I called Dominic last night and had a conversation with him. He apologized profusely and I shrugged it off, telling him that it's whatever. I probably should've told him to check his friends. They both texted me apologies, which I forgave them for. I didn't bother making a big deal about it. He asked how my date went and I told him it went fine. I was too irritated to deal with the excitement that'd come if I told him that Eli and I had kissed. Instead, I initiated plans to catch breakfast at an off campus diner to convince him that I'm no longer upset. So here I am, bright and early, walking to his car.
"Hey," he greets me as soon as I get in.
"Hi." I keep my eyes locked on my hands. The weight of my secret is weighing on me. He doesn't seem to notice. Instead, he starts in the direction of the diner with a cheerful grin on his face.
"How was the date last night? Did I come up at all?" he teases and I nod.
"Yeah, he wants to meet you. Are you free for lunch tomorrow?" He turns to glance at me devilishly.
"I am now." His eagerness earns a quiet laugh from me.
"Don't be too mean," I plead with him. The last thing I want is for him to intimidate Eli.
"I'll try my best." He glances at me for a brief second before turning back to the road...only to have his neck snap back in my direction. "What the hell is that?!"
I look down, swatting my torso fearfully. Is there a bug on me? I quickly skim my sweater. "What?" I ask him in a tone of irritation when I find nothing. Way to get my heart all worked up.
He reaches over with one hand and pulls down the visor. I look into the mirror and see a purple blotch on my neck. I reach up and touch it, trying to see if it's makeup. I press my fingers against it and furrow my eyebrows when it doesn't rub off. My eyes widen when I realize what it is. I quickly shut the visor and rub my hands together. "What the hell was that face for?" Why is he so attentive?
"Huh?" I say stupidly. I wanted to tell him, not have him find out himself.
"Don't 'huh' me! That is a hickey!" Of course he'd know.
"Is it? I couldn't tell," I respond.
"November," he says sternly and I sigh as I look at the ceiling of his car.
"We kissed." As if that wasn't obvious enough.
"And?" he begs for details as his eyes stay locked on the road.
"And it was good."
"You're not going to give me details?" he retorts as if I'm supposed to unload the entire event to him.
I sigh loudly as my face continues to burn like it's submerged in a pit of flames. "We went and got ice cream. We parked in a parking lot and were eating. I told him to kiss me. We kissed. I crawled over the center console and sat on his lap and we kissed some more. And then he gave me a hickey and suggested that we stop because it was getting a little...much. Then he took a five minute breather and we came back to school."
"Oh my god." He repeats it over and over for the next five minutes. He shoots me short glances with a look I can't pinpoint. It's a mixture of emotions: shock, amusement, horror, and complete and utter surprise.
"Can you say anything else?" I'm a little frustrated. I was expecting a bit more feedback from him.
"You were on his lap?" he questions for clarification. I nod. "And you're saying he got too excited?" I nod again. "Did you notice?"
"Yes I noticed," I retort and he howls in laughter. "I don't know what came over me. I wanted to keep going. I was enjoying it. I didn't mind it at all."
"That's what happens when you suppress those emotions for 18 years. When you finally do stuff, you're wild. But it feels good, right?" He seems satisfied at our common belief.
"Yeah."
"I'm a combination of proud and also jealous," he admits and my head whips in his direction. "I'm proud because you finally did it. I'm jealous because it was supposed to be me."
I feel my neck growing hot so I try to figure out a way to make a joke of the situation. "I don't think Elias swings that way but if you want, I can ask him."
"I meant me as him," he clarifies as if I didn't know that originally. I was trying to avoid that coming to light. "I'd have enjoyed it."
"I just told you that I couldn't control myself! What if that had happened with you?" I ask him as my skin starts to itch. I don't even want to think about what would've happened to my body if I had been locked in a car with Dominic in that state. I'd probably have internally combusted from excitement.
"It would've been a bonding experience," he says with a shrug. "And I wouldn't have made you stop." That sentence alone sends emotions through my body that I don't want to have. I adjust my face and shoot a look at him, which he promptly picks up on. "Too far?"
