Lance was sitting across from Keith, who had his arms across his chest, his eyes digging into Lance like he was trying to figure out something.
Lance stared back at Keith. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept in days. Maybe he hadn't. Lance felt guilt start to creep up his throat but he quickly shoved it down.
“So why do you want to talk to me mullet?”
Lance watched Keith process his nickname and he stared harder at Lance.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Keith's voice was harsh and he spit the words out like they tasted awful.
Lance blinked a few time. “I don't have a problem.”
“Yeah and I am not wearing a red jacket. Don't play dumb with me Lance. Why the hell would you punch me? I'm your soulmate after all!”
Lance nearly ran out of the room when he heard the word ‘soulmate’. Sure it was true but Lance didn't want to hear it. “I will not let my soul mate be a guy. I'm not a sinner and I will never take part on a sin.”
Keith's face shifted from hatred to confusion. “What do you mean a ‘sinner’?” His voice still contained the harshness but it was lighter than before.
Lance dragged his hand down his face “Do I seriously have to spell it out for you? I'm. Not. Gay. I will never be gay especially for someone like you.”
Keith looked like he was just slapped. His jaw dropped as he looked at the boy in front of him. After a few moments Keith shut his mouth, clenching his jaw and tightening his hand into a fist. “So what you are say is that you would only give me a chance if I was a girl?”
Lance nodded, “Yeah because I would not be going against my beliefs if I was with a girl.”
Keith processed what Lance said and carefully chose his next words. “You won’t even give me a chance now?”
Lance narrowed his eyes at the boy. “No way in hell.”
Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, the atmosphere becoming awkward. Lance took this time to actually look at Keith. He didn’t realize how fair his skin actually was and how silky his hair looked. He didn’t realize that his eyes were a grayish purple, and how Lance started to get lost in them. Lance felt like he was staring up at the galaxy on a summer night. Or watching the snow fall on a cold winter day. Lance didn’t even realize that he was staring at Keith's eyes until Keith spoke.
“Can I at least know why you think you’re ‘sinning’?”
Lance pulled his eyes away from Keith’s and swallowed. I just got lost in his eyes. What is wrong with me? Lance reached up and grabbed his cross. “It’s against what I believe in, what the church believes in and what my family believes in.” Lance’s voice was coated in confidence.
“I take it you go to a conservative church.” Keith's voice was plagued with slight disgust.
Now it was Lance’s time to act like he was slapped. No one talks bad about his church. “I go to a normal church. That teaches normal things.”
Keith started to laugh, hard. Lance just started at him. “Why are you laughing?!”
Keith laughed a few second longer before he inhaled and wiped his eyes. “You say your church is normal. Yet every church I have been in had preached love over hatred because you know ‘Thou shalt not hate’ or whatever.”
Lance bit his tongue. “I’m not arguing with someone that doesn’t know what they are talking about.”
Keith shrugged “Whatever.”
More silence. Lance hated the silence yet he didn’t want to leave. Even though him and Keith were at each other's throats, talking to him felt...natural? Lance wasn’t sure but he didn’t want the conversation to end.
“So did you get in any trouble? Like a suspension like me?” Lance gestured to himself.
“Nope. I didn’t start the fight or do anything wrong.”
Lance nodded “Right.”
More silence.
Lance shifted in his seat. “So are your parents cool with this?”
Keith gave Lance a confused look “What that my soulmate is a guy or that fact that you punched me before you even said hello to me?”
“That first one.” Lance’s voice was barely above a whisper. Why do I feel so guilty?
Keith crossed his arms. “They are perfectly fine with it. They are fully aware that you can’t control who or what your soulmate will be. Plus my brothers soulmate was another man so they don’t care. They just want me to be happy.”
Lance swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and push down the feeling of guilt that built up in his stomach. “Your brother is with another man?”
Keith nodded.
“Did he try to fight it at all?”
“No. Even if he did, people always end up with their soulmates no matter what. It’s just how the world works. You can’t fight it.”
Lance nodded. He already knew this but he didn’t want to admit it. “My sister tried to fight it.”
