Nineteen
Ellegra wrapped her arm tightly around her father's, a smile widening both their faces as she settled her head upon his shoulder. He chuckled lightly and patted her hand. "So," he began, "how are the plans coming along?"
"That, my curious father, is none of your business," she replied. She pursed her lips and drew her brow, lifting her chin in confidence that was supposed to be a mirror of her father's usual expression. "The planning is coming along fine, thanks to both Mother and that strikingly gorgeous cousin of Arem's, Rhina."
The king nodded knowingly. "Oh, I don't doubt it. I'm quite sure she's fighting for your brother's attention. Who knows. She might be good for Baxton."
"She is also my age. It'd be like marrying me, for heaven's sake. And why are you thinking of marriage alliances with Asaan when you said yourself that mine and Arem's wedding would be set on the morning after my birthday? I turn eighteen in three months." She stopped walking suddenly and stepped in his path, holding his hand in hers. "Why are you thinking business at all? Today is your day. You don't get to turn forty-five twice, Father."
He smiled at her. "I know. I just worry about you all."
"Well, today I forbid you from worrying yourself. In fact, I forbid you to think at all. It's your birthday, Father. Enjoy it while it lasts. Who knows how long any of us have." She kissed his forehead and padded away to her room to get ready.
Ellegra stirred awake. From head to toe, she was drenched in sweat and gasping as if she were having the air sucked from her lungs. The lull of the ship swayed her body back and forth. She pulled herself up against the walls and stared at the wooden ceiling above, her eyes following the drops of water that fell from the ceiling. She brought her knees up to her chest and pressed her head between them. Nausea moved in waves inside her stomach and churned inside her chest. The stifling air with the pungent smell of unwashed bodies and rancid odors she didn't want to know the origins of. She couldn't breathe. She needed air.
Ellegra demanded her feet to move, her muscles to move and carry her above onto the deck. She stepped over the bodies of fellow weary travellers until she found the stairs. The night air felt cool against her skin. Her feet regained their strength long enough to transport her over to the rail. She threw herself over the side and emptied the bland contents of her stomach off into a black, watery abyss. It wasn't much— a handful of rice, bland chunks of what tasted like sand but looked like black rocks coming up. But nonetheless, she heaved until her stomach clenched empty and her white knuckles relaxed on the rails.
"So you can fend off almost twenty men," said a teasing voice behind her, "but you can't handle a little sea voyage. I never would have guessed." Faine offered a gentle lift of his lips as he came to stand next to her and leaned against the ledge. He folded his hands together and sighed.
She rolled her eyes and drew her arms closer around her, her stomach rolling in nauseous waves every time the boat lurched. "Why are you here, Faine?"
His face took on a guarded look of seriousness that she hadn't expected; truthfully, she didn't know what to expect from him. Since she'd met him he'd always been a distant and careless person, yet somehow tentative and gentle when the situation demanded it from him. He'd only joined her company for the money when she hired him. Presently, he was no longer under her employment and had no real business being here with them. So why is he here? "I... I never really thanked you."
She was stunned.
Almost a month ago, she was being descended upon by straggling drunks and filthy rebels whose profession consisted of drinking and trading young women for money. One month ago, Faine saved her from being taken captive by both royal guards and the traders. Three weeks ago, he'd helped her fight off multiple men and saved her best and only friend. And he wanted to thank her?
Ellegra scoffed. "Wow. And I thought I was a terrible liar. Seriously? How stupid do you think I am? You followed us all this way just to say two words you've probably never said in your life? Why start now?"
"Because I wouldn't be here without your help. And neither would you without mine. So, thank you... Ellegra." He smirked softly, glancing at her with a smug look.
Her chest filled with a jittery excitement. He'd never said her name before. He'd teased her and called her names, but never her own. A part of her liked the way it flowed so easily from his lips. She fought back the smile that tried to creep onto her face. Damn his endless charm and teasing. "So what you're really saying is that you came back to rub it in my face that you saved my life on more than one occasion? How chivalrous. I'm touched, truly." She laughed in spite of herself. His chuckle eased the tension in her shoulders.
They fell into a relaxed silence, the two of them watching the moon's reflection bounce off the waves the boat caused in the water. Ellegra had never liked the ocean. There was something about its dangerous beauty that made her heart speed up each time a wave passed. The sight of the water crashing against the side of the ship and settling into a still sea both exhilarated and unsettled her. Faine didn't seem as uneasy, and she found herself a little envious at his ability to stay standing upright and not heave up his dinner.
"I also never would have guessed you were a night owl," he said, breaking the solemn silence.
Ellegra frowned. "I'm not," she said in a low voice. "I couldn't sleep." His eyebrow shot up inquisitively. He turned his body towards her with interest, intrigued by her confession. She cleared her throat, thrumming her fingers along the railing. "I get seasick."
"You were honest about being a terrible liar." Her eyes sought his, finding them staring intensely down at her with concern and curiosity. "Why don't you spare us the extra words and just tell me the truth?"