"Way too far," I reply. Him saying things like that is probably the reason why I reacted the way I did when I was kissing Elias. I remembered those things and took them out on poor, unsuspecting Eli.
We arrive at the diner and get out of the car. He holds open the door for me and I lead the way to a spot. A waitress intercepts and hands us menus, which I take and hide behind once I'm nestled on my side of the booth. The waitress insists on giving us a minute but I barely hear what she says. Instead, Dominic's words keep replaying in my head. 'I wouldn't have made you stop.' I exhale slowly when the waitress comes back around.
"What can I get for you two, today?" she asks in an upbeat voice.
Dominic hesitates as he looks to me. I shrug and he orders first. I follow with a quiet: "A glass of orange juice and a double stack of chocolate chip pancakes."
"Coming right up." She writes it down and bounces off to place the order.
"So what did Elias say post kiss?" What a great way to bring up the retired conversation.
"Nothing really, not until we got back to my dorm building. He said it just caught him off guard. He kissed me again but it was just a short peck." He seems amused at my brief explanation because he chuckles quietly.
"You're a bit more wild than he's used to," he explains with a laugh. "You definitely don't look like the type to be...dominant." He scrutinizes me with his eyes. "I can see how he was taken off guard. I mean, I was taken off guard when you told me."
"He was surprised it was my first kiss." It's like I'm adding more flame to the fire and Dominic is only stirring it and pouring gasoline directly into it.
"That good?" He smirks widely at me and bounces his eyebrows twice. "Now I'm curious."
I ignore the latter of his response even though the butterflies in my stomach are sent into another frenzy. "I told him I had a lot of pent up energy," I reply and he looks at me and grins.
"That probably didn't help his situation," he mutters thoughtlessly. I shrug in response and he returns his excited gaze to me. "I really did not expect you to be so...into it. I expected you to go out and peck him on the lips and come back all excited that you kissed him, not practically ride him with your clothes on in a dark parking lot."
"Oh my god!" I gasp at his words. When he says it like that, it makes me sound bad.
"Is that not what you did?" he asks and I put my hand over my mouth.
"I mean...yeah but you don't have to say it like that." I want to blame him. He made me like this. All those slick, overly flirtatious comments about kissing me and whatnot made me out to be like this. A monster.
"So when are you going to do it again?" he wonders with the same entertained smile.
"I don't know. I feel like I scared him off." I try to keep my cool so we can finish the conversation. If I wasn't attracted to him, I feel like this conversation would be extremely beneficial to understanding and building a potential relationship with Elias. However, every comment he makes causes my insides to do a somersault and I know they shouldn't.
"He was probably scared of how quickly you got him excited," he explains in a genuine tone.
"And I'm changing the subject," I retort before backing up a bit. "But just so you know, I don't want to have these kinds of conversations about the girls you get with."
"I haven't been with a girl in, like, three weeks," he confesses as he lightly taps his fingers on the table. "So there are no conversations to be had."
"Dry spell?" He offers a shrug in response.
"I just don't really get as much pleasure out of random hookups as I used to." He drags his hands across the table slowly.
"You're thinking of settling down?" I joke and his shoulders rise and fall again.
"Maybe..." My eyes widen. "If I find a good enough girl."
"Oh..." What the hell do I say to that? I'm not sure what will happen if he gets into a serious relationship. That ruins any chance of me potentially kissing him in the future, not that I was betting on it or anything.
"What?" He seems interested in my awkward silence.
I think of a lie surprisingly fast. "It's just a little shocking is all." I mean, it's not a lie; that's the last thing I expected him to say.
I've liked him for two stinking years and he's never once mentioned wanting to settle down. I had to deal with him hooking up with multiple girls and hearing about it around school. I grew used to it but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. In fact, that's one of the main reasons I decided to start dating! He pressured me into doing it but my reasoning for agreeing had much to do with needing to get over him! Now he's telling me he's taking a break from the hookups, which means I could've gotten over him without forcing myself onto Eli.
