- i couldn't unlove her; i didn't want to
As I stepped out into the big room, the only noise was breathing and my own footsteps. Everyone stayed silent, watching me take one cautious step after the other towards the team I had abandoned for good reason.
Not knowing how to react, Bucky was the first person up and over to hug me. I didn't expect it to be him, but it made sense because, in the moment, he whispered, "You destroyed her. Your disappearance destroyed her. I forgive you, but I don't know if she does." He squeezed my shoulder and backed up.
I stared at the group, and suddenly Natasha was up and speed walking towards me. Nadeem tensed up and I could tell he was going to stop her if she got too close. Let her come, I spoke in his mind. He stepped back, and Natasha came running at me.
She shoved me against the wall, then slapped me. I ignored the bursts of pain this caused me. "How could you." She hissed, bar choking me against the wall. I didn't need air, but I enjoyed it, and not having it was slightly annoying. "I woke up and you were gone. Do you have any idea what you did to me?" She grabbed the collar of my shirt, slamming me against the wall twice. I could tell that tears were beginning to run down her face.
"I'm sorry," I kept mumbling as she continued to hit me, but her sobs became too violent, and she slumped against my chest, holding the fabric of my shirt as if she were to let go, then I would float away.
"I hate you," She cried. "I hate you so much. I hate you, I hate you," She kept repeating those three words.
I had to grit my teeth to make sure tears of my own won't fall. I put my arms around her, and she shook violently, trying to suppress sobs but being unable to.
"I hate you." She yelled into my shirt.
"I'm sorry," I whispered into her hair once more. "Natasha, please. I'm sorry," I held her as tight as I was able to.
"I thought you weren't coming back. I thought you bailed." She tried to hit me once more, but her crying made her weak. "And when they brought you here like this...I thought I'd never get you back."
I stayed silent, not knowing what to say, and knowing that whatever I would say, wouldn't be enough to ease her pain.
"I never got the chance...I never got the chance to tell you that I loved you." The words made me stop breathing. They were past tense. What did that mean? Natasha pushed her head away from me to look up at my face. Her eyes were red and puffy, and so was her nose. "And now I know that I can't ever stop loving you. I still love you, even though I fucking hate you for leaving me."
I held her face in my hands. "I had a vision, that he was going to kill you and everyone else in here if I was going to stay. That's why I left. I needed to leave, please believe me."
"I really want to." She groaned. "But how can I?" Her eyes were full of pain.
I suddenly didn't care that I was in the room with the Avengers and New Warriors. I didn't care that everyone was watching because the only thing that mattered right now was getting Natasha back.
So as my final convincing action, I grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. She was startled, she didn't expect me to kiss her. It was such a wonderful kiss. Full of love and salt, and sadness and worry. These things made it sweeter.
When I released her, she was staring at me with her mouth slightly parted, and eyes closed. "Look at me, Natasha," I whispered, and her eyes slowly opened and focused on me. "I love you too." I didn't even get the words all the way out before she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me, and I didn't care that it felt like she was crushing all of my bones. It felt so nice to be held by her.
"Don't ever leave me like that again." She whispered, holding onto me for dear life.
"I'd never dream of it." I whispered right back to her, kissing her temple.