Rakim pictured in the MM. ^^
NARRATOR
40 minutes before school ends
"Don't stare at me like that. You're making me nervous."
Samila said in a flirty tone to Chicago.
"Come on Samila you mean to tell me you don't like it when I look at you?"
He asked Samila scooting closer to her on the couch.
"Chicago! You better chill the kids will be here soon."
"Can I get a kiss then? Let me just get a kiss please!"
She smiled and complied.
She leaned in for a kiss and just kept leaning into Chicago.
Then as if the moment wasn't risky enough the front door opens.
Samila was ready to explain to the kids what they were doing.
She gave Chicago one last kiss before turning to the door but to her surprise it wasn't the kids it was Tyrone.
She was shocked looking at Tyrone tower them both.
"Samila?"
He said to her as if he was confused. He wasn't though it was clear what was going on.
She stood up quickly like she had just been caught by her dad.
"Oh Tyrone! Uh this is Chicago um Chicago's father."
"Your Boyfriend."
Tyrone corrected. Samila was so nervous she caught it but not fully.
"Chicago this is Harlem's father."
She introduced while Tyrone just laughed.
"Hello, Chicago Jenkins."
Chicago extended his hand out to shake Tyrone's.
They shook hands and stood there watching Samila freak out in her head.
"Why um are you here?" She asked in a bit of a nervous tone.
"For Harlem she wanted to talk so I told her I'd pick her up remember?"
"Oh yeah of course. She uh isn't here though she walks home with Rakim everyday and schools not out yet anyways."
"Samila calm down. You're allowed to date stop shaking girl."
"Well I wanted to introduce you two properly and this is anything but proper."
"Well you did besides I didn't like that other dude I'm sure Chicago is a better fit. I'm going to get baby girl from school you two behave."
Tyrone left and Chicago just watched Samila
"That was weird."
"It actually went way better than it could've. I may have been a lil less understanding of you moving on.
"Why I'm pretty sure he's been with other women. He's told me."
Chicago laughed at Samila and how clueless she was.
"You know he still loves you right? You are the mother of his child. You could have him again if you wanted. You're forever apart of his life girl that's why. Plus your an amazing woman."
"I am amazing aren't I?"
Samila grinned biting her bottom lip.
"The kids will be here soon remember?"
Chicago said in an effort to tame Samila's advances.
"You make it hard to keep my promise to hold out a little bit longer while getting to know each other more."
Samila thought about that and realized she didn't know him as well as she thought. In fact if she had to name the things she knew all she'd be able to say it that his daughter is Chicago and he was in prison.
"You're right I'll be on my best behavior."
Presently
RAKIM
I needed to clear my mind because today was a lot.
I didn't have anyone to talk to. Harlem was handling her own emotions, My parents were being weird about theirs and Chicago had just started volleyball.
I have my other friends but I don't do this particular talking with them it would be weird for me.
I didn't feel like doing any art I just didn't know what to do.
I wanted to talk to someone so I settled for my own company.
Needless to say that didn't really work out and then looking over at Harlem's house I remembered that her mom Ms.Samila was so easy to talk to.
I went to Harlem's house and knocked on the door waiting for someone to answer.
Ms.Samila smiled as if she was expecting me.
"Hi Rakim!"
"Hi Ms.Samila can I come in?"
"Sure sweetie what's up?"
She said letting me in.
"I um I need to talk about my feelings I guess."
"And you chose me?"
She asked in a surprised way.
"Yeah, I mean last time we talked I felt really comfortable talking to you. I don't know you're just really easy to talk to. Now I know where Harlem gets it."
She giggled flattered I assumed and Chicago came into the room. Well her father that is.
"Hello Rakim."
Chicago's father said coming out of nowhere it seemed.
"Hello sir. Nice to meet you officially."
"I've heard some good things about your from my daughter. Nice to finally meet you young man."
"I'm going to talk to him ok?"
Ms.Samila informed Chicago.
"Take your time love."
He said to her.
If I hadn't known I'd think they been together for quite some time.
We went to her yoga room which Harlem says has the best vibes in the house.
"Sit on a bean bag and tell me what's on you mind."
She said sitting adjacent to me.
"I don't know how to start?"
"Is this about Harlem?"
I looked up at her giving me her undivided attention.
"Actually it's mostly about me."
"Ok well then let's start there what is it about you are we talking about?"