I repress a sigh as I unravel my knife and fork. Who am I kidding? We all know I would've just fallen harder for him during his single period. Maybe it's good that I'm involved with Eli. There may not be any chemistry (yet?) but there's definitely physical attraction there. Maybe that's what I need for right now. And maybe Dominic just needs some time for himself.
"It was a joke..." He offers a small smile. "For the most part, it was. I don't really know. I'm not looking for anyone at the moment. If someone comes around, I'll take action...but then again, I suck at commitment and I never like girls enough to want them to stick around." There goes the Dominic I know...the one that made me dig a grave for the feelings I've had for him and pretend they didn't exist.
"Here's your food," the waitress cuts in and I'm grateful. Our food is slid across the table to us and I sigh as I look at it. I've gone through so many emotions in the last half hour that I'm not even hungry anymore.
+++
"I'm nervous," Eli confesses to me as we wait outside of the dining hall for Dominic. I see his familiar curly top fade in a crowd of guys. He nods at them before turning towards the dining hall and taking the stairs two at a time. I turn to Elias, noting his anxiousness.
"He's not mean at all," I convince Eli, putting my hand on his shoulder. "I promise."
Dominic reaches the top and settles his entertained gaze on us. "Hey guys," he greets with a tilted head.
"Hi, Dominic." I stare at him pointedly and hope he gets my mental message to not be an ass.
"Hey, Dominic, it's nice to meet you." Elias extends his hand. "I've heard a lot about you."
"I can say the exact same thing about you Elias," he responds before glancing at me. For the sake of comfort, I wore a turtleneck, which probably makes things even more awkward because we're all pretending we don't know why I'm wearing it.
"Let's go inside," I insist as I motion to the building. I've been so worried about Dominic being a jerk to Elias that I didn't even realize the more realistic scenario: he purposefully embarrasses me. By the time we're all seated with our food, I'm thinking of all the mortifying things Dominic knows and can say about me.
"So you're a sophomore?" Dominic asks Elias, who nods as he eats a forkful of pasta.
"Yeah, you're a freshman?" Dominic nods in response.
"So, uh, both of you guys like-," I start before hesitating. I don't know what they both like. Dominic likes sports and girls; Elias likes science and listening to music.
"You," Dominic blurts and Elias looks at him in surprise. "Obviously in different ways. Speaking of liking Nova, what do you like about her, Elias?"
"She's really funny." I'm surprised he's doing so good under pressure. I glare at Dominic, who disregards me completely.
"She is funny. What else?" Dominic presses.
"She's smart. She's pretty," Eli lists and Dominic nods.
"You're not with her just because you want to sleep with her, right?" Dominic blurts and Elias's eyes widen.
"No, not at all." His face is red and he looks as though he's going to explode at the very thought of such unholy acts.
"Okay. I'm just making sure because she's my best friend and I'm very protective of her." He, on the other hand, appears very relaxed. He feeds himself another grape from his palm as he watches Eli curiously.
"Dominic," I snap and he turns his gaze to me, puts his hand in his chin, and bats his lashes innocently. Elias exhales shakily and I clear my throat. "I've figured out something you both like- cars."
"You drive, right?" Dominic asks Elias. "Yeah you do, I already know that. What kind of car do you have?"
The two start talking vehicles and I pop in occasionally with something like 'oh yeah it does have a nice interior' whenever I feel it's necessary. For the most part, they make conversation among themselves. I don't complain. I wait for the conversation to change to a topic I can get behind and it eventually does- sports.
"Nova told me you played baseball pretty well," Elias starts curiously. "Why'd you stop?"
I look to Dominic to see his response and he shrugs. "I've played since I was a kid. I've always liked it but I've never loved it. It started to feel more like a chore than a hobby. It was starting to make me unhappy."
"It takes a lot of courage to walk away from something you're that seriously involved with," Elias comments, which gets a shrug from my best friend.
"What can I say? I've got commitment issues," he jokes and I give him an awkward look. He cringes when he realizes how bad that must sound. "Uh what I mean is that it wasn't making me happy so I didn't have any room for it in my life. Of course I miss it now and again but it's nice to have a break."