Just thinking about it brought tears to her eyes. A lump the size of her fist wedged itself in her throat. The air around them suddenly grew colder. "Because you'd think I'm lying if I did." A tear fell down her cheek before she could stop it from dropping into the ocean below.
As if knowing she was going to leave, Faine stepped in front of her. "So then tell me and let me make up my own mind." The waves danced in his blue eyes. A chill swept under her skin and pushed her hair upright. "You trusted me enough to help you get your friend back. Why is now any different?"
She swiped at her eyes, hating herself for crying in front of him. "Because back then I was paying you to help me. You were a mercenary looking for money, and you still are and I no longer need your help. Now you're here for who knows what and I'm finally on my way to safety. Telling you would put all we've been through this past year in jeopardy." She stepped around him.
"Ellegra." The way her name rolled off his tongue froze her to her core. His tone held a grave urgency and unmoving command that sent a ripple of shock through her. "I pay attention more than you think and I'm more than capable of putting two and two together. I understand now why you hated me calling you 'princess', because that's what you are: Princess Ellegra Mannox of the Royal Cureldin monarchy. The princess who could send a man to his knees with just a bat of her lashes and a stroke of her sword." She felt her cheeks warm and snorted. "The girl who wanted nothing more than to be seen as more than just a wife." Her hands balled into fists, her body trembled with sobs she could hardly contain. His words were unraveling all that she kept buried. "The woman who killed her own father because she wouldn't be named Queen."
She whirled, flushing her toes against his until his back was hanging over the rail of the ship. "That is a lie!" Her cheeks burned with the streams that poured down them.
Faine raised his hands near his head in a gesture of surrender. "Which part of it?"
"I did not kill my father. I would never hurt him or anyone I love." She paused, backing away from him. "I can't."
"Everyone is capable of doing monstrous things; love is just one of the excuses we tell ourselves after we've done it."
Ellegra braced her hands firmly on the rails. Her hands swiped at her eyes, her body shook with tremors and quiet sobs. The silence that filled in around them was far from comforting. She wanted to claw the truth out from inside her and hold it up to the world, paint the word 'innocent' on her forehead and march around until people's minds absorbed it as the truth.
Finally, she stood upright and sighed, wiping her puffy eyes of the leftover tears before flicking them off her hand. "If you knew who I was, why didn't you turn me in? You would have gotten a lot more than what I gave you for bringing in a traitor."
He shrugged. "I wouldn't have been able to. I've seen all types of people— liars, cheaters, traitors, murderers; I've arrested and killed a lot of them, too. You never fit the profile of any of them. That whole time we were looking for your friend, I was looking at you." Ellegra turned towards him, her eyes searching his. "I watched you. You worried about your friend more than you cared about yourself. You put her safety above your own. And while I had to pick up most of that slack— for example, when you almost got yourself killed because you wanted more beauty sleep— your relationship with Tamshie was the only thing you needed to keep going. Murderers and liars and traitors don't look out for other people the way you look out for them, not even their accomplices."
Ellegra breathed in silence for a few moments before sighing. "Part of it is true— what you said before. I never wanted to be just a wife to someone. I thought marrying Arem would establish a relationship where I didn't have to just look after children and tend to my husband's needs. I wanted to be more." Her knuckles turned white as she balled her hands into fists again. "My mother and I didn't always get along, but it wasn't our day to bicker and argue over wedding arrangements and the ways of being the wife of a king. My father turned forty-five that day and we spent all morning putting the finishing touches on his decorations and his cake and the rooms for the guests. I'd helped rally the animals into the barn, staffed extra guards for the party, anything I could to make his birthday perfect. The evening went on beautifully." Ellegra had watched her parents dance as if they were falling in love all over again, Baz had asked more than one beautiful woman to dance, and Arem had guided her into several ballads that made her cheeks redden and his pupils dilate. He'd whispered jokes to her and together they all looked like the perfect family, a picturesque example of what royalty and mercy looked like.
"When it came time for the dinner, I left early to go set things up in the dining hall. I wanted to make sure the arrangements were right, the placements wouldn't cause any disputes among the guests. My mother told the servants to fix up the last of the food. There was a loud commotion in the kitchen down the stairs, and she left me to fix a seating chart error with two nobleman who were constantly at odds with each other. I was fixing it and rearranging things when my father walked in."
King Lorence had been delighted to find his daughter scrambling to make things perfect for him, but he knew how hard she was trying to make it seem like she was okay with the jobs her mother had tasked her with. He offered to help but she refused and told him to rest.
"Something on your mind, Father?" she asked. His smile still caressed his lips, but it seemed distant, his thoughts lost in the depths of his mind. "You seem distracted."
"It's nothing to worry yourself with. Just a little mess with the Council is all."
Ellegra put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at him. "What did I tell you about worrying over ruling matters? Leave them to your secretary for once and enjoy your one day off."
"A king doesn't get days off, Ellegra. This job does not end until your breath does, and the only thing you can do before then is ensure a generous legacy."
"Well, I may not be a queen but I am your daughter, and I did not suffer through Mother's scoldings and scowls just to see you do the same during your own party. Now go back to the ballroom while I finish these up."
The king laughed. "I suppose you're right. I'll see you in a bit."
"Good. I'll call for—"
"Well," said a dark voice in the corner. Ellegra's stomach clenched, her fingers fumbling with the place cards. One drifted to the floor, but she didn't bend to pick it up. "Look at my dear sister practicing her wifely duties. It's quite adorable, really. But you really should hurry the wedding along, Father, I believe the Asaani prince is getting eager to find someone else to bed."
"Cilas!" the king snapped. His voice boomed throughout the great hall. The chandeliers quivered above and the candles flickered.
The dark prince didn't relent. His boots clicked loudly on the marble floors as he stepped closer towards them, moving behind the king. "I wonder if he knows the truth about you. About your gift, your curse, whatever you call it."
She bristled. "I call it my second line of defense against the likes of you."
Cilas cupped his hand over his heart in mock hurt. "Oh, how your words fail to wound me. Unlike me, you have a small notion inside that tiny brain of yours that you'll be worth more than a royal whore the little prince will need to fulfill his desires."
"Enough, Cilas!" The king's warning grew cold.
Cilas moved toward the table, his fingers gliding over the surface of the silverware. He brushed against a knife and grasped it into his hand. "You have no control. Unlike me, you are weak. And I'm going to prove it."
His hand lifted and flung the knife in a straight, razor-sharp line at her head. A blast of cold air rushed out of her. She moved and ducked behind one of the pillars. Her knees wobbled as the knife flew over their shoulders. Cilas threw himself against their father, knocking him on his back to protect him from the blade's path. The king let out a frightened shout as Cilas crashed into him. Ellegra gasped for air, clutching her chest to catch her breath.
"Father!" Cilas yelled. Ellegra's heart stopped. "Father, look at me! Father!" The desperation climbed in his voice, raising it several octaves.
"I'm okay, I'm alright," Lorence said weakly.
"Good."
"Then he plunged the knife into my father's chest," Ellegra finished breathlessly. A wave crashed against the side of the ship, but she was holding the rail with a grip strong enough to break a man's neck.
Faine fell silent in what she assumed was shock. She kept her gaze forward, the tears bleeding from her eyes like a never ending dam broken and gushing down an old canyon. The sound of her father's gasps and gurgles filled her head and echoed just as loudly as they had that night, the loud scream Cilas gave as he called for help.
"I don't remember them coming in," she continued. "I don't remember seeing the rest of the guests talking or my mother weeping. I just remember blinking at my father's blood and my brother's smile and then opening my eyes to darkness. Tamshie saw everything. That's why she's here." She sniffled, wiped the back of her hand along her cheeks, and turned to watch his expression of shock fade to something less painful to look at. "That is the truth."
Faine paused, his mouth opening and closing in debate of what he wanted to say next. She expected the typical apology or offer of condolences. But he didn't say either. "You saved my life back in the canyon with this... gift of yours."
"It's not a gift," she said curtly.
"What is it?"
Ellegra gnawed on her bottom lip and pulled it between her teeth. "I don't know." She shrugged, stretching to rest her elbows on the edge. The nausea in her stomach had passed. "Ever since we were born, my father said Cilas tormented me. He played tricks as a kid, but not the harmless kind that ended with a face full of mud. Mine ended with blood and broken bones. One day I was sparring with my father and he showed up. He didn't even try to act like he wasn't there to hurt me." She swallowed around the lump in her throat. "I made a wrong move, and his sword met its mark." She pointed at her eye and the gnarled tissue around it. "From that day forward, whenever he touched me or came near me, this energy would build inside me, warning me. Everytime he tried to hurt me, I felt this wave of cold air just burst from my body. It's like a shield that only works if it senses real danger." She recalled those moments where she was left tired and exhausted, and when she needed it most, it faded into hibernation to build its energy.
"Why didn't it protect you in the canyon that morning with the trader?" Faine's interest was truly piqued. He leaned closer, his blue eyes completely focused on her face. "He was choking the life from you."
"I don't know. Maybe because I wasn't in any real danger." She shrugged. "I felt safe with you."
Something in his expression changed, almost softening. She wiped away the last of her tears and gave him a light lift of her lips that he handsomely returned. "I'm sorry for what happened to your father." She nodded her thanks, her head lowering. "But as smart as I know you are, you're forgetting one of the most important things." She turned to look at him curiously. "Power is only given to someone because he makes others believe he has it."
His words stunned her. Minutes passed in silence between them. "Thank you," she said quietly.
His blue eyes narrowed in confusion. "For what?"
"For forcing me to tell you the reality of my nightmares and getting me over my nausea. Maybe I can actually get some sleep now. I'll leave you to make up your mind about everything. Goodnight, Faine." She walked towards the door for the bunks below. She descended the stairs, whispering apologies when they creaked and stirred people awake. She stepped over legs and feet until she found the bright head of red hair and her empty spot. She heard the water sloshing below, but instead of making her stomach churn with the need to vomit, it settled her, reminding her of a darker, icier sea that made her stomach relax. She heard his footsteps fade away and closed her eyes, for this first time falling asleep with a hint of a smile on her face.