"Ok well the first thing is my parents, when I got home today they were having a conversation about getting back together and how my mom didn't want to send me the wrong message, then before that it was Harlem being happy now seemingly doing just fine out of no where. Without me helping her with her feelings I have to deal with my own which is something I don't do too often."
"Why is your parents getting back together bothering you?"
"Well the way they split up was pretty bad and it's kind of my fault they aren't together but for good reason."
"You want to elaborate or leave it that?"
She asked in a very cautious way like she didn't want to agitate me.
"He used to beat her when I was younger and one day I just call the cops on him cause I was only six and I thought they'd help. I mean they did but you know he did a lot more time because he was selling drugs too."
"Rakim I don't mean to overstep but that's his problem. Forget the reason why he was selling drugs he shouldn't have and same goes for him putting his hands on your mother. That's his burden to bare you did what you could've in that situation. That incredibly brave six year old did something some grown women and men are still too afraid to do. It's not easy having to make that decision and probably even worst for just a little kid. Rakim you did more than you were supposed to. Maybe you should talk with Chicago he's recently gotten out of prison maybe he could help you understand what it was like in there. How it can change a person."
"If he doesn't mind I'd actually really like that."
I was up for it. I needed to talk to someone I was not emotionally invested in.
"Cago! Sweetheart come here for a minute."
She yelled towards the door and then smiled back at me when she heard his response and footstep coming towards the room.
"What's up?"
He asked real laid back.
"I want you to talk to Rakim about a few things I don't think I'd be able to properly relate to."
"If it's ok with him."
He said looking over at me then back at her.
"Yeah if you don't mind sir?"
Ms.Samila gave me a wink and left us in the room.
I wondered for a moment if Harlem and I lasted long enough would she be like that with our children.
"So what's up Rakim? What do you want to talk about?"
He had broken my focus on my thoughts.
"Are you always this chill sir? Dice seems to think you're a little scary."
"Eh I think there is a time and a place for all emotions. Like right now I'm chill cause right now there is a woman out there that's willing to give me the time of day.
"What's your mood?"
"I'm confused and a bit scared. My dad just came from prison. I just overheard him and my mom discussing them being together again. The reason he was locked up was because I called the cops on him because he was hitting my mom. I mean I know snitching ain't right but that's my mom and I was six. I want to be there for him cause I love my pops you know he's special to me but he also hasn't been around in a while. It's like I've met someone new."
Mr.Jenkins rubbed his chin hair listening to me.
"Well Rakim first off you didn't snitch you saved your mother. Imagine if you hadn't? The kinda life you both would have? I know first hand prison is a different experience for everyone it provides you time to think about anything you want and you sure have a lot of time to figure it out. Being alone with yourself like that having to face yourself and everything you've done to the people around you. It's pretty intense now that I look back at it. It doesn't feel like it in the moment though, feels like just some growth here or there but you feel it at some point.
"Did you ever fight in there? Did they ever try you?"
"Nah not really. Me personally I knew lots of people there wasn't any disrespect coming my way. Looking the way I look people underestimated me and thought I was some soft ass pretty boy."
"I don't know how to start conversations with him sometimes it's chill sometimes it's hella awkward and I don't want it to be but I don't really know how to break that ice. After what he did and how long he's been gone."
"Sometimes you have to let that stuff come out organically or just come out and ask about if he's uncomfortable let him know you understand and wait till he is."
He was right that was what I wanted Harlem to know before.
"Thank you sir. You're not so scary after all but I won't tell Dice."
I said with a chuckle which made him laugh.
"No problem Rakim and thank you."
HARLEM
My father's house looked so nice and screamed money but he didn't show off anything. He looked like a regular guy. He didn't look like he'd pull up to a house like this.
He never flaunted what he had but he would try to spoil me any chance he got.
I just wanted to know his quirks and little things about him that only I could know.
Like for starters he hates peanut butter. One half of America's sweetheart a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"Harlem! Why you always drifting off girl I asked if you wanted pizza."
"Sorry I was thinking about your unwarranted hate for peanut butter."
He chuckled and rolled his eyes at me.
"You and your mother are the worst I'm literally allergic to nuts. Maybe you're obsessed with peanut butter."
He said rubbing his chin as if he was onto something.
"Well thank goodness I'm not allergic."
"So much evil under all that cute."
He said poking my shoulder.