"Anyway," I say, changing the subject quickly. The conversation flows well enough so that there aren't too many long periods of silence but it's clear that the two don't have much in common. However, once we all decide to part ways, the air is much less tense than it was before. Now comes the awkward decision of who I should go with.
"I can drop you guys off at your dorms," Eli suggests and I look to Dominic.
"Thanks but I'm only going right there," he says as he points two buildings down. "I'm sure Nova wouldn't mind riding you, though." He clears his throat. "I mean riding with you."
He presses his lips together in an attempt not to laugh and Eli's face goes bright red. "Do you want to?" Eli asks me before he blinks a few times. "Do you want a ride back to your dorm?"
Dominic is biting back laughter so much so that he's choking on it. "Yeah, sure," I say to relieve Eli of having to be around Dominic.
"I'll see you around, Eli. Text me when you get back to your dorm, Nova," Dominic calls before turning and heading towards his building. I see him shaking with laughter as he goes. I turn to Eli, who looks embarrassed.
"He knows, right? About the other night in the car?" I feel guilty for telling Dominic our personal business. Then again, I didn't think he'd expose us like that.
"Partially," I lie. Dominic knows everything but that won't make him feel any better. "He was saying that to make me embarrassed. Don't mind him. He has no filter."
"Okay..." he trails as we walk to his car. Once we get in, he looks at me. "Do you have any homework or anything?"
"No, I finished it all," I tell him honestly. "Why? What's up?"
"I was wondering if you want to hang out." He avoids my eyes as he buckles his seatbelt.
"Sure, what'd you have in mind?" Another Splat trip?
"Nothing specific. We could go back to my apartment and hang out, if you want." His apartment?
"Sure," I answer as my mind starts racing with questions. Does he want to sleep with me? Maybe. Do I want to sleep with him? No, not yet. Do I ever want to sleep with him? Probably not. "You have an apartment?"
"Yeah with a roommate but he's working now so no awkward introduction," he explains briefly.
We head in the direction of his apartment and silence fills the car. I suddenly have flashbacks of the other day and I glance at him. He seems to be thinking the same thing because his cheeks are pink and his grip on the steering wheel is tight. Eventually we reach his apartment and we get out of the car. He quietly leads the way inside and we take the elevator upstairs.
"Are you hungry?" He closes his eyes and sighs. "We just ate, never mind."
I laugh and he joins in. I can tell he's really nervous as he fiddles with the lock, missing it twice before he finally makes it. He finally gets the door open and he lets me enter first. I notice a row of shoes beside the door so I follow suit and remove mine, adding them to the collection. "We can sit on the couch," he says as he locks the door behind us. I walk over to the black, leather sofa and sit down. I exhale quietly as I pick up the remote, wondering what tonight's events will hold. Maybe we'll spend a couple hours talking and getting to know each other.
I turn on the TV and he joins me, dropping down on the cushion next to me. I decide not to think too much about the clear gap between us and rest back, searching for a movie that would set the mood a little. I look for a few minutes before giving up and putting on a movie we've definitely both seen before. It's forty minutes in so it's difficult to get into seeing as we're already at the turning point of the film. I tune into my thoughts instead.
Is he scared of me? I feel like things have been...different since the other night. We jumped straight into the kissing part and seemingly skipped the whole getting to know each other aspect completely. I'm too scared to move close to him. I don't want him to think I'm too touchy. "I'll be right back," he says as he stands up. He disappears into the hallway for a minute and I get more lost in thought, plotting a plan that'll test his apprehension.
When he returns, he keeps the same distance away and I narrow my eyes at the TV, mentally cursing him. I really hope I didn't come here to barely watch some movie and read too much into his body language. When ten minutes pass, I decide to address the elephant in the room. I turn to face him, swallowing in preparation. His innocent eyes settle on me and he tilts his head. "I'm scared to touch you," I admit bluntly. His eyebrows furrow as he searches my face.
"Why?" He seems genuinely surprised.
