"Okay, how do I look?" I ask Kat as she does her makeup in my over-the-door mirror.
"Hot!" she encourages me and I analyze my outfit. Dominic picked it out for the most part but I refused to try it on for him so we weren't sure how it'd actually look on me. The white flowing, tank top hangs off my chest loose enough so that I feel comfortable but also cute and the ripped skinny jeans hug my legs nicely. Dominic advised me not to wear my best shoes so I took out my old, beat up white converse from high school. I tie my hair back in a half-up-half-down look and put on a pair of earrings.
When Kat finishes getting ready, she herds me to the parking lot where her car is. We get into the older buggie and head towards the off campus apartment. When we arrive, I'm satisfied. It's not nearly as busy as Dominic said it would be. There are only five cars in the front yard and two in the driveway. Making it now eight cars, we pick a spot in the front of the house and she leads the way inside. As we're walking up the steps, I check my phone and find a message from Dominic.
Dominic: Are you there yet?
Me: Yes.
Dominic: How do you look? Did you take a picture?
Me: No, but Kat said I look hot.
Dominic: I believe her. Boys will try to talk to you. Flirt back if you want. But don't do anything you don't want to do. Text me if you want me to pick you up at any time.
Me: Thank you, will do.
Dominic: Have fun. Be safe. Don't be like me. Unless you want to. Use condoms. Text me if anything happens. Love you.
Me: Shut up.
We're just friends. He's saying that he loves me as a friend. That's it. That's all. Just friends. Besides, he's out here telling me to sleep with guys. That's obviously a sign of friendship. I shove my phone in my pocket and make it a goal of mine to forget about his words. Kat begins introducing me to her friends, who introduce me to their friends, and so on. Eventually, I've met everyone in the apartment so Kat takes me to the kitchen to get a drink. "See anyone cute?" she wonders with a mischievous smile and I shrug weakly. She probably wants to toss me onto someone else so she can reconnect with her friends guilt free.
"I mean, I guess that boy- what's his name? Jason?" I nod in his direction. Kat glances over and offers up an amused chuckle.
"Jaden. It's funny; he has a twin brother named Jason," Kat explains. "Want me to hook you guys up?"
I think about Dominic's advice. It doesn't hurt to try, I guess. Besides, I don't want to make her feel like she has to babysit me. "Okay."
"Alright, I'll be right back," she says with a smile as she goes to talk to Jaden and his friend. I suddenly feel nervous. What if he says no because I'm ugly? I look up to see if it's too late to call Kat off. It is. She's laughing and talking to him. I squint and try to watch his reaction; he isn't vomiting in disgust so that's a good sign. I continue to stare and rather abruptly, she turns around and points at me. My eyes widen and I immediately spin around towards the fridge and let out a weak yelp as I do. Wow, how embarrassing.
"Hey," a deep voice says behind me. I peek over my shoulder and find Jaden, the boy I called cute, standing a few feet away. He's leaning casually against the counter with a red solo cup in his hand and a friendly smile on his lips.
"Hi," I say quietly. I run my hand through my thick, curly hair in an attempt to smooth it down but it probably only frizzes it up more.
"Nova, right?" he prompts a conversation. A boyish grin spreads across his face and I admire the way his dark skin is complemented by the red sweater hanging off his broad shoulders.
"Yeah, November, but you can call me Nova," I reply, swallowing heavily. "Jaden, is it?"
"Yeah, it is," he answers before glancing back at his friends, who are now all staring at their phones. "So how do you know Kat?"
"We, uh, we met in a school club," I admit after a second of thought. Saying math club would make me sound nerdy and that's the last thing I want him to think. "What about you?"
"We went to high school together," he says calmly before shrugging a little. "Kind of."
"Kind of?" How do you kind of go to high school with someone?
"She was a freshman when I was a senior." I try not to act shocked. So he's a senior in college now? Jeez! Judging by his laugh, I assume I'm not that good at hiding my surprise. "I'm a bit older."
I shrug it off in an attempt to act nonchalant. "It's all cool." That's such a dumb thing to say. Who says that?
