I expected to wake up to my passionate love-making boyfriend but instead I was alone? I sat up and called Marks name twice, hoping he was in another room. I closed my eyes to visualize what happened last night. He was so good to me I didn't understand why he wanted to leave me alone in the morning. I felt my insecurities rise, was he gone because I wasn't the best body? Was it because I was inexperienced? Maybe I had smell or tasted bad? I ached really bad inside my gut, just as I looked down at the sheets I caught a glimpse of red.
"What the fuck?" I questioned myself.
I ripped the comforter and blankets off revealing a giant stain of blood. Where did it come from? It couldn't have been me? I finished my menstrual cycle about a week ago. I checked the between part of my thighs and gasped in disbelief. I had dried blood down my entire left leg and the inner between thighs. What the fuck was wrong with me? I started to panic maybe that's why he left, he probably thinks I'm the most disgusting person ever. I mean I couldn't help it but even I was a bit petrified.
I ran into the bathroom, turning on the water faucet for the shower. I took a quick shower and checked my vag out a bit better. I couldn't tell where the blood had came from. I dried off immediately after then forced myself to pee. A bit more blood came out but I had seen no clots or signs of it being my menstrual.
I didn't understand how to approach or talk to Mark about this. I was weirded out as much as he probably was. I called Alia, to break the news and explain my current situation.
"Pick up pick up." I said making myself ginger and lemon tea.
"So are you leaving?" Alia asked through the phone.
Shit! I forgot to break that news as well to them, I'll be here for Christmas. "Well hello to you too, yeah I had a pretty decent final exams." I pretended in the phone to avoid the needed conversation. "Thanks for asking."
"Save it for when I see you." She said probably rolling her eyes. "But really are you and Mark on the way? Dad has a surprise for him."
I frowned. "Wait a surprise for Mark?" I asked unaware. "What is it?"
"Well it's for his graduation and it's a handmade bolo. Dad is definitely improving. He's been hand crafting, hunting, going out with friends and even sleeping in his room." Alia said happily through the phone.
I began to tear up. I was so happy that my dad is finally deciding to give life a chance again. I was emotional because he's doing very well, he loves my boyfriend but because of my current situation I have absolutely no idea where he had left to and I won't get to spend Christmas with my family for the first time. " That's really great. Tell him I love him and I'll talk to him soon." I said sadly.
"Why do you sound sad? Is everything okay?" Alia asked with panic in her tone.
I paused. No everything was not okay. "I have to tell you something." I said nervously.
"What is it?" She Asked.
"Mark and I had sex last night." I said slowly.
She was silent.
"Alia?" I questioned.
"I heard you. I'm just trying to hear you ya know?" She said playfully.
I wasn't in the playing type mood. "Alia it's not funny." I said seriously.
"Well no duh but umm how was it?" She asked. "What was it like to lose your innocence?"
"I don't know. He was really gentle and passionate. It hurt a lot actually but I liked the pain, if that makes sense."
"Was he big?" She asked sneakily.
"I don't know. How could you tell?" I asked curiously.
"Alina for you to be in the medical field you should already know these answers regardless if you're a virgin. I mean like." She huffed. "Did you touch his dick? Did you see it? Or..."
"No and no." I breathed heavily into the phone.
"Did you even have sex?" She asked.
I wanted to hit her so bad. "My word yes! I woke up to him not here and there was blood everywhere so I panicked and now I'm confused because I just got off my period about a week ago and I know it wasn't that."
"Alina he must've been pretty massive or rough with you to make you bleed." She said calmly.
"Wait so it was my vagina?" I asked confused.
She laughed. "It's normal especially if it's your first time. Hell I do every so and so."
I took a deep breath. He had to be huge, it felt so good and now that I remember I was in pain last night. A good pain since I did enjoy it.
"Where are you? I'm assuming you haven't left since you're telling me about your sex life." She said vaguely.
I thought she would react differently, you know surprised or I guess happy that I finally gave in. "About coming home, I won't be." I said quickly.
"What the fuck did you just say?" She blared through the phone.
"Marks family, well yeah his family is down from like all over the place and he asked me to spend the holidays with him." I said simply. "I thought I'd return the favor to him since he came last year ya know?"
"So we won't be seeing each other for the holidays?" She asked disappointed.
"I mean I will try to make it somehow, but i don't know. I'll mail your Christmas gifts off very soon." I said as tears formed in the corner of my eyes. Is this what adulting felt like? Growing apart from the people that knew you like the inside of their favorite book.
"I have to go um I'll call you back." I said sniffling. "Don't tell dad, I'll call him myself." I said as I dumped my tea out.
I had lost my appetite. I was worried about where Mark was. I was extremely upset that I wasn't spending Christmas with my people.
"Fine." She said sternly before hanging up. Alia too was upset.
———————
I washed and bleached my sheets and white blankets exposed to my disturbing blood. It was just sex I don't know why I felt so embarrassed about our results. I realized that near my bed, on the nightstand there was a note written. I immediately knew it was Marks because of the sloppy handwriting. It read:
I love you so damn much Babygirl. I'm sorry I ran off so suddenly. Something had came up... can't wait to finish where we left off sweet one.;)
I gushed. I felt myself come back into happiness. He hadn't mentioned any blood which made me feel even better. My overreactions were on one today.
——————
A few hours after finding the note I had a rhythmic knock, signaling it was Mark. He greeted me with a longing and aggressive kiss. I smiled as we tongue kissed each other viciously then he picked me up, making me squeal. "I'm so sorry baby." He said stopping our intense make out session.
I grabbed his face to finish our makeout and also reassure him that it was okay. Within moments we were back in my bed, nearly naked and unknowingly grinding on one another.
Before taking the further step he had stopped, panting he said. "I need to talk to you."
"Can it wait?" I asked also panting.
All I wanted was him inside of me again. "I think we should talk now." He said moving off of me, then next to me.
I sat up. I grabbed my shirt that was flung at the edge of my bed and slid it over my head. My sheets were still drying and I hadn't realized that we were on my mattress plain. "Okay." I said.
He rubbed his neck which motioned his nervousness. "So I left this morning to..."
He paused. I think I knew what this was about. The blood. "It's okay. I'm okay. Trust me I was freaked out a bit too but I did some research and it's completely normal—."
"What are you talking about?" He asked side-eyeing me.
"This morning when you woke up.." I trailed off realizing that it had to of been something different.
He had a questionable expression planted on his face.
"Well I'm listening." He said laying his head in my lap.
I felt extremely embarrassed. "Never mind." I said quickly.
"Well now I'm curious." He teased running his fingers up and down my thigh.
Goosebumps naturally appeared on my skin and I leaned back on the headboard. "Mark Morelli you had something to tell before you interrupted our number two." I said in a huff.
"Okay okay but I'd still like to know what you were talking about." He said with a faded smile. "So I went to my dads this morning. When you had fell asleep yesterday, Michael called and he told me some news about our mom. She has hemophilia."
I put my hand up to my mouth.
"She has the the most dangerous type and now she has a few organs shutting down apparently." He said vaguely.
"I'm so sorry Mark." I said with tears in my eyes. I knew exactly what hemophilia was. Not only was it deadly but it was genetically passed on.
"I have to find out if I carry that gene, Michael too. Alina I can't imagine having that gene." His voice began to crack. "I needed to tell you because if I were to pass it down to my kids, our kids I couldn't live with myself. If I have that fucking gene please promise me something." He said with a questioning tone.
"Mark with or without that gene I love you. Forever and always." I said sternly.
"I know. But—."
"There should be no buts Mark. You're scaring me." I said nervously.
He sat up. Taking a deep breath, "I need you to promise me that whatever happens, you won't let me effect your future and happiness."
"You're my future and you're my happiness. Forever and always." I repeated frantically.
"Alina!" He yelled. Making me flinch. "I will always love you no matter what but I'd rather you live your life and not be miserable because of me."
"But you're making assumptions." I said now standing up. "You don't know what I have in mind." I was caught off by his sudden outrage. "You're a lot of things Mark but I know for a fact that you're not a mind reader so please spare me." I finished.
"But I do. We've talked about it multiple times. You want a family, a husband and a simple but a life lived to the fullest with the ones you love." He said poetically. "Trust me Alina I know you from the inside and out."
"Well technically that's not true." I said my heart breaking slowly. "You would know that I love you and for you to be questioning and making exceptions up for you to get out of the relationship it would've been much better to say it vaguely then string it out." I said gradually with a higher octave.
"Alina, what? No! I love you too but I'm just letting you—."
"You don't tell the people you love exceptions to that love Mark." I said furiously and agitated.
He didn't say anything. He put his head in his knees and his hands went to the back of his neck. I grabbed my pants that were on prior to then being stripped off and shoved them into my legs. I needed some space from him. Was I wrong for getting upset at such a hard time for him? Did he understand how he phrased what he said multiple times? Was it me taking shit wrong? Was this another overreaction?