Keith stared at Lance. Lance could tell that he was trying to process what Lance just said. After a minute or two Keith broke the silence. “Did she succeed?”
Lance nearly lied. He wanted to tell Keith that she did succeed and just like her, he could ignore him and never looked back but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “No. She only lasted a month before she broke. She couldn’t stay away.”
“They say that soulmates are like a drug. If you try to fight it you’ll always find yourself back where you started but if you accepted to feel great.”
Lance nodded. He had heard that multiple times before.
Keith stood up and walked over to the door and opened it. He was about to exit the room but turned back towards Lance. “If you know that, why are you fighting it?” Keith slammed the door.
Lance didn’t move, he couldn’t convince himself to move. If you know that, why are you fighting it .Lance didn’t have a solid answer for himself. Was it for his parents? His church? What was making him fight Keith?
Lance ran his hands through his hair, grabbing the shirt strands. I wonder if Camillia had these thoughts? I wonder how much she thought before she caved in? What was her motives? Why did she eventually accept the fact that her soulmate wasn’t a guy? How did she learn that the universe didn’t mess up? Lance had so many questions, but no answers to any of them.
-
Lance avoided his friends throughout the day. He didn’t want to look at them when they believed that he was wrong minded. He didn’t want to see Keith in fear he’d get lost in those eyes again. He wanted to run away.
-
Lance avoided his siblings when he got home. He focused on his homework and prayed that his parents wouldn't integrat him when they got home.
Lance didn’t pray hard enough.
As soon as his mother came home she rapid fire questions at him like he was a suspect in questioning.
“Did you talk to Keith today?”
“Only to tell him that I wanted nothing to do with him.”
“Is that all you said?” His mother narrowed her eyes at him.
“Yes mother.” Lance’s emotions were out of order. He had only lied to his mother once before. Now he was lying to her like he lied everyday.
She obviously bought his white lie and kissed him on the head “I’m so proud of you.”
Lance nearly cried.
-
Dinner was very awkward that night. Lance had nothing to say and he could feel his father's eyes on him throughout the meal.
He never asked Lance any questions but Lance could tell that he didn’t believe what Lance told his mother earlier that day.
Lance wanted to scream. He didn't ask for any of this. He didn’t want any of this. “May I be excused?”
His father nodded and Lance nearly bolted out of the room.
-
Lance went to bed early that night, yet he couldn’t sleep. His mind was clouded with questions that he didn’t know that right answer for. Or if they even had right answers. He just wanted to know what to do.
Lance rolled out of bed and checked the clock that sat on his desk. 1:36am.
Lance too the short walk over to his computer that sat parallel to his bed. He waited the two minutes for it to start up and get ready for use. Lance opened Google and logged into Facebook. He clicked the search bar and typed a name in. The name that he told his parents that he blocked a month ago.
Camillia.
He didn’t even need to type the last name before her profile appeared. Lance hesitated but clicked on it.
The first thing he noticed what her profile picture. Her brown hair was tied back in a ponytail and she wore a huge smile. Her arm was wrapped around another woman who was kissing her cheek.
Lance immediately identified the other woman as Ashley. He had read the purple ink that was placed over Camillia collarbone multiple times before she left.
The both looked happy. Very happy.
Lance scrolled down her wall for a few minutes reading her post and looking at pictures. Most of them with just her and Ashley. Some with her and another family. A few with her at the ocean.
Lance stared at her profile, he was stalling. He knew why he was there. She was the only ones with the answers he needed. Lance swallowed his pride and started to type a message.
Lance: “Hey Cam. I’m kinda in a bind right now and I really need your help. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me but I’m hoping you will. Please I’m so lost. I need help. Please? For old time sake?”
Lance sent the message before he could double guess himself.
Lance started to pace around his room. She’s not going to respond. She hates me. She has no reason to help me.
Lance was brought out of his panic state but a small notification sounds that broke through the silence of his room.
Lance stopped pacing and turned towards his computer. He took the few steps towards it and read the message.
Camillia: “Lance?”