Sorry for the shitty chapter and slow update! Next one will be much sooner and much better i guess? Lol love you all! I'm so tired and feeling weird rn so night <3
~~~
"I don't understand why you couldn't of called me back, or at least text me!" Adam yells, throwing his keys on the counter as soon as we got into the house. "I don't know, I guess it just didn't cross my mind." I shrugged.
"Well didn't you get any of my messages? Or voicemails? Calls?" He asks, crossing his arms in a imitating matter.
I knew for a fact i had gotten all his messages and so on, I just chose to ignore them for reasons I couldn't explain myself. "Yes, I get it. I should've answered." I murmur, feeling defeated.
"Well? Is there a reason you couldn't answer me back? Is there a reason you didn't come home?" He asks, narrowing his eyes.
As if he didn't look intimidating before, he did now. "I just wanted time for myself."
"And you couldn't tell me that?" He sighs, shaking his head at me.
I felt horrible. Like I had done something completely wrong. I had done something kinda wrong but in my opinion, it wasn't the worst thing ever! He had no real reason to be this mad. "Did you forget you were suppose to pick up Boston today as well?" He asks.
I gasp slightly. I had totally forgotten. With my conversation with Katie and feeling so overwhelmed in general, I guess it just hadn't came to mind. "I forgot! I'm so sorry!"
He rolls his eyes at me. "Thanks, really. Now I probably won't get to see my son for another two weeks."
"I said I'm sorry Adam! I can't ever win with you!" I yell. "What do you mean? This isn't some game Allison! You can't just choose when you want to be responsible and when you don't!"
"Oh really? Like I'm irresponsible! You're the one who stupidly is ruining your fathers business because you married the wrong women! That's not me! And Boston is your child! Not mine so if you really wanted to see him, you could've gotten him! It's not my fault you half ass your job as a parent! And it's not my fault that you don't want full custody of your fucking child!"
I had no clue on what had gotten into me. Or why I was just spitting out things that could potentially ruin my relationship.
Maybe I didn't want it anymore.
"Seriously? That's low, even for you Allison." He grabs his keys off the counter before walking out of the house.
I sigh, dropping to the ground as I cried.
How the hell did my marriage come to a point where I didn't want it anymore? Where I was at the point of regretting it.
How the fuck did I manage to hate something I've been wanting for forever? Something that didn't seem real unless it was a dream. Now I wasn't even sure about it anymore.
~~~
Time seemed to stop over night. I attempted calling Adam a few times but figured there wasn't really a point to it.
I kept replaying what I said in my head, mentally cursing myself for being utterly stupid. I meant nothing I said. I just knew in the moment, they'd hurt him, and for some reason, in that moment, I wanted him to hurt instead of me.
As if everything that's been happening in our relationship has only hurt me. He's apart of it too. He's hurting like me, yet I'm too selfish to realize that. Maybe everything hasn't just been about me taking care of Adam, maybe in a way he's been taking care of me.
Imagine how hard it's been for him to keep everything inside. Where he had to handle it all himself, where he keeps everything from me, every detail that's happened in the process of getting sued by his ex wife. And he hasn't even broke, no, instead it was me that broke.
Maybe it was him keeping a straight face for me. Maybe I was too fucking selfish and worried about myself to realize that.
I sat on the couch. It was 5:30 in the morning. Sun hadn't even came out yet.
I had no idea how I'd be able to sleep without thinking about the shit I've started.
I had no right to blow up on Adam like that. None.
I was just overthinking what Katie had said, and on top of that, him getting mad at me for not picking up Boston made it even harder to not blow up.
Although that just may be me trying to make up excuses.
I laid back on the couch, running my hand through my messy, sloppy hair. I tried not overthinking this situation. Somehow it'd have to mend by itself, right?
Not with my luck.
I was ready to go upstairs and take a shower and try to get some sleep when I can hear the front door open and shut. I felt like a dog perking its ears up when their owner came home, waiting for them to approach instead of approaching them.
I sat up, trying to focus elsewhere instead of risking the chance of Adam walking in and realizing that I was waiting for him to come to me.
I looked down at my phone, pretending to be occupied by my Instagram newsfeed.
From the corner of my eyes I can see him walk to the coat closet, hanging up his coat before walking towards the couch, towards me.
"Can we talk?" He asks. I turn off my phone, sitting it on the middle table before looking at him and nodding.
He takes a seat next to me on the couch, positioning himself to look at me.
"I'm really fucking tired." He murmurs. Running his hand through his hair.
I watched as he did so.
I envied his hair. Not for the style or color or anything, but because it was always somehow soft and always looked good no matter what shape or form it was in.
"I talked to Katie." He murmurs.
I arch my eyebrows, a little taken back.
"She mentioned some things." I wasn't very hesitant to ask what she said, you never know with Katie.
"What did she say?"
He shrugs. "She said you've been under pressure lately. Told me how stressed you've been." He says.
I immediately wanted to hear his response to that, but I didn't push myself to ask, knowing very well he'd tell me himself.
"I know things haven't been smooth lately. I just wish you would've told me or at least not have worried about anything with me and Nicole. It's my issue to deal with."
If it were that easy. "I wasn't just not gonna let this bother me. I mean I see how stressed you've been and I can't just ignore that." He nods.
"I know."
"I'm sorry Adam. Everything I said was just- horrible, honestly. I meant none of it. I love you and God I'm and idiot for blowing up on you like that. It was stupid! You've been going through way more then I have and-" I shrug.
"I'm an idiot."
He shakes his head, scooting himself closer to me. He grabs my hand, using his thumb to rub the back of it in circles.
"I know you didn't mean it." He mutters.
"And as for everything with Nicole, it'll be over soon." I arch my eyebrow. "How?" I ask.
He sighs. "Well, her whole case surrounds me and what I did to make it seem like my company was hers.. so I'm gonna tell my dad what's happened and sign the company back over to him. He probably won't give it back to me, but it's worth it. I won't lose everything he built because of my stupidity." I frown.
How the hell did it come to this point? "You can't do that Adam. Isn't there like anyone else you can sign it over to until at least this whole thing blows over?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "I don't trust anyone else."
I bite my lip, searching my brain. "How about me?" I unexpectedly blurted out. He smiles sadly at me, shaking his head. "You're my wife, it wouldn't work." He shrugs.
I frown, looking down at my hands, feeling defeated.
That's when an almost impossible, most stupid idea popped in my head. "I can divorce you." He looked slightly shocked and dumb founded when I blurted that out.
"Temporarily, that is! I mean you'd still be able to sign it over to me and keep your company until everything blows over!"
He immediately started shaking his head. "No, I refuse to make you do that, no." He stood up, as if ending the conversation there. "Come on Adam! It can work!" I started following him out of the living room and up the stairs.
"Let it go Allison. That's one thing I'd never do." He says, walking into our bedroom.
"Fine." I knew there was no point, although apart of me was gonna still keep bothering him about it.
I'm pretty sure it wouldn't completely work but I was willing to do it.