"So...do you want to dance?" he proposes and I stumble over my words. I don't know how to dance! Dominic didn't say anything about dancing! That's because the only dance he's ever done is the horizontal grind. Why would you think about that? I nearly gag in disgust at my nasty train of thought.
"Sure," I agree nervously. "I don't really know how to dance though."
"Good thing I'm a dancer." He seems satisfied with himself for having that skill set. He puts down his drink and nods in the direction of the living room, where a majority of the people are standing. Not many people are dancing but then again, there aren't many people here.
He teaches me a basic dance and how to maintain it through any tempo. It's basically rhythmical grinding. I try not to think too much as I dance with him and instead, wait for the song to end. As someone who isn't a fan of physical contact, I can determine that dancing is not for me. Luckily enough, the person whose phone was in charge of the music gets a phone call. Jaden, as smooth as he is, laughs and leads the way to the couch. I follow when I figure there isn't much else to do.
He makes small talk, laughing at the corny jokes that I make even though I know they're not funny. It's hard to tell whether he has a bad sense of humor or a strong urge to get in my pants. The answer is made clear when he puts his hand on my thigh. "You're really cute," he says bluntly and I give him a half smile.
"Thanks." This is awkward. Very awkward. "I guess you are, too."
His laugh is genuine this time. "You guess?" he wonders.
"You are," I clarify before shrugging. "I just feel like you already know that."
I start to think about all the experiences I've missed out on in high school. All the things that everyone else did: making out and relationships and everything. Though I've never outright wanted to do any of that, they've always been in my mind. Maybe if I liked someone and they liked me back, I'd have done them. But that didn't happen. So now I'm starting to think that maybe I should do it just to experience it. Who knows if I'll get another opportunity to? I look at Jaden, whose eyes are locked on mine. He's talking but I'm not exactly hearing him. He's cute. What have I got to lose?
I exhale and scoot closer to him. "Huh?" I lean in to him. I hope this works. I've seen it done in movies and it usually gets the ball rolling. I probably look like an idiot though because the music is playing but it's not too loud that I can't hear him. Maybe he'll interpret my closeness as me just being hard of hearing. I hope he takes the hint or else this is going to be weird. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he's going to go for it.
It suddenly occurs to me that I have no idea what I'm doing. According to the movies and books, it just happens and you go with it. You're supposed to feel sparks, right? Another damning realization hits me: I don't want my first kiss to be with some random boy that I don't know! I couldn't even tell you this boys last name. As he's about to close the gap between us, I jump back.
"My phone's vibrating!" I grab my phone from my pocket and shake my head. "I have to take this."
He looks both confused and irritated as he leans back on the couch. "I'll be here when you get back," he grunts followed by a sigh. I nod as I press the phone to my ear and leave the house. As soon as I'm out of his view, I shove my phone in my pocket and repress the urge to groan.
It's only been two and a half hours and I'm ready to go home but Kat is still reconnecting with her friends. Would it be rude of me to have Dominic come get me? I don't want to be here any longer, especially not after that awkward experience with Jaden. I'll have to barricade myself in someone's room to avoid going back to him. Just as I'm about to head back inside, my phone starts ringing. I look to see Kat's number flashing across the screen.
"Hey, do you feel like spending the night here?" she questions and my eyes widen.
"No, but it's okay if you do. I don't mind getting a ride with a friend." Here's my chance.
"Are you sure? I can drop you off and come back," she insists from inside the noisy house.
"No, it's okay, I promise."
"Okay, I saw you leave the house. Is everything alright?" she questions me in a concerned tone.
"Yeah, I just needed some air." It definitely wasn't the overwhelming feeling of almost making a potentially regretful decision.
"Are you sure?" she presses.
"Yes."
"Are you coming back in?" she continues to question me.
"No I think I'm just going to go now. I had a lot of fun though. Thanks for inviting me."
"No problem." She thanks me for coming and tells me to text her when I get home. Once we hang up, I call Dominic with intentions of asking him to come get me.
"Are you okay?" he speaks into the phone after the first ring. I hear people talking in the background and I figure he's playing foosball with his friends in the lounge of their building. I suddenly feel bad for interrupting.
