince himself he was just thinking of it in a negative light. But the moment someone else noted it it felt so much worse because holy shit my family actually left me alone on Christmas.
Chim✨💖
.....
I gotta go
See you later💞
Jungkook frowned.
Jungkook
Okay
Byeee
❤️
Jungkook finally moved from his spot leaning against the wall, somehow feeling better but worse at the same time. He wasn't alone but at the same time he was, he wasn't overthinking and over analyzing things but at the same time the cold thoughts he had were accurate.
He shook his head slightly. He couldn't change it so it didn't matter.
Jungkook was stuck in his head, whirring over his thoughts, so much that when he first walked into the kitchen and to the counter he missed them. He took his medicine drank a glass of water, electing to avoid the broth for the time being. When he was finished, he put his cup in the sink and turned to go back to his room.
Then there, out of the corner of his eye, he saw them.
In the dining room connected to the kitchen, sitting there on the table so pristine, so pretty, so perfect, was a vase of yellow roses.
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An:
Guys this update was late but I'm almost finished with my semester just hoLd on
Lame chapter kinda boring but yk oh well it's an update take what you can get geez
If anyone was wondering that picture is actually the flowers my dad got my mom for their 25th anniversary
Also, if I posted what my rough drafts in my notebooks looked like with the next chapter would anyone care? Does anyone want to see that?
Thank you for reading ❤️