"I feel like I scared you off when I kissed you the other day," I explain, suddenly feeling stupid. It clearly was not a big deal to him. "And you haven't been affectionate so I feel like you don't really want to touch me either."
"I do want to touch you," he blurts before cringing. He opens his mouth to fix it but a laugh escapes instead. I follow suit, watching as he shakes his head in a playful shame. "What I mean is that I didn't want to seem like I invited you here just for that."
"Oh no, I didn't think that," I lie. I totally was under that impression but I was fine with it. Is that bad?
"And to clarify again, I liked it when you kissed me. I just wasn't expecting it," he reiterates.
"Really?" I ask with a smirk on my face.
"I'm actually looking forward to doing it again." My eyebrows rise and he stumbles over his words in a nervous state. "Not to pressure you or anything. We can totally sit and watch the movie. Wait, that sounds like I was insinuating something else. I was just-"
"Would it be bad of me to say that I want to kiss you?" I cut him off and he quickly shakes his head.
"No, not at all."
"I'll let you lead this time," I whisper with a smile as his eyes fall onto my lips. He inches forward and lightly presses his mouth against mine. I follow and let him guide me for a change. I shift my body so that I'm facing him to make things easier. He leans over more so that I'm lying down and he's hovering above me. Just like in the car, things heat up very fast.
As the kiss intensifies, the desire to take the lead grows stronger. He's moving a bit too slow for my liking. His turn to lead, I remind myself. I allow myself to reach up and run my hands through his hair and settle them on his shoulders. Urgently, I pull him down closer to be so he's basically on top of me, lying between my legs. I realize my actions and stop myself. He leaves light kisses down my jaw and neck and as he gets lower and lower, he slowly starts unbuttoning my flannel; I don't stop him. His mouth is exploring my chest when the doorknob starts to jiggle. It takes me a second to realize that someone is walking in. Elias doesn't even notice it until his roommate shouts in embarrassment.
Elias sits up immediately and I do the same, buttoning my shirt quickly. My fingers fail the first few times but I manage after a few attempts. Eli gets up and walks to the door, pulling it open cautiously. "Sorry," he says as he bows his head in shame. His roommate enters awkwardly and hightails it to his room. I avert his gaze, ashamed of having been caught.
"Sorry for interrupting. I'm going to take a nap. Bye," he mumbles. Eli and I look at each other as his door audibly closes. We both laugh and successfully distill the tension. The moment came and went and now I just want to go home. Eli seems to catch on because he locks eyes with me and hesitantly lifts his keys.
"You're ready to go?" he asks.
"Yes." I quickly get up from the couch and walk over to the door.
He drives me home, repeatedly apologizing. "He was supposed to be at work. I don't know what happened."
"It's okay." I offer him a shrug as I try not to think about whether or not his roommate saw anything. "It was fun either way."
"We could always try again another time," he suggests and I nod.
"Yeah, I would like that." Let's hope his roommate stays at work then.
We arrive at my dorm building and he kisses me before I go. It's like a routine: he idles until I reach the door, waves when I look back at him, and drives off once I'm inside. I exit the building once I know that he's gone and call Dominic. My roommate is most likely in our room and I don't want her knowing my business.
"Hey, did he get lost on the way back to your dorm?" Dominic starts the conversation.
"No, I went back to his apartment," I explain quietly.
"Oooh. How'd that go?" he asks curiously.
"We were kissing. He was on top of me. My shirt was basically off. His roommate walked in," I say in slight exasperation.
"Nothing is enough for you, huh?" he teases. "Here I am- getting no action whatsoever. I'm living vicariously through you and that's enough for me, but no, you want more."
"Excuse me for wanting more than fifteen minutes of making out. Especially when he told me his roommate was going to be at work."
"So now you have blue balls?" He seems amused by my dissatisfaction.
"Yeah," I confess, "I do."
"Come to Montgomery Hall, West Wing, room 105. I can help with that," he jokes.
"Shut up." If he were serious, I'd be hauling it over there.
"Go take a shower; that usually helps," he suggests and I groan.
"How about I nap instead?"
"Goodnight."