"Are you busy?" I hop one from foot to the other.
"No, not at all," he dismisses but I can tell he's lying. "What happened? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just kind of need a ride home." I hate to be a downer but this party was just what I expected it to be.
"I'm on the way," he assures me. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Unless you want to stay on the phone?"
"No, I'm fine." I try my best to sound like I'm okay. I know him; he'd probably assume I'm in danger and speed over here ready to beat someone up.
"Are you sure? Or are you being forced to say that?" I roll my eyes and laugh at his paranoia. Just like I said.
"I'm fine, Dominic, just get over here." He lets out a chuckle before letting me go.
Just as I end the call, someone yells out to me. "Hey!" I glance over and watch as a tall, lanky guy approaches me while scratching his head. "Did you see a Frisbee?"
"No..." I trail, wondering why he's playing Frisbee at night. If it's too dark to see it fly off, maybe you shouldn't be playing it. I keep the snarky comment to myself and peer around on the ground. I think I would've noticed a Frisbee fly past me. As expected, I come up short. "Sorry."
"No worries," he assures me as comes to a stop a few feet away from me. His brown hair is just long enough so that the tendrils reach his forehead. With a quick hand, he brushes them back and tilts his head at me. Slowly but surely, his lips pull back to reveal a set of braces, which have almost completed their work in straightening his teeth. From the dull lighting of the streetlight, I assume his eyes are brown. With an affable smile, he leans in a bit. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," I reply in as perky of a voice as I can manage. He's not giving off any creepy vibes. There's more than enough room between us and if need be, I can describe him to Kat and she'll find a name. Deciding to entertain conversation while I wait, I nod at the street beside us. "I'm just waiting for my ride."
"Do you need a ride back?" he wonders, "to the school, that is. Unless, of course, you reside elsewhere. I can drop you off is what I'm saying. I know how Ubers can be unreliable."
I smile at his rambling. "Thank you, kind stranger, but I'm not supposed to accept rides from people I don't know. Especially not boys."
"Elias Hodge." He holds out his large hand. I give it a powerful shake and he nods as if he's impressed.
"November Camacho," I inform him. "But everyone calls me Nova."
"That's very easy to remember," he nods slowly. "Everyone calls me Eli but you can call me tomorrow."
I give a hearty laugh as I take in his features. He reminds me of Dominic in a less athletic, less player-ish way. He seems sweet and for some reason, he makes me feel comfortable. He isn't at all intimidating like Jaden was. I feel at ease. "You're very funny, Eli."
"Thank you, thank you, I try." He seems happy with my compliment. "So who do you know that was invited here? Just in case, you know, I want to get in contact with you again."
"I know Katherine," I respond as I glance back at the house. Maybe I should try to take one good thing from this night, even if it doesn't work out. I inhale deeply in an attempt to fill up on confidence. I recall Dominic's brief words of advice: 'he's more scared of you than you are of him, kind of like a spider, except much bigger.' "But you can always ask for my number if you'd like to contact me."
"That I can do," he responds eagerly as he fishes his phone from his pocket. He hands it to me and I add myself into his contact list. "Now the real question is, will you text me back?"
"I wouldn't have suggested giving you my number if I didn't have hopes you'd use it," I assure him, feeling a bit more confident now. That wasn't hard at all. He seems interested enough. I doubt my horrible flirting skills will deter him. Maybe he's just as awkward as I am; he seems satisfied with himself, too.
"Just out of curiosity...how old are you?"
"18." Please don't be 22.
"Oh, okay, good. Just checking. I'm 19."
I see Dominic's familiar four door pull up and I look to Elias. "That's my ride. Now the real question is, are you going to text me?" I tease as I start to back up.
"Definitely," he responds with a grin. I smile back and approach Dominic's car before turning back around.
"Eli!" I call and he turns around swiftly. "Good luck finding the Frisbee!"
"There was no Frisbee!" he yells back. "I just thought you were cute and I'm bad at starting conversations!" I laugh and shake my head as I get into the car.
"Who is that?" Dominic watches Eli's retreating figure.
"Just some boy," I tell Dominic. "I gave him my number."