"So what's up sweetheart?"
He asked tossing me a Capri Sun.
"Today was, weird I woke up and I felt light and I actually thought I may have been dead because all those immediate thoughts that come to mind when I wake up we're gone. I felt so peaceful. It's weird though it's never happened to me before."
"What do you think it is love?"
He said looking concerned at the words I was using.
"I don't know it feel real strange but in a good way? Like when you get butterflies in your stomach."
"Let me say this I think you may have been depressed or in a bad place. You might even still be depressed but the good times are what matter. Which means that you might have been waking up sad everyday darling. Come here. Being happy and content should be a everyday thing for you I'm so sorry that happened to you. Damn I wish I could take all your troubles away."
He opened his arms for me to come into.
I hugged him and tried not to cry and was successful.
"I'm just happy that I'm feeling better, but can I ask you something?"
"Anything?"
"What did you mean when you were speaking about Rakim earlier."
"You seem really protective of him. You don't want him to feel any pain or go through it either."
"I am and it's because he acts like he can't be human because of me. As if him showing any emotion will turn me off from him or something. It's dumb."
"From what you've told me Rakim is way more in touch with his emotions than most guys his age. Maybe not all of the emotions he's feeling are easy to express or talk about period. He probably doesn't acknowledge them even within himself."
HARLEM
When my dad dropped me back home I saw Rakim on the curb in from of his house throwing little rocks that we near the drive way.
"Hey Rakim can we talk?"
I yelled from my walk way.
He look up looking a bit more happy seeing me.
"Yeah come sit with me."
"Why you out here all alone?"
I asked him.
"To be honest I'm just here thinking about shit. I talked to your mom and Chicago and now I'm reflecting."
"What did you guys talk about?"
"My feelings. I never really ever talk about them the way I did with them."
I wasn't sure if I would start a argument but went ahead and asked.
"Do you feel like you can't talk about them with me?"
"It's not that, I know I can talk to you about those things. I just feel like I can't put all my minor shit on you specially with what you've been through."
"So I can put all my troubles on you and you're supposed just carry my problems and yours too? Rakim I love you truly but that's dumb baby. You're going to wear yourself out mentally."
"You're right, I know that now."
"So how are you now?"
"You know what? I'm just going to come out and say it. This morning your sudden mood change genuinely concerned me and I wanted to make sure you were okay. The selfish part of me didn't want you to be all the way okay because I wanted to be needed by you for emotional support mostly because I love being there for you but also because I don't want to deal with my own shit. I know it sounds horrible but I felt like if she's in a better place in her mood she won't need me to help her through it and then all I have is my problems.
I looked out to the street at a car passing by. I thought about how it wouldn't be wise to ask him but I would have to rip the bandaid off.
"Be honest Rakim, are you scared of the fact that you were shot and you still don't know who it is?"
"Wait what?"
He said like him being shot was news to him.
I took a deep breath in.
"I think this is some of the stuff that you don't want to deal with. I had this in the back of my mind when you were going to walk home alone. I was scared for you."
He was still throwing Little Rock not even looking at me.
I sighed and looked ahead of me.
I wasn't sure if he was ready to talk and maybe it's too early and he'll shut down on me.
"When the bullets hit me all I could think was damn what happened to Harlem. I could still feel our kiss. When we got into the ambulance I was in and out but I could still smell you. You know how special that was? To find that little bit of good in all that bad? I couldn't focus on my pain because you were sobbing and begging for me to be okay. It's the same way I ignore my feeling for yours."
"I love you for feeling that towards me but your emotions matter. That's how you build resentment for someone. You'll become lost cause your aren't in touch with yourself anymore."
"Your mom said something similar to me too. I don't know how to be another way. Since I was a kid I thought if any female is hurt you push your shit to that side and you focus on her."
"That's a sweet sentiment but you need to do for you as well. Nurture your soul so that you help people in a better way. Also I am far from all the way okay. I don't think I ever will be."
He smirked looking down at his hands. He put one out for me to put my hand into.
I locked hands with him.
"Why am I so stuck on you Harlem? Everything about you makes me happy."
I smiled throwing a rock of my own.
"Well I can't lie I'm stuck on you too. Your such a blessing for me and you don't even know it."
He leaned over and put his head on my shoulder.
"Thank you Harlem I've talked to so many people today and by far talking to you for just 5 minutes have made me better than I've felt all day."