"Mmm, you're giving out your number now?" A smirk lines his lips as he lightly taps on the wheel.
"To one boy, yes. But that was the only entertaining part of the party."
"How was the rest of it?" I put on my seatbelt and he starts driving, hooking a u-turn to head back to school.
"Just as I expected it to be," I confess with a shrug.
"That bad?" he mutters with a disappointed frown. I let out a slow sigh and his expression quickly turns to a smile. "At least you look good."
I grin at him and shake my head dismissively. I'd say thank you if I didn't think he'd continue to compliment me, which would result in me turning into a red faced mess. "I have a question..."
"Yes?" he urges me to ask.
"You have a lot of experience. Have you ever felt sparks when you kissed someone?"
"I never have...but I'm sure some people do, if it's the right person. If you have chemistry with the person you kiss, it probably feels a lot better than kissing some random person. Why? Did you kiss someone?" The latter of his answer is excited.
"I almost did," I admit as I roll my hands in my palms.
"Really?!" he asks a little loudly. He looks at me for a few seconds before remembering that he's driving. His eyes go back to the road but he glances at me and waits for the story.
"Yeah. I was going to. He was cute and all, but I don't want my first kiss to be with someone I hardly know." Not to mention, he was a little pushy.
"All the more reason to let me be your first kiss," he jokes and I roll my eyes for show. I'd actually consider it if it wouldn't detrimentally damage our friendship.
"I told him I'd be right back and, well, here I am. I didn't want to waste my first kiss," I explain weakly. "I didn't want to end up regretting it and beating myself up about it."
"You're allowed to make those decisions, you know? You don't have to kiss people you don't want to. You don't have to do anything with people that you don't want to do." He offers me a small comforting smile and I sigh.
"I know..." I rub my hands together.
"I'm sorry if I pressured you into going out and doing things you don't want to do," he apologizes.
"No, you didn't. I just...I don't know. I thought about what you said, you know, the whole aspect of life that I'm missing out on. And I figured that because I never have crushes that I probably won't ever want to have my first kiss, so what's stopping me now? But when I was about to kiss him, I realized that I don't want to remember it as my first kiss," I explain before forcing out a laugh. "This is going in one ear and out the other with you, right? A kiss probably means nothing to you."
"This isn't about me. It's about you. And what you're saying makes sense, and even if it doesn't make sense to me, it makes sense to you and that's all that matters. You don't ever have to explain yourself for saying no. Not ever. And if any guy ever tries to make you do anything you don't want to do, you just stomp with all your might on his-"
"Okay, okay, Dominic." I don't even have male body parts but it makes me cringe to think about.
"And then you call me," he finishes with a content grin. "And I'm sorry the party sucked that bad. Well not that bad if you gave your number to a boy."
"Yeah, he's cute," I reply with a small smile as I think about Eli. "He kind of reminded me of you."
Dominic looks at me with a smirk on his face. "Are you insinuating that I'm cute?"
"No." Why didn't I consider that interpretation? "I'm just saying that he's funny and cool."
"So you're calling me funny and cool?" We slow to a stop at a light.
"Yes." That compliment I can give out.
"Thank you," he coos and puts his shoulder up to his face and pretends to blush.
"Anyway," I say dramatically with a small laugh. "I think the next party with you will be better." His head snaps in my direction.
"You still want to go?" He sounds excited now.
"Yeah, I said I was, so I am." I can't let one bad experience ruin them all.
"I didn't know if this one scared you off." He seems relieved.
"I'm not close enough to Kat to enjoy myself. She introduced me to everyone, talked to me for about twenty minutes, hooked me up with Jaden, and then left."
"That was his name? The boy you almost had your first kiss with?" Dominic asks and I nod. "It's going to be me in due time, I can tell."
"Shut up." I chuckle quietly and roll my eyes.
My phone vibrates and I look at the screen: an image from an unknown number. I open it and start laughing when I see a picture of a Frisbee.
Elias: Found it!
Me: That's clearly from Google but I'm happy for you.
"What's funny?" Dominic wonders and I shake my head with a smile on my face.
"Nothing," I say.
"Here we go again with the secrets! I thought